This isnt friends only for a reason.
I was reading The perks of Being a Wallflower again and I had the TV on the "alternative" channel and "Sleeping with Ghosts" came on. I have never felt more nauseated in my life.
I have seen everyone I have ever cared about collapse in front of me. The one that sticks out the most is the day I left Erin's house and she was crying and saying it was her fault. She was doing the frown she only does when she's really crying. She said this was all her fault. I have never hated anyone so much as I did in that split second. How can someone blame themselves when all they did was open my eyes to stop me from what I was becoming. She's my best friend. And now she's gone. Don't say you aren't because you are. I saw Jordan cry last night. I have seen the strongest people in the world at their weakest points. I have never ached so badly in my life.
I feel as though I bring this out in people. Maybe I dont, but maybe, just maybe I do. I wish I could go back and a thousand wrongs would be righted, but aren't those types of wishes just foolish? I am so sorry.
The sea's evaporating
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
They're explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line
Hush
It's okay
Soulmate dry your eye
Cause soulmates never die
This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn their killing
Damn their lies
Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die
On the same note, to a completely different person, I am sorry. I'm going to quote the Fountainhead and I hope you will know what I mean, "I would die for you, but i cant live for you". You were and are right. I am dreadful to you, but that doesnt mean I am just bad news for everyone. You were my first close friend and I appreciated you so much, sometimes I really did just long to be you. I wished I was smart and clever, I am not. You dont have to respond to this, just know I mean it. I would love to have this whole past year taken back and get things just right. I am not being sarcastic. For once in my life, I am saying just how I feel, just when I feel it.