'joy aftermath'
This is a response to the prompting fest 2010 on house_cuddy posted by xopenguin.
I hope you will enjoy this. :)
Title: 'Tasting Tears'
Pairing: House/Cuddy
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: What if House stayed after the Joy kiss
It had happened so fast...
One moment she was demanding why he needed to negate everything, and he couldn't answer her. The sight of her tear-stained face, her eyes glazed over with pain, he had wanted to ease her suffering somehow. Words wouldn't help, so he acted instead...
He kissed her, held her close, and she had responded, a woman starved of affection and needing this contact. It was awkward, raw and far from perfect, their noses bumping as he changed angle, her sleeves covering her hands, her stubble grazing her skin, but it was theirs.
She had been angry, her words had stung him, but he couldn't blame her. If he was in anyway humble, he would say that he deserved it. These last two days had been hell for Cuddy, and he was part of the cause, doing everything in his power to make her reconsider adopting a baby. Throwing baby vomit on her jumper. Breaking her lamp. Pointing out her flaws as a person. Picking apart her actions and making her feel small.
After it all fell through, he should have been relieved. Instead he almost felt remorse, which was ridiculous because he shared no responsibility, and he hadn't taken the child away. There was always the risk that Becca would change her mind. It could have happened with any birth mother.
But Cuddy didn't deserve that.
House kept his eyes shut, savouring the closeness, clinging onto this moment with all his strength. The pure power of this kiss was fuelled by years of hurt and flirtation, a brief glimpse of what might have been.
He heard Cuddy's breathing hitching as she broke the kiss, pressing her lips to his as if wanting more, savouring it like he was,
He gently lowered her onto the flats of her feet, and their eyes opened simultaneously, the full realisation of what had just occured between them hitting him with resounding force.
"Goodnight," he whispered, his throat tight, and turned away from her. Cuddy was speechless, the taste of him moist on her lips, the shock numbing her senses and leaving her motionless.
Almost...
The sound of the door opening galvanised her immediately. He wasn't gong to run away. Not again. She had woken that morning all those years ago and he had vanished without even calling her. And now history was repeating itself.
Not this time. Just like she had said mere minutes before, not being able to cope with losing another baby, she wasn't going to go through this heartbreak again.
"House," she called, going to the door to grasp his left arm, making him turn around and face her. She saw the vulnerability in his face as he stood at the threshold of her home, muscles tensed to pull away, yet he instinctively leaned into her touch.
"Don't go." Her voice wavered slightly, the emotion welling up again.
House averted his eyes. Staying was a bad idea. She was reaching out to him, she was vulnerable, and he was frozen with indecision. Being here wasn't going to bring Joy back. It wasn't going to undo all that had happened. But maybe for one night, they wouldn't have to be alone...
Sighing a shaky breath, House stepped back inside, closing the door behind him. Cuddy smiled slightly, the only sign of her relief.
Now they stood together in the hall, her hand still on his arm. It was a lifeline that was keeping him steady. They were in unknown territory, the kiss pushing them across a line they had never dared to breach.
The silence stretched long as they stared at each other. Words weren't really necessary.
Cuddy dropped her eyes, feeling self-conscious as he regarded her. "I must look a mess," she muttered, tucking her fringe back with a slight sniff.
House rolled his eyes, but said nothing. She had enough snark from him these last few days. He wasn't going to hurt her again. He twisted his arm so he could take her hand, and she looked up in surprise at the unexpected gesture.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, not really sure what he was sorry for.
His apology and the look in his eyes was all it took to make her heart clench painfully.
She nodded. "Yeah. Me too," she said, her voice cracking. The memory of holding Joy's hand flashed in her mind, and a sob escaped her. She covered her mouth with her hand, alarmed that she was coming apart in front of him. When would the pain end? How long would she feel this way?
She was sorry that she ever met Becca. She was sorry that she even imagined being a mother.
The thought cut her deeper than ever, and she broke down completely, reaching her arms up to encircle House's neck and burying her face in his chest, not caring how he would react. She needed to feel like her world wasn't crashing down, that there was some hope left for her.
House's eyes widened with surprise, the move nearly unmanning him she was so close, but he managed to put his arms around her, leaning his cane next to the wall so he could hold her properly. Her shoulders shook as she cried, her fingers clutching at his jacket, one hand in his hair.
House leaned his cheek in her hair, closing his eyes and trying to stay strong for her. Seeing her crying was more than he could bear. He had to say something, but he drew a complete blank. He couldn't say it was going to be okay, because nothing was ever certain. How could he comfort her when he had no idea how to?
"I don't know what to say to you, Cuddy," he confessed, feeling more and more helpless as she cried.
Cuddy pulled back to look at him, and House saw her eyelashes wet with tears.
"Don't say anything. I just... please, just hold me," she whispered, the tears falling anew. It didn't shame her that she was being so open with him. She blamed this overwhelming sadness on wanting to be close to him.
Their eyes locked again, mirroring the moment before they had kissed. Cuddy found herself looking at his mouth, wanting him to kiss her again and never stop.
House breathed slow, his hand coming up to brush away her tears, cupping her cheek tenderly. Her eyes fluttered closed at his touch, her lips parted in sweet invitation, and he leaned in closer, their breaths mingling together.
Her moan reached his ears, and he finally gave into the temptation, brushing a light kiss to her mouth, still testing the waters hesitantly. He did not need to worry. Cuddy kissed him back just as lightly, her heart skipping a beat as House pressed kisses to her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears.
