the wedding post
recessional
Originally uploaded by embem30. After a little more than three weeks, here it is: the wedding day post. I might as well warn you right now that it's going to be ridiculously long. Writing it down in bullet point form took about 8 pages in my notebook. The main reason is that I'm writing it mostly for my benefit. Assuming I want to read it again, which is probably safe assumption, I'd like to actually remember some details. I already teased Steve for his post, which includes many facts and generalizations but only a few interesting details. So no complaints about the length. Skip ahead or stop reading if you get bored.
And here we go.
The night before the wedding, I slept by myself in the suite at the Acqua Hotel. I think I spent a lot of it curled in a little ball in a corner of the bed, since I hadn't considered needing to turn on the heat before bed. Add to that the fact that I didn't really pack enough socks in my overnight bag to have some to wear to bed. I went to bed late enough (12:30) and was tired enough that I really didn't feel like getting up to remedy the situation, so I was cold most of the night.
The morning of the wedding, I woke up to my cell phone's alarm, as well as the alarm clock in the room, which I had set just in case. I think I got up around 8:30, showered, and got dressed for breakfast. My hair stylist had given me permission to wash my hair, but told me to let it air dry rather than blowing it out, not that there's really that much difference in the results. So between that and only putting lotion on my face, I went to breakfast feeling less than my prettiest. I sucked it up and told myself that I'd look much better pretty soon.
Since I had no other plans and knew I needed to eat, I had the continental breakfast at the hotel. I saw Rich and Carol eating there, so I joined them with my bagel and cream cheese and my orange juice. My parents also came in later, but they sat elsewhere. Rich and Carol told me about their visit to a brewery in Petaluma, as I ate my bagel. I only ate one half before I decided I wasn't particularly hungry anymore, so I took the other half, along with a banana, back up to my room for later.
With nothing else to do for a while, I turned on the Olympics and sat on the bed to watch for a while. Alyson arrived soon after, around 10:30, with curlers in her hair. I took the opportunity to give her the thank you card that was supposed to go with her gift the night before. (It had fallen off the box and into the trunk of the car.) I also gave her a bottle of Gloria Ferrer champagne as an extra thank you and goodbye present, since she was leaving for Boston a couple days later. I figured that one more bottle of Gloria Ferrer should change hands before she left. It was the champagne that we both bought on our first trip to wine country together, and we had gotten it for various other occasions since.
Alyson and I watched more Olympic basketball--U.S. vs. Spain--while we waited until it was time to leave for my hair and makeup appointment. (We were wondering where the white guys were on the U.S. team. "That guy there! He looks white! Oh wait, no... He's just a lighter black guy.")
We left the hotel around 11:00 and took Alyson's car to Ross, CA, for my hair appointment. On the way, we listened to NPR. "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" (the news quiz show with Mo Rocca) was on. They were talking about the Beijing Olympics stories (Michael Phelps, faked/CGI fireworks and the child that wasn't "cute" enough to sing in the opening ceremony, the beach volleyball player inviting Bush to smack her butt), the revelation that Julia Child was a spy, and cutting costs during the recession by breeding mini cows. (How's that for current events?)
My hair and makeup appointment was at 11:30 at Tizka Salon, and we arrived right on time. Erica went to work on my hair after I reminded her that she had wanted to use a smaller curling iron and dirty up my hair so it would stay better. Alyson took some pictures with my camera while Erica began to set my hair in curls. When she was finished, my hair reminded me of my mom's perms in the 80's. Thankfully, my hair was far from finished at that point. (Erica mentioned one bride who thought her hair was done then and seemed too afraid to say that she hated it.) Next, my hair was teased and then pinned up all pretty, using a normal filler piece, rather than a yellow dish sponge this time.
With my hair pretty much done, Erica started on my makeup. I had remembered to bring my own mascara this time, so she applied that for me as well. She asked if I wanted to do it myself, but I knew she would do a much better job. When she was done, I had her do a final pinning and spraying of my hair to get it as secure as possible, and I bought the lip liner and lip gloss that she had used. I paid, she wrote down her email address so I could send pictures, and we headed out.
