Fallback Faith
My Mom karyljan finds it interesting that I appeal to my gods when I'm in distress. She is impressed with the depth of my faith. She tells me that studies have shown that most folks, when under duress, fall back to their childhood faith.
I think I appeal to whichever gods feel related to my situation. In my current life, there's plenty to choose from affecting almost every aspect of my realities.
But when I am distressed about something connected with my family, or my childhood, I instinctively retreat to just Me and the Universe. Despite my time in the Episcopal church, my childhood faith is definitely Pantheism, and my inner child is definitely NOT a polytheist.
Which is a bit painful, really. It's nice to feel connected to the Universe - something I can't help but feel would bring a lot of healing and understanding to everyone could they but experience it. Yet I feel the gods help me figure out solutions to my problems in a way that The Universe is a little too... much... to really help. The Universe teaches me how to be ME completely, no more, no less, and that's okay. But that doesn't really tell me anything about how to interact with things outside my Self.
So when I'm up against a trial stemming from my childhood, based on difficulties interacting with others, intellectually I tell myself to ask my gods for help, but emotionally, I cannot imagine who to ask for what kind of help, or how. All I feel is my Self, my integrity of Identity, is threatened...
... And I retreat into my relationship with the Universe. It's comforting. It's protective. It restores my compassion, strength, and will.
But it doesn't make the monsters go away when I come back out.
--Ember--
I think I appeal to whichever gods feel related to my situation. In my current life, there's plenty to choose from affecting almost every aspect of my realities.
But when I am distressed about something connected with my family, or my childhood, I instinctively retreat to just Me and the Universe. Despite my time in the Episcopal church, my childhood faith is definitely Pantheism, and my inner child is definitely NOT a polytheist.
Which is a bit painful, really. It's nice to feel connected to the Universe - something I can't help but feel would bring a lot of healing and understanding to everyone could they but experience it. Yet I feel the gods help me figure out solutions to my problems in a way that The Universe is a little too... much... to really help. The Universe teaches me how to be ME completely, no more, no less, and that's okay. But that doesn't really tell me anything about how to interact with things outside my Self.
So when I'm up against a trial stemming from my childhood, based on difficulties interacting with others, intellectually I tell myself to ask my gods for help, but emotionally, I cannot imagine who to ask for what kind of help, or how. All I feel is my Self, my integrity of Identity, is threatened...
... And I retreat into my relationship with the Universe. It's comforting. It's protective. It restores my compassion, strength, and will.
But it doesn't make the monsters go away when I come back out.
--Ember--