Fic: This Is No Existential Crisis
Title: This Is No Existential Crisis
Characters: Katie/Naomi
Rating: M (for language)
Words: 4211
Summary: This is how it starts.
Disclaimer: Not my characters
A/N: Title from Los Campesinos! 'This is how you spell "HAHAHA, We Destroyed The Hopes And Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics"'
Slight AU, Naomi didn't go to the shed to make amends with Emily in 4.08.
For my favourite, who inspired this, but who wishes to remain anon.
---
And Katie still doesn’t get it, right, this whole lezzer thing that Emily’s on. But hot is hot. And Katie’s not blind yeah, Naomi looks fucking hot once you get her out of those fugly-ass clothes.
She’s careful not to show any appreciation on her face, lest Naomi thinks she might actually have achieved something. Naomi smirks though, so Katie knows she didn’t manage it.
“Flies, Katie.”
“Do you have to be such a smartarse all the time?”
“Yes,” Naomi deadpans. “I can always leave if you’d rather,” she adds, moving her fingers, which had been trailing a path from Katie’s knee and further up her thigh, back down again.
“Don’t be a cunt,” Katie snaps and pulls Naomi’s neck down, crashing their lips together. Naomi laughs into the kiss.
“I might, if that’s what happens when I -” Katie interrupts her with another kiss, one with tongue this time - anything to shut Naomi the fuck up - and grabs her hand and puts it where Katie needs it, not where Naomi has been teasing her for the last ten minutes.
“Shut up.”
“Right.”
---
It started a couple of months ago. Maybe some part of it had started years ago, back in college, or school even. But really, Katie knows that the beginning could be traced back to that night outside the club.
Cook had dragged her out. It was New Year’s Eve, and him and ‘the boys’ needed some company of the female persuasion. Katie wasn’t exactly enthused at the thought of bringing in 2011 with Cook and JJ, but Emily had left again a few days after Christmas and there weren’t many others still about.
Cook had turned out to be all right after college, and even if he was still a repulsive tosser at times, at least he gave a shit about her and still called. In fact, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that he was one of her best friends - when he wasn’t trying to get her into his bed that was.
He had pulled though - unsurprising really, given his low standards - and she wasn’t going to give JJ a second look, because she might be alone, but she would never be that alone. Katie decided she’d be better off outside with a fag.
She was already there, leaning back against the wall, looking as surly as ever. It’d been a long time since they’d last seen each other. (Results day at college; A’s for her, of course, and didn’t she look bloody smug about it. Two C’s and a B for Katie, which was a bit of a miracle really - she hadn’t prepared for anything like that, so she was probably wasting them working at Topshop, but whatever, the discount was good.) It was strange, seeing her after all this time, with a bit of a tan on her - not the sort that would come from spending all of your winter in Bristol - and it was while Katie was contemplating this, that Naomi had turned her head and caught her staring.
Naomi pulled the cigarette out from between her lips slowly and left her hand dangling by her side as she offered a tentative smile. The Katie of old would have snubbed her in a second, but she’d grown up a little now that she’d reached the real world and found that friends weren’t quite as easy to come by as they were at college. So she gave a slight smile back, and then thought, fuck it, she’s not my ex, and went over.
It was only when she got there that she remembered that they had never been friends, and didn’t have a lot in common, apart from the obvious, which was probably a touchy subject still. So she settled on, “You look brown,” for lack of anything else.
“I’ve been in India. Six months. Thought I’d see some of the world before uni, you know? Have some time to myself for a bit. It was good.” Naomi took a deep drag and exhaled before asking what was probably the inevitable. “How’s Emily?”
Katie snorted. “Still gaying it up in lesboland.”
Naomi’s lips twitched. “Is she…?”
“Yeah. They’re living together now.”
Naomi only nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground. She hadn’t had to ask who the other half of they was. “I can’t even be mad, you know? I fucked it up first, and, well, it was a long time ago now, and I dunno. I guess Mandy can do not fucking up better than I can.”
“Naomi, everyone can do not fucking up better than you. Fucking up is the one area you excel in.”
That had made Naomi laugh, if a bit wistfully. “Brighton. God.”
“Tell me about it babes. She couldn’t be more obvious if she wore a rainbow cape and had ‘I love fanny’ stamped on her forehead.”
Naomi had laughed again, properly that time. “It’s good to see some things haven’t changed,” she’d said, dropping her filter on the ground and stamping it out. “It was nice to see you again Katie.”
Katie frowned. “Aren’t you staying? It’s not even midnight yet.”
Naomi started to shake her head, but Katie had added, “Cook’s here,” and it was enough to make her stop.
“Ok. Just one to catch up.”
---
Of course one became two, which quickly became more, as tends to happen around Cook. He had managed to put down his latest bit of skirt for long enough to pick Naomi up in a bear hug and get some drinks in. It was nice, it could have been like old times even, except for the fact that old times revolved around them mainly wanting to throttle each other. Naomi was still a madding know it all, obviously, because some things are destined to never change, but Katie had found it marginally easier to deal with now that she wasn’t sucking Emily’s face off at the same time.
