Malaise, Doubts, and the Eternal Quest For A Goddamn Mug-Tree
It's been an eventful month and one I don't feel inclined at all to talk about. So I'm not going to. I'm going to talk about other things instead.
If all the upheaval in my life recently has taught me anything, it's that being in charge is exhausting. After spending the last weekend having to order my husband around in order to see anything done (or watch some other blessed saint do so) and realizing how much I've become accustomed to doing just that, I'm now looking over my five year marriage and wondering if my success has been marginalized not only in part due to a resurgence of depression, but in fact from being just too damned tired to do anything else after having to make every last decision for my husband down to what he wears in the morning.
God, is this what I've been reduced to? And what the hell can I do about it? I've never felt this discontent in my marriage before, but since graduation I've felt increasingly like I'm looking down the barrel of a gun at a future that resembles nothing I ever wanted - and when pressed to determine what exactly it is that I want to do so badly that's causing this un-restful state of mind - nothing seems to fit, exhaustion sets in, and I draw a blank.
I don't know what I want anymore and it disturbs me. Except for one thing. I want desperately to find a mug-tree and no one seems to carry them anymore. If anyone happens to see one, please let me know.
If all the upheaval in my life recently has taught me anything, it's that being in charge is exhausting. After spending the last weekend having to order my husband around in order to see anything done (or watch some other blessed saint do so) and realizing how much I've become accustomed to doing just that, I'm now looking over my five year marriage and wondering if my success has been marginalized not only in part due to a resurgence of depression, but in fact from being just too damned tired to do anything else after having to make every last decision for my husband down to what he wears in the morning.
God, is this what I've been reduced to? And what the hell can I do about it? I've never felt this discontent in my marriage before, but since graduation I've felt increasingly like I'm looking down the barrel of a gun at a future that resembles nothing I ever wanted - and when pressed to determine what exactly it is that I want to do so badly that's causing this un-restful state of mind - nothing seems to fit, exhaustion sets in, and I draw a blank.
I don't know what I want anymore and it disturbs me. Except for one thing. I want desperately to find a mug-tree and no one seems to carry them anymore. If anyone happens to see one, please let me know.