Fallen
Title: Fallen
Pairing: Josef/Mick
Rating: R
Warnings: Darkfic, Angst, Major Character Death, Suicide, Mass Death, Child Death
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: In a post apocalyptic world, Mick must face the ultimate sacrifice if he and Josef are to survive. Semi requested piece, written for
havemy_heart as part of the Small Fandom Fest. Also written for 20 established relationships community.
Cross posted to moonlight_slash josefmick_fans emerald1972 smallfandomfest 20_est_relships
---------------------------
Josef watched the cockroach scurrying across his path, its brown casing sprinkled with the dust of the road. “Vampires and cockroaches, the only two things to survive a nuclear war,” he remarked with sarcastic breeze, to no one in particular, and then crushed the insect under his shoe.
They’d arisen around dusk, making their way up to the surface from the concrete bunker six feet underground that now served as their home. Stocks were getting low; they’d have to source out a fresh supply of blood, or start hunting. Josef knew Mick wasn’t happy with the idea.
In the distance he spotted a teenage girl, picking her way across the rubble of what was once a building. The predator in him awoke, his senses heightening as he moved into position.
“Josef, don’t,” Mick was by his side, pulling him back.
“We need the blood.” Josef’s patience was wearing thin; Mick’s long held respect for human life would be the death of them. “Look around you Mick,” Josef gestured at the wasteland that surrounded them, “look at what your precious humanity has done.”
“I can’t, okay,” Mick raised a hand in contrition. “I just can’t. You know how I feel about this.”
Josef studied Mick’s face, saw his wearied look of determination, the colour of his skin blanched white from lack of nutrition.
“You know eventually we’re not going to have a choice,” Josef said quietly, reaching out a hand to cup Mick’s chin.
“I know,” Mick pressed his lips against Josef’s palm. They would cross that bridge when they came to it; in the meantime there were other, more pressing matters. “We’ll have to restock, there’s got to be some blood left we can scrounge from somewhere.”
“Yes, there is, it’s walking around on two legs like a bunch of not so happy little mobile blood banks,”
Josef quipped, and then relented. “Fine, we’ll head along the coast. Who knows, we might even come across a decent tailor’s that’s still standing,” inspecting the frayed edges of his coat, Josef gave a wry smile. “I could do with a new suit.”
*********
“After a hundred twenty years as a vampire, you’d think I’d be used to all this death by now?” Mick winced at the sight of corpses strewn along the side of the road. “How long have we been walking?”
“Six hours, more or less, we should rest soon, sun’s coming up,” Josef pointed to the pale orange sky. “Welcome to the golden age,” he spat bitterly.
“We’ll survive.”
“Not if you keep insisting on standing on principal we won’t.”
Mick wasn’t in the mood to argue, he tried to shift the conversation to more positive ideas. “Hey, at least we don’t have to hide in the shadows anymore.”
“That’s because there’s not enough people left to care, Mick,” Josef was having none of it.
Mick fell into a contemplative silence. Josef was right; the human race had been decimated by the war. Sometimes he wondered why he still cared about them, and when the time came, if he’d really be able to stop.
“We’ve still got each other,” Mick broke the quietude a few moments later.
“Yeah, sure.” Josef forced a smile, and slipped his hand into Mick’s.
They stopped along the side of the road, drank a ration of blood, and then dug into the cool earth. Mick felt Josef reach for him in the dirt and the dark, Josef’s fingers brushing against his own. It was sunset when they awoke.
“Play something for me,” Josef pointed to the battered guitar next to Mick.
“Like what?” Mick picked the guitar up and strummed a few bars of an old jazz tune. The slowness of Josef’s movements hadn’t gone unnoticed by him. He appeared sluggish; his muscles, usually so supple, seemed stiff.
“I don’t know whatever you’re in the mood for.”
Josef rested back on his arms, his legs stretched out in front of him as Mick launched into a piece he didn’t recognise. Once or twice Mick was sure he could see a flicker of pain on Josef’s face, the scent of decay that emanated from him was almost overpowering. Josef wasn’t going to last out here, not with the lack of blood and nothing but a covering of bare earth to shield him from the sun.
“Maybe we should head back.” Mick set the guitar aside.
“And do what, Mick? Starve, or turn into animals when the blood supply finally runs out completely?”
Mick looked on with rising concern as Josef struggled to get to his feet. Josef had always been so self-assured, so powerful, and now…
“I didn’t know it was going to be this bad for you.” Mick rummaged around in his rucksack, and drew out what was left of his daily blood ration. He handed it to Josef. “Here, you need this more than I do right now.”
“Keep it,” Josef shook his head, and pointed towards the distance. “There’s a lake four miles south from here, a dip in some cold water should do the trick.”
“Not if you can’t walk to the lake, it won’t,” Mick waved the bag of blood in his outstretched hand, “Here. I’m sorry, okay.”
“What for?” Josef accepted Mick’s offering then, squeezing the bag tight to drain the last remaining dregs of blood.
“That I can’t just be what you need me to be,” Mick snapped in sudden frustration as he shifted into a whirl wind of activity, packing up the few belongings they’d carried with them.
“Eh,” Josef half waved a tired hand through the air, “I knew what I was getting into. Besides, you without all those morals and scruples you insist on dragging around wouldn’t be you.”
Mick wasn’t sure he bought Josef’s sudden change of attitude, judging by the look of him he figured Josef was just too tired to bother arguing. That thought sent a shiver of fear down Mick’s spine. Mick dampened those fears, and acknowledged Josef’s words with a quick nod, slinging one pack of his shoulder, and handing the other to Josef.
“How far did you say that lake was?”
*********
They floated together in the icy waters. Mick watched as Josef kicked away from him.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Josef kicked a little further, and then swam back towards Mick, “why would I be?”
“I don’t know,” Mick’s brow furrowed in the moonlight, “I just thought…”
“You mean earlier?” Josef kicked off again and circled Mick. “A little annoyed maybe, I just wasn’t really up to having a knockdown, drag out fight.”
