Times flies and things change
Its been a year...
a little over a year since my last entry, when life seemed just to be begining...now...life has come to a halt.
Everything I loved and everything I took a risk for came crashing down. Its all out of my hands. I cant descrbe whats going on. I gave her everything, I gave her my life, my heart, my soul. I gave all I had to give. I commited myself to her all I could and now shes gone...just like that. Shes no longer in my life. She doesnt want to be in my life. She doesnt want to be with me. I dont understand, I dont get how she just doesnt love me anymore...how it happened so fast.
I guess its not for me to understand. But I wish I could. Then maybe I wouldnt feel so bad. I want to go on. I want to continue, but I dont have the desire to. She got mad at me because she thought I had gotten over it. I told her I wasnt and now she wants me to get over it already. Just like that, get over 1 year and 3 months in a month.
Its been a month...
Its been a month since she left me. Since she just left me alone. She told me the only reason she cried was because she was afraid of what was happening to her. She was confused in her mind. Not because she misses me, not because she crushed me and broke my heart suddenly.
Im wrong, I know, I hope I am. I hope she is miserable without me like I am without her. Even if she doesnt know it or doesnt want to tell me. I know there has to be some part of her that hurts without me. I hope.
I want her here. I want her by my side again. I want another chance to make her happy again. I want another chance to try again and not screw things up this time. I want to show her things will be ok. I want to redeem her love, because mine is still there.
I really hope it just has to be with her turning 21. I hope its just a phase she needs to go through and once she does she ll realize what she had. We fought, all couples do...but not everyday. Not to trouble us. We were in love...she was in love...she loved me...and now...she doesnt.
How does that happen? When did it happen? Why did it happen?
I dont like being left alone, my mind starts to wonder and I start to think things...I start to go over things in my head.
What could I have done to help her?
Did I not love her enough?
Did I not give her enough?
Was I too mean?
Is it because Im a girl?
Is it because shes 21 and Im 20?
Was it an influence from somewhere?
Does she hurt too?
Did she ever really love me?
Does she think about me?
I should of seen this coming...
What could I have done to prevent this?
What did I do wrong?
What didnt I do right?
DId I not show my love like I should of?
Was I a good girlfriend?
Will she come back to me?
What if she doesnt?
I cant see anyone else.
Ive never felt so hurt.
I tell people there is a reason for everything. Everything happens for a reason.
Does it? Is there a reason I hurt so much? Is there a reason she stopped loving me?
I hope so, there has to be because right now I dont feel like there is one.
Theres no reason for anything anymore.
I didnt want to date her because I didnt think love lasted at all. I took a risk because I believed in her. I believed in us and I had faith that maybe, just maybe things could work.
I was wrong, love does fade. She proved me wrong, the one person I depended on, the one person who changed me and told me I was acting foolish proved me wrong.
What now?
Sleepytime.