Love's Not A Competition But I'm Winning
Ah, the immortal words of the Kaiser Chiefs. May I just begin by saying, that I firmly believe Valentines Day to be the biggest fraud perpetrated on the American people by the card and candy companies? And if that wasn't enough, now the greedy bastards have invented something called "The Sweetest Day", whatever the hell that is. Like they're not making bank as it is charging outrageous prices for roses, cheap jewelry, crappy chocolates you would only eat at the height of a pre-menstrual frenzy and enough tacky stuffed animals to populate Trinidad.
Look, I'm not opposed to gift giving or love or anything. I'm sure St. Valentine was a great guy before he (or they, as the case may be) was martyred. I really don't object to the color pink, in moderation. Despite the inevitable heartbreak of not receiving an extra special valentine from my biggest crush, I really enjoyed decorating our little receptacles and making valentines for people in school. I toiled diligently over doilies and construction paper with the kind of single-minded determination usually reserved for members of the bomb squad.
What I hate, and I say this with vehemence, is the divisiveness that springs up between the single and the coupled on Valentines Day. You may think that those of us in a relationship are too preoccupied with hearts and flowers to notice the bitterness emanating in waves from your person. Well, we do notice, and frankly, it's kind of a downer.
And it goes both ways since goodness knows solicitations weren't ever exactly pouring in for me. I remember knowing with utter certainty that if I had a significant other, we would certainly be doing something incredibly unusual and romantic today that would leave all my single friends green with envy. The injustice of my singleness was therefore even bitterer than everyone else’s. My imaginary boyfriend was thoughtful, considerate, wealthy and knew exactly what I wanted as clearly as if it was written on my forehead. It was a crime we were so cruelly separated by something as trivial as reality.
Funny the perspective one gains when one is in a relationship and Valentines Day turns out to be just as much of a disappointment, if not more so, than it was before. And I don't say that to disparage my husband, because he's always comported himself admirably well on Valentine's, but he's never whisked me away for that ski weekend in Aspen or presented me with the necklace from Pretty Woman (as I always felt someone should have) which goes to show where unrealistic expectations will get you.
It's the singles, not the couples, that put so much pressure on Valentines to be this icon of everything they hope for. The same thing happens to weddings. Good people turn into complete harridans for twenty-four hours because they've built up a day in their minds to represent some transformative moment when they go from being alone and imperfect to complete in one exchange of vows. Unfortunately, it rarely works out that way.
If I may make a suggestion to those who find themselves dissatisfied with Valentines Day in it's current incarnation, I've always felt that the holiday was due for reclamation from the divisive propaganda the marketing machine pushes upon us every year. Take back the day. Celebrate love in all its incarnations. Tell your friends how much you love and appreciate them. Give thoughtful or practical gifts and save the roses for when the price isn't artificially high. A single person who can enjoy love without romance is a person who will rarely be disappointed when love with romance presents itself.
Look, I'm not opposed to gift giving or love or anything. I'm sure St. Valentine was a great guy before he (or they, as the case may be) was martyred. I really don't object to the color pink, in moderation. Despite the inevitable heartbreak of not receiving an extra special valentine from my biggest crush, I really enjoyed decorating our little receptacles and making valentines for people in school. I toiled diligently over doilies and construction paper with the kind of single-minded determination usually reserved for members of the bomb squad.
What I hate, and I say this with vehemence, is the divisiveness that springs up between the single and the coupled on Valentines Day. You may think that those of us in a relationship are too preoccupied with hearts and flowers to notice the bitterness emanating in waves from your person. Well, we do notice, and frankly, it's kind of a downer.
And it goes both ways since goodness knows solicitations weren't ever exactly pouring in for me. I remember knowing with utter certainty that if I had a significant other, we would certainly be doing something incredibly unusual and romantic today that would leave all my single friends green with envy. The injustice of my singleness was therefore even bitterer than everyone else’s. My imaginary boyfriend was thoughtful, considerate, wealthy and knew exactly what I wanted as clearly as if it was written on my forehead. It was a crime we were so cruelly separated by something as trivial as reality.
Funny the perspective one gains when one is in a relationship and Valentines Day turns out to be just as much of a disappointment, if not more so, than it was before. And I don't say that to disparage my husband, because he's always comported himself admirably well on Valentine's, but he's never whisked me away for that ski weekend in Aspen or presented me with the necklace from Pretty Woman (as I always felt someone should have) which goes to show where unrealistic expectations will get you.
It's the singles, not the couples, that put so much pressure on Valentines to be this icon of everything they hope for. The same thing happens to weddings. Good people turn into complete harridans for twenty-four hours because they've built up a day in their minds to represent some transformative moment when they go from being alone and imperfect to complete in one exchange of vows. Unfortunately, it rarely works out that way.
If I may make a suggestion to those who find themselves dissatisfied with Valentines Day in it's current incarnation, I've always felt that the holiday was due for reclamation from the divisive propaganda the marketing machine pushes upon us every year. Take back the day. Celebrate love in all its incarnations. Tell your friends how much you love and appreciate them. Give thoughtful or practical gifts and save the roses for when the price isn't artificially high. A single person who can enjoy love without romance is a person who will rarely be disappointed when love with romance presents itself.