“Then you are mad with me, I knew it!” Mick turned and began swimming for the shore, only to have Josef catch up with him a few moments later.
“What, you’re going to leave me, just like that?” Josef grabbed Mick’s leg, and dragged him back. “Don’t be an idiot, we’re in this together.”
“Josef, “I’m trying to storm off in a huff,” Mick’s voice held an edge of measured frustration as he stopped to tread water, “It kind of doesn’t work if you get angry and try to guilt trip me into staying put.”
“Swim off, Mick,” Josef replied mildly, “the correct term would be swim off. You can’t really storm off in water, I mean you could try, but mostly it would involve a lot of splashing, and arm waving, and you not really going anywhere in a hurry.”
“Yeah alright,” Mick rolled his eyes at Josef, the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His previous discourse seemingly forgotten Mick pointed to the lake’s shoreline then. “I’m heading in for a snack, you coming?”
Josef hesitated for a brief moment, and then nodded his agreement.
At the lake’s edge they spread out under the moonlit sky, the cool night air evaporating the water from their skin.
“You know at some stage we’re going to have to be stricter about how we ration our blood supply,” Josef watched as Mick carefully poured a few mouthfuls of blood into a plastic cup, “we’re breaking out the good crystal as well I see.”
“Very funny. And yeah, I know.” Mick gave an off-centred smile and shook his head, before shifting serious as he handed one of the cups to Josef. “So what was that little outburst back there all about?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Josef countered. “If I recall correctly I wasn’t the one trying to flounce off in water, Mick.”
“I wasn’t trying to…” Mick paused and raised a steadying hand. “We’re not talking about me. Do you really think I’m just going to up and leave you?”
Sometimes it was hard to believe they’d been together for almost five years. Mick took a moment to think back to the beginning. Little more than a rebound thing at first it had gradually shifted into something deeper. And then the war had come.
“Poor choice of words,” Josef trailed a lackadaisical hand through the air, and tried to look nonplussed. “What else do you want me to say, Mick?”
“The truth, for a start.”
It was clear Mick wasn’t going to let the matter drop. Josef made a last half-hearted attempt at sarcastic diversion, before shifting closer, a tender hand tracing a path across Mick’s form.
“I’m more than four hundred years old,” Josef’s fingers were skimming across planes of bone and musculature now, “I live on blood; I need it to survive. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
Josef’s hand quested lower, Mick figured those words hadn’t been meant as a double entendre. He arched into Josef’s touch, snaking an arm around Josef’s shoulder then, and drawing him nearer.
“Yeah, I think I do…That’s not the same as me leaving you though,” Mick wanted to point out then, before thinking how childish his voice would sound saying those words. It wasn’t like him, wasn’t like either of them, normal run of the mill insecurities didn’t usually extend into petty outbursts.
They fucked there and then, Mick face down in the water and mud, clutching at the ground, primal. When it was over they lay in silent repletion, a haphazard of limbs tangled lazily, the night air evaporating a thin sheen of sweat from their bodies this time.
It was Mick who spoke first, giving voice to realisation.
“We need to find a way to feed properly, before things get any worse.”
The sound of twigs snapping under foot broke through the stillness. When Mick looked back he would replay that sound, his mind searching for nuances - a whisper, the sound of a breath on the wind - anything to signify the changes that were to come. For now they were both on alert, senses heightened, and ears pricked to the noises around them.
“I think we’ve got company.” Josef moved low to the ground then, making his way over to the piles of discarded clothing away from the edge of the lake. He handed one of the piles to Mick. “Here, get dressed, we’re going after them.”
“Hang on a second,” Mick took a moment to dive back into the water, quickly washing away the remnants of mud that clung to his face and body. The fabric of his clothes stuck to his wet skin as he redressed.
Josef scented the air around them, gauging direction. “According to the map there’s a clearing and an old hiker’s cabin somewhere up ahead. What’s the bet our mysterious visitor is hauled up there.”
“Josef, wait,” Mick reached for Josef’s arm, imploring. “No women, no children, no innocents. Promise me that much.”
Josef gave a single nod of agreement. Mick was compromising at least, it was better than nothing. They began to move through the surrounding terrain, fleet footed across rocks and undergrowth. Somewhere off in the distance a fire glowed, they headed towards its orange light.
*********
He should have seen it coming; death permeated the world they live in now. He should have seen by the look in her eyes, that hollow, desperate pleading. Somehow he should have known, if only he hadn’t been so caught up in his own pain.
Mick crouched down next to Josef, hidden by tall grasses at the perimeter of the camp.
“How many of them are there?”
“Eight, maybe nine. Three children, three adult males, two women.”
Mick did a quick calculation, his brow furrowing.
Josef pointed to a flickering of shadow behind a dilapidated building. “Over there.”
“So what do we do now?” Mick studied the tattered wraiths in front of him, watched their motley forms as they shuffled around the campsite in bare feet and ragged clothes.
“Just follow my lead,” Josef’s eyes glittered feral as he shifted into vampire mode, “And don’t worry, anything less than five foot tall won’t be on the menu.”
“That still doesn’t take the women into consideration,” Mick started to protest. Just then one of the figures spoke, and suddenly Mick was staring down the past, his wraiths shifting into ghosts.
He would have recognised that voice anywhere.
Beth.
Before Josef could stop him Mick had stumbled into the open. Only to find what looked like an arsenal of weapons pointed in his direction.
“Wait,” Beth gestured for the men to lower their guns. “It’s okay, I know them.”
Mick wasn’t sure if he wanted to thank Josef for interrupting the awkward silence that followed, or knock him into next week for the way he went about it.
“Hey Beth,” Josef was all smiles and nonchalance, hands shoved jauntily in his pockets as he stepped forward. “Mick look, it’s Beth.”
“I can see that, Josef,” Mick gritted his teeth, and spoke out the side of his mouth.
“It’s been a while,” Beth spoke then, watching as Mick shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other.
Awkward, it wasn’t supposed to be awkward between them. Time should have erased old wounds.
