(no subject)
i feel like im going completely crazy. im hurting so fucking badly and i just dont know how to make it stop. we both just tried a million times over these last 10 months. i believe that there are some things that just will never work no matter how bad you want them to. fuck, it doesnt hurt any less, though. im trying so desperately to not let myself think of anything that will start the water works again..but i feel like it is impossible. my brain is just going over and over and over all the good stuff...
but this is just something that i knew i had to do. and i have to stay with it this time. no more back and forth. the worst of it is over, i think. the actual walking away is the hardest part. and i need to remember that i will be okay and so will she. she deserves better than i have given her and she deserves someone who can give it all back to her and then some.
as for me? i dont know what i deserve. and honestly, i think its no one for a while. i deserve to be alone for some time and i think its going to be good for me.
if you are reading this, i do have to say that i miss you so much already. it is an actual, physical pain in my tum to know we arent "us" anymore. but i care about you more than you know and want you to be happy. and you will.
"pulluppachair"
but this is just something that i knew i had to do. and i have to stay with it this time. no more back and forth. the worst of it is over, i think. the actual walking away is the hardest part. and i need to remember that i will be okay and so will she. she deserves better than i have given her and she deserves someone who can give it all back to her and then some.
as for me? i dont know what i deserve. and honestly, i think its no one for a while. i deserve to be alone for some time and i think its going to be good for me.
if you are reading this, i do have to say that i miss you so much already. it