At the end of the countdown Katie had kissed both Cook and JJ on the cheek, and Naomi had done the same. They had looked at each other a split second too long then, and Naomi rolled her eyes with a smile and said, “Christ,” before leaning down and pecking Katie’s cheek briefly.
That was the start. Not the actual start, but the beginning.
---
The next time they had gone out Cook suggested inviting Naomi. Katie had shrugged. Naomi was ok, and Cook just loved anything that spilled from her mouth. So Naomi had come out with them, and it became such a regular occurrence that Cook stopped asking if it was all right.
They became friends. Real friends that actually enjoyed each other's company, not just putting up with each other for the sake of it (although they would frequently act that way, but now Naomi would add a wink at the end of any barbed comments, and Katie had always been hopeless at keeping a straight face, so Naomi could tell she was joking in a second). It was nice, the relaxed, fun version of Naomi that didn't spend every second of her day moaning about some personal injustice or taking everything so deadly seriously, but who Katie was able to just have a laugh with.
(She didn’t say anything to Emily; she didn’t even speak to Emily anymore, not really. And whatever, because Emily didn’t care about anything that happened in Bristol anymore, so fine, it was none of her business, she’d made that perfectly clear.)
Katie would often go round to Naomi's after work - it was closer than her own house by a total of five minutes - before meeting Cook and JJ for drinks or sometimes more, depending on the night and how much money they could scrape together. It was a routine they had just fallen into. A very easy, very comfortable routine.
Until it changed.
---
It happened in March.
Outside of Dojos, where they were both incredibly fucked up. Katie had to cling to Naomi’s arm to stop from falling over, even when standing still, and it took Naomi two cigarettes and five attempts before she finally had a lit one between her lips. She had looked so ridiculously proud of herself, as if it was some kind of achievement, that Katie had laughed until she had a stitch. She leant back against the wall then, trying to catch her breath, sliding down and dragging Naomi with her, until they were both sat on the cold concrete. After the laughter died they had finished the cigarette together in an easy silence.
Naomi turned to her after a few minutes, looking more sober than she had any right to be. “Where are all your boys, then?”
Katie had answered with a, “What?” because, really, the question had come from nowhere. Truthfully, boys had been the last thing on Katie’s mind what with the whole never having kids thing she was still trying to get her head around. No one had even caught her eye in a long time, and she didn’t lack male company with Cook about, so it wasn’t something she’d noticed that she was lacking until Naomi pointed it out.
“You used to be surrounded, Katie. What was it again? Never not had a boyfriend since seven?”
“Fuck off,” Katie replied, pushing at Naomi’s shoulder with a grin.
“Lost your touch?” Naomi asked, her eyes glinting in the streetlights.
“Listen, babe, I could have anyone I want, yeah? I just happen to have some standards, right?”
“Ok. Prove it then. What about him?”
Katie was beginning to feel that wave of annoyance that she had previously associated with Naomi. She just won’t let anything go, always had to push it that little bit further. “Eh, no thanks. Jesus, he’s like, hideous. No wonder you’re into girls if that’s the sort of men you go for.”
Naomi simply smiled. “You’ve changed you know? It’s good, it’s a nice change.”
She’d turned her head to kiss Naomi’s cheek, because that was surprisingly nice, what Naomi had just said, and it was something they did now that it wasn’t weird seeing each other, and ok yeah, now that Katie had gotten over herself a bit. Just because Naomi was gay or bi or whatever the fuck she wanted to call it, but just because she fancied girls didn’t mean that she’d been waiting on an opportunity to jump Katie (not that she isn’t still completely bangable, but there are some lines that even Naomi would not cross).
Katie wasn’t exactly sure what had happened next, because yeah, she was more than a little off her tits. Still, she had turned her head at the same moment as Naomi had turned hers and the kiss that had been intended for Naomi’s cheek ended up on her mouth. On her open mouth - because Naomi never fucking shuts it does she, and being drunk didn’t appear to make any difference - and it took Katie some time before she could process what they were doing. When she did realise, she pulled away immediately. It hadn’t even been a real kiss, it wasn’t anything other than her lips against Naomi’s, and there weren’t tongues or anything that could make it anything other than a stupid off her tits thing to do.
Naomi had looked at her in surprise and waited for an explanation.
Katie laughed weakly. “Think Cook’s put something in that powder. I’m just a bit…I didn’t mean, well, y’know.”
Naomi had sort of smiled - still looking a bit dazed - and shook her head. "It's fine, it's... Fuck, I need another drink. Come on." She staggered to her feet, and pulled Katie with her by the hand.
It had been fine. It really had. For the rest of that night, it had been completely fine. More drinks, more drugs, more dancing. Fine.