All of a sudden, she had pulled back, and he was left fearful of rejection. But Cuddy took his hand in both of hers, the gentle pressure a silent invitation as she took a step back. It was then that the doubt began to manifest. His first thought was to get out of there, get some breathing space, but they had come too far for him to push her away.
He licked his lips nervously, letting himself be led down the hall. They passed by the room meant for the baby, and House saw the toys piled up in the crib, and the coldness that radiated despite the cheery yellow walls.
He looked at Cuddy, who kept her eyes on him, not looking into the room, sparing herself from anymore hollow memories of broken promises.
When they reached her room, she let go of his hand to switch on the lamps, closing the window and drawing the curtains. House stayed where he was, rubbing at his thigh where an ache had been persisting for the last five minutes. His last ten Vicodin rattled as he emptied two into his palm, dry-swallowing as Cuddy turned back to him.
Even in the rapidly fading light, he could see her fragility. Being in her hall was one thing, but her bedroom was completely different.
Walking back to him slowly, Cuddy hugged her mid-section, projecting calm when in truth, inwardly she was shaking like a leaf. She went to sit on the bed, looking up at him quietly.
House said nothing, stepping back to the door and closing it, never taking his eyes off her. He slipped off his jacket, laying it on the chair in the corner, bending over to untie his shoes. He straightened up, and went over to the bed, pausing for a moment to gather his racing thoughts.
The atmosphere had became even more charged. He had no idea how far they were going to go. He didn't have anything with him and he wasn't about to ask Cuddy about birth control. He didn't know what to do...
All he knew was that he couldn't let the nerves win. She wanted him here, or she would have left him leave...
"House..." Her voice was soft, making him think of honey, and aching need blossomed in his chest. Being here with her after fantasising for so long was making his head spin with desire. That first kiss had unlocked all the feelings he had buried under flirtation and sarscasm all these years, and were rushing in torrents like a raging river.
He was through with denying that she didn't mean anything to him, that he didn't care about her. Her suffering had brought him to her door, to the point of no return. He needed her...
He put one hand on her shoulder and the other on her waist, bending as low as he could as Cuddy stretched up to meet him halfway. The kiss was sweet, just a gentle meeting of their lips, but he soon hungered for more, deepening the kiss and coaxing her to lay back.
Soon Cuddy found herself on her pillows with House leaning over her carefully, his shoulders tensed as he tried not to get too close for fear of pinning her too strongly.
He needn't have worried, for her arms came around him and pulled him to her eagerly, loving the feel of his masculine frame entwined with her. She arched her back, pressing her hips up into him, and he let go of his self-imposed restraint.
The tempo of his kisses changed from gentle to passionate, his tongue seeking the depths of her mouth and sending a warm rush of pleasure to her core. There was no more awkwardness, no more learning, and she was lost in his intensity, his mouth hot and his hands caressing.
When his hand slipped beneath her sweater, she moaned when his fingertips ghosted her stomach, moving up to close over her breast tenderly as he kissed her neck.
"House... House... ohhh..." Hearing her react to him this way was more intoxicating than any alcohol.
Feeling bolder, he trailed his other hand down to her hip, then down to her thigh, stroking her skin through the cotton. She gazed at him under lidded eyes, biting her lip when his hand skimmed her inner thigh, the touch of his hand making her tremble.
He paused, not sure how to continue. So far they had been comfortable with kissing, but this was another level entirely...
"Cuddy... do you want me to... because I won't if you don't want to," he added quickly. He wasn't about to be accused of taking advantage of her. That was part of the reason why he had wanted to leave. He stayed, and it was leading to something...
Cuddy nodded, swallowing thickly. She needed to feel alive again, to fill the emptiness that Joy had left, and only he could give it to her.
"Please..." she whispered, overcome with a desire for him that was both overwhelming and arousing.
House gave a slight nod, hooking his fingers over the waistband of her pants, slipping them and her underwear down her legs, leaving her bared to him. Now there was no mistaking her trembling as he leaned down to kiss her curls. She gripped the sheets in her hand, the anticipation leaving her breathless.
When his tongue made contact with her core, she nearly came up off the bed. It had been so long since she had experienced any intimacy; her senses were heightened and his every touch was set to drive her out of her mind. He flicked her clit in fast, teasing strokes, building her up as he eased a finger inside her, moving in and out slowly, looking up at her all the while with lust in his eyes.
"Ahh... more, more!" she pleaded, pushing closer to his mouth, reaching down to thread her fingers in his hair. He obliged willingly, increasing his efforts until she was mindless, her hair now loosened from her ponytail as she whipped her head from side to side.
It happened in a matter of seconds. There was liquid heat, the press of his tongue, the cadence of his finger, and sweet, incredible pleasure. She gasped his name over and over.
"Oh, Greg! Greg!"
When she had regained her senses, he had climbed up on the bed and kissed her, soft and slow, seeing the glow on her cheeks and allowing himself to smile. He had pulled the covers over her, seeing her eyes glazing over with fatigue.
"Do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching her. She pursed her lips, searching for the words.
"You don't have to... but I'd like you to."
He nodded. "Okay..."
He slid into bed with her, laying on his back, and he looked at her sleeping, all traces of sadness banished in her repose. He shifted onto his side and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
Cuddy frowned in her sleep, moving closer to him and cuddling her head beneath his chin, her hand on his chest. Despite himself, he brought his arm around her and pressed a light kiss to her temple.
A shift had occured in their relationship where they had opened up to each other and shared something that was heady and powerful. He knew they would never be the same again.
House had always been opposed to change, but the way he was holding Cuddy, the taste of her kisses, the way his heart leapt when she called his name, it all told him that this change didn't disturb him in the least.