(no subject)
so i have had an intersting couple of days. i notice more and more that i am comstantly surrounded by ignorance and stupidity. people are so fucking cruel and i cant figure out how they can live their lives like this. last night at work, i was training someone and this kid, paul, has been there longer than i have, but is always a mess. he fucking comes into work still drunk from the afternoon of his alcoholic life and drops the f bomb and various other words...now, i use the word fuck, obviously (its in here like a million times) but not when im working around customers and new people when i dont know how they feel about it yet. so, later i was talking to the girl i was training and paul comes in the kitchen and starts ranting about how he doesnt know if the kid at his table is a boy or girl...and then proceeds to call him a faggot. i get angry and just say "paul, i told you not to use that word near me, asshole". heaven forbid some lush cant figure out what gender you are and you are automatically labeled as a faggot. i fucking hate it. so, today, just about a half hour ago, i was in wawa, and a women walked in who was dressed and acting like a women. i have seen her before and shes the sweetest nicest lady....well, she used to be a man and you can still tell very much because of facial structure and all. so, this leather jacket, peice of shit guy in front of me, with his awesome dark as hell sunglasses (which he probably wasted 200 dollars on) looks at this lady, shakes his head and cant even stand to be in the same building, leaves his shit upfront and just fucking walks out. WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH BEING NEAR SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN YOU?? this guy disgusted me that he had to fucking leave just because of that. he is scared of what he doesnt know and what....are people like me and the lady gonna rub off on you? are you afraid you'll "catch it"?
on the brighter side, today, my social problems teacher pulled me aside before class and just wanted to make sure i was alright from last week. we were talking about suicide and i got a little upset because people in the class were saying its stupid and selfish and completely dumb for someone to think that way.
wait...lemme give you the run down on this class. i have the most amazing professor. younger guy, early 30s, its all about social problems and just dicussion to learn from each other. i fucking love the class and always feel like i can take something with me when i leave.
so...i got a bit upset and left the classroom for a few minutes just so i woulndt be crying in front of 30 people. after i came back in, he called on me and asked what i thought. i said that i didnt want to offend anyone, but if you can make such a mockery out of suicide and feel that light hearted about it, than you have clearly never been anywhere near it. they have no idea what it feels like to want to die. how sad and alone you feel and how scared you are....if they knew, they never would have said that. so, today, he just wanted to make sure i was okay from last week and also wanted to tell me that i bring something to his class that no one else can. we have already been over the gay issues (some of them) and everyone knows im the token gay of the classroom, haha. but really, he said that i really mean something to him for a lot of reasons with this class and he doesnt want me to change at all. cry if i want...say whatever i feel is necessary. that he thinks the other people in my class really get something out of what i say and that they listen and possibly rethink their ideas.
that all made me feel wonderful. and yes, there is always going to be such disgusting predjudice in the world, but it can be countered with someone who can appreciate you for who you are. im proud of who i am...and i may not know exaclty what i want to do with the rest of me life, but it will come to me eventually.
im so happy.
on the brighter side, today, my social problems teacher pulled me aside before class and just wanted to make sure i was alright from last week. we were talking about suicide and i got a little upset because people in the class were saying its stupid and selfish and completely dumb for someone to think that way.
wait...lemme give you the run down on this class. i have the most amazing professor. younger guy, early 30s, its all about social problems and just dicussion to learn from each other. i fucking love the class and always feel like i can take something with me when i leave.
so...i got a bit upset and left the classroom for a few minutes just so i woulndt be crying in front of 30 people. after i came back in, he called on me and asked what i thought. i said that i didnt want to offend anyone, but if you can make such a mockery out of suicide and feel that light hearted about it, than you have clearly never been anywhere near it. they have no idea what it feels like to want to die. how sad and alone you feel and how scared you are....if they knew, they never would have said that. so, today, he just wanted to make sure i was okay from last week and also wanted to tell me that i bring something to his class that no one else can. we have already been over the gay issues (some of them) and everyone knows im the token gay of the classroom, haha. but really, he said that i really mean something to him for a lot of reasons with this class and he doesnt want me to change at all. cry if i want...say whatever i feel is necessary. that he thinks the other people in my class really get something out of what i say and that they listen and possibly rethink their ideas.
that all made me feel wonderful. and yes, there is always going to be such disgusting predjudice in the world, but it can be countered with someone who can appreciate you for who you are. im proud of who i am...and i may not know exaclty what i want to do with the rest of me life, but it will come to me eventually.
im so happy.