It was the days and weeks after that that things became not so fine. Except it was fine, because she couldn't let on to Naomi that actually, the way that she put her hand on Katie's back, steering her towards the bar, made the blood rush to Katie's cheeks. And the way that Naomi leant closer so as to hear what Katie was saying over the music, made her forget what she was trying to say in the first place. And that sometimes she couldn't stop her eyes from looking, and when Naomi caught her gaze, Katie had to fight to break it. And that there were other times when Naomi was doing her damdnest to make Katie mad, and instead of wanting to hit her like she should, all Katie could think of was Naomi’s face after she’d kissed her and how it didn’t look very smug then, did it?
---
When Cook had brought it up it should have been awful. It should have woken her up from whatever was going on. It didn’t.
They were at the pub, just the two of them, when he just came right out with it. "You snogged her, didn't you?"
Katie nearly dropped her glass in shock. She didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. Cook was never very perceptive though, and if he had worked out that something was up, then, shit, because how much had Naomi put together?
Cook had let out a low whistle before Katie could reply. "Fuck me, I never believed him, but it fucking happened didn't it? Well well well, little Miss Fitch, what have we here?"
“Fucking…nothing Cook. It’s…wait, never believed who?”
“JJ. You two were both steaming so he went to go check you were a-ok and came back heavy locked on, real bad, you know? Took a full five minutes before he was breathing right again, and then he came out with some tale about what you lovely ladies had been up to. Thought it was bollocks meself, you know how he is, thought he was seeing things. But you’ve been proper weird since and so’s she. Here, you don’t fancy doing a reenactment for me, do ya?”
“Oh Jesus. It was a mistake, ok? We were just drunk, and it wasn’t meant to happen, and whatever yeah, we’re friends, so it doesn’t matter.”
Cook leered at her; he was practically drooling, leaning as far as he could over the table. It was times such as those that Katie remembered Cook always would be a prick deep down. “Friends with benefits though, right?”
Katie slammed the glass on the table forcibly. “No! Cook, shut up already. I told you, it was nothing. Will you fucking drop it now?”
“Alright, take a chill pill, just saying that if you two were getting down on the regular then there’d be no complaints from me. Or her neither, I reckon.”
“Yeah? Well JJ told me something too. You kissed Freddie. It didn’t mean anything between you guys, and it didn’t mean anything between us. Got it?”
Cook had pursed his lips, and Katie could see his knuckles had turned white. She felt awful about bringing Freddie up - they didn’t normally talk about him - but at least he would understand now.
They had called it a night not long after that and gone home. Cook normally talked a lot of shit, and that night had been no exception. But him and Naomi had always had something, they just got each other, in a way that Katie didn’t really understand.
Cook had said that he thought Naomi fancied her.
It didn’t matter. Either way, it didn’t change anything. Because Katie wasn’t gay and what the fuck ever, if she were to go there then she would at least bed a lesbian with some degree of fashion sense. And she’s yet to meet one of them. So, either way, it didn’t matter.
But it did matter a bit, because Katie began to pick up on every look they shared that went on for slightly too long, and attached meaning to the arm touching, and the lip biting, and the jokes made at her expense. And the more she pieced together, the scarier the whole thing became.
It was funny, on reflection. Her mum spending all of that time years ago worrying about Naomi turning Emily gay - Emily, who’s as gay as a pride parade - when really, well, really it shouldn’t have been Emily she’d fretted over at all.
---
The start that mattered happened in the last week of May.
Katie was round there again for some pre-drinks - except they hadn’t really had that much, just a vodka each. They were sat on the couch watching the ten o’clock news. The news for fuck’s sake. Not exactly the high life.
“I still like Emily, you know?” is how Naomi chose to start the conversation.
Katie had turned to look at her.
“Well, I’m not in love with her, I mean, obviously, but I don’t hate her. It was a long time ago now and -”
“Why the fuck are you telling me this?”
“Cause I’m not here for revenge or anything, and…” Naomi trailed off and went on to examine her empty cup carefully.
“And?”
She took a breath before she answered. “And I like you, quite a lot actually, and -”
“Naomi,” Katie started, poking her in the side and trying to ignore the little burst of something that had hit her stomach and was rising up through her lungs. “Shut up, you tit.” She left her fingers resting against Naomi’s side. She didn’t know why, but it felt like it was ok now - like it was right even - to touch for a little bit longer than normal, and she felt as Naomi stopped squirming against her hand and started to relax into it.
Katie was eternally grateful for the telly then - which provided enough distraction to make the situation marginally less tense than it otherwise could have been - for once glad that Naomi likes the least sexy things on television. (Usually they’d fight over the remote whenever Katie was round, until Naomi would just lift it high over her head where she knows Katie can’t reach, and that wasn’t fucking fair, just because she’s a giant.)
It wasn’t until the sports report that Katie realised that her fingers had been tracing circles on Naomi’s waist. The awareness had startled her a little, and she stilled her hand.
The air turned thick in an instant, and Naomi’s cheeks were pink as she cleared her throat and stood. “I think I might just go to bed, you can just let yourself out and -”
“I thought we were going to the pub?” Katie said slowly as she stood. “We were meeting Cook and JJ.”
“Yeah, you should go,” Naomi replied, running a shaky hand through her hair. “I’m just, I’m not really…”
“Oh. Yeah, I didn’t… Look, I… Shit, ok?”