We decided to stop at the little market and deli across the street from where we had parked for some lunch before going back to Mill Valley. The window said "sandwiches" on it, so I got one: turkey and cheddar, with salt and pepper, on sourdough. I also got a huge bottle of Fiji water. I had my veil in hand, so the people at the deli asked if I was getting married and wished me well. From there, Alyson and I left to get back to the Acqua so we could eat before it was time to get ready.
When we arrived around 1:30, we stopped in the reception room. The flowers had been set up while we were gone, and Spencer was setting up his DJ equipment. We also talked to Lauren (the Acqua's coordinator) and got a status report, and we met Tom, our second photographer, who was already at work shooting some of the flowers when we came in.
Satisfied that everything was on track, we went back up to the suite to eat our food. We were doing just that, while watching Olympic Rowing, when Jan arrived. The guys were changing in my dad's room (205), so Jan came to hang out with us in 309.
Ben and Tom, both photographers, arrived not long after, a little before 2pm. They checked in with us and then went to do the same with the guys. Ben came back before long and did some detail shots of my jewelry and garter on the bed. He also took some pictures of my dress and shoes once we located a wooden hanger.
Carmen and Bonnie were the next to arrive, with their hair and makeup all done. (This is starting to sound like "Froggy Went A-Courtin'.") With the initial hellos done, Carmen went to help with Alyson's makeup. When Chrissy arrived, Carmen helped her with her makeup and hair. Chrissy had been nervous about doing her own, so I really appreciated Carmen helping her. They all looked fabulous when they were ready.
Meanwhile, Ben and Tom switched places, and Tom took some more detail shots and pictures of me in my olive green hoodie. Bonnie helped me get my veil on at that point so that it would be in the "before" pictures. If I had known that I would have been photographed so much in that hoodie, I probably wouldn't have chosen it. It was one that I had gotten from my boss in one of her clothing giveaways, and I wasn't really crazy about it. It just seemed like something I could get on and off easily without messing up my hair and makeup.
Eventually, I changed into my underwear, bustier, and the dress, along with my mother's old garter (Ben was taking pictures as I put it on, so I did it slowly for his sake) and the necklace that had been Bethany's. Then, Ben and Tom took turns taking pictures of me in my dress. Most of the them were by the window, since it had the best light. At one point, I looked out and saw Beth, Jeff, Kim, and Brian waving at me from down below. (Beth got a picture from there, but it's hard to see what was actually going on in my window.) Bonnie went downstairs sometime around then and brought up my bouquet, which of course, meant more pictures with that.
A little after 3:00, Ben asked when the bridesmaids would be ready for pictures in the lobby. We ended up getting down there at about 3:40. Carmen had tied my sash on and cut the ends of the ribbon, and the bridesmaids were all in their dresses with their hair and makeup done. When we finally made the journey in the elevator to the lobby, they had to carry my train and act as lookouts to make sure that Steve was out of the way, as he was supposed to be. I later found out that Steve was in the breakfast area, directly above, not looking over the railing. (LJ took a cool picture of it.) By this time, many of the guests had arrived and were hanging out in the lobby, so almost everyone saw me before Steve did.
We did a few pictures in the lobby: me with all of the bridesmaids, me with each one separately, me with my dad, me with Jan, me by myself, and I grabbed Sheri for one with her. During one of the shots with Chrissy, she said something like "I could really hock a loogie right now. And now you'll always remember that I said that." Hopefully, there will be a picture of us laughing about it, but I have a feeling it was between pictures. In any case, I did remember it.
With pictures done, the girls and I went back up to the suite for a moment before the ceremony. I had forgotten to use the bathroom before I put my dress on, so I needed to go now. Alyson and Carmen started to gather up the back of my dress, and Chrissy grabbed my camera. (She said she hoped it was my camera and not Bonnie's or someone else's.) We got a nice shot to remember the moment by, which is on Flickr, but it's friends and family only. (It really doesn't show much, but who needs a picture like that floating around?) Luckily, I managed to go the rest of the night without needing to use the bathroom again, so that worked out well. Meanwhile, I needed somewhere to put my bouquet, so it ended up in the ice bucket. (I got a few pictures of that with my camera too.)
