(no subject)
i feel like shit
my whole life
my whole being
is terrible
i would hate my life
but the only thing i hate in it
is myself
i hate myself
so much
for things i've done
things i can't apologize for
because apologies are bullshit
for these type of things
i have things to live for
but it doesn't seem worth it
i hate myself
i'm a disaster
i leave a wake of destruction
in every life that i touch
i'm a terrible person
i never wanted to be an asshole
it just turned out that way
i want to say sorry
but the people who i'd say it to
wouldn't give a fuck
it's not sincere
from a douche like me
maybe some people care about me
but i don't care about that
i want redemption from those i've hurt
but there is no way to achieve it
it's all dead
i'm dead inside
i'm haunted by their voices
echoing in my head
i never meant to hurt anyone
i never wanted to do any of that
maybe it's because i'm reckless
maybe that's an excuse
maybe they'll read this
maybe they wont
maybe they'll look at this
and say
"wow
he didn't mean to do that
maybe he is a good person
that person i thought he was
that amazing guy
so different from all the rest
maybe i shouldn't hate him"
or perhaps the more probable
"wow
what an asshole
now he wants people to feel bad for him
it's all just so people will like him
he's not fooling me
like he already did
i see right through him
and i hope everyone else does"
either way
i'm gonna say all this
and certain people will feel bad for me
and others are gonna laugh at me
some will hate me even more
but maybe someone will truly understand
someone who really has been in my shoes
in the situation
where you look around
and realize that people hate you
and that you can't redeem yourself
and you can't make it all better
and it's all your fault
and nothing will ever be the same
and that you're not allowed to be depressed
because you are the one who did something wrong
and that one person
may one day forgive you
for something that they should never forgive you
for hurting them
for fucking them over
for being so reckless
that you just happened to forget
that they have feelings
that they are human beings
while you forget these thoughts
and go back
to justifying yourself
with reasonable excuses
with good arguments
so that you don't feel so bad
about all the hurt you've caused
and that you can go on
thinking you're right
and it will all be ok
for you
for me
cuz i feel so bad
that i don't even say who it is
that i feel bad about hurting
but she knows
she might check this
see what the old asshole is up to
and you know how it goes
maybe one day she'll see
that the world is not out
to screw her
maybe she can see
that she can trust some people
maybe a simple writing
can undo all the damage i've done
maybe
but for what it's worth
i'll say it
because i never once said it before
because i didn't know how it would be taken
so here it goes
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm fucking sorry
from the bottom
of my cold dead heart
i'm sorry
for what i did
for what you went through
for what i put you through
for what i did to you
for who i am
for what i am
for coming into your life
for going out of your life
for everything
for things i didn't even know i did
for things i didn't want to happen
for things i didn't mean to happen
for thing beyond my control
for things i have no idea why i did
for it all
so there
my public apology
to you
from me
do what you want with it
make me feel stupid
or just hate me more
or maybe through some anomaly
you accept it
which would be even weirder
just know
that it's sincere this time
that it came from that guy
who you thought you know
the real guy
that you knew
i hope you see it that way
because that's it
if that doesn;t do it
nothing will
so i'm done
maybe we'll cross again some day
maybe we'll never speak again
it's all good
just for our piece of mind
i said it
thanks for reading
maybe
goodnight to you
good luck in life
and i hope you never meet
another person like me
as long as you live
my whole life
my whole being
is terrible
i would hate my life
but the only thing i hate in it
is myself
i hate myself
so much
for things i've done
things i can't apologize for
because apologies are bullshit
for these type of things
i have things to live for
but it doesn't seem worth it
i hate myself
i'm a disaster
i leave a wake of destruction
in every life that i touch
i'm a terrible person
i never wanted to be an asshole
it just turned out that way
i want to say sorry
but the people who i'd say it to
wouldn't give a fuck
it's not sincere
from a douche like me
maybe some people care about me
but i don't care about that
i want redemption from those i've hurt
but there is no way to achieve it
it's all dead
i'm dead inside
i'm haunted by their voices
echoing in my head
i never meant to hurt anyone
i never wanted to do any of that
maybe it's because i'm reckless
maybe that's an excuse
maybe they'll read this
maybe they wont
maybe they'll look at this
and say
"wow
he didn't mean to do that
maybe he is a good person
that person i thought he was
that amazing guy
so different from all the rest
maybe i shouldn't hate him"
or perhaps the more probable
"wow
what an asshole
now he wants people to feel bad for him
it's all just so people will like him
he's not fooling me
like he already did
i see right through him
and i hope everyone else does"
either way
i'm gonna say all this
and certain people will feel bad for me
and others are gonna laugh at me
some will hate me even more
but maybe someone will truly understand
someone who really has been in my shoes
in the situation
where you look around
and realize that people hate you
and that you can't redeem yourself
and you can't make it all better
and it's all your fault
and nothing will ever be the same
and that you're not allowed to be depressed
because you are the one who did something wrong
and that one person
may one day forgive you
for something that they should never forgive you
for hurting them
for fucking them over
for being so reckless
that you just happened to forget
that they have feelings
that they are human beings
while you forget these thoughts
and go back
to justifying yourself
with reasonable excuses
with good arguments
so that you don't feel so bad
about all the hurt you've caused
and that you can go on
thinking you're right
and it will all be ok
for you
for me
cuz i feel so bad
that i don't even say who it is
that i feel bad about hurting
but she knows
she might check this
see what the old asshole is up to
and you know how it goes
maybe one day she'll see
that the world is not out
to screw her
maybe she can see
that she can trust some people
maybe a simple writing
can undo all the damage i've done
maybe
but for what it's worth
i'll say it
because i never once said it before
because i didn't know how it would be taken
so here it goes
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm fucking sorry
from the bottom
of my cold dead heart
i'm sorry
for what i did
for what you went through
for what i put you through
for what i did to you
for who i am
for what i am
for coming into your life
for going out of your life
for everything
for things i didn't even know i did
for things i didn't want to happen
for things i didn't mean to happen
for thing beyond my control
for things i have no idea why i did
for it all
so there
my public apology
to you
from me
do what you want with it
make me feel stupid
or just hate me more
or maybe through some anomaly
you accept it
which would be even weirder
just know
that it's sincere this time
that it came from that guy
who you thought you know
the real guy
that you knew
i hope you see it that way
because that's it
if that doesn;t do it
nothing will
so i'm done
maybe we'll cross again some day
maybe we'll never speak again
it's all good
just for our piece of mind
i said it
thanks for reading
maybe
goodnight to you
good luck in life
and i hope you never meet
another person like me
as long as you live