(no subject)
wow, who would have thought that someone other than stephen could hold me and tell me that i am beautiful? LMAO. no, seriously, i giggle every five minutes.
well, stephen is a nut job... and i... i have made my mistakes. i was in an abusive relationship. mentally, emotionally abusive. it almost killed me, took my everything and left me almost in poverty but by the grace of god... really, by the grace of god someone i never thought... damn, SAVED ME.
he makes me feel transparent, i stand in front of him and i throw my barriers up, the ones that i have thrown up to every guy and those guys just splatters against it... he just pulls the lever behind the gargoyle and it falls. true, i didn't even bother throwing some of them in front of him.
i don't even give a damn if i am totally jynxing myself right now because these days have been so spiritually fulfilling that it would still be all worth it. i mean, worse men have put me through hell.
i am in awe right now. its like the second that i realized that i was in such a bad relationship, the extent of the bad relationship... i feel like that part of pirates at worlds end. where jack realizes what needs to happen and he flips the boat upside down and no one knows if they are going to drown and then WOOSH! they are back in the land of living. but see, i am not jack. i am one of the other crew members who realized what was already known right as the boat started flipping, holding on for my dear spot. and now WOOSH, my house is more of a home that i ever knew because i have friends packed in every cranny. projects being done in the garage. i hear voices at all times. and people to go play pool with at any time of the day. all of them are hard working, all have common life intrests... jokes... as i write this i am amazed. this is a family that have just somehow surrounded me and lit up my dreary spot.
i am happy. HAPPY, estatically happy. want to go home every night kind of happy. calm and collected kind of happy.
if it ended tomorrow, i would still have what i have already gotten. isn't that amazing? i totally think so.
well, stephen is a nut job... and i... i have made my mistakes. i was in an abusive relationship. mentally, emotionally abusive. it almost killed me, took my everything and left me almost in poverty but by the grace of god... really, by the grace of god someone i never thought... damn, SAVED ME.
he makes me feel transparent, i stand in front of him and i throw my barriers up, the ones that i have thrown up to every guy and those guys just splatters against it... he just pulls the lever behind the gargoyle and it falls. true, i didn't even bother throwing some of them in front of him.
i don't even give a damn if i am totally jynxing myself right now because these days have been so spiritually fulfilling that it would still be all worth it. i mean, worse men have put me through hell.
i am in awe right now. its like the second that i realized that i was in such a bad relationship, the extent of the bad relationship... i feel like that part of pirates at worlds end. where jack realizes what needs to happen and he flips the boat upside down and no one knows if they are going to drown and then WOOSH! they are back in the land of living. but see, i am not jack. i am one of the other crew members who realized what was already known right as the boat started flipping, holding on for my dear spot. and now WOOSH, my house is more of a home that i ever knew because i have friends packed in every cranny. projects being done in the garage. i hear voices at all times. and people to go play pool with at any time of the day. all of them are hard working, all have common life intrests... jokes... as i write this i am amazed. this is a family that have just somehow surrounded me and lit up my dreary spot.
i am happy. HAPPY, estatically happy. want to go home every night kind of happy. calm and collected kind of happy.
if it ended tomorrow, i would still have what i have already gotten. isn't that amazing? i totally think so.