Moments later, Lauren came up to take us back downstairs for the ceremony. The bridesmaids headed towards the doors to outside, while my dad and I "hid" near the elevator. I also took the opportunity to brush some dandruff off my dad's tux. I seem to be experienced at it, since I have to do the same for Steve now and then.
Which brings us to the ceremony. Lauren and the girl who had checked me in the night before held the double doors while my father and I made our grand entrance. I saw Beth and Kim and their guys first. They were taking pictures, and I think I saw Jeff give me the thumbs up. The rest of the faces were pretty much a blur, except for Steve and the officiant. The aisle was at a bit of an angle, so I didn't see them right away, past the guests. Steve looked good in his tux, although I'm not sure I registered his look the first time he saw me. The whole time my dad and I walked up the aisle, I was trying to walk slowly and smile for pictures.
I made it to the front, hugged my dad, and took Steve's hand. I had planned to give my bouquet to Alyson right away, but I ended up holding it for a while.
The weather that morning had been kind of cold and foggy, but most of the fog had gone away by 4:00, leaving only a little for dramatic effect over the hills. Still, it was a little chilly and windy. I spent the first half of the ceremony not really listening to the officiant. Instead, I was smiling at Steve, partly for the sake of pictures, and partly because I was amused that my veil was blowing like crazy in the wind.
The wind was also blowing my bangs in my face. I kept wanting to use my hand to brush them out of the way so the pictures wouldn't be terrible, but I didn't want to let go of Steve's hand to do it. It probably would have helped if I hadn't been holding my bouquet in my other hand. But I've learned to fidget as little as possible when on stage, so I'm not sure I even did it after I passed it off to Alyson. I tried to subtly shake my head to move my bangs, but not too often. Whenever the wind blew them off my face, I made sure I smiled for pictures.
I focused on Kathy speaking part of the way through the C.S. Lewis quote. When we got to the repetition of the vows part, Steve went first. I found myself hoping I would be able to speak when it was my turn. Did I still have a voice? Before I knew it, it was my turn, and I had no problem speaking. I just did it. I messed up the first line a little when it was longer than I expected, but I was close anyway. I said, "I, Emily, take Steve..." instead of "I, Emily, take you, Steve..." After that, I was fine. I just noticed the few spots when my diction wasn't as good as I would have liked. ("Oops, that wasn't a very good 't' on that.") Yeah, I'm strange; I've been doing my job too long.
When it came to the ring part, Steve put my ring on first. However, it didn't quite make it all the way down my finger. I had to adjust it a little. I didn't have any problems with his, though. I was just glad we had had the rehearsal to make me think about which hand to put it on. This way, it came naturally.
Soon, the ceremony was over. We kissed, and we walked out to Spencer playing "Here Comes the Sun" on his guitar. Again, I tried to walk slowly and smile, since I knew that the photographers would only get one chance to get this picture.
In the lobby, Steve and I took a moment. I straightened Steve's tie, which the photographer probably got pictures of. It was most likely slightly askew throughout the ceremony, but hopefully it's not too noticeable in the pictures.
We had planned to go back outside and dismiss the guests row by row, but they kind of just started coming back into the lobby before we had time to get back out. So instead, an impromptu receiving line was formed with us at the end. It was a little cold outside, so it was probably better that way anyway. I managed to remember to put my engagement ring back on my left hand at that time. (It had been on my right so that my wedding band could go on first.)
During one of the lulls in the receiving line, Steve also told me about the things going on in the city that morning while he was on his way to the hotel. Apparently, there was an official nuclear attack simulation run by the FBI and SF authorities, as well as a not-so-official zombie attack simulation. Luckily, we were not getting married downtown, and Steve didn't have to come too close to it to get to the Golden Gate Bridge.
Once we had greeted everyone, Dan and Alyson signed our real and souvenir marriage licenses. Then, it was time to head back outside for the rest of the pictures. Fighting with my veil again, we got pictures with the parents and the wedding party. I was also able to point out some pictures for Ben to take of the rest of the wedding party in the downtime while they were waiting for the next shot. My Aunt Mary brought out the bridesmaids' shawls, so they had something to keep them warm in the meantime.
