There's us serie
There's Us
Six story Yaoi
Pair: Jaemin (Jaejoong and Changmin)
Beta-ed by:
milena_1980
Summary:The relationship between Changmin and Jaejoong was messed up, but an accident put things into perspective for Changmin, leading him and Jaejoong up to another level of true love.
I).Somewhere between then and now.
You open the freezer and grab the ice pad in front of you and carefully touch your lower lip with it. Again, you ended up fighting with him. You didn’t know that your skinny small-framed boyfriend could beat the crap out of you. When you let yourself fall on the couch, you wince at the sudden pain in your back; this time you know you've got bruises everywhere. He can beat the crap out of you, but you can sure fuck the soul out of him. He didn’t have much voice left… you made him scream in pain and pleasure, waking up the whole neighborhood in the process. He left bruises on your body and ripe your heart, you tore his body and soul apart. You know this relationship is wrong, tainted with so much pain that you can’t recognize him anymore and it seems like he can’t recognize you either.
You hear his faint voice calling you from the bedroom. You stand up, trying to mentally block the pain screaming at you from your bruises and sore body, shouting for you to lie down, but you walk back to your boyfriend. The sight of a broken Jaejoong before you would have shocked you a couple of months ago, but now it's the usual sight. Sad, isn't it? You two let this relationship break apart, let it become tainted with anger, jealousy, miscommunication and sadness.
You open the closet and grab the first aid kit. Then you walk up to the bed, where your lover lies. He scoots over a little and you sit on the bed, beside him. He sits, resting his back against the cold wall as you both start cleaning and healing all the cuts you have left on each other.
"You know, this is funny Min?" he half asks and half jokes.
"What is funny, hyung?"
"We clean and heal what we both destroy." You chuckle at his answer but it's true. This is a cycle that neither he nor you can get out of. And the worst part is that you don’t know how you fell into it in the first place, and you bet he doesn’t, either. You just keep on cleaning what you crash onto the wall, the shattered remains. When you finish cleaning him, you close the kit and put it back in the closet and walk out of the room. You let your body slide down and hit the floor, wrapping your arms around your legs, sinking your head between your knees. And you let yourself cry. Cry over the sight of this messed up relationship, over your broken lover, over your broken self.
You wake up once again in the middle of the night, again the same nightmare. The same strange and ugly dream where you find your lover dead and cold. You shift on the bed and move to rest on your left side, facing a sleeping Jaejoong. You trace your finger lightly over his face and rest your hand on his shoulder. You scoot closer to him, feeling him shift a little until he slowly and sleepily opens his eyes. You smile tightly at him and press a soft kiss on his forehead. He leans forward for a soft kiss on your lips, deepening it until it leaves you both breathless. You hug him tight, making him rest his head on your chest. You stay like that, his body pressed against yours, his fingers writing unknown words.
"Having nightmares again?" he asks, still writing with his fingers on your stomach. You nod, brushing your chin against his hair. "The same one?" he asks again, this time looking up to meet your eyes. You close them tight, trying to suppress the tears that want to slip out and nod. When you feel one of his fingers lightly touching right under your eyes you realize you're already crying. You hug him tighter and bury your face in the crook of his neck. You are so afraid that it could really happen; every time you get into an argument with him, you fear that it could end just like in your dream… with a dead Jaejoong.
“Shh, Minnie, shh. nothing's going to happen, I’m here. Hush, don’t worry, nothing's going to happen, Min. I’m here.” He repeats these words like a chant, trying to release the pain that's eating you up. You try to get closer to him, impossibly closer to his warm body and soothing caresses. Your mind screams at you that this is the last time you will be this close to him… the last time.
II). I looked away, when you said we'll never change.
You feel your head really heavy, and silence reigns over all your senses. You try hard to open your eyes, open your mouth, and move your hands, but it is impossible and frustrating. You don’t know how much you keep trying, but you still go on until your own body gives out from exhaustion. When you wake up again, you feel something heavy on your left arm, and you're glad you can feel something… someone. You try to move your hand, each finger, one by one, until you can move your wrist. The weight suddenly disappears and you almost freak out until you hear your name really far away. “Changmin?” “Changminnie?” “Can you hear me Min ah?” “Just move your hand again, love… please move one more time, please.” The last sentence sounds like the desperate pleading of your lover. You can recognize his husky voice really well, so you try as quickly as your tired body lets you to move your hand once again. You feel his hand reaching for yours and you hold on while trying to open your eyes. Little by little, the light of the insufferable white hospital room creeps inside your tired eyes. Then you see his worried eyes looking at you intensely, he caresses the side of your face and turns to leave the room.
