(no subject)
ok, profound-ness... alright?
i have been staring at myself in the mirror since i was alone in my parents house. its the first night in awhile that i am going to be alone... like always... it is in this fucking house.
i realized that i always have my hair pulled back, right? really doesn't show my femininity well. though my hair is all long and flowy and wavy and curly, i feel the need to still pull it back and pull it down when i see someone i used to know. i won't just fucking LEAVE IT ALONE.
long story short, i just hacked off my bangs. i told kyle i did it and he sounded kinda saddend. i know he will think i am pretty no matter what. i just don't like my forehead.
hacked isn't the right word. they are level and nice. they were calculated and everything. i can honestly say i have never thought of my bangs so much before.
i guess it is the last thing i am changing that was stephens. i have let the house shift with the changing tides, it looks absolutely nothing like it did when it was our house. i picked up my rotting heart and threw it as far as i possibly could into the winds of destiny, daring it to land somewhere, saying if it did, where it landed the rest of my corpse will lay there too. though i so much wanted it to land in a grave, it did not. i handed everything over duitifully because it was my word... i let him change anything he saw fit inside of me. and the only thing left would be my outer appearance. i cut my bangs. i will dye my hair and i am back to losing weight.
i want to go home. i should be sleeping. i have a big day ahead of me and i hope it doesn't go so freakishly bad... oh, my heart couldn't take that. but i should be sleeping right at this very moment in time but i don't see the point. i want to go home. i want to crawl into bed. i want to sleep that way. but instead i sit here worrying about my bangs... and my car... and my dog is sick... and the bird is chirping. and the man i love is 3 blocks over. 4 blocks up. i know he is up as well... i want to kiss him goodnight.
i have been staring at myself in the mirror since i was alone in my parents house. its the first night in awhile that i am going to be alone... like always... it is in this fucking house.
i realized that i always have my hair pulled back, right? really doesn't show my femininity well. though my hair is all long and flowy and wavy and curly, i feel the need to still pull it back and pull it down when i see someone i used to know. i won't just fucking LEAVE IT ALONE.
long story short, i just hacked off my bangs. i told kyle i did it and he sounded kinda saddend. i know he will think i am pretty no matter what. i just don't like my forehead.
hacked isn't the right word. they are level and nice. they were calculated and everything. i can honestly say i have never thought of my bangs so much before.
i guess it is the last thing i am changing that was stephens. i have let the house shift with the changing tides, it looks absolutely nothing like it did when it was our house. i picked up my rotting heart and threw it as far as i possibly could into the winds of destiny, daring it to land somewhere, saying if it did, where it landed the rest of my corpse will lay there too. though i so much wanted it to land in a grave, it did not. i handed everything over duitifully because it was my word... i let him change anything he saw fit inside of me. and the only thing left would be my outer appearance. i cut my bangs. i will dye my hair and i am back to losing weight.
i want to go home. i should be sleeping. i have a big day ahead of me and i hope it doesn't go so freakishly bad... oh, my heart couldn't take that. but i should be sleeping right at this very moment in time but i don't see the point. i want to go home. i want to crawl into bed. i want to sleep that way. but instead i sit here worrying about my bangs... and my car... and my dog is sick... and the bird is chirping. and the man i love is 3 blocks over. 4 blocks up. i know he is up as well... i want to kiss him goodnight.