Next was our "photo walk." Steve and I went with the photographers down the sidewalk, along Richardson Bay. There were a lot of pictures of us walking, holding hands, looking at each other or the camera. We also stopped for pictures on the little pier. My train was catching a little on the cement and the wood of the pier, which I worried about slightly, but I don't think I heard any tears at least.
We made our way back to the cocktail hour, which was happening out on the patio, after the photos. I skipped the hors d'oeuvres, since I wasn't very hungry, although Steve had a couple. He also ordered a beer, while I got some water. I was too busy talking to people to really want much. We talked to my work friends a little, and Erica set me up to introduce Steve as my husband for the first time, since she was talking about the first time she introduced Stu as hers.
Before long, I decided that it would be a good time to go upstairs and lose the veil. It was starting to annoy me with the wind, especially since I was also having to worry about keeping my bangs out of my face. So Alyson and I went back up to the suite. We took the veil out of my hair, Alyson put in a couple more pins and resprayed it, I touched up my lip gloss, and we got my dress bustled. No longer did I need someone to carry my train for me while I walked. Lauren also came up at that point to bring me my water and ask if I needed anything else. She offered to take the bouquets and put them back in their vases in the reception room, which was good. It actually got a little heavy after a while. Now I didn't need to worry about my train, veil or bouquet. Much better.
Alyson and I went back down for the end of the cocktail hour, but we stayed in the lobby where it was warmer. Sheri and I chatted a little, and Eleanor gave me a drawing she had made that morning of her Uglidog stuffed animal (the keychain she had given Bethany). I had her sign it, and she also wrote "Uglidog" on it.
It was almost time for the reception to start, but Kim and Beth wanted to get a picture with me. Since the photographers were around, I grabbed one and had him take the picture along with Jeff and Brian so I would have my own copy.
When it was time to go into the reception, we all lined up in pairs to get introduced, parents first and then bridal party. Steve and I walked into the Richardson Room and sat down at our table--a round table, rather than the typical head table. My dad did his blessing, and the salad course was then served. I got a small glass of white wine when the guy came around with it, but I didn't really drink more than a sip or two. Steve ordered the same; I had told him not to drink red wine, since it would turn his teeth and lips purple.
Around that time, while I was eating my salad, I finally looked around and saw my cake. I had meant to go down and look at it sometime before the wedding, but I forgot. It was really cute. The sugar paste flowers were smaller than I had expected, but I liked them. My only wish would have been that the green fondant ribbons between the layers would have matched my colors a little better. It was a little more saturated and slightly bluer than my green. (Picky, I know.) Other than that, I really did love my cake.
After the salad course, Dan and Alyson did their toasts. Dan's was pretty funny, although his joke about Steve being old enough to be my father was a stretch. (He's 9 1/2 years older.) Dan mostly spoke about how we met and how they didn't see Steve much for the rest of that Christmas vacation. Alyson talked about trying to think of an embarrassing story about me and realizing that she was always the one doing embarrassing things while I laughed at her. She also quoted something sweet about love that I can't remember, which I should probably ask her about.
We all drank our champagne--I noticed it was really good--and we were served our main course. Steve and I both had the ribeye. I thought that the food was a little better when we had it at the tasting, but then again, my appetite was not quite normal at the wedding. I ate all I could, but I got full pretty fast. Everyone else seemed to enjoy the meal, though, and they commented that the portions were big. They were actually about the same size as our portions at the tasting, which we thought were huge at the time.
After eating, we located my dance shoes under the cake table, and Steve helped me put them on. It was a bit of an ordeal... It was hard for me to reach my feet under the table with my dress in the way. And Steve had a hard time helping me, not knowing how I usually get them on, but we managed.
With my new, more comfortable shoes on now, we got up to start our rounds. We visited the parents/aunts/uncles table first, seeing my Uncle Scott and Aunt Mary and our parents. Steve's Aunt Bev and Uncle InSung had already had to leave so they could catch their flight out of SFO. Next was the table of my work friends: Erica, Danielle, Tracy, Brandy and Phil, Morgan and Angelo, and Alyson's boyfriend Rhett. (According to Tracy, Rhett was now her boyfriend rather than Alyson's.)