“Hyung,” you call him after him. Your voice sounds raspy, a sign that you haven’t talked for a long time.
“I’m only going to go find the doctor, Min, I’m not going anywhere.” You stretch your left arm and touch his swollen lower lip and the different cuts on his face. Before you realize it a single tear slides from the corner of your eye and a small ‘I’m sorry’ slips through your lips. He smiles at you, only at you and leans down to press his lips to yours. The kiss is light and simple, yet full of love and concern for you. You press the button to call the nurse in and stare at Jaejoong’s face. When the nurse comes in, she takes a look at you, and as quickly she enters the room, she leaves to find the doctor. Minutes later, the doctor comes in and starts asking you questions. You tell him about the accident, of how you pushed your boyfriend away and threw yourself in front of the speeding car just to save him. You remember the car hitting you and you remember how your body flew over the car and landed on the other side of the road. The doctor tells you that you have broken several ribs, your right leg is broken in three places, that you have dislocated your shoulder and right wrist. You realize that’s why you only could move your left arm. You will be in the hospital for a while, until you're fully healed. The doctor leaves to give you some privacy.
Jaejoong sits by your left side, your good side for now. He grabs your hand once again and strokes the back of your hand his thumb, making circles on your skin.
“Why did you do it, Min? Did you think I can live without you? Why did you throw yourself in front of that car? Do you know how afraid I was? How scared I was with the thought of losing you? Did you think I could live knowing you died to save me? You stupid fool … stupid fool.” His voice died in his sobs and he leaned his forehead on the edge of the bed. You try to hold back angry tears; you gaze up at the ceiling and breathe slower and deeper, trying to calm down. When you think you can talk you open your mouth.
“You think I can live without you, hyung? You really think I could stand there and look on as my lover gets run over? You really thought I could let you die? You thought I could deal with your death in my conscience hyung? Could I live with the thought that my dream just came true and I didn’t do anything?” You let the anger seep into your voice; your gaze remains fixed to the ceiling. You know he's still crying, you can hear him, now harder than before. You let out a heavy sigh close your eyes. “Hyung just rest… There will be more than enough days to talk about this,” you say cynically tone.
But he stands abruptly, slamming the chair into the wall behind him. “Don’t you dare use that tone with me, Shim Changmin!” And with that he leaves the room, and you finally cry your soul out.
~Jaejoong POV~
I walk out of the room feeling tired. Really tired. I let myself fall sitting on the floor and listen quietly to the muffled sobs of Changmin. This is harder than I thought. Can we get through this? Can we really dig ourselves out of this hole we've fallen into? Am I worth this? Am I enough for him? I let my head fall between my knees and cry, I cry like I never have before. I love him. I truly love him. He is worth all the trouble in the world. But I don’t know if I have the energy to keep going, to keep smiling in front of people like there's nothing wrong. Like I’m okay with whatever he does. It hurts to fight with him. I don’t have any more energy to keep going on like this. It just… it hurts too much… so much that I can’t even breathe. I curl into a ball in the hospital hall floor and concentrate on breathing in and out. ‘Just keep on breathing Jaejoong, just keep on breathing.’
When you leave the hospital, Jaejoong is there, like always, helping you. He takes you to the rehabilitation center and helps you get settled there. He promises to visit every day since he can’t stay with you. And he does as promised. But as days go by, you see him changing. He gets thinner and looks perpetually tired. You start to worry about him and you work as hard as you can to get better sooner.
Once you're signed off the rehabilitation center, you don’t tell him and go straight home. When you arrive you can’t believe your eyes.
The house is a mess. The kitchen and the food… it's all intact and expired. Then you walk into the bedroom and you see him in the far end of the room curled into himself.
III). Not everything is supposed to come true.
The room is almost pitch black. The only light comes from the gap of the closed window panes. You drop your bags and walk up to him. He looks up and finds you standing in front of him, gazing at him with concern. You extend your hand out to him and he grabs it. You help him stand up and then lead him to the bathroom. You get undress him and prepare his bath and leave him to relax.
