(no subject)
I hate people.
No seriously.
Did you ever notice how fluid and temporary almost all friendships/relationships are?
There are like three people that I consider myself close friends with.
They are an entirely different three people than they were a year ago. And there were different two years ago too.
I should really get rid of this journal though. Every time I read the back entries it's like going through the hell of the last four years all over again.
Okay...there were really only two or three years of hell.
Isn't that enough?
And why doesn't anybody stay?
...Oh....right....because I'm a fickle, fickle bitch and people can't deal with my insanity and disappearances and sudden hostility from time to time.
Crap.
...I'm only like that on the internet?
It's better all alone, you know.
People say that we need each other but it's a complete and total lie.
When you're alone, there's no one to tell you to stop that, no one to correct your behaviour, no one to tell you to stop embarassing them, and no one making unreasonable demands of you. Like getting dressed and finding a job.
To reiterate.
I hate people.
(okay, I only hate people when I look back at the huge mistakes I've made in trusting some people....and the irony of still missing the fun I had with them. The people who have hurt me the most, or quietly slipped out of my life and drifted the farthest? ...Those are the ones I miss and wish I could still share things with without it being awkward.
I don't mean to be difficult to get along with. It just happens when you have your head up your own ass 99.9% of the time. So maybe it's not so much better to be all alone as easier to not have people rely upon you for their emotional well-being or for company. I'm completely useless in both regards. I'm a great casual, fun, acquaintance. I'm even, if you have my phone number, usually a good person to call if you need someone to talk to. But I'm not a good friend, or a good partner, or a good person to be really close to. I'm very....vague.
Loyal, yes, fiercely. If I ever cared about you, you should know that I still do. I still care what happens to you, and if you called me up at three in the morning, I would still listen and be there. I'm just like that.
But I suck, otherwise.)
No seriously.
Did you ever notice how fluid and temporary almost all friendships/relationships are?
There are like three people that I consider myself close friends with.
They are an entirely different three people than they were a year ago. And there were different two years ago too.
I should really get rid of this journal though. Every time I read the back entries it's like going through the hell of the last four years all over again.
Okay...there were really only two or three years of hell.
Isn't that enough?
And why doesn't anybody stay?
...Oh....right....because I'm a fickle, fickle bitch and people can't deal with my insanity and disappearances and sudden hostility from time to time.
Crap.
...I'm only like that on the internet?
It's better all alone, you know.
People say that we need each other but it's a complete and total lie.
When you're alone, there's no one to tell you to stop that, no one to correct your behaviour, no one to tell you to stop embarassing them, and no one making unreasonable demands of you. Like getting dressed and finding a job.
To reiterate.
I hate people.
(okay, I only hate people when I look back at the huge mistakes I've made in trusting some people....and the irony of still missing the fun I had with them. The people who have hurt me the most, or quietly slipped out of my life and drifted the farthest? ...Those are the ones I miss and wish I could still share things with without it being awkward.
I don't mean to be difficult to get along with. It just happens when you have your head up your own ass 99.9% of the time. So maybe it's not so much better to be all alone as easier to not have people rely upon you for their emotional well-being or for company. I'm completely useless in both regards. I'm a great casual, fun, acquaintance. I'm even, if you have my phone number, usually a good person to call if you need someone to talk to. But I'm not a good friend, or a good partner, or a good person to be really close to. I'm very....vague.
Loyal, yes, fiercely. If I ever cared about you, you should know that I still do. I still care what happens to you, and if you called me up at three in the morning, I would still listen and be there. I'm just like that.
But I suck, otherwise.)