Naomi didn’t answer that, simply looked at her with wide eyes, as if it had only just hit home, this conversation that they were having without actually saying the words. That moment had felt like hours, days even, but looking back on it Katie knows there can only have been seconds before Naomi broke it, taking the three steps it took to close the distance between them and kissing her, with a hand in her hair and another on her back. It felt like everything, that kiss. Katie’s sure that it can’t possibly be as she remembers it, because it was so much all at once and things just don’t happen like that, especially not to people like her.
“Fuck Katie,” Naomi whispered against her lips. “Fuck. What are you doing to me?”
The small part of Katie’s brain that was still working could only think, “No, what are you doing to me?” but before she could voice it Naomi’s lips were back on hers and she couldn’t think of anything, not anymore.
They didn’t make it to the pub that night.
---
They didn’t make it to the pub all too often after that.
It was all a bit of a blur really, those few weeks. Nothing felt real, but everything felt good, in a way that it never had before. It turned out that Naomi was thoughtful underneath all of her sarcasm and bitchiness, it turned out that really, she cared. She just didn’t like to show it much, and Katie gets that all too well.
They didn’t tell Cook - or, at least Katie didn’t, she wouldn’t have even known what to say or how to say it. He caught them one night though.
After hours of looking and not touching and ridiculous teasing - which Katie had discovered that Naomi loved doing, but had no tolerance for having the favour returned - Katie had reached her limit and literally marched Naomi out of that club and round the corner where she could finally, finally just kiss her and do something rather than watch as Naomi drove her mad.
He’d cleared his throat, leaning against the wall not ten metres away. Katie had snatched her hand out from Naomi’s shirt quickly, but it wasn’t quick enough for Cook, who just laughed, and there was no alternative explanation for what he could see other than the truth.
Katie knew that that was the moment. The make it or break it moment where she could have ran, or Naomi could have ran, or something could have happened to stop them, because it was real, painfully real as soon as Cook knew and there could be no pretending otherwise.
“Don’t mind me girls, I’m just enjoying the view.”
Katie had flinched, automatically wanting to get the hell out of there and not look back, but Naomi tightened her grip on Katie’s hand, and levelled Cook with a cool stare. “Piss off Cook. It’s your round, go and get some drinks. We’ll see you inside.”
Katie had been petrified of what was to come. Whatever happened, if this was over, or if everyone was going to know, she didn’t want it, she didn’t want either of those things, it was too soon.
Naomi had seen it on her face, and squeezed her hand again. “It’s ok. It’s not a problem. Its just Cook, he’s fine. Come on.”
Naomi led the way back inside holding Katie’s hand firmly, and their fingers being intertwined was the only thing that Katie could concentrate on, because everything else was panic. She had kept her eyes down, not wanting to catch anyone looking at her and assuming, well assuming exactly what had happened. Why would they have been looking though? Because, really two girls holding hands through a crowd in a club isn’t unusual and Katie knew it, she’d done it loads of times before, but that time had felt different. That time was different.
It had been a lot easier than she had thought it was going to be though, sitting at their usual table round the back with Cook - who acted as if nothing had ever happened - and JJ who was completely oblivious.
Slowly she allowed herself to relax, with Naomi’s hand resting on her knee under the table, rubbing circles with her thumb. It hadn’t been the drama that she’d expected. It wasn’t the drama that Emily had led her to believe was necessary in these situations. It had just been them, sitting with their friends, and having a good night.
When JJ had worked it out a week later, he had looked at them with wide eyes and stuttered. Cook grabbed him by the collar, hauling him off somewhere out of sight. They returned five minutes later, JJ looking a little abashed, and that had been that. They both knew, and they didn’t care. Katie had decided at that moment that she didn’t care either, and kissed Naomi properly, in the club, where everyone could see.
---
So that’s how it started. That’s how they got to here.
Here, wrapped in Naomi’s arms, in Naomi’s bed, in Naomi’s house, with kisses being pressed against her shoulder and a quiet, “I’m going to stay.”
Katie twisted herself around to look at her properly. “What?”
“I’m not going to Manchester for uni. I’m staying here.”
“Like fuck you are babes. Don’t think you’re getting to play the martyr on me, yeah? You’re too clever not to go.”
“Ok,” Naomi says easily, as if she’d expected it. “Come with me then.” Naomi looks at her with those eyes of hers, wide and honest, and there’s no smirk there now, no overconfidence on her face.
Katie’s heart stops at the very suggestion of it. “I -” But the words get stuck in her throat, which feels as if it’s been closed off, so difficult is it to breathe.
Naomi attempts a grin. “It’s ok, if you’re worried. I checked already, and they definitely have a Topshop, so.”
A laugh escapes from Katie’s lips, and it unblocks her throat. “God, you’re such a stupid…you fucking twat.”
Naomi’s smile is less forced then. “Is that, I mean, I’ve still not done that course in mind reading yet, so is that a yes?”
Katie kisses her, rolling them over so she’s pinning Naomi to the bed by her wrists. “Yes, you complete moron. That’s a yes.”