“Yeah, it has,” Mick didn’t know what else to say. “You survived.”
“So did you.”
The corners of Beth’s mouth twitched upwards, and then they were both speaking one on top of the other, jostling for conversational position.
“So what about…?”
“What happened with you and Josef, how did you…?”
“I can’t believe how long it’s been.”
“Ben’s dead,” Beth cleared her throat, and brushed a lock of thinning hair behind her ear.
“I’m sorry,” Mick replied simply.
“I know the two of you didn’t get along after we… I mean me and Ben…” Beth’s voice trailed off.
“It doesn’t matter, ancient history.”
“Sure.”
“Well this conversation is certainly scintillating,” Josef interrupted with his usual aplomb, “why don’t I leave the two of you to get reacquainted.”
Josef’s discomfort was evident as he turned to go. Mick grabbed for his arm.
“Hey, you don’t have to…”
“We can’t stay here, Mick,” Josef carefully removed Mick’s hand, held it for a moment in his own; “it’s not safe.”
“For us or for them?”
“Both.”
“Is everything okay?” Beth was by Mick’s side then, her hand rested lightly on Mick’s shoulder as Mick stood forlorn, watching after Josef’s retreating form.
“Yeah, it’s cool, nothing to worry about.” Mick gave a quick nod, and forced a reassuring smile, more for his own benefit than anyone else’s. “So is this a permanent camp, or do you move around?”
Beth gestured for Mick to join her on one of the fallen tree logs that served as a makeshift seat.
“The camp was here before the bombs dropped, they’re a survivalist group. I was doing a story on them when all hell broke loose.”
“Lucky break.”
“You could say that. What about you?” Beth asked.
“Josef had a bunker built under his apartment block,” Mick hesitated for a moment, unsure how much he wanted to reveal. “I was staying with him at the time.”
“Lucky break,” Beth rounded a teasing eyebrow, and pressed her fist against her mouth to stifle a laugh. Her voice fell quieter then. “I saw the two of you, down by the lake.”
“Oh.” Mick shaped his mouth into an O of surprise; he didn’t know what else to say.
“Do you love him?”
Mick never expected to hear that question coming from Beth; he took a moment to consider his response, before answering simply, “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re happy then?” Beth probed further
“Well, yeah, I mean it’s not like we planned it or anything, it just sort of happened.” Mick suddenly became transfixed by a loose piece of bark, picking at it distractedly. “And hey, you left me remember.”
“Mick, I didn’t mean…”
“No, I’m sorry,” Mick gave a sheepish smile and shifted position; the tone of his voice fell serious. “It just feels a little weird talking about this with you. I never thought…Josef’s always been there for me, for a long time. It was a couple of years after you left with Ben, things between us progressed and it just felt right. So yes, I love him, and I’m happy with him, and he’s going to die, because I still can’t let go of that spark of humanity inside me.”
The dam broke then, words poured out, flowing one on top of the other: their dwindling supply of blood, the trek to find more, Josef’s increasing weakness, his own fears and concerns.
“The whole freezer thing is only part of it. Blood doesn’t just feed us, it staves off decay. The older a vampire gets the more vital the blood becomes. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”
“I remember that day in the hallway of your old apartment, when you thought Josef was dead.” Mick felt Beth’s fingers gently entwine with his own, “Maybe we can help.”
“How?”
Beth dug into her pocket then, and drew out a tiny vial with a single tablet contained inside. She handed it to Mick. “It’s cyanide, we’ve all got one.”
“Jesus, no,” Mick recoiled in horror.
“We’re dying, Mick,” Beth held fast, “all of us. And it isn’t going to be peaceful or pretty.”
“And committing suicide is?” Mick looked at Beth, incredulous.
“It’s better than the alternative. Look around you.”
Look at what your precious humanity has done.
“No,” Mick shook his dead, still reeling at the knowledge revealed to him. “I can’t be a part of this; I never wanted you dead, Beth. I can’t live with that.”
“So you’ll live with Josef dying instead.”
“We’ll work something out.”
Beth stood her ground, her gaze locked with Mick’s. “Two weeks from today, the date’s already been set. There are nine of us here, six adults, three children, that’s at least forty litres.”
Mick turned heel and fled. Josef had been right, they couldn’t stay here, it wasn’t safe. He caught up with Josef at the edge of the camp.
“We’re leaving.”
“I take it your happy little reunion didn’t turn out so happy then.” Josef slung a bag over his shoulder hastily, and fell into a fast-paced step alongside Mick.
“You were right, it wasn’t safe for us there,” Mick declined to elaborate, determined instead to concentrate on putting as much distance as possible between them and a camp full of mortals with a death wish.
And yet even as he did so, a still, small voice tapped at the back of his mind.
“Are you really willing to risk sacrificing Josef’s life, when Beth herself has determined they’re all going to die? It’s not like you have to do the killing yourself, this is guilt free blood on offer.”
Only it wasn’t, nothing was ever guilt free when it came to Beth. More and more Mick was beginning to realise just how uncomplicated his life with Josef really was, how easy it was for them to just be.
“So are you going to tell me what happened back there?” Josef asked casually as they bedded down with the first rays of dawn breaking over the horizon.
“It’s not important, just…like I said, you were right, that’s all you need to know.” Mick reached for Josef under the shade of a Redwood, seeking comfort, and distraction. The sun’s light above them was pale and thin, shrouded by dust and clouds; there’d been no need to burrow into the earth. “I love you; you know that, don’t you?”
“Already got the memo thanks, Mick,” Josef quick witted as he matched Mick touch for touch.
“Well excuse me for trying to be romantic,” Mick gave a thin lipped smile as he concentrated on a spot just below Josef’s jaw line.
“Sorry, would you like me to quote bad poetry instead?”
Almost in spite of himself Mick laughed at Josef’s deadpan reply. Their easy back and forth felt comforting in a way, a reminder of simpler times, without the threat of blood supplies drying up, and the knowledge of impending death for a small camp of mortals.
Mick shifted position, stretched himself out on top of Josef, tugged frantically at clothing that suddenly seemed very much in the way. He wanted to lose himself then and there.