You open the windows of the apartment, allowing light to wash the cold rooms with warmth. You start cleaning the rooms, and you throw away all the expired food. When you return to the bathroom to check on him, he's already putting clean clothes on. You turn away, ready to resume cleaning and organizing things, when he hugs you from behind, leaning his forehead against your back. You stay like that for a couple of minutes, but then you hear him sobbing. You turn around to face him, but he tries to hide his wet face. You grab his chin and lift his face a little so you can see into his eyes.
“What’s wrong, hyung? I’m okay now… see? I’m here now, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” You kiss his cheek and smile at him, but he goes on weeping. You decide to lead him to the bed and sit down. You make him face you and wait for him to say something, anything. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth slightly before closing it again. You grab his hand and squeeze it lightly and you whisper to him “I’m here and I’m listening, hyung.” He takes a deep breath once more, but, this time, he speaks.
“Changmin… I-I… I don’t know if I can go on like this.”
“What you mean, hyung?”
“Us, being this messed up, seeing what our fights led us to… I just don’t know if I can…” he sighs. “Can you understand what I’m saying, Min?”
You nod to him but you're not sure he is just expressing concern or if this is the intro to an ‘I want to break up’ speech.
“Jaejoong… are you saying you want to break up with me?”
“I don’t know Min, I really don’t know at this stage of our relationship.”
You try to control your breath, you promised yourself that if you survived the accident you were going to work with your temper. He sees that you are trying to control yourself and in his eyes you can see a hint of fear mixed with concern and anticipation. Your eyes immediately soften and the anger disappears like magic. You smile to him.
“I’m not mad, hyung, and I’m not going to beat you or anything anymore. First I'll kill myself before laying a hand on you again. But I am mad with myself. I am mad for letting my temper get in the way of protecting you and loving you the way you deserve. Just give me the chance to prove it to you. To prove that I really love you. If you're still not sure and want out, I won't get in your way… you have my word.” He looks into your eyes for a couple of seconds before hugs you and covers your face with kisses. You smile at his childish act, but this is what you love most about him… He can be everything that he is and you will still love him deeply.
“If you're going to work to improve our relationship, I’m going to work on it, too. You know as well as I do that I have my temper, too,” he says to you before laughing his husky sexy laugh that always turn you on. You press your lips to his neck and purr lightly before brushing your lips on the soft skin, making him shiver. “Changmin…”
“Jaejoong…”
Six story Yaoi
Pair: Jaemin (Jaejoong and Changmin)
Beta-ed by:
milena_1980
Summary:The relationship between Changmin and Jaejoong was messed up, but an accident put things into perspective for Changmin, leading him and Jaejoong up to another level of true love.
I).Somewhere between then and now.
You open the freezer and grab the ice pad in front of you and carefully touch your lower lip with it. Again, you ended up fighting with him. You didn’t know that your skinny small-framed boyfriend could beat the crap out of you. When you let yourself fall on the couch, you wince at the sudden pain in your back; this time you know you've got bruises everywhere. He can beat the crap out of you, but you can sure fuck the soul out of him. He didn’t have much voice left… you made him scream in pain and pleasure, waking up the whole neighborhood in the process. He left bruises on your body and ripe your heart, you tore his body and soul apart. You know this relationship is wrong, tainted with so much pain that you can’t recognize him anymore and it seems like he can’t recognize you either.
You hear his faint voice calling you from the bedroom. You stand up, trying to mentally block the pain screaming at you from your bruises and sore body, shouting for you to lie down, but you walk back to your boyfriend. The sight of a broken Jaejoong before you would have shocked you a couple of months ago, but now it's the usual sight. Sad, isn't it? You two let this relationship break apart, let it become tainted with anger, jealousy, miscommunication and sadness.
You open the closet and grab the first aid kit. Then you walk up to the bed, where your lover lies. He scoots over a little and you sit on the bed, beside him. He sits, resting his back against the cold wall as you both start cleaning and healing all the cuts you have left on each other.
"You know, this is funny Min?" he half asks and half jokes.
"What is funny, hyung?"
"We clean and heal what we both destroy." You chuckle at his answer but it's true. This is a cycle that neither he nor you can get out of. And the worst part is that you don’t know how you fell into it in the first place, and you bet he doesn’t, either. You just keep on cleaning what you crash onto the wall, the shattered remains. When you finish cleaning him, you close the kit and put it back in the closet and walk out of the room. You let your body slide down and hit the floor, wrapping your arms around your legs, sinking your head between your knees. And you let yourself cry. Cry over the sight of this messed up relationship, over your broken lover, over your broken self.