That’s the real start.
Characters: Katie/Naomi
Rating: M (for language)
Words: 4211
Summary: This is how it starts.
Disclaimer: Not my characters
A/N: Title from Los Campesinos! 'This is how you spell "HAHAHA, We Destroyed The Hopes And Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics"'
Slight AU, Naomi didn't go to the shed to make amends with Emily in 4.08.
For my favourite, who inspired this, but who wishes to remain anon.
---
And Katie still doesn’t get it, right, this whole lezzer thing that Emily’s on. But hot is hot. And Katie’s not blind yeah, Naomi looks fucking hot once you get her out of those fugly-ass clothes.
She’s careful not to show any appreciation on her face, lest Naomi thinks she might actually have achieved something. Naomi smirks though, so Katie knows she didn’t manage it.
“Flies, Katie.”
“Do you have to be such a smartarse all the time?”
“Yes,” Naomi deadpans. “I can always leave if you’d rather,” she adds, moving her fingers, which had been trailing a path from Katie’s knee and further up her thigh, back down again.
“Don’t be a cunt,” Katie snaps and pulls Naomi’s neck down, crashing their lips together. Naomi laughs into the kiss.
“I might, if that’s what happens when I -” Katie interrupts her with another kiss, one with tongue this time - anything to shut Naomi the fuck up - and grabs her hand and puts it where Katie needs it, not where Naomi has been teasing her for the last ten minutes.
“Shut up.”
“Right.”
---
It started a couple of months ago. Maybe some part of it had started years ago, back in college, or school even. But really, Katie knows that the beginning could be traced back to that night outside the club.
Cook had dragged her out. It was New Year’s Eve, and him and ‘the boys’ needed some company of the female persuasion. Katie wasn’t exactly enthused at the thought of bringing in 2011 with Cook and JJ, but Emily had left again a few days after Christmas and there weren’t many others still about.
Cook had turned out to be all right after college, and even if he was still a repulsive tosser at times, at least he gave a shit about her and still called. In fact, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that he was one of her best friends - when he wasn’t trying to get her into his bed that was.
He had pulled though - unsurprising really, given his low standards - and she wasn’t going to give JJ a second look, because she might be alone, but she would never be that alone. Katie decided she’d be better off outside with a fag.
She was already there, leaning back against the wall, looking as surly as ever. It’d been a long time since they’d last seen each other. (Results day at college; A’s for her, of course, and didn’t she look bloody smug about it. Two C’s and a B for Katie, which was a bit of a miracle really - she hadn’t prepared for anything like that, so she was probably wasting them working at Topshop, but whatever, the discount was good.) It was strange, seeing her after all this time, with a bit of a tan on her - not the sort that would come from spending all of your winter in Bristol - and it was while Katie was contemplating this, that Naomi had turned her head and caught her staring.
Naomi pulled the cigarette out from between her lips slowly and left her hand dangling by her side as she offered a tentative smile. The Katie of old would have snubbed her in a second, but she’d grown up a little now that she’d reached the real world and found that friends weren’t quite as easy to come by as they were at college. So she gave a slight smile back, and then thought, fuck it, she’s not my ex, and went over.
It was only when she got there that she remembered that they had never been friends, and didn’t have a lot in common, apart from the obvious, which was probably a touchy subject still. So she settled on, “You look brown,” for lack of anything else.
“I’ve been in India. Six months. Thought I’d see some of the world before uni, you know? Have some time to myself for a bit. It was good.” Naomi took a deep drag and exhaled before asking what was probably the inevitable. “How’s Emily?”
Katie snorted. “Still gaying it up in lesboland.”
Naomi’s lips twitched. “Is she…?”
“Yeah. They’re living together now.”
Naomi only nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground. She hadn’t had to ask who the other half of they was. “I can’t even be mad, you know? I fucked it up first, and, well, it was a long time ago now, and I dunno. I guess Mandy can do not fucking up better than I can.”
“Naomi, everyone can do not fucking up better than you. Fucking up is the one area you excel in.”
That had made Naomi laugh, if a bit wistfully. “Brighton. God.”
“Tell me about it babes. She couldn’t be more obvious if she wore a rainbow cape and had ‘I love fanny’ stamped on her forehead.”
Naomi had laughed again, properly that time. “It’s good to see some things haven’t changed,” she’d said, dropping her filter on the ground and stamping it out. “It was nice to see you again Katie.”
Katie frowned. “Aren’t you staying? It’s not even midnight yet.”
Naomi started to shake her head, but Katie had added, “Cook’s here,” and it was enough to make her stop.
“Ok. Just one to catch up.”
---
Of course one became two, which quickly became more, as tends to happen around Cook. He had managed to put down his latest bit of skirt for long enough to pick Naomi up in a bear hug and get some drinks in. It was nice, it could have been like old times even, except for the fact that old times revolved around them mainly wanting to throttle each other. Naomi was still a madding know it all, obviously, because some things are destined to never change, but Katie had found it marginally easier to deal with now that she wasn’t sucking Emily’s face off at the same time.
