hate...bitterness...depression
I don't know what I want to do...with my life...with anything right @ this point. I'm extremely sick of school...of highschool "drama"...of immature little boys...of stuck up stupid you know what. I think I should just give up...forget about everything and sleep the rest of my life away...I would so much rather live in a dream than reality. I talked to Julie today...she felt bad about what I said...I told her not to worry and that it's not her fault. She listened, but she also told me something...that things would be the same if Anthony was here @ BD. Honestly, I don't think so. Maybe it would seem like that...I don't know, but I don't think it would. I don't "need" him. Not that Julie needs Chris either, but that's all she talks about. She also said there isn't much else to talk about...me and her I mean. Maybe there isn't quite as much...but somehow that shouldn't be an excuse. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I would rather stay home...start off my new and improved way of living. She told me she thinks that Tim likes me...he's a nice boy...just a sophmore. I think it's cute, but nahh...no thanks even if I didn't have a b/f. I like talking to Eric...I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep myself composed tonight...I've been a mess since yesterday. A COMPLETE mental/emotional breakdown. I have to face Brandon too...I wish he hadn't said those things...or @ least had said them to my face. I want to say something about it...but I really shouldn't because I wasn't supposed to know about it anyways. I liked working with Anthony Woods in the spirit shop again today...he's a funny guy. He's easy to talk to as well. I wish I could understand him more and get to know him. It would be interesting because he's the kind of person that never seems to be boring. I played basketball with Brandon Gulley today in gym. That was fun. I got a work out with that...and got to talk to him some. He's a pretty nice guy. I can't forget to call Greg...he might surprise Kaice and come to church tonight...I wonder if that would be weird...I hope not because I wouldn't want her to be upset with me...though I hardly doubt it. It's funny that the 2 of them are dating. They're a lot alike. I might hang out with Ashley or Hillary on Friday night...I can't wait. There's nothing I'm looking forward to more than that. I might go to Eric's swimmeet tomorrow evening, but I don't want to watch him by myself. I don't suppose Bethany would come to watch Steven. No harm in asking. I'm trying to compose myself now for practice...my makeup shows my mood...I'll have to fix it...AGAIN.
later...
later...