You wake up once again in the middle of the night, again the same nightmare. The same strange and ugly dream where you find your lover dead and cold. You shift on the bed and move to rest on your left side, facing a sleeping Jaejoong. You trace your finger lightly over his face and rest your hand on his shoulder. You scoot closer to him, feeling him shift a little until he slowly and sleepily opens his eyes. You smile tightly at him and press a soft kiss on his forehead. He leans forward for a soft kiss on your lips, deepening it until it leaves you both breathless. You hug him tight, making him rest his head on your chest. You stay like that, his body pressed against yours, his fingers writing unknown words.
"Having nightmares again?" he asks, still writing with his fingers on your stomach. You nod, brushing your chin against his hair. "The same one?" he asks again, this time looking up to meet your eyes. You close them tight, trying to suppress the tears that want to slip out and nod. When you feel one of his fingers lightly touching right under your eyes you realize you're already crying. You hug him tighter and bury your face in the crook of his neck. You are so afraid that it could really happen; every time you get into an argument with him, you fear that it could end just like in your dream… with a dead Jaejoong.
“Shh, Minnie, shh. nothing's going to happen, I’m here. Hush, don’t worry, nothing's going to happen, Min. I’m here.” He repeats these words like a chant, trying to release the pain that's eating you up. You try to get closer to him, impossibly closer to his warm body and soothing caresses. Your mind screams at you that this is the last time you will be this close to him… the last time.
II). I looked away, when you said we'll never change.
You feel your head really heavy, and silence reigns over all your senses. You try hard to open your eyes, open your mouth, and move your hands, but it is impossible and frustrating. You don’t know how much you keep trying, but you still go on until your own body gives out from exhaustion. When you wake up again, you feel something heavy on your left arm, and you're glad you can feel something… someone. You try to move your hand, each finger, one by one, until you can move your wrist. The weight suddenly disappears and you almost freak out until you hear your name really far away. “Changmin?” “Changminnie?” “Can you hear me Min ah?” “Just move your hand again, love… please move one more time, please.” The last sentence sounds like the desperate pleading of your lover. You can recognize his husky voice really well, so you try as quickly as your tired body lets you to move your hand once again. You feel his hand reaching for yours and you hold on while trying to open your eyes. Little by little, the light of the insufferable white hospital room creeps inside your tired eyes. Then you see his worried eyes looking at you intensely, he caresses the side of your face and turns to leave the room.
“Hyung,” you call him after him. Your voice sounds raspy, a sign that you haven’t talked for a long time.
“I’m only going to go find the doctor, Min, I’m not going anywhere.” You stretch your left arm and touch his swollen lower lip and the different cuts on his face. Before you realize it a single tear slides from the corner of your eye and a small ‘I’m sorry’ slips through your lips. He smiles at you, only at you and leans down to press his lips to yours. The kiss is light and simple, yet full of love and concern for you. You press the button to call the nurse in and stare at Jaejoong’s face. When the nurse comes in, she takes a look at you, and as quickly she enters the room, she leaves to find the doctor. Minutes later, the doctor comes in and starts asking you questions. You tell him about the accident, of how you pushed your boyfriend away and threw yourself in front of the speeding car just to save him. You remember the car hitting you and you remember how your body flew over the car and landed on the other side of the road. The doctor tells you that you have broken several ribs, your right leg is broken in three places, that you have dislocated your shoulder and right wrist. You realize that’s why you only could move your left arm. You will be in the hospital for a while, until you're fully healed. The doctor leaves to give you some privacy.
Jaejoong sits by your left side, your good side for now. He grabs your hand once again and strokes the back of your hand his thumb, making circles on your skin.
“Why did you do it, Min? Did you think I can live without you? Why did you throw yourself in front of that car? Do you know how afraid I was? How scared I was with the thought of losing you? Did you think I could live knowing you died to save me? You stupid fool … stupid fool.” His voice died in his sobs and he leaned his forehead on the edge of the bed. You try to hold back angry tears; you gaze up at the ceiling and breathe slower and deeper, trying to calm down. When you think you can talk you open your mouth.
“You think I can live without you, hyung? You really think I could stand there and look on as my lover gets run over? You really thought I could let you die? You thought I could deal with your death in my conscience hyung? Could I live with the thought that my dream just came true and I didn’t do anything?” You let the anger seep into your voice; your gaze remains fixed to the ceiling. You know he's still crying, you can hear him, now harder than before. You let out a heavy sigh close your eyes. “Hyung just rest… There will be more than enough days to talk about this,” you say cynically tone.
