(no subject)
i'm grinding down, wearing dull.
my stress threshold is notoriously low. i'm biologically prone to anxiety. i can't handle the life i'm being forced to live without serious tolls. some people can, some people love it. i can't. i don't.
i'm trying to be as good a girlfriend as i can. but i feel like i'm fucking that up too. ironically, the only sanity in my life, when i am OK with myself, is in his totally, blissfully insane house. i am unbelievably lucky to have such a patient, understanding person as a boyfriend.
too much. too many obligations. literally my days filled with unending deadlines and meetings appointments and obligations to others. so much so that i sprint from one to the next, missing things i need to be at ( like classes!). so much so that i'm falling desperately behind, even though i study and work from 1-5am every night. 4 hours of sleep a day. balancing myself between what is expected of me, and what i need to make time for. too many promises, i can't keep them all. letting people down, failing people. all my efforts are taken for granted. perpetual gut-twisting anxiety.
the stress is getting to be unhealthy. flaring up body and eating issues that have been dormant for months.
i haven't had time to talk to my own family. or see my roomates in days. or feed my cat. or e-mail Yael, let alone mail her birthday present which has been sitting on my couch for over a months because i lost her address.
i miss my friends. i miss having a life that is MY OWN. i miss sleeping.
i'm crumbling. slowly. a piece a day. and there is no reprieve in sight.
my stress threshold is notoriously low. i'm biologically prone to anxiety. i can't handle the life i'm being forced to live without serious tolls. some people can, some people love it. i can't. i don't.
i'm trying to be as good a girlfriend as i can. but i feel like i'm fucking that up too. ironically, the only sanity in my life, when i am OK with myself, is in his totally, blissfully insane house. i am unbelievably lucky to have such a patient, understanding person as a boyfriend.
too much. too many obligations. literally my days filled with unending deadlines and meetings appointments and obligations to others. so much so that i sprint from one to the next, missing things i need to be at ( like classes!). so much so that i'm falling desperately behind, even though i study and work from 1-5am every night. 4 hours of sleep a day. balancing myself between what is expected of me, and what i need to make time for. too many promises, i can't keep them all. letting people down, failing people. all my efforts are taken for granted. perpetual gut-twisting anxiety.
the stress is getting to be unhealthy. flaring up body and eating issues that have been dormant for months.
i haven't had time to talk to my own family. or see my roomates in days. or feed my cat. or e-mail Yael, let alone mail her birthday present which has been sitting on my couch for over a months because i lost her address.
i miss my friends. i miss having a life that is MY OWN. i miss sleeping.
i'm crumbling. slowly. a piece a day. and there is no reprieve in sight.