thoughts x feelings
Lately, I've been afraid of seeing my thoughts dance across the pages of a notebook, or appear beside each other on my laptop screen... Once the words take shape, there is ammunition to heat up this war that is happening within me. There is no peace here - the war is at its peak tonight.
My head tells me to stay and not let go of a beautiful thing, yet my heart explores what ifs and could have beens. My head says that there is no point holding on to the past, but my heart grabs on to it ever so tightly, refusing to worry about the future. My head wants security, to feel safe in the arms of another, but my heart tells me to run away, wander and not be afraid if I lose my way.
This goes on and on, every night as I lie awake in the dark. It drags on to when I wake up, continues throughout the day, and never leaves me alone. My head throws thoughts at my heart while my heart retaliates with these feelings. And I try my best to keep myself together, to not lose my mind or heart in the process. Yet all I end up with are these scattered words that probably won't make much sense when I revisit them in the morning.
Get out of my head / heart, or you might not make it out alive.