But he stands abruptly, slamming the chair into the wall behind him. “Don’t you dare use that tone with me, Shim Changmin!” And with that he leaves the room, and you finally cry your soul out.
~Jaejoong POV~
I walk out of the room feeling tired. Really tired. I let myself fall sitting on the floor and listen quietly to the muffled sobs of Changmin. This is harder than I thought. Can we get through this? Can we really dig ourselves out of this hole we've fallen into? Am I worth this? Am I enough for him? I let my head fall between my knees and cry, I cry like I never have before. I love him. I truly love him. He is worth all the trouble in the world. But I don’t know if I have the energy to keep going, to keep smiling in front of people like there's nothing wrong. Like I’m okay with whatever he does. It hurts to fight with him. I don’t have any more energy to keep going on like this. It just… it hurts too much… so much that I can’t even breathe. I curl into a ball in the hospital hall floor and concentrate on breathing in and out. ‘Just keep on breathing Jaejoong, just keep on breathing.’
When you leave the hospital, Jaejoong is there, like always, helping you. He takes you to the rehabilitation center and helps you get settled there. He promises to visit every day since he can’t stay with you. And he does as promised. But as days go by, you see him changing. He gets thinner and looks perpetually tired. You start to worry about him and you work as hard as you can to get better sooner.
Once you're signed off the rehabilitation center, you don’t tell him and go straight home. When you arrive you can’t believe your eyes.
The house is a mess. The kitchen and the food… it's all intact and expired. Then you walk into the bedroom and you see him in the far end of the room curled into himself.
III). Not everything is supposed to come true.
The room is almost pitch black. The only light comes from the gap of the closed window panes. You drop your bags and walk up to him. He looks up and finds you standing in front of him, gazing at him with concern. You extend your hand out to him and he grabs it. You help him stand up and then lead him to the bathroom. You get undress him and prepare his bath and leave him to relax.
You open the windows of the apartment, allowing light to wash the cold rooms with warmth. You start cleaning the rooms, and you throw away all the expired food. When you return to the bathroom to check on him, he's already putting clean clothes on. You turn away, ready to resume cleaning and organizing things, when he hugs you from behind, leaning his forehead against your back. You stay like that for a couple of minutes, but then you hear him sobbing. You turn around to face him, but he tries to hide his wet face. You grab his chin and lift his face a little so you can see into his eyes.
“What’s wrong, hyung? I’m okay now… see? I’m here now, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” You kiss his cheek and smile at him, but he goes on weeping. You decide to lead him to the bed and sit down. You make him face you and wait for him to say something, anything. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth slightly before closing it again. You grab his hand and squeeze it lightly and you whisper to him “I’m here and I’m listening, hyung.” He takes a deep breath once more, but, this time, he speaks.
“Changmin… I-I… I don’t know if I can go on like this.”
“What you mean, hyung?”
“Us, being this messed up, seeing what our fights led us to… I just don’t know if I can…” he sighs. “Can you understand what I’m saying, Min?”
You nod to him but you're not sure he is just expressing concern or if this is the intro to an ‘I want to break up’ speech.
“Jaejoong… are you saying you want to break up with me?”
“I don’t know Min, I really don’t know at this stage of our relationship.”
You try to control your breath, you promised yourself that if you survived the accident you were going to work with your temper. He sees that you are trying to control yourself and in his eyes you can see a hint of fear mixed with concern and anticipation. Your eyes immediately soften and the anger disappears like magic. You smile to him.
“I’m not mad, hyung, and I’m not going to beat you or anything anymore. First I'll kill myself before laying a hand on you again. But I am mad with myself. I am mad for letting my temper get in the way of protecting you and loving you the way you deserve. Just give me the chance to prove it to you. To prove that I really love you. If you're still not sure and want out, I won't get in your way… you have my word.” He looks into your eyes for a couple of seconds before hugs you and covers your face with kisses. You smile at his childish act, but this is what you love most about him… He can be everything that he is and you will still love him deeply.
“If you're going to work to improve our relationship, I’m going to work on it, too. You know as well as I do that I have my temper, too,” he says to you before laughing his husky sexy laugh that always turn you on. You press your lips to his neck and purr lightly before brushing your lips on the soft skin, making him shiver. “Changmin…”
“Jaejoong…”