Cliches
Tonight, for the first time, I began to find myself genuinely annoyed with fandom cliches in fics. I used to just regard repetitive themes and phrases sort of endearing in an amusing sort of, oh aren't we precious, we've got our own little formula way.
I can be forgiving with newbies. We all must start somewhere after all. But seeing this sort of thing in the mega-reviewed fics of long time BNF's is, I feel, completely unacceptable.
I realize that I'm in no position to judge, being a relatively shitty writer myself, and samples of said writing being very sparse at that, but for the love of Christ, someone has to take a stand. I know cliches have been railed against time and again on LJ and various flists, but maybe it's time we put our money where our mouths are and stopped blanket acceptance of this horrible practice, simply because the author is well known.
I won't be so gauche as to name names, because that would trespass even my very shaky moral boundaries, but the following examples I had the misfortune of reading in one (Award Winning!) fic this evening by a fairly well respected author. Maybe this will alert some of you to the dire nature of the situation.
The phrase "girl - no woman" as in "He looked at the girl - no woman - for how could he mistake her for such a thing any longer..." This is such a shoddy, ham-fisted method of advancing the changing perceptions of a character that it absolutely astounds me that everyone still uses this tired old thing. By the same token, "Prof - no, Severus" really, must be retired. I would just as soon have no clue whatsoever what Hermione or Mary Sue is thinking at any given moment than have to suffer this bit of inner monologue.
The words "wanton", "brooding", and "finest". The English language is a wonderful thing. Invest in a thesaurus if you must, but nothing trumps actually interspersing some literature into your diet between episodes of adolescent, wish-fulfillment drivol.
Someone, please explain to me, why a character who from all outward appearances doesn't bathe, is continually purported to smell of sandalwood, patchouli or the sightly more conciliatory "something distinctly him/male"? Men who don't bathe smell like body odor and male pheromones and very little else. What's more, men who smell bad are still capable of being attractive. Mull that over.
Consider this a public service announcement from your friendly, neighborhood bisexual. Pussy does not taste sweet. Not like honey. Not like nectar. All the flowery language in the world will not change that fact. Yet people still engage in cunnilingus. Explore other possible reasons for this singular fact.
I would like us all to take a moment and breath deeply. If this reminder has caused you to release a breath you didn't know you'd been holding - by all means, continue to use this cliche at will. My hat is off to you.
There are certain truths that must be observed in the course of a serious relationship lasting longer than three months. One of these is that premature ejaculation does not equal paralyzing insecurity. It's extremely difficult to feel guilty when you feel that good. Also, the novelty of nudity does wear off. And writing "it was unfathomable that the novelty of her naked body had not yet worn off" is not going to convince me otherwise.
By the same token, I defy you to show me one man over the age of thirty who can go twice in a row with less than an hour in between attempts. If such a man exists, I would kindly ask that you forward me his name, address and phone number so that I may personally examine the veracity of the claim.
And on a more sober note, it is high time we, as predominantly female authors, stopped willingly victimizing our gender by the deplorable practice of using rape or attempted rape as a plot devise, in any guise or fashion. Rape is not sexy, convenient or remotely acceptable. Many of us are victims of sexual assault. I respect the freedom each author has to write as they see fit, but if you agree that rape is a brutal act of violence, then I would strongly urge you to reconsider including it in your fics. I don't believe in censorship. I believe in social responsibility.
I can be forgiving with newbies. We all must start somewhere after all. But seeing this sort of thing in the mega-reviewed fics of long time BNF's is, I feel, completely unacceptable.
I realize that I'm in no position to judge, being a relatively shitty writer myself, and samples of said writing being very sparse at that, but for the love of Christ, someone has to take a stand. I know cliches have been railed against time and again on LJ and various flists, but maybe it's time we put our money where our mouths are and stopped blanket acceptance of this horrible practice, simply because the author is well known.
I won't be so gauche as to name names, because that would trespass even my very shaky moral boundaries, but the following examples I had the misfortune of reading in one (Award Winning!) fic this evening by a fairly well respected author. Maybe this will alert some of you to the dire nature of the situation.
The phrase "girl - no woman" as in "He looked at the girl - no woman - for how could he mistake her for such a thing any longer..." This is such a shoddy, ham-fisted method of advancing the changing perceptions of a character that it absolutely astounds me that everyone still uses this tired old thing. By the same token, "Prof - no, Severus" really, must be retired. I would just as soon have no clue whatsoever what Hermione or Mary Sue is thinking at any given moment than have to suffer this bit of inner monologue.
The words "wanton", "brooding", and "finest". The English language is a wonderful thing. Invest in a thesaurus if you must, but nothing trumps actually interspersing some literature into your diet between episodes of adolescent, wish-fulfillment drivol.
Someone, please explain to me, why a character who from all outward appearances doesn't bathe, is continually purported to smell of sandalwood, patchouli or the sightly more conciliatory "something distinctly him/male"? Men who don't bathe smell like body odor and male pheromones and very little else. What's more, men who smell bad are still capable of being attractive. Mull that over.
Consider this a public service announcement from your friendly, neighborhood bisexual. Pussy does not taste sweet. Not like honey. Not like nectar. All the flowery language in the world will not change that fact. Yet people still engage in cunnilingus. Explore other possible reasons for this singular fact.
I would like us all to take a moment and breath deeply. If this reminder has caused you to release a breath you didn't know you'd been holding - by all means, continue to use this cliche at will. My hat is off to you.
There are certain truths that must be observed in the course of a serious relationship lasting longer than three months. One of these is that premature ejaculation does not equal paralyzing insecurity. It's extremely difficult to feel guilty when you feel that good. Also, the novelty of nudity does wear off. And writing "it was unfathomable that the novelty of her naked body had not yet worn off" is not going to convince me otherwise.
By the same token, I defy you to show me one man over the age of thirty who can go twice in a row with less than an hour in between attempts. If such a man exists, I would kindly ask that you forward me his name, address and phone number so that I may personally examine the veracity of the claim.
And on a more sober note, it is high time we, as predominantly female authors, stopped willingly victimizing our gender by the deplorable practice of using rape or attempted rape as a plot devise, in any guise or fashion. Rape is not sexy, convenient or remotely acceptable. Many of us are victims of sexual assault. I respect the freedom each author has to write as they see fit, but if you agree that rape is a brutal act of violence, then I would strongly urge you to reconsider including it in your fics. I don't believe in censorship. I believe in social responsibility.