“I think you broke me,” Josef commented drily when they were done.
“In the nicest possible way of course,” Mick replied with mock earnest as he rested alongside, his head nuzzled in the crook of Josef’s shoulder, easy, like it should have been, like Mick imagined it always would be. “You ever wish you could just freeze time?” Mick asked then.
“Isn’t that what happens when you sleep?” Josef stretched a little, tried to ease a cramp in his leg, before shifting further into the shade.
“So we should just sleep forever, is that your solution?”
Josef mumbled an unintelligible response. His breathing gradually slowed, and then stopped all together, leaving Mick awake and alone to dwell on the inevitable.
*********
Days passed, became one week slowly encroaching on two. Despite their increasing rationing the blood supply dwindled faster than expected, until nothing was left but a few precious drops clinging to the inside of a plastic bag. They wasted none of it, licking the bags clean until the plastic itself began to erode.
They fed off corpses they found along the road they now followed, those that were still reasonably fresh at least. The blood tasted of bitterness and decay, devoid of vital nutrients.
It wasn’t enough.
“We have to go back,” Josef struggled to get to his feet, swaying unsteadily on leg muscles and joints stiffened by lack of nourishment. “Let’s face it, Mick, it’s crunch time. There’s blood back at that camp, fresh blood straight from the vein. We don’t have a choice.”
“You’d never make it.” Mick could hardly bring himself to look at Josef, didn’t want to see the hollow eyed look of death that marred his once handsome features, the glimpse of bleached white bone visible through worn flesh. The stench of decay was overpowering now.
“Then kill me,” Josef clung to Mick’s arms then, implored Mick to look at him. “There’s enough firewood around the place, we have matches, it wouldn’t take much. Just please, I can’t die like this.”
“Just try and rest,” Mick struggled to keep his voice steady, “we’ll work something out, I promise.”
And still he couldn’t look Josef in the eye, couldn’t stand to see the evidence of his own failure, his own stubbornness, clinging onto shreds of humanity that served no purpose when it came to survival.
Too tired to argue, Josef settled into the shallow grave Mick had dug for him.
“We’ll work something out, I promise,” Mick reiterated as he carefully covered Josef with piles of leaves, and cool earth, affording him at least some protection from the blazing sun above. “I love you, forgive me, please, none of this should ever have happened.”
“You and your damn scruples, hey, Mick,” Josef managed a weak laugh. His voice, muffled by the dirt above, fell serious then. “I love you too; I wouldn’t change that for anything.”
It was amongst the last clear words Mick would hear Josef speak; at least until…Mick knew what had to be done then, deep down he’d been preparing for this moment. He waited until Josef had fallen into the corpse like sleep of the undead, and then headed off, back to a camp of ragtag mortals, and the promise of salvation through blood.
“You came back,” Beth greeted Mick at the perimeter of the campsite. There was no recrimination in her voice, just a simple statement of fact.
“I can’t let him die, I just can’t,” Mick blurted out, his emotions clearly threatening to get the better of him. “If there was any other way, believe me…”
“…There isn’t,” Beth interjected, a tender hand rested lightly on Mick’s shoulder, “trust me, Mick, this is what we want. It’s for the best, for everyone.”
“So what happens now?”
“You don’t have to watch. I’ll call you when we’re ready.”
“And what about you?” Mick asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. He wanted to pretend none of this was happening. He was back home in Los Angeles, with Josef, before the bombs had fallen, drinking endless supplies of blood, and wiling away the evenings exploring dizzying heights of love, and passion.
“Once I give the signal, wait ten minutes. I’ll need time to prepare.” On impulse Beth threw her arms around Mick’s neck, and kissed him warmly. “Thank you, for accepting this. No matter what happened between us before just know that I never stopped caring about you. You were my guardian angel,” Beth took a step back then, held Mick at arm’s length, “now it’s my turn to be yours. You and Josef deserve a long and happy life together. My time has come, yours is just beginning, remember that.”
“Forgive me,” Mick whispered the same words he’d spoken to Josef, even then he wasn’t sure whose forgiveness he was really asking for. Reluctantly he broke the embrace, and walked away, standing just outside the edge of the camp, his back turned on what was to come.
A few moments later Beth’s voice, soft and gentle, broke through his silent reverie.
“Mick, it’s time.”
Ten minutes might have been ten hours; even the seconds seemed to drag slowly. Mick counted each and every one, before turning to face the inescapable.
The bodies had been arranged in a circular pattern, lying on makeshift stretchers, their faces covered with rough cloth. Even so Mick could still pick out the tiny forms of the children, the steady drip, drip, drip of their blood flowing from the needles and tubes in their arms to collect in containers below.
He gathered what blood he could carry, numbing himself from thoughts of death, trying not to see those tiny forms lying cold, and still in his mind’s eye, Beth’s own spun gold tresses visible beneath the covering veil. It was the only way. He would return later to bury the remains, and collect the remainder of the blood. For now he needed to get back to Josef.
*********
“Josef. Josef, come on you need to get up, now.” There was a note of desperation in Mick’s voice as he dug frantically at the earth where Josef lay. For one brief and terrible moment he feared it was too late, until Josef stirred, half conscious, but still alive.
Mick’s relief was palpable; he pressed a bottle of blood to Josef’s lips, and urged him to drink.
“What did you do, rob a blood bank?” Josef questioned, tongue in cheek, as he greedily swallowed the contents of one bottle, and then other.
“There’s plenty more where that came from.” For the briefest of moments Mick thought of what might have been. His voice fell quieter then. “I told you we’d work something out.”
“Ask no questions, tell no lies,” Josef offered Mick an arched brow grin. He knew better than to pry further.
“Something like that.” Mick drank his own fill of blood, and then settled down alongside, drawing Josef near. He clung to Josef’s shoulders then, buried his face in Josef’s neck, inhaled his freshened scent before claiming Josef’s lips for his own. “You have no idea how far I’ve fallen for you.”
One day Josef would understand the depth of those words.
