Energy Drink
This morning, good little capitalist consumer that I am, I decided on a lark to try one of those "7 hour energy shot" drinks that are so ubiquitous at the check-out lines of drug and convenience stores.
I have to tell you - THESE THINGS ARE THE MOST AWESOME CREATIONS EVER MADE BY THE HAND OF MAN!
Let me list their virtues
1) They look, taste, and smell exactly like cough syrup. Hell, for all I know they may actually BE cough syrup. Pop one of these babies down first thing in the morning before work and you WILL SMELL SICK.
2) They are nauseating. I don't mean that figuratively - if you guzzle one down you will feel like barfing all over your shoes within 15 minutes. This makes it very easy to ACT SICK. Without much trouble you can probably arrange to actually physically vomit after drinking one of these little wonders.
3) They leave you feeling edgy, slightly disoriented, irritable, fidgety, and unfocused for HOURS! So you will actually BE slightly ill for some time after you have one.
I realize that so far my description does not appear to be exactly sterling, but bear with me.
What do you get when you add these three benefits together? You get instant sick day in a bottle! Suck down a shot just before work, go in, vomit on a co-worker, and you are assured of being sent home for the day! PLUS as an added bonus, you are now in a perfect physical and mental state to play 7 HOURS OF WORLD OF WARCRAFT! Or any other video game of your choice. Granted you are in no shape to do anything more productive than that, but if your guild is getting together for a big loot run on a work day, these things will give you a pretty guaranteed out - and leave your body and reflexes perfectly set up to slay, slay, SLAY!
Or, to put it another way - these things are hideous and vile abominations and should never be poured into the interior of anyone's body for any reason. But you knew that already. I did too - but I'm crazy!
Time for some Guild Wars!