(no subject)
It's a full moon tonight.
I want to make some clever spell to make things better but I don't have any sort of motivation or direction. I feel lost and scared. I feel like I am stuck in this state of being and it's so very unhealthy and draining. The teacher's I have have set me back almost a year and I feel like I will never graduate. Paul takes his lack of graduating in strides. He acts like it doesn't really matter when he graduates because he knows he will. That is not my case. I am desperate to graduate and get on with my life. I am not looking forward to the loans I will have to pay back but I do want a house of my own and eventually children when I get around to liking the idea. Starting college, I didn't think it would take so long for me to graduate. I know that the education part of my degree adds on a year but still.
Sometimes I wonder if the Art Department requires too much from their students. Just because I am not good at Painting does not mean I am not an excellent at drawing or sculpting. But of course my painting skills are sub-par and therefore I am not suited to be an Art Teacher. I enjoy making art and I enjoy teaching. I hate that this program is making me hate art. It is making me not want to become a teacher. And that is so very disappointing because it is what I love to do. Maybe I should be more like Paul and just realize I will graduate when I graduate and there is nothing I can do about it. Although that really is a depressing thought.
I've tried so hard only to fail.
I want to make some clever spell to make things better but I don't have any sort of motivation or direction. I feel lost and scared. I feel like I am stuck in this state of being and it's so very unhealthy and draining. The teacher's I have have set me back almost a year and I feel like I will never graduate. Paul takes his lack of graduating in strides. He acts like it doesn't really matter when he graduates because he knows he will. That is not my case. I am desperate to graduate and get on with my life. I am not looking forward to the loans I will have to pay back but I do want a house of my own and eventually children when I get around to liking the idea. Starting college, I didn't think it would take so long for me to graduate. I know that the education part of my degree adds on a year but still.
Sometimes I wonder if the Art Department requires too much from their students. Just because I am not good at Painting does not mean I am not an excellent at drawing or sculpting. But of course my painting skills are sub-par and therefore I am not suited to be an Art Teacher. I enjoy making art and I enjoy teaching. I hate that this program is making me hate art. It is making me not want to become a teacher. And that is so very disappointing because it is what I love to do. Maybe I should be more like Paul and just realize I will graduate when I graduate and there is nothing I can do about it. Although that really is a depressing thought.
I've tried so hard only to fail.