Pairing: Josef/Mick
Rating: R
Warnings: Darkfic, Angst, Major Character Death, Suicide, Mass Death, Child Death
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: In a post apocalyptic world, Mick must face the ultimate sacrifice if he and Josef are to survive. Semi requested piece, written for
havemy_heart as part of the Small Fandom Fest. Also written for 20 established relationships community.
Cross posted to moonlight_slash josefmick_fans emerald1972 smallfandomfest 20_est_relships
---------------------------
Josef watched the cockroach scurrying across his path, its brown casing sprinkled with the dust of the road. “Vampires and cockroaches, the only two things to survive a nuclear war,” he remarked with sarcastic breeze, to no one in particular, and then crushed the insect under his shoe.
They’d arisen around dusk, making their way up to the surface from the concrete bunker six feet underground that now served as their home. Stocks were getting low; they’d have to source out a fresh supply of blood, or start hunting. Josef knew Mick wasn’t happy with the idea.
In the distance he spotted a teenage girl, picking her way across the rubble of what was once a building. The predator in him awoke, his senses heightening as he moved into position.
“Josef, don’t,” Mick was by his side, pulling him back.
“We need the blood.” Josef’s patience was wearing thin; Mick’s long held respect for human life would be the death of them. “Look around you Mick,” Josef gestured at the wasteland that surrounded them, “look at what your precious humanity has done.”
“I can’t, okay,” Mick raised a hand in contrition. “I just can’t. You know how I feel about this.”
Josef studied Mick’s face, saw his wearied look of determination, the colour of his skin blanched white from lack of nutrition.
“You know eventually we’re not going to have a choice,” Josef said quietly, reaching out a hand to cup Mick’s chin.
“I know,” Mick pressed his lips against Josef’s palm. They would cross that bridge when they came to it; in the meantime there were other, more pressing matters. “We’ll have to restock, there’s got to be some blood left we can scrounge from somewhere.”
“Yes, there is, it’s walking around on two legs like a bunch of not so happy little mobile blood banks,”
Josef quipped, and then relented. “Fine, we’ll head along the coast. Who knows, we might even come across a decent tailor’s that’s still standing,” inspecting the frayed edges of his coat, Josef gave a wry smile. “I could do with a new suit.”
*********
“After a hundred twenty years as a vampire, you’d think I’d be used to all this death by now?” Mick winced at the sight of corpses strewn along the side of the road. “How long have we been walking?”
“Six hours, more or less, we should rest soon, sun’s coming up,” Josef pointed to the pale orange sky. “Welcome to the golden age,” he spat bitterly.
“We’ll survive.”
“Not if you keep insisting on standing on principal we won’t.”
Mick wasn’t in the mood to argue, he tried to shift the conversation to more positive ideas. “Hey, at least we don’t have to hide in the shadows anymore.”
“That’s because there’s not enough people left to care, Mick,” Josef was having none of it.
Mick fell into a contemplative silence. Josef was right; the human race had been decimated by the war. Sometimes he wondered why he still cared about them, and when the time came, if he’d really be able to stop.
“We’ve still got each other,” Mick broke the quietude a few moments later.
“Yeah, sure.” Josef forced a smile, and slipped his hand into Mick’s.
They stopped along the side of the road, drank a ration of blood, and then dug into the cool earth. Mick felt Josef reach for him in the dirt and the dark, Josef’s fingers brushing against his own. It was sunset when they awoke.
“Play something for me,” Josef pointed to the battered guitar next to Mick.
“Like what?” Mick picked the guitar up and strummed a few bars of an old jazz tune. The slowness of Josef’s movements hadn’t gone unnoticed by him. He appeared sluggish; his muscles, usually so supple, seemed stiff.
“I don’t know whatever you’re in the mood for.”
Josef rested back on his arms, his legs stretched out in front of him as Mick launched into a piece he didn’t recognise. Once or twice Mick was sure he could see a flicker of pain on Josef’s face, the scent of decay that emanated from him was almost overpowering. Josef wasn’t going to last out here, not with the lack of blood and nothing but a covering of bare earth to shield him from the sun.
“Maybe we should head back.” Mick set the guitar aside.
“And do what, Mick? Starve, or turn into animals when the blood supply finally runs out completely?”
Mick looked on with rising concern as Josef struggled to get to his feet. Josef had always been so self-assured, so powerful, and now…
“I didn’t know it was going to be this bad for you.” Mick rummaged around in his rucksack, and drew out what was left of his daily blood ration. He handed it to Josef. “Here, you need this more than I do right now.”
“Keep it,” Josef shook his head, and pointed towards the distance. “There’s a lake four miles south from here, a dip in some cold water should do the trick.”
“Not if you can’t walk to the lake, it won’t,” Mick waved the bag of blood in his outstretched hand, “Here. I’m sorry, okay.”
“What for?” Josef accepted Mick’s offering then, squeezing the bag tight to drain the last remaining dregs of blood.
“That I can’t just be what you need me to be,” Mick snapped in sudden frustration as he shifted into a whirl wind of activity, packing up the few belongings they’d carried with them.
“Eh,” Josef half waved a tired hand through the air, “I knew what I was getting into. Besides, you without all those morals and scruples you insist on dragging around wouldn’t be you.”
Mick wasn’t sure he bought Josef’s sudden change of attitude, judging by the look of him he figured Josef was just too tired to bother arguing. That thought sent a shiver of fear down Mick’s spine. Mick dampened those fears, and acknowledged Josef’s words with a quick nod, slinging one pack of his shoulder, and handing the other to Josef.
“How far did you say that lake was?”
*********
They floated together in the icy waters. Mick watched as Josef kicked away from him.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Josef kicked a little further, and then swam back towards Mick, “why would I be?”
“I don’t know,” Mick’s brow furrowed in the moonlight, “I just thought…”
“You mean earlier?” Josef kicked off again and circled Mick. “A little annoyed maybe, I just wasn’t really up to having a knockdown, drag out fight.”
