Hey Look! I'm Actually Writing About Something!
I have spent today being almost indescribably bored. And it isn’t like I’ve done absolutely nothing, either. I wrote some messages online, I worked for about an hour and a half, I’ve done laundry and the dishes, made and ate food, exercised, tidied my room, read, and gone shopping. But despite all this, the feeling of disinterest has lingered since I awoke at 8:30. And, when I’m bored (as well as during many other times) I find myself analyzing why I am bored as well as what I would much rather be doing.
We’re all guilty of that, but I’m of the opinion that I analyze myself and my life too much. The hours that I spend thinking over this or that aspect of my existence could probably be put to better use living my life instead.
Every time I do this I get closer and closer to understanding why it is I haven’t achieved what I want to achieve. Finally today I realized that it’s because I’m scared, shy, apprehensive. The stuff I want to do is going to take me away from home and, while I know that that really doesn’t mean anything, it’s just one of those things that makes you afraid of going for it. But if I keep letting that happen I’ll never accomplish anything that means anything to me.
Whether or not work picks up at the kitchen after we get back from Las Vegas is irrelevant to what’s obvious. Working for my family is not working out. Physically I should not be doing the job that I do. I have a freaking spinal fusion. The tension caused by the repetitive motion and standing all day is doing a lot of damage. I know it. And while it isn’t painful all of the time, it’s clear that it’s because of the job. I rarely, rarely had any back pain prior to working on the line full time. I mean, there was that one time I was holding my hamster’s tank and pulled a muscle from sneezing, but that was it. Then I started doing the “general laborer” thing and I tore a goddamn muscle SITTING UP from a reclined position. I might be in denial about a lot of things, but I’m not that bad.
I love Richard, and my mother and brothers of course, and I don’t know what’s going to happen if I stop working for the company. I mean, I don’t have to stop working for them entirely. I do the Internet stuff. That is the very opposite of labor intensive. And it’s part time. I could very well just get a part time job somewhere else and still assist in establishing our empire. We’re not in a bad financial situation or anything, but we’re a small business. When you hire outside of the family it’s more expensive. It just is. They expect things that employees related to you will go without for the sake of “the unit’s” entire wellbeing. I honestly have no trouble going without things like health plans and 401Ks and the like, but I’ve been doing this for… two years? Furthermore, someone like me should not be without insurance.
Will a part time job offer insurance coverage? No, but with a steady income I can afford to pay for one myself. It will also mean traveling expenses for things like being in films, taking photos, and researching my travel guide (not to mention better food, clothes, and entertainment).
The problem is that I haven’t a clue where to work. I’ve been spoiled working in a factory. Very few people to deal with, you can listen to your iPod, and most of the time lunch is provided. Angry, bitter, arrogant, perverted, and generally strange people both anger and scare me. Working in retail is full of said such people. Working at the movie theater was hell. The “clientele” were rude, impatient, drunk, on drugs, sometimes violent, and I very often came across creepy guys whose main pastime was leering and the girls behind the concession counter. Needless to say, after the experiences I had at the theater I’m incredibly wary of finding additional employment.
Unfortunately it’s necessary. And again, I’m clueless as to where to start. I know where I want to end up, but getting there is going to take some time.
Alli is moving to Maine. Teresa works all the time. I know that I’m not going to stay in New Hampshire, but I don’t know where I’m going to end up. Maybe I’ll move closer to New York City first. I don’t know. My overly analytical mind has to stop somewhere for awhile and take a break!
We’re all guilty of that, but I’m of the opinion that I analyze myself and my life too much. The hours that I spend thinking over this or that aspect of my existence could probably be put to better use living my life instead.
Every time I do this I get closer and closer to understanding why it is I haven’t achieved what I want to achieve. Finally today I realized that it’s because I’m scared, shy, apprehensive. The stuff I want to do is going to take me away from home and, while I know that that really doesn’t mean anything, it’s just one of those things that makes you afraid of going for it. But if I keep letting that happen I’ll never accomplish anything that means anything to me.
Whether or not work picks up at the kitchen after we get back from Las Vegas is irrelevant to what’s obvious. Working for my family is not working out. Physically I should not be doing the job that I do. I have a freaking spinal fusion. The tension caused by the repetitive motion and standing all day is doing a lot of damage. I know it. And while it isn’t painful all of the time, it’s clear that it’s because of the job. I rarely, rarely had any back pain prior to working on the line full time. I mean, there was that one time I was holding my hamster’s tank and pulled a muscle from sneezing, but that was it. Then I started doing the “general laborer” thing and I tore a goddamn muscle SITTING UP from a reclined position. I might be in denial about a lot of things, but I’m not that bad.
I love Richard, and my mother and brothers of course, and I don’t know what’s going to happen if I stop working for the company. I mean, I don’t have to stop working for them entirely. I do the Internet stuff. That is the very opposite of labor intensive. And it’s part time. I could very well just get a part time job somewhere else and still assist in establishing our empire. We’re not in a bad financial situation or anything, but we’re a small business. When you hire outside of the family it’s more expensive. It just is. They expect things that employees related to you will go without for the sake of “the unit’s” entire wellbeing. I honestly have no trouble going without things like health plans and 401Ks and the like, but I’ve been doing this for… two years? Furthermore, someone like me should not be without insurance.
Will a part time job offer insurance coverage? No, but with a steady income I can afford to pay for one myself. It will also mean traveling expenses for things like being in films, taking photos, and researching my travel guide (not to mention better food, clothes, and entertainment).
The problem is that I haven’t a clue where to work. I’ve been spoiled working in a factory. Very few people to deal with, you can listen to your iPod, and most of the time lunch is provided. Angry, bitter, arrogant, perverted, and generally strange people both anger and scare me. Working in retail is full of said such people. Working at the movie theater was hell. The “clientele” were rude, impatient, drunk, on drugs, sometimes violent, and I very often came across creepy guys whose main pastime was leering and the girls behind the concession counter. Needless to say, after the experiences I had at the theater I’m incredibly wary of finding additional employment.
Unfortunately it’s necessary. And again, I’m clueless as to where to start. I know where I want to end up, but getting there is going to take some time.
Alli is moving to Maine. Teresa works all the time. I know that I’m not going to stay in New Hampshire, but I don’t know where I’m going to end up. Maybe I’ll move closer to New York City first. I don’t know. My overly analytical mind has to stop somewhere for awhile and take a break!