The DJ asked when we wanted to do our first dance, and we decided to finish our rounds and then do it. So it was on to Steve's work friends table: Hunter and Colleen, Barry and Sandi, Matthew, Rob's wife Traci, and Will and Kate. (Most were friends from his current job; Will was a friend from Steve's work in Emeryville.) Then we visited the table with Beth and Jeff, Kim and Brian, and Chrissy's boyfriend Kevin. Last was the table with LJ, Carol, Sheri, Daniel, Eleanor, and Bob.
When it was time for our first dance ("Grow Old With Me" by Jason Robert Brown), we got into place and waited for the music to start. Because of the smaller space, I spent the first couple phrases concentrating on taking smaller steps. I was stepping on my dress almost the whole time, although apparently no one noticed. (I was really glad I was wearing my dance shoes and not my heels. That would have been really bad.) I was also concentrating on not mouthing the steps while doing them. I remembered a few of the notes from Friday's clean-up session with Alyson, but others fell through the cracks as my mind was on overload. When we got to the section in which I was supposed to do 6 turns across the floor, I felt like I was going to fall out of my dress. I had to remind myself that my bustier and dress really had nowhere to go, and I was perfectly safe.
I was enjoying myself by the end, especially feeling my dress move around me during the swivel section. We got through the whole thing, even the parts we were still stumbling through, and remembered to do the dip at the end slowly. I just hope I looked relaxed and that I smiled. Looking strained tends to ruin it a little.
With the first dance over, Steve and I could finally drink our champagne without worries. We took a minute to do that, and then we joined in with the bridal party dance ("A Foggy Day" by Michael Buble). Alyson and Rob looked good, which wasn't too surprising. We tried a few turns and dips, but it was a bit awkward compared to our choreographed first dance.
We went back to our champagne after the dance and were soon stolen away by the photographers for a some more pictures outside. It was getting darker by now, but there was still a little light. We did some pictures on the stairs with our champagne flutes, some on the balcony outside the breakfast area, and then back down for a few by the lavender. I also had Ben take a picture of the back of my hair, since none had been done yet.
It was time to cut the cake by the time we went back inside. ("Everything" by Michael Buble was playing.) Steve did most of the work with the cutting, although we weren't sure where to cut from or how to do it. The resulting piece was kind of a messy sliver, but we only had a few bites of it anyway. We opted for forks rather than fingers, since we're refined like that. Steve and I fed each other a bite, and then he decided that it was so good we should do another. (I'm sure the photographers didn't mind the second chance either.) It was really good, as I remembered, although I had to tell Steve to wait for me to finish the first bite before he shoveled the second in. Apparently, I was right in thinking that Steve would like the carrot cake with cream cheese frosting that Alyson and I had picked out.
Next was the father/daughter, mother/son dance(s). We did them simultaneously to "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys. My dad had the record when I was kid, and I remembered listening to it. He sang along a little while we danced our little bouncy dance. I felt like we should do a turn or something, but we just went in circles. I mentioned to him that he didn't get a chance to do this at his or my sisters' weddings, since the receptions took place in churches or restaurants. He replied that dancing was "like riding a bike." I was a little surprised to see him dancing with Jan later, but it was sweet.
At some point, the cake was served, along with some raspberry sauce. I ate part of my slice, but again, I was too full to eat as much as I would have liked. Luckily, we'll be getting a complimentary 4-inch cake from the baker for our first anniversary.
Much of the evening is now a blur of dancing for me. I danced with Steve a few times, feeling slightly obligated to set a good example for the rest of the party by not just standing on the sides like I usually would. At one point, I saw Beth sitting in her chair with Jeff standing behind her, dancing in place. I observed to her, "I think someone wants to dance." Beth took that as a hint, although I didn't really mean it that way, and went to dance with him. Later in the night, I saw Brandy and Alyson dancing together, which was really cute, and Alyson and I also danced together. I almost felt coordinated with Alyson leading!
I tried to dance with Eleanor a few times, but she was rather absorbed, dancing with Uglidog. I managed a little, hoping for some cute pictures. Steve and I had already pointed her out to the photographers as she danced around. It was really nice being at a party and being able to enjoy it, knowing that someone was taking the pictures I wanted taken. Between the two photographers, I didn't feel like I needed to worry about opportunities missed.