“Then you are mad with me, I knew it!” Mick turned and began swimming for the shore, only to have Josef catch up with him a few moments later.
“What, you’re going to leave me, just like that?” Josef grabbed Mick’s leg, and dragged him back. “Don’t be an idiot, we’re in this together.”
“Josef, “I’m trying to storm off in a huff,” Mick’s voice held an edge of measured frustration as he stopped to tread water, “It kind of doesn’t work if you get angry and try to guilt trip me into staying put.”
“Swim off, Mick,” Josef replied mildly, “the correct term would be swim off. You can’t really storm off in water, I mean you could try, but mostly it would involve a lot of splashing, and arm waving, and you not really going anywhere in a hurry.”
“Yeah alright,” Mick rolled his eyes at Josef, the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His previous discourse seemingly forgotten Mick pointed to the lake’s shoreline then. “I’m heading in for a snack, you coming?”
Josef hesitated for a brief moment, and then nodded his agreement.
At the lake’s edge they spread out under the moonlit sky, the cool night air evaporating the water from their skin.
“You know at some stage we’re going to have to be stricter about how we ration our blood supply,” Josef watched as Mick carefully poured a few mouthfuls of blood into a plastic cup, “we’re breaking out the good crystal as well I see.”
“Very funny. And yeah, I know.” Mick gave an off-centred smile and shook his head, before shifting serious as he handed one of the cups to Josef. “So what was that little outburst back there all about?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Josef countered. “If I recall correctly I wasn’t the one trying to flounce off in water, Mick.”
“I wasn’t trying to…” Mick paused and raised a steadying hand. “We’re not talking about me. Do you really think I’m just going to up and leave you?”
Sometimes it was hard to believe they’d been together for almost five years. Mick took a moment to think back to the beginning. Little more than a rebound thing at first it had gradually shifted into something deeper. And then the war had come.
“Poor choice of words,” Josef trailed a lackadaisical hand through the air, and tried to look nonplussed. “What else do you want me to say, Mick?”
“The truth, for a start.”
It was clear Mick wasn’t going to let the matter drop. Josef made a last half-hearted attempt at sarcastic diversion, before shifting closer, a tender hand tracing a path across Mick’s form.
“I’m more than four hundred years old,” Josef’s fingers were skimming across planes of bone and musculature now, “I live on blood; I need it to survive. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
Josef’s hand quested lower, Mick figured those words hadn’t been meant as a double entendre. He arched into Josef’s touch, snaking an arm around Josef’s shoulder then, and drawing him nearer.
“Yeah, I think I do…That’s not the same as me leaving you though,” Mick wanted to point out then, before thinking how childish his voice would sound saying those words. It wasn’t like him, wasn’t like either of them, normal run of the mill insecurities didn’t usually extend into petty outbursts.
They fucked there and then, Mick face down in the water and mud, clutching at the ground, primal. When it was over they lay in silent repletion, a haphazard of limbs tangled lazily, the night air evaporating a thin sheen of sweat from their bodies this time.
It was Mick who spoke first, giving voice to realisation.
“We need to find a way to feed properly, before things get any worse.”
The sound of twigs snapping under foot broke through the stillness. When Mick looked back he would replay that sound, his mind searching for nuances - a whisper, the sound of a breath on the wind - anything to signify the changes that were to come. For now they were both on alert, senses heightened, and ears pricked to the noises around them.
“I think we’ve got company.” Josef moved low to the ground then, making his way over to the piles of discarded clothing away from the edge of the lake. He handed one of the piles to Mick. “Here, get dressed, we’re going after them.”
“Hang on a second,” Mick took a moment to dive back into the water, quickly washing away the remnants of mud that clung to his face and body. The fabric of his clothes stuck to his wet skin as he redressed.
Josef scented the air around them, gauging direction. “According to the map there’s a clearing and an old hiker’s cabin somewhere up ahead. What’s the bet our mysterious visitor is hauled up there.”
“Josef, wait,” Mick reached for Josef’s arm, imploring. “No women, no children, no innocents. Promise me that much.”
Josef gave a single nod of agreement. Mick was compromising at least, it was better than nothing. They began to move through the surrounding terrain, fleet footed across rocks and undergrowth. Somewhere off in the distance a fire glowed, they headed towards its orange light.
*********
He should have seen it coming; death permeated the world they live in now. He should have seen by the look in her eyes, that hollow, desperate pleading. Somehow he should have known, if only he hadn’t been so caught up in his own pain.
Mick crouched down next to Josef, hidden by tall grasses at the perimeter of the camp.
“How many of them are there?”
“Eight, maybe nine. Three children, three adult males, two women.”
Mick did a quick calculation, his brow furrowing.
Josef pointed to a flickering of shadow behind a dilapidated building. “Over there.”
“So what do we do now?” Mick studied the tattered wraiths in front of him, watched their motley forms as they shuffled around the campsite in bare feet and ragged clothes.
“Just follow my lead,” Josef’s eyes glittered feral as he shifted into vampire mode, “And don’t worry, anything less than five foot tall won’t be on the menu.”
“That still doesn’t take the women into consideration,” Mick started to protest. Just then one of the figures spoke, and suddenly Mick was staring down the past, his wraiths shifting into ghosts.
He would have recognised that voice anywhere.
Beth.
Before Josef could stop him Mick had stumbled into the open. Only to find what looked like an arsenal of weapons pointed in his direction.
“Wait,” Beth gestured for the men to lower their guns. “It’s okay, I know them.”
Mick wasn’t sure if he wanted to thank Josef for interrupting the awkward silence that followed, or knock him into next week for the way he went about it.
“Hey Beth,” Josef was all smiles and nonchalance, hands shoved jauntily in his pockets as he stepped forward. “Mick look, it’s Beth.”
“I can see that, Josef,” Mick gritted his teeth, and spoke out the side of his mouth.
“It’s been a while,” Beth spoke then, watching as Mick shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other.
Awkward, it wasn’t supposed to be awkward between them. Time should have erased old wounds.
“Yeah, it has,” Mick didn’t know what else to say. “You survived.”
