Knowing and Seeing 3/3
Chapter 3
Over the next few days the boys became more comfortable with showing affection in front of Bobby. They never repeated something like that kiss, that had been a bit over the top but Bobby had nobody to blame but himself for that, and a sweet peck now and then they were all okay with that. It was the little things Bobby noticed know which they had suppressed in the past. At least in his presence and for sure in the presence of their father. The way they stood shoulder to shoulder or hip to hip when they were sitting on the couch. The way they touched, they seemed in constant contact now. A brush of their hands, a pat on the shoulder, the leaning against each other.
Bobby knew they had always considered his place a save haven where they could let their guard down and relax. Seeing them now Bobby realized he had never seen them really relaxed before.
One evening he grabbed two beers and went outside where Dean was tinkering with his car.
"Here, thought you could use a break." Bobby offered him a beer which he took with a grin. His face was healing nicely and it wouldn't be long until the brothers would leave, Bobby knew that much but he hoped with all cards on the table now they would swing by more often.
They sat down on the hood of some junker and nursed the beers in silence while Bobby tried to figure out how to say what he wanted to say.
"Dean, I'm sorry." Bobby began and instantly the tension in Dean was back. It radiated out of him but he played it cool like always, patiently waiting for Bobby to continue.
"Seeing you and Sam …" Playing for time Bobby took another sip.
"I know, Bobby." His voice was dead, defeated and for a second he simply collapsed. "Knowing and actual seeing are two different things." He sounded close to tears but Bobby couldn't really tell because Dean's gaze was fixed on nothingness in the other direction. "You have to be disgusted."
"That wasn't what I wanted to say." Bobby started but Dean interrupted him.
"I know what you want to say." With angry determination he finished his beer and straightened. "Don't worry, it's okay. I'll get Sammy and we'll be out of your hair in a minute."
He pushed himself to his feet but stopped after a step. With his back to Bobby he asked: "Is it okay to call sometimes?"
His voice was so low Bobby wasn't sure he had caught the words correctly. Of course Dean interpreted the second he needed to comprehend the words in his own way.
"Okay." Dean nodded. "Clean cut, I got it. I'm sorry. You won't hear from us ever again."
"Dean, stop!" Bobby commanded and Dean stopped dead in his tracks. "I'm not throwing you out, son."
Baffled Dean turned towards him. "But you said …" He didn't have the strength to cover up the hurt in his eyes.
"Dammit boy, would you shut up for a second and listen to me?" Bobby sighed. He shouldn't be surprised that Dean expected him to be disgusted, to throw them out of the house and out of his life. Since Sam and Dean had started their relationship they must have thought about the moment somebody found out.
Oh, Bobby could picture John's reaction. But seeing Dean so easily assuming that Bobby would react in the same way, even after days of proving otherwise, it broke his heart. And it was one more reason why he had to apologize.
Bobby gestured him to come back and reluctantly Dean sat down once again on the hood of the junker.
"I always thought that you and Sam feel safe her." Bobby started over.
"We do." Dean whispered.
"You better." Bobby finished his beer and set the bottle on the ground. "But I never realized how much energy it sucks out of you two to pretend that you are nothing more than brothers. Seeing you know." Bobby sighed. "I'm sorry, I could have given you the freedom to be yourselves years ago."
"Sure." Dean shook his head in amusement. "Dad would have loved the bed."
"Yeah, couldn't have pulled that stunt." Bobby grinned when he pictured John's face if he had discovered the double bed for his sons. "He would have shot me on the spot."
"No kidding. I don't even want to think about what he would have done to me and Sammy." He trailed off. Living in constant fear that their own father would find out, Bobby didn't want to picture that.
"That's another reason I want to apologize for waiting so long." Bobby admitted. "But to be honest, I didn't know how to bring it up and I feared how you would react."
"Thanks, Bobby." And this time there was no doubt, his voice was raspy from emotion and he was on the brink of tears.
He drew the younger man in a one-arm hug. "You and Sam are the closest thing I have to family. You are always welcome here."
With that he grabbed the empty beer bottles and went back inside. Dean would follow when he was ready.
Bobby passed the study and of course it took Sam one look at the beer bottles and one at Bobby's face to ask: "Something wrong?"
The tone alone told Bobby that he was about to repeat the conversation he just had with Dean. Wrong conclusions included. Bobby couldn't blame them, they probably had been steeling themselves for years for the disgust and rejection they expected.
"Nothing is wrong, Sam." Bobby hurried to say and nodded in the direction of the door. "But I think somebody needs a hug."
Sam frowned at him but went outside. Bobby heard Dean protesting against the attempted hug even in the kitchen. When he glanced through the window he saw the brothers sitting on the hood of the junker, shoulder to shoulder. Bobby couldn't hear what Dean was saying but he saw the awe on Sam's face. He quickly ducked behind the curtain when the brothers turned towards the house. For a second they looked like little boys who couldn't believe that Santa hadn't forgotten them this year.
Then they looked at each other, just staring for a long moment, before they closed their eyes and met in a passionate kiss. Suddenly feeling like an intruder Bobby retreated to his study where his work waited for him.
"Idjits." Bobby smiled.
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