People started leaving after a while, some having to drive back down the peninsula to get home and some taking advantage of having babysitters for the night. When Tracy left, she asked if she could take one of the dahlia centerpieces. I told her to grab the one off of our table. She was happy to have my blessing (and the flowers). Sadly, she missed the bouquet toss, which most of us wanted her to be there for.
The toss girls ended up being Alyson, Carol, Brandy, Morgan, Beth, and Chrissy, who I had to drag out. When I threw the bouquet, no one went to grab it, so it landed on the parents table. Alyson ended up with it, and the photographer took pictures of us together.
Spencer played "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" next, and all of the girls danced in a cheesy circle. Steve got pulled into the middle, and I ended up with him in the end.
And so began the cliches that I had tried to avoid. I gave Kim (and the DJ) permission to play "Electric Slide" at one point. I knew it was on Spencer's list of things that he usually didn't play, but I didn't particularly hate that one. After that, though, I guess all bets were off on the wedding music cliches. Jeff and Brian did the "Macarena," and there was a conga line, which we very briefly joined before escaping.
We did some more photos in the lobby with the photographers sometime around then. When we got back, the party was winding down.
The groomsmen were already changing so they could give their tuxes to Dan to take back to the store. The music had to end at 10pm, but we stopped a little sooner than that. I was tired and ready for the party to end anyway. We had our last dance of the evening to "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson, and then we gathered up our stuff: my shoes, my bouquet, the guest book stuff, the rest of the favors, the cake knife, cards, and gifts. We took them all back up to our suite. The girls had gotten their stuff out of the room, and Steve went to my dad's room to change (into the winged monkey t-shirt he wore the day we met).
While I waited for Steve to return, I did a few final self portraits in the room. I got my shoes off and untied my sash, although I waited for Steve to come back to actually take off the dress. (That seemed right.) My hair was next. Steve counted the pins for me as I took them out: 30 total. My hair was curly and big after that, so I took a couple more pictures before taking off my makeup, brushing my teeth, and putting my Invisaligners back in. (They had been out since before lunch.)
At the end of the night, my breastbone was feeling bruised from the bustier, and my feet were tired, despite wearing more comfortable shoes for the last few hours. The next day, my back muscles were sore when I took large breaths, probably also from the bustier or from feeling like I needed to keep my dress up.
The wedding had gone remarkably well--no big problems or anything. A lot of that was because of Lauren, Spencer, and Roxanne (the catering person). They kept everything on schedule and rolling. I think Spencer actually said that this was one of the most on-time receptions he had done.
Steve and I both had a lot of fun, and it sounded like our guests did too. The word on the street was that we're both highly regarded by our friends, and that we have very nice friends. Steve's boss, Hunter, also told me later that he heard some of the women at the wedding saying something like, "She's so small!" He was amused by it, and wanted to tell me. I think it was partly the sash that made my waist look tiny.
On the planning front, I was really happy with how everything went. I liked my venue for its appearance and convenience, my dress was pretty, the bridesmaids looked wonderful and were a lot of fun, the men looked great, my flowers were beautiful, the DJ/guitarist was easy to work with, I had faith in my photographers to get me lots of good pictures, the food was decent, the cake was even better and adorable, the dance went well, etc. If I had it to do over again, I'd probably pick the same vendors. Filling in my budget after the wedding, we came in about $1500 under our estimated cost.
It was unfortunate that more people couldn't make the trip to SF for the wedding, but 43 people was pretty nice. We got to spend a little time with everyone, and we had time to eat. More people would have also meant less room for our first dance, which would have made things trickier. And it would have cost us more money in food and open bar.
The icing on the cake and one of my favorite details: before the first dance, I caught sight of one of the waiters pouring champagne at our table--Alyson's glass, I think? It was Gloria Ferrer--the same champagne that I had given to Alyson that morning. She asked me if I had requested it specially, and I told her that I didn't think I had. It was supposed to just be the "house champagne." I checked through my emails to the caterer, and I couldn't find any mention of Gloria Ferrer. It must have been a coincidence. That explains why I thought that the champagne tasted so good. :)