April, transpired
aperire, "to open," in allusion to its being the season when trees and flowers begin to "open," which is supported by comparison with the modern Greek use of ἁνοιξις (anoixis) (opening) for spring. Since some of the Roman months were named in honor of divinities, and as April was sacred to the goddess Venus
When I find out something that surprises me - I gasp a big gasp. Sometimes it is followed by laughter, sometimes it is silence, sometimes I cry. I gasp when I really like something. I gasp each time, quietly, when I look at photos I have now taped up in my apartment. They are all moments that I like to remember and come back to. I
It's kind of like the first time I smoked with a friend and sat and meditated, listening to Kaki King and noticing all the tiny muscle movements throughout my body - all the nervous energy I carry.
My colleague came over with her children to see their cat, Mick Jagger -I'm cat-sitting for sometime. He is a delightful little personality and hops around a lot and wakes me up after I snooze my alarm a few times.
I have been eyeing the unwanted furniture in the basement of my apartment building and yesterday as I went to give rent to my landlord, Bob, I asked him if anyone had claimed or had plans for a bookshelf I liked. He helped bring it up and I stayed up to paint it vibrant colours. I've been waiting to find something to fit art supplies and this seems to do. it is already one month in my own space and it feels like I just blinked once except this action has happened involuntarily and without thinking.
Moving really makes me think.
It makes me think and forget thinking too - kind of like in yoga class when I am focusing on my breath and recognizing certain thoughts that appear in front of my mind's eye like slowly reading a fortune cookie and then my fingertips holding the piece of paper as my eyes follow each whole word and then into downward dog as I drop
Moving coincided with three good friends who moved, too - their things help make up me at Maudslay. Getting quotes for insurance makes me think about how I don't really own anything that is truly mine; I don't have much that is particularly of high monetary value either. I would be heartbroken about losing my hard-drive, camera, and photos and artwork. Most of the things I treasure are sentimental and have no worth but the personal emotional attachment I have to them. The less and less I have, the more liberated I seem to feel and the more I'd like to share.
I have a few questions this evening as I am reorienting my new-found furniture and leafing through photos and cards and notes:
-How do I know something has come to an end?
-How do I know the conclusion I have drawn is true?
-Do I just pick a point, like selecting appropriate punctuation to mark a moment?
Is it: when I no longer miss or feel desire for it, rather I anticipate its reincarnation into something slightly different, recognizable but still becoming what it is meant to be
I think that is what it is and when it is - for me.
It is in looking and looking again and re-looking in moments - past, and present.
I feel like I am in the right place and am the person I've been wanting to be and it feels like the choices and opportunities that arise are mine. I can remember feeling this way in the summer of 2010, ok, optimistic, relieved and taking on more and finding new ways to express myself or uncover things I felt uncomfortable and self conscious about. That was a challenging time emotionally but there was a lot of exciting feelings too just like the position and context I find myself embedded and living in. It prepared me for right now.
I invited my parents this past weekend for lunch and to send off Corin as they wanted to as well. This and having a big picnic and inviting friends over really makes me feel happy and in my space, now. I haven't seen my sister in a long time, and I wish we were close but we aren't and I'm not sure if there is anything to do but to let our relationship be as it is.
I realize that friendship - friendship and time with a person is what I miss the most. Love is a hope, love is a risk - but I miss the friendship when we go our own ways
It's there,
my hands and heart are open
When I find out something that surprises me - I gasp a big gasp. Sometimes it is followed by laughter, sometimes it is silence, sometimes I cry. I gasp when I really like something. I gasp each time, quietly, when I look at photos I have now taped up in my apartment. They are all moments that I like to remember and come back to. I
It's kind of like the first time I smoked with a friend and sat and meditated, listening to Kaki King and noticing all the tiny muscle movements throughout my body - all the nervous energy I carry.
My colleague came over with her children to see their cat, Mick Jagger -I'm cat-sitting for sometime. He is a delightful little personality and hops around a lot and wakes me up after I snooze my alarm a few times.
I have been eyeing the unwanted furniture in the basement of my apartment building and yesterday as I went to give rent to my landlord, Bob, I asked him if anyone had claimed or had plans for a bookshelf I liked. He helped bring it up and I stayed up to paint it vibrant colours. I've been waiting to find something to fit art supplies and this seems to do. it is already one month in my own space and it feels like I just blinked once except this action has happened involuntarily and without thinking.
Moving really makes me think.
It makes me think and forget thinking too - kind of like in yoga class when I am focusing on my breath and recognizing certain thoughts that appear in front of my mind's eye like slowly reading a fortune cookie and then my fingertips holding the piece of paper as my eyes follow each whole word and then into downward dog as I drop
Moving coincided with three good friends who moved, too - their things help make up me at Maudslay. Getting quotes for insurance makes me think about how I don't really own anything that is truly mine; I don't have much that is particularly of high monetary value either. I would be heartbroken about losing my hard-drive, camera, and photos and artwork. Most of the things I treasure are sentimental and have no worth but the personal emotional attachment I have to them. The less and less I have, the more liberated I seem to feel and the more I'd like to share.
I have a few questions this evening as I am reorienting my new-found furniture and leafing through photos and cards and notes:
-How do I know something has come to an end?
-How do I know the conclusion I have drawn is true?
-Do I just pick a point, like selecting appropriate punctuation to mark a moment?
Is it: when I no longer miss or feel desire for it, rather I anticipate its reincarnation into something slightly different, recognizable but still becoming what it is meant to be
I think that is what it is and when it is - for me.
It is in looking and looking again and re-looking in moments - past, and present.
I feel like I am in the right place and am the person I've been wanting to be and it feels like the choices and opportunities that arise are mine. I can remember feeling this way in the summer of 2010, ok, optimistic, relieved and taking on more and finding new ways to express myself or uncover things I felt uncomfortable and self conscious about. That was a challenging time emotionally but there was a lot of exciting feelings too just like the position and context I find myself embedded and living in. It prepared me for right now.
I invited my parents this past weekend for lunch and to send off Corin as they wanted to as well. This and having a big picnic and inviting friends over really makes me feel happy and in my space, now. I haven't seen my sister in a long time, and I wish we were close but we aren't and I'm not sure if there is anything to do but to let our relationship be as it is.
I realize that friendship - friendship and time with a person is what I miss the most. Love is a hope, love is a risk - but I miss the friendship when we go our own ways
It's there,
my hands and heart are open