At the end of the countdown Katie had kissed both Cook and JJ on the cheek, and Naomi had done the same. They had looked at each other a split second too long then, and Naomi rolled her eyes with a smile and said, “Christ,” before leaning down and pecking Katie’s cheek briefly.
That was the start. Not the actual start, but the beginning.
---
The next time they had gone out Cook suggested inviting Naomi. Katie had shrugged. Naomi was ok, and Cook just loved anything that spilled from her mouth. So Naomi had come out with them, and it became such a regular occurrence that Cook stopped asking if it was all right.
They became friends. Real friends that actually enjoyed each other's company, not just putting up with each other for the sake of it (although they would frequently act that way, but now Naomi would add a wink at the end of any barbed comments, and Katie had always been hopeless at keeping a straight face, so Naomi could tell she was joking in a second). It was nice, the relaxed, fun version of Naomi that didn't spend every second of her day moaning about some personal injustice or taking everything so deadly seriously, but who Katie was able to just have a laugh with.
(She didn’t say anything to Emily; she didn’t even speak to Emily anymore, not really. And whatever, because Emily didn’t care about anything that happened in Bristol anymore, so fine, it was none of her business, she’d made that perfectly clear.)
Katie would often go round to Naomi's after work - it was closer than her own house by a total of five minutes - before meeting Cook and JJ for drinks or sometimes more, depending on the night and how much money they could scrape together. It was a routine they had just fallen into. A very easy, very comfortable routine.
Until it changed.
---
It happened in March.
Outside of Dojos, where they were both incredibly fucked up. Katie had to cling to Naomi’s arm to stop from falling over, even when standing still, and it took Naomi two cigarettes and five attempts before she finally had a lit one between her lips. She had looked so ridiculously proud of herself, as if it was some kind of achievement, that Katie had laughed until she had a stitch. She leant back against the wall then, trying to catch her breath, sliding down and dragging Naomi with her, until they were both sat on the cold concrete. After the laughter died they had finished the cigarette together in an easy silence.
Naomi turned to her after a few minutes, looking more sober than she had any right to be. “Where are all your boys, then?”
Katie had answered with a, “What?” because, really, the question had come from nowhere. Truthfully, boys had been the last thing on Katie’s mind what with the whole never having kids thing she was still trying to get her head around. No one had even caught her eye in a long time, and she didn’t lack male company with Cook about, so it wasn’t something she’d noticed that she was lacking until Naomi pointed it out.
“You used to be surrounded, Katie. What was it again? Never not had a boyfriend since seven?”
“Fuck off,” Katie replied, pushing at Naomi’s shoulder with a grin.
“Lost your touch?” Naomi asked, her eyes glinting in the streetlights.
“Listen, babe, I could have anyone I want, yeah? I just happen to have some standards, right?”
“Ok. Prove it then. What about him?”
Katie was beginning to feel that wave of annoyance that she had previously associated with Naomi. She just won’t let anything go, always had to push it that little bit further. “Eh, no thanks. Jesus, he’s like, hideous. No wonder you’re into girls if that’s the sort of men you go for.”
Naomi simply smiled. “You’ve changed you know? It’s good, it’s a nice change.”
She’d turned her head to kiss Naomi’s cheek, because that was surprisingly nice, what Naomi had just said, and it was something they did now that it wasn’t weird seeing each other, and ok yeah, now that Katie had gotten over herself a bit. Just because Naomi was gay or bi or whatever the fuck she wanted to call it, but just because she fancied girls didn’t mean that she’d been waiting on an opportunity to jump Katie (not that she isn’t still completely bangable, but there are some lines that even Naomi would not cross).
Katie wasn’t exactly sure what had happened next, because yeah, she was more than a little off her tits. Still, she had turned her head at the same moment as Naomi had turned hers and the kiss that had been intended for Naomi’s cheek ended up on her mouth. On her open mouth - because Naomi never fucking shuts it does she, and being drunk didn’t appear to make any difference - and it took Katie some time before she could process what they were doing. When she did realise, she pulled away immediately. It hadn’t even been a real kiss, it wasn’t anything other than her lips against Naomi’s, and there weren’t tongues or anything that could make it anything other than a stupid off her tits thing to do.
Naomi had looked at her in surprise and waited for an explanation.
Katie laughed weakly. “Think Cook’s put something in that powder. I’m just a bit…I didn’t mean, well, y’know.”
Naomi had sort of smiled - still looking a bit dazed - and shook her head. "It's fine, it's... Fuck, I need another drink. Come on." She staggered to her feet, and pulled Katie with her by the hand.
It had been fine. It really had. For the rest of that night, it had been completely fine. More drinks, more drugs, more dancing. Fine.
It was the days and weeks after that that things became not so fine. Except it was fine, because she couldn't let on to Naomi that actually, the way that she put her hand on Katie's back, steering her towards the bar, made the blood rush to Katie's cheeks. And the way that Naomi leant closer so as to hear what Katie was saying over the music, made her forget what she was trying to say in the first place. And that sometimes she couldn't stop her eyes from looking, and when Naomi caught her gaze, Katie had to fight to break it. And that there were other times when Naomi was doing her damdnest to make Katie mad, and instead of wanting to hit her like she should, all Katie could think of was Naomi’s face after she’d kissed her and how it didn’t look very smug then, did it?
