Martyr
I have no more energy, because I have no motivation. Yes, this is depression my dears, when not even the most important people in your life are not enough to make you feel worth sticking around for. And that's the pain in all of it. You know you're hurting the ones you love by making them watch you deterroriate, because you're thinking, "maybe I'll snap out of it soon, maybe it's just PMS, maybe I just got out on the wrong side of the bed". It's not that. It's not that at all. It's knowing that you're letting people down by gaining weight when they look up to you. Knowing that you're the only reason your parents are staying together-miserably. Knowing that each day lived, is just another one closer to my death. That you're worthless to so many people...and you know that it would just make you another statistic but so what? At least I would finally be a part of something that is real. It's the happy thought of being able to start over again. And those memories...get you high. Thinking of being able to re-live being a baby. Loved, and cared for once again. Not having any recollection whatsoever of this "horrible" life. this is not a suicide not. This is just a release. -sigh- What goes up must come down. After that high of not caring anymore...you realize well, maybe this is my ninth life. Better live it for all I got. And you go back to washing dishes.