“So did you.”
The corners of Beth’s mouth twitched upwards, and then they were both speaking one on top of the other, jostling for conversational position.
“So what about…?”
“What happened with you and Josef, how did you…?”
“I can’t believe how long it’s been.”
“Ben’s dead,” Beth cleared her throat, and brushed a lock of thinning hair behind her ear.
“I’m sorry,” Mick replied simply.
“I know the two of you didn’t get along after we… I mean me and Ben…” Beth’s voice trailed off.
“It doesn’t matter, ancient history.”
“Sure.”
“Well this conversation is certainly scintillating,” Josef interrupted with his usual aplomb, “why don’t I leave the two of you to get reacquainted.”
Josef’s discomfort was evident as he turned to go. Mick grabbed for his arm.
“Hey, you don’t have to…”
“We can’t stay here, Mick,” Josef carefully removed Mick’s hand, held it for a moment in his own; “it’s not safe.”
“For us or for them?”
“Both.”
“Is everything okay?” Beth was by Mick’s side then, her hand rested lightly on Mick’s shoulder as Mick stood forlorn, watching after Josef’s retreating form.
“Yeah, it’s cool, nothing to worry about.” Mick gave a quick nod, and forced a reassuring smile, more for his own benefit than anyone else’s. “So is this a permanent camp, or do you move around?”
Beth gestured for Mick to join her on one of the fallen tree logs that served as a makeshift seat.
“The camp was here before the bombs dropped, they’re a survivalist group. I was doing a story on them when all hell broke loose.”
“Lucky break.”
“You could say that. What about you?” Beth asked.
“Josef had a bunker built under his apartment block,” Mick hesitated for a moment, unsure how much he wanted to reveal. “I was staying with him at the time.”
“Lucky break,” Beth rounded a teasing eyebrow, and pressed her fist against her mouth to stifle a laugh. Her voice fell quieter then. “I saw the two of you, down by the lake.”
“Oh.” Mick shaped his mouth into an O of surprise; he didn’t know what else to say.
“Do you love him?”
Mick never expected to hear that question coming from Beth; he took a moment to consider his response, before answering simply, “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re happy then?” Beth probed further
“Well, yeah, I mean it’s not like we planned it or anything, it just sort of happened.” Mick suddenly became transfixed by a loose piece of bark, picking at it distractedly. “And hey, you left me remember.”
“Mick, I didn’t mean…”
“No, I’m sorry,” Mick gave a sheepish smile and shifted position; the tone of his voice fell serious. “It just feels a little weird talking about this with you. I never thought…Josef’s always been there for me, for a long time. It was a couple of years after you left with Ben, things between us progressed and it just felt right. So yes, I love him, and I’m happy with him, and he’s going to die, because I still can’t let go of that spark of humanity inside me.”
The dam broke then, words poured out, flowing one on top of the other: their dwindling supply of blood, the trek to find more, Josef’s increasing weakness, his own fears and concerns.
“The whole freezer thing is only part of it. Blood doesn’t just feed us, it staves off decay. The older a vampire gets the more vital the blood becomes. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”
“I remember that day in the hallway of your old apartment, when you thought Josef was dead.” Mick felt Beth’s fingers gently entwine with his own, “Maybe we can help.”
“How?”
Beth dug into her pocket then, and drew out a tiny vial with a single tablet contained inside. She handed it to Mick. “It’s cyanide, we’ve all got one.”
“Jesus, no,” Mick recoiled in horror.
“We’re dying, Mick,” Beth held fast, “all of us. And it isn’t going to be peaceful or pretty.”
“And committing suicide is?” Mick looked at Beth, incredulous.
“It’s better than the alternative. Look around you.”
Look at what your precious humanity has done.
“No,” Mick shook his dead, still reeling at the knowledge revealed to him. “I can’t be a part of this; I never wanted you dead, Beth. I can’t live with that.”
“So you’ll live with Josef dying instead.”
“We’ll work something out.”
Beth stood her ground, her gaze locked with Mick’s. “Two weeks from today, the date’s already been set. There are nine of us here, six adults, three children, that’s at least forty litres.”
Mick turned heel and fled. Josef had been right, they couldn’t stay here, it wasn’t safe. He caught up with Josef at the edge of the camp.
“We’re leaving.”
“I take it your happy little reunion didn’t turn out so happy then.” Josef slung a bag over his shoulder hastily, and fell into a fast-paced step alongside Mick.
“You were right, it wasn’t safe for us there,” Mick declined to elaborate, determined instead to concentrate on putting as much distance as possible between them and a camp full of mortals with a death wish.
And yet even as he did so, a still, small voice tapped at the back of his mind.
“Are you really willing to risk sacrificing Josef’s life, when Beth herself has determined they’re all going to die? It’s not like you have to do the killing yourself, this is guilt free blood on offer.”
Only it wasn’t, nothing was ever guilt free when it came to Beth. More and more Mick was beginning to realise just how uncomplicated his life with Josef really was, how easy it was for them to just be.
“So are you going to tell me what happened back there?” Josef asked casually as they bedded down with the first rays of dawn breaking over the horizon.
“It’s not important, just…like I said, you were right, that’s all you need to know.” Mick reached for Josef under the shade of a Redwood, seeking comfort, and distraction. The sun’s light above them was pale and thin, shrouded by dust and clouds; there’d been no need to burrow into the earth. “I love you; you know that, don’t you?”
“Already got the memo thanks, Mick,” Josef quick witted as he matched Mick touch for touch.
“Well excuse me for trying to be romantic,” Mick gave a thin lipped smile as he concentrated on a spot just below Josef’s jaw line.
“Sorry, would you like me to quote bad poetry instead?”
Almost in spite of himself Mick laughed at Josef’s deadpan reply. Their easy back and forth felt comforting in a way, a reminder of simpler times, without the threat of blood supplies drying up, and the knowledge of impending death for a small camp of mortals.
Mick shifted position, stretched himself out on top of Josef, tugged frantically at clothing that suddenly seemed very much in the way. He wanted to lose himself then and there.