---
When Cook had brought it up it should have been awful. It should have woken her up from whatever was going on. It didn’t.
They were at the pub, just the two of them, when he just came right out with it. "You snogged her, didn't you?"
Katie nearly dropped her glass in shock. She didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. Cook was never very perceptive though, and if he had worked out that something was up, then, shit, because how much had Naomi put together?
Cook had let out a low whistle before Katie could reply. "Fuck me, I never believed him, but it fucking happened didn't it? Well well well, little Miss Fitch, what have we here?"
“Fucking…nothing Cook. It’s…wait, never believed who?”
“JJ. You two were both steaming so he went to go check you were a-ok and came back heavy locked on, real bad, you know? Took a full five minutes before he was breathing right again, and then he came out with some tale about what you lovely ladies had been up to. Thought it was bollocks meself, you know how he is, thought he was seeing things. But you’ve been proper weird since and so’s she. Here, you don’t fancy doing a reenactment for me, do ya?”
“Oh Jesus. It was a mistake, ok? We were just drunk, and it wasn’t meant to happen, and whatever yeah, we’re friends, so it doesn’t matter.”
Cook leered at her; he was practically drooling, leaning as far as he could over the table. It was times such as those that Katie remembered Cook always would be a prick deep down. “Friends with benefits though, right?”
Katie slammed the glass on the table forcibly. “No! Cook, shut up already. I told you, it was nothing. Will you fucking drop it now?”
“Alright, take a chill pill, just saying that if you two were getting down on the regular then there’d be no complaints from me. Or her neither, I reckon.”
“Yeah? Well JJ told me something too. You kissed Freddie. It didn’t mean anything between you guys, and it didn’t mean anything between us. Got it?”
Cook had pursed his lips, and Katie could see his knuckles had turned white. She felt awful about bringing Freddie up - they didn’t normally talk about him - but at least he would understand now.
They had called it a night not long after that and gone home. Cook normally talked a lot of shit, and that night had been no exception. But him and Naomi had always had something, they just got each other, in a way that Katie didn’t really understand.
Cook had said that he thought Naomi fancied her.
It didn’t matter. Either way, it didn’t change anything. Because Katie wasn’t gay and what the fuck ever, if she were to go there then she would at least bed a lesbian with some degree of fashion sense. And she’s yet to meet one of them. So, either way, it didn’t matter.
But it did matter a bit, because Katie began to pick up on every look they shared that went on for slightly too long, and attached meaning to the arm touching, and the lip biting, and the jokes made at her expense. And the more she pieced together, the scarier the whole thing became.
It was funny, on reflection. Her mum spending all of that time years ago worrying about Naomi turning Emily gay - Emily, who’s as gay as a pride parade - when really, well, really it shouldn’t have been Emily she’d fretted over at all.
---
The start that mattered happened in the last week of May.
Katie was round there again for some pre-drinks - except they hadn’t really had that much, just a vodka each. They were sat on the couch watching the ten o’clock news. The news for fuck’s sake. Not exactly the high life.
“I still like Emily, you know?” is how Naomi chose to start the conversation.
Katie had turned to look at her.
“Well, I’m not in love with her, I mean, obviously, but I don’t hate her. It was a long time ago now and -”
“Why the fuck are you telling me this?”
“Cause I’m not here for revenge or anything, and…” Naomi trailed off and went on to examine her empty cup carefully.
“And?”
She took a breath before she answered. “And I like you, quite a lot actually, and -”
“Naomi,” Katie started, poking her in the side and trying to ignore the little burst of something that had hit her stomach and was rising up through her lungs. “Shut up, you tit.” She left her fingers resting against Naomi’s side. She didn’t know why, but it felt like it was ok now - like it was right even - to touch for a little bit longer than normal, and she felt as Naomi stopped squirming against her hand and started to relax into it.
Katie was eternally grateful for the telly then - which provided enough distraction to make the situation marginally less tense than it otherwise could have been - for once glad that Naomi likes the least sexy things on television. (Usually they’d fight over the remote whenever Katie was round, until Naomi would just lift it high over her head where she knows Katie can’t reach, and that wasn’t fucking fair, just because she’s a giant.)
It wasn’t until the sports report that Katie realised that her fingers had been tracing circles on Naomi’s waist. The awareness had startled her a little, and she stilled her hand.
The air turned thick in an instant, and Naomi’s cheeks were pink as she cleared her throat and stood. “I think I might just go to bed, you can just let yourself out and -”
“I thought we were going to the pub?” Katie said slowly as she stood. “We were meeting Cook and JJ.”
“Yeah, you should go,” Naomi replied, running a shaky hand through her hair. “I’m just, I’m not really…”
“Oh. Yeah, I didn’t… Look, I… Shit, ok?”
