I could teach you but I'd have to charge
So I've been having all these stomach problems. Constant pain and nausea, they have no idea what's wrong. I got an upper GI done on Tuesday, and it came out completely normal. I spent a large portion of my day crying at my desk today, because it's hard to analyze a spreadsheet when the pain is so bad that you can't see and your hand's shaking too bad to write. And they've told me if I miss anymore work for this I'm fired. Good times.
But that's besides the point. I have been craving milkshakes. I know they tell you to avoid dairy when you have tummy problems, but all I seem to want are vanilla milkshakes. Which is weird, because I don't think I've ever really been a huge fan of milkshakes. So in the last week I have tried the milkshakes at every fast food place known to man, and have come up with some startling (and not so startling) results.
Number One milkshake: Dairy Queen. The queen of all dairy, I should have seen this coming. This fucker is so good that I just woke up Gene from a very deep post-work slumber to try it. This fucker is so good that it made me go straight to my computer to blog about it. It's got a perfect consistency, perfect amount of sweetness. Rocks my world. Best thing to happen to me since... not losing my job I guess.
P. Terry is a damn close second though. Not quite as mesmerizingly sensually fucking earth-shattering, but very tasty!
Sonic and Whataburger are on about on equal level, with Whataburger being a tad too chunky/cold, and Sonic not being solid enough. But both very tasty. Whataburger had that intense 5 first five minutes where you couldn't even get it up the straw, always a classic.
Chik-fil-a I think was my biggest disappointment. I had seen the ads for their milkshakes for awhile, and was really excited to try it. But man, bigger let-down than the Cowboys this season. WAY too sweet. Absurdly sweet. Mouth-puckering, eye-watering sweet. No good man, a vanilla milkshake is supposed to be light and airy, like sucking on a cloud. Plus they put whipped cream and a cherry on top, weird.
Don't get me wrong though, my search is not yet over. While the Texas stopsign is so far the cream of the crop, and is going to put me to bed with a smile on my face, I feel that, FOR SCIENCE, I must continue this experiment.
Also it makes my tummy feel kinda better. Also I've been kinda bored because I don't feel good enough to do anything except lie in bed with a milkshake and play FFX. But mostly FOR SCIENCE!
But that's besides the point. I have been craving milkshakes. I know they tell you to avoid dairy when you have tummy problems, but all I seem to want are vanilla milkshakes. Which is weird, because I don't think I've ever really been a huge fan of milkshakes. So in the last week I have tried the milkshakes at every fast food place known to man, and have come up with some startling (and not so startling) results.
Number One milkshake: Dairy Queen. The queen of all dairy, I should have seen this coming. This fucker is so good that I just woke up Gene from a very deep post-work slumber to try it. This fucker is so good that it made me go straight to my computer to blog about it. It's got a perfect consistency, perfect amount of sweetness. Rocks my world. Best thing to happen to me since... not losing my job I guess.
P. Terry is a damn close second though. Not quite as mesmerizingly sensually fucking earth-shattering, but very tasty!
Sonic and Whataburger are on about on equal level, with Whataburger being a tad too chunky/cold, and Sonic not being solid enough. But both very tasty. Whataburger had that intense 5 first five minutes where you couldn't even get it up the straw, always a classic.
Chik-fil-a I think was my biggest disappointment. I had seen the ads for their milkshakes for awhile, and was really excited to try it. But man, bigger let-down than the Cowboys this season. WAY too sweet. Absurdly sweet. Mouth-puckering, eye-watering sweet. No good man, a vanilla milkshake is supposed to be light and airy, like sucking on a cloud. Plus they put whipped cream and a cherry on top, weird.
Don't get me wrong though, my search is not yet over. While the Texas stopsign is so far the cream of the crop, and is going to put me to bed with a smile on my face, I feel that, FOR SCIENCE, I must continue this experiment.
Also it makes my tummy feel kinda better. Also I've been kinda bored because I don't feel good enough to do anything except lie in bed with a milkshake and play FFX. But mostly FOR SCIENCE!