“I think you broke me,” Josef commented drily when they were done.
“In the nicest possible way of course,” Mick replied with mock earnest as he rested alongside, his head nuzzled in the crook of Josef’s shoulder, easy, like it should have been, like Mick imagined it always would be. “You ever wish you could just freeze time?” Mick asked then.
“Isn’t that what happens when you sleep?” Josef stretched a little, tried to ease a cramp in his leg, before shifting further into the shade.
“So we should just sleep forever, is that your solution?”
Josef mumbled an unintelligible response. His breathing gradually slowed, and then stopped all together, leaving Mick awake and alone to dwell on the inevitable.
*********
Days passed, became one week slowly encroaching on two. Despite their increasing rationing the blood supply dwindled faster than expected, until nothing was left but a few precious drops clinging to the inside of a plastic bag. They wasted none of it, licking the bags clean until the plastic itself began to erode.
They fed off corpses they found along the road they now followed, those that were still reasonably fresh at least. The blood tasted of bitterness and decay, devoid of vital nutrients.
It wasn’t enough.
“We have to go back,” Josef struggled to get to his feet, swaying unsteadily on leg muscles and joints stiffened by lack of nourishment. “Let’s face it, Mick, it’s crunch time. There’s blood back at that camp, fresh blood straight from the vein. We don’t have a choice.”
“You’d never make it.” Mick could hardly bring himself to look at Josef, didn’t want to see the hollow eyed look of death that marred his once handsome features, the glimpse of bleached white bone visible through worn flesh. The stench of decay was overpowering now.
“Then kill me,” Josef clung to Mick’s arms then, implored Mick to look at him. “There’s enough firewood around the place, we have matches, it wouldn’t take much. Just please, I can’t die like this.”
“Just try and rest,” Mick struggled to keep his voice steady, “we’ll work something out, I promise.”
And still he couldn’t look Josef in the eye, couldn’t stand to see the evidence of his own failure, his own stubbornness, clinging onto shreds of humanity that served no purpose when it came to survival.
Too tired to argue, Josef settled into the shallow grave Mick had dug for him.
“We’ll work something out, I promise,” Mick reiterated as he carefully covered Josef with piles of leaves, and cool earth, affording him at least some protection from the blazing sun above. “I love you, forgive me, please, none of this should ever have happened.”
“You and your damn scruples, hey, Mick,” Josef managed a weak laugh. His voice, muffled by the dirt above, fell serious then. “I love you too; I wouldn’t change that for anything.”
It was amongst the last clear words Mick would hear Josef speak; at least until…Mick knew what had to be done then, deep down he’d been preparing for this moment. He waited until Josef had fallen into the corpse like sleep of the undead, and then headed off, back to a camp of ragtag mortals, and the promise of salvation through blood.
“You came back,” Beth greeted Mick at the perimeter of the campsite. There was no recrimination in her voice, just a simple statement of fact.
“I can’t let him die, I just can’t,” Mick blurted out, his emotions clearly threatening to get the better of him. “If there was any other way, believe me…”
“…There isn’t,” Beth interjected, a tender hand rested lightly on Mick’s shoulder, “trust me, Mick, this is what we want. It’s for the best, for everyone.”
“So what happens now?”
“You don’t have to watch. I’ll call you when we’re ready.”
“And what about you?” Mick asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. He wanted to pretend none of this was happening. He was back home in Los Angeles, with Josef, before the bombs had fallen, drinking endless supplies of blood, and wiling away the evenings exploring dizzying heights of love, and passion.
“Once I give the signal, wait ten minutes. I’ll need time to prepare.” On impulse Beth threw her arms around Mick’s neck, and kissed him warmly. “Thank you, for accepting this. No matter what happened between us before just know that I never stopped caring about you. You were my guardian angel,” Beth took a step back then, held Mick at arm’s length, “now it’s my turn to be yours. You and Josef deserve a long and happy life together. My time has come, yours is just beginning, remember that.”
“Forgive me,” Mick whispered the same words he’d spoken to Josef, even then he wasn’t sure whose forgiveness he was really asking for. Reluctantly he broke the embrace, and walked away, standing just outside the edge of the camp, his back turned on what was to come.
A few moments later Beth’s voice, soft and gentle, broke through his silent reverie.
“Mick, it’s time.”
Ten minutes might have been ten hours; even the seconds seemed to drag slowly. Mick counted each and every one, before turning to face the inescapable.
The bodies had been arranged in a circular pattern, lying on makeshift stretchers, their faces covered with rough cloth. Even so Mick could still pick out the tiny forms of the children, the steady drip, drip, drip of their blood flowing from the needles and tubes in their arms to collect in containers below.
He gathered what blood he could carry, numbing himself from thoughts of death, trying not to see those tiny forms lying cold, and still in his mind’s eye, Beth’s own spun gold tresses visible beneath the covering veil. It was the only way. He would return later to bury the remains, and collect the remainder of the blood. For now he needed to get back to Josef.
*********
“Josef. Josef, come on you need to get up, now.” There was a note of desperation in Mick’s voice as he dug frantically at the earth where Josef lay. For one brief and terrible moment he feared it was too late, until Josef stirred, half conscious, but still alive.
Mick’s relief was palpable; he pressed a bottle of blood to Josef’s lips, and urged him to drink.
“What did you do, rob a blood bank?” Josef questioned, tongue in cheek, as he greedily swallowed the contents of one bottle, and then other.
“There’s plenty more where that came from.” For the briefest of moments Mick thought of what might have been. His voice fell quieter then. “I told you we’d work something out.”
“Ask no questions, tell no lies,” Josef offered Mick an arched brow grin. He knew better than to pry further.
“Something like that.” Mick drank his own fill of blood, and then settled down alongside, drawing Josef near. He clung to Josef’s shoulders then, buried his face in Josef’s neck, inhaled his freshened scent before claiming Josef’s lips for his own. “You have no idea how far I’ve fallen for you.”
One day Josef would understand the depth of those words.