Naomi didn’t answer that, simply looked at her with wide eyes, as if it had only just hit home, this conversation that they were having without actually saying the words. That moment had felt like hours, days even, but looking back on it Katie knows there can only have been seconds before Naomi broke it, taking the three steps it took to close the distance between them and kissing her, with a hand in her hair and another on her back. It felt like everything, that kiss. Katie’s sure that it can’t possibly be as she remembers it, because it was so much all at once and things just don’t happen like that, especially not to people like her.
“Fuck Katie,” Naomi whispered against her lips. “Fuck. What are you doing to me?”
The small part of Katie’s brain that was still working could only think, “No, what are you doing to me?” but before she could voice it Naomi’s lips were back on hers and she couldn’t think of anything, not anymore.
They didn’t make it to the pub that night.
---
They didn’t make it to the pub all too often after that.
It was all a bit of a blur really, those few weeks. Nothing felt real, but everything felt good, in a way that it never had before. It turned out that Naomi was thoughtful underneath all of her sarcasm and bitchiness, it turned out that really, she cared. She just didn’t like to show it much, and Katie gets that all too well.
They didn’t tell Cook - or, at least Katie didn’t, she wouldn’t have even known what to say or how to say it. He caught them one night though.
After hours of looking and not touching and ridiculous teasing - which Katie had discovered that Naomi loved doing, but had no tolerance for having the favour returned - Katie had reached her limit and literally marched Naomi out of that club and round the corner where she could finally, finally just kiss her and do something rather than watch as Naomi drove her mad.
He’d cleared his throat, leaning against the wall not ten metres away. Katie had snatched her hand out from Naomi’s shirt quickly, but it wasn’t quick enough for Cook, who just laughed, and there was no alternative explanation for what he could see other than the truth.
Katie knew that that was the moment. The make it or break it moment where she could have ran, or Naomi could have ran, or something could have happened to stop them, because it was real, painfully real as soon as Cook knew and there could be no pretending otherwise.
“Don’t mind me girls, I’m just enjoying the view.”
Katie had flinched, automatically wanting to get the hell out of there and not look back, but Naomi tightened her grip on Katie’s hand, and levelled Cook with a cool stare. “Piss off Cook. It’s your round, go and get some drinks. We’ll see you inside.”
Katie had been petrified of what was to come. Whatever happened, if this was over, or if everyone was going to know, she didn’t want it, she didn’t want either of those things, it was too soon.
Naomi had seen it on her face, and squeezed her hand again. “It’s ok. It’s not a problem. Its just Cook, he’s fine. Come on.”
Naomi led the way back inside holding Katie’s hand firmly, and their fingers being intertwined was the only thing that Katie could concentrate on, because everything else was panic. She had kept her eyes down, not wanting to catch anyone looking at her and assuming, well assuming exactly what had happened. Why would they have been looking though? Because, really two girls holding hands through a crowd in a club isn’t unusual and Katie knew it, she’d done it loads of times before, but that time had felt different. That time was different.
It had been a lot easier than she had thought it was going to be though, sitting at their usual table round the back with Cook - who acted as if nothing had ever happened - and JJ who was completely oblivious.
Slowly she allowed herself to relax, with Naomi’s hand resting on her knee under the table, rubbing circles with her thumb. It hadn’t been the drama that she’d expected. It wasn’t the drama that Emily had led her to believe was necessary in these situations. It had just been them, sitting with their friends, and having a good night.
When JJ had worked it out a week later, he had looked at them with wide eyes and stuttered. Cook grabbed him by the collar, hauling him off somewhere out of sight. They returned five minutes later, JJ looking a little abashed, and that had been that. They both knew, and they didn’t care. Katie had decided at that moment that she didn’t care either, and kissed Naomi properly, in the club, where everyone could see.
---
So that’s how it started. That’s how they got to here.
Here, wrapped in Naomi’s arms, in Naomi’s bed, in Naomi’s house, with kisses being pressed against her shoulder and a quiet, “I’m going to stay.”
Katie twisted herself around to look at her properly. “What?”
“I’m not going to Manchester for uni. I’m staying here.”
“Like fuck you are babes. Don’t think you’re getting to play the martyr on me, yeah? You’re too clever not to go.”
“Ok,” Naomi says easily, as if she’d expected it. “Come with me then.” Naomi looks at her with those eyes of hers, wide and honest, and there’s no smirk there now, no overconfidence on her face.
Katie’s heart stops at the very suggestion of it. “I -” But the words get stuck in her throat, which feels as if it’s been closed off, so difficult is it to breathe.
Naomi attempts a grin. “It’s ok, if you’re worried. I checked already, and they definitely have a Topshop, so.”
A laugh escapes from Katie’s lips, and it unblocks her throat. “God, you’re such a stupid…you fucking twat.”
Naomi’s smile is less forced then. “Is that, I mean, I’ve still not done that course in mind reading yet, so is that a yes?”
Katie kisses her, rolling them over so she’s pinning Naomi to the bed by her wrists. “Yes, you complete moron. That’s a yes.”
That’s the real start.