Encounter in Eureka (NSFPW)
This morning I was walking home from the co-op at a little after 8:00 am when I approached a woman in her mid- to late-twenties escorting two small children. The first was a girl, maybe three years old, and the second was a boy of age four or five.
I have mentioned before that greeting people on the street is the norm here, so as we passed I said "good morning" and she said "good morning" and I began to put her completely out of my mind so I could get back to the haiku I was composing as I walked.
Then, from behind me, I heard the little boy speak up.
"Mommy," he asked, "does that man want to fuck you?"
"No, honey," replied the mother, matter-of-factly. I found her frankness and openness rather calming, and was able to abort the "pull the testicles up into the abdominal cavity" maneuver I had started.
"Why not?" asked the boy.
"Well," began the mother, but the extended parental explanation that would have allowed me to get out of hearing range was not to be.
"I WANT TO SEE HIS PENIS!" yelled the boy.
"PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!"* yelled the girl, and shrieked with laughter.
We were in a quiet, residential neighborhood, and I briefly envisioned the necks of old spinsters lurking behind the curtained windows crackling as heads turned in the direction of the outburst. I started walking faster.
The woman was making shushing sounds, but the boy was in full form.
"HEY MISTER! MISTER!" he yelled, "SHOW ME YOUR PENIS!"
This was the most horrifying moment of the encounter. Why? Because somewhere in my mixed up brain, the signal for "embarrassing public scene - flee!" collided head on with the signal for "someone is addressing you - stop and engage" and just for an instant I ACTUALLY STOPPED!
While it couldn't have been more than a beat or so, it seemed like I stood there for an eternity. What - exactly - was I supposed to do now? Go back and give the child a friendly talk about sex? Make a joke? Proposition his mother? Unzip on a city street and let little Eddie swing in the breeze?
Thankfully my brain managed to reconnect with my legs, and I was able to turn a corner and get out of the line of sight (and conversation) easily, though the little girl's shrieks of laughter followed after me. I was absolutely mortified! What must that poor woman have thought of me! My mind was completely jangled, my haiku forgotten, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. If that woman ever recognized me at Bayshore Mall or in Cafe Nooner, would she think of me as some sort of would-be child molester, from whom she had narrowly saved her children?
Several blocks later I spotted another woman, also escorting two children - this time twin boys. The muscles in my legs and back tensed up and I had to will them to relax. I briefly considered crossing the street to avoid them, but decided that was just a little too weird in itself. So instead I studied the clouds, studied the sun, looked at the lawns of houses - anything to avoid looking at those kids.
"Morning," said the woman as we passed.
"Morning," I replied.
And the day started moving again.
___
*It actually came out more like "BEE-nif", but you get the idea.
I have mentioned before that greeting people on the street is the norm here, so as we passed I said "good morning" and she said "good morning" and I began to put her completely out of my mind so I could get back to the haiku I was composing as I walked.
Then, from behind me, I heard the little boy speak up.
"Mommy," he asked, "does that man want to fuck you?"
"No, honey," replied the mother, matter-of-factly. I found her frankness and openness rather calming, and was able to abort the "pull the testicles up into the abdominal cavity" maneuver I had started.
"Why not?" asked the boy.
"Well," began the mother, but the extended parental explanation that would have allowed me to get out of hearing range was not to be.
"I WANT TO SEE HIS PENIS!" yelled the boy.
"PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!"* yelled the girl, and shrieked with laughter.
We were in a quiet, residential neighborhood, and I briefly envisioned the necks of old spinsters lurking behind the curtained windows crackling as heads turned in the direction of the outburst. I started walking faster.
The woman was making shushing sounds, but the boy was in full form.
"HEY MISTER! MISTER!" he yelled, "SHOW ME YOUR PENIS!"
This was the most horrifying moment of the encounter. Why? Because somewhere in my mixed up brain, the signal for "embarrassing public scene - flee!" collided head on with the signal for "someone is addressing you - stop and engage" and just for an instant I ACTUALLY STOPPED!
While it couldn't have been more than a beat or so, it seemed like I stood there for an eternity. What - exactly - was I supposed to do now? Go back and give the child a friendly talk about sex? Make a joke? Proposition his mother? Unzip on a city street and let little Eddie swing in the breeze?
Thankfully my brain managed to reconnect with my legs, and I was able to turn a corner and get out of the line of sight (and conversation) easily, though the little girl's shrieks of laughter followed after me. I was absolutely mortified! What must that poor woman have thought of me! My mind was completely jangled, my haiku forgotten, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. If that woman ever recognized me at Bayshore Mall or in Cafe Nooner, would she think of me as some sort of would-be child molester, from whom she had narrowly saved her children?
Several blocks later I spotted another woman, also escorting two children - this time twin boys. The muscles in my legs and back tensed up and I had to will them to relax. I briefly considered crossing the street to avoid them, but decided that was just a little too weird in itself. So instead I studied the clouds, studied the sun, looked at the lawns of houses - anything to avoid looking at those kids.
"Morning," said the woman as we passed.
"Morning," I replied.
And the day started moving again.
___
*It actually came out more like "BEE-nif", but you get the idea.