WHY DO I ALWAYS WORRY
OKAY SO THIS IS SORTA GOING TO BE LIKE MY BLOG ON MY MYSPACE ONLY BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY THING TO TALK ABOUT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND.....o by the way i got my bass today!! i'm so happy, but at the same time so WORRIED!! *sigh* first of all i think i am going deaf, which i hope not because then that means i will never be able to play or hear music ever again and i will be so sad... :(
but anyways i'm really stressing out right now and i don't think i should be because my friends need me and i really want to be there for them right now but at the same time i am just sworming with anxiety! first of all have you ever had a dream or a goal that you wanted to come true so bad that it hurts like hell? that is how i am feeling right now. i have decided i don't want to act anymore...well i'll still act i just won't make it such a priority...(thurs & sunday classes). and i really DON'T want to go to collage...i mean i might go to CCC or something just to do it i don't know but i really want to play music. as stupid and unrealistic as it sounds that's all i want to do and tht's all i have wanted to do since i was in middle school....8th grade i think was when i took my dads acoustic and tried...key work TRIED to play it but it didn't work out so well so i quite and then last year picked up the bass but anyways....i want this to be my career. and have wanted that since i first picked up my dads guitar. even though to this day i can't play the guitar and barely the bass...SHUT UP I HAVE GOALS! and i am in a band right now and it's going really well and we're really good so far i think and we are bonding and having fun and i never want it to end. but i don't know i always get this way where when ever something good happens in my life i never get that happy about instead i get happy and then i get really sad becase i'm afraid it's going to end because like everythng else that's happend it always does end. i tlaked to holly and tj today and they said the band is not goign to break up any time soon but what's going to happen when soon is tomarrow? you know? i mean i really really REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS....SCREW WANT I NEED THIS!! THIS IS MY DREAM, MY HOPES!! I AM WILLING TO PUT EVERYTHING I GOT AND MORE INTO THIS BAND AND THESE PEOPLE I AM IN A BAND WITH!!! but....i dont' know how they feel. or if they feel the same way i do. maybe they want to go to collage? or maybe they just want to have fun for now do some shows and say they were in a band and then leave.....and then i'll be left alone with my bass not playing anymore then forced into going to collage where i'll probably end up working at super cuts or become a highschool teacher. AND I DONT' WANT THAT!!! I WANT TO TOUR, I WANT TO HAVE CD'S, I WANT TO DO GIGS, AND TOUR AND MAKE MUSIC FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE TILL I AM TOO OLD AND WEAK TO EVEN HOLD UP MY BASS ANYMORE. becuase i'll have arthritis from bending my fingers all weird. i just wish i could know how they all feel and i know it might be too soon which is why i'm like keeping it in and am about to explode but i just need atleast ONE garuntee in my life...just one. i odnt' care about being famous or being on mtv but to atleast be able to make music, have fans, do warped tour every year or lolopalooza, maybe have some songs on the radio, and get signed to a record company, i odnt' know. but i dont' want to have a normal job or become my parents and work for money and going to work in the moring. i watn to wake up next to my bass everyday and say "hello..." and start playing. because that's the only thing i want and NEED to do.....i just hope they feel the same way.... :(
but anyways i'm really stressing out right now and i don't think i should be because my friends need me and i really want to be there for them right now but at the same time i am just sworming with anxiety! first of all have you ever had a dream or a goal that you wanted to come true so bad that it hurts like hell? that is how i am feeling right now. i have decided i don't want to act anymore...well i'll still act i just won't make it such a priority...(thurs & sunday classes). and i really DON'T want to go to collage...i mean i might go to CCC or something just to do it i don't know but i really want to play music. as stupid and unrealistic as it sounds that's all i want to do and tht's all i have wanted to do since i was in middle school....8th grade i think was when i took my dads acoustic and tried...key work TRIED to play it but it didn't work out so well so i quite and then last year picked up the bass but anyways....i want this to be my career. and have wanted that since i first picked up my dads guitar. even though to this day i can't play the guitar and barely the bass...SHUT UP I HAVE GOALS! and i am in a band right now and it's going really well and we're really good so far i think and we are bonding and having fun and i never want it to end. but i don't know i always get this way where when ever something good happens in my life i never get that happy about instead i get happy and then i get really sad becase i'm afraid it's going to end because like everythng else that's happend it always does end. i tlaked to holly and tj today and they said the band is not goign to break up any time soon but what's going to happen when soon is tomarrow? you know? i mean i really really REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS....SCREW WANT I NEED THIS!! THIS IS MY DREAM, MY HOPES!! I AM WILLING TO PUT EVERYTHING I GOT AND MORE INTO THIS BAND AND THESE PEOPLE I AM IN A BAND WITH!!! but....i dont' know how they feel. or if they feel the same way i do. maybe they want to go to collage? or maybe they just want to have fun for now do some shows and say they were in a band and then leave.....and then i'll be left alone with my bass not playing anymore then forced into going to collage where i'll probably end up working at super cuts or become a highschool teacher. AND I DONT' WANT THAT!!! I WANT TO TOUR, I WANT TO HAVE CD'S, I WANT TO DO GIGS, AND TOUR AND MAKE MUSIC FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE TILL I AM TOO OLD AND WEAK TO EVEN HOLD UP MY BASS ANYMORE. becuase i'll have arthritis from bending my fingers all weird. i just wish i could know how they all feel and i know it might be too soon which is why i'm like keeping it in and am about to explode but i just need atleast ONE garuntee in my life...just one. i odnt' care about being famous or being on mtv but to atleast be able to make music, have fans, do warped tour every year or lolopalooza, maybe have some songs on the radio, and get signed to a record company, i odnt' know. but i dont' want to have a normal job or become my parents and work for money and going to work in the moring. i watn to wake up next to my bass everyday and say "hello..." and start playing. because that's the only thing i want and NEED to do.....i just hope they feel the same way.... :(