Control
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the expected vs. the truth. There are so many things that I feel people expect out of me, my relationship, my life that are completely out of the realm of what I feel is acceptable.
I've been hearing a lot of pressure lately to be controling in my relationship with Allan but I can't imagine ever being in a relationship that isn't completely even. I do NOT control what Allan does and he does NOT control what I do. There's such a stereotype that women should really be the controller of the man but not let it appear that way. But why would I ever want to have a boyfriend/husband that is unhappy. I definately don't want to be told what to do and what not to do. A healthy relationship is all about communication and respect. I know of too many women who see their marriage as "good" when the husband will just do whatever they say. I'm not saying that there are times when Allan and I have discussions about what is important to us and what we feel is appropriate/what we need out of the relationship. But we have never once said that we couldn't go somewhere or do something. It's very important for relationships to not be all about eachother. We each need our own lives outside of eachother and should appreciate that. It's just like when you have kids- you can't let your ENTIRE life revolve around the children or you'll loose touch with yourself and forget what YOU'RE about. I'm not at all saying that I know everything about relationships and parenting, but I just can't see the side of people who expect me to control someone else's life. And even when I'm married, I will let my husband be friends with who he wants and I will understand that he has a life outside of me- because I have full intensions of doing the exact same thing.
Also as a side note... people need to stop asking when we're going to get married. I don't go around asking you why you haven't made huge life decisions and honestly, it's none of your business. We aren't ready yet... we will let you know when we are so shut up about it. I have some things that I need to do first and so does he. I know people think that there are problems in our relationship and that's why we're not engaged- but this is the reason... WE AREN'T READY YET. It has nothing to do with anything going on between the two of us and it's nothing personal. So stop saying that he needs to get on it and that we need to start planning because it's not going to happen any sooner just because YOU want to go to a wedding. Just because we're in our mid-twenties and we've been in a relationship for a long time doesn't mean it's going to happen right now so just leave us alone. Pth
PS- talking about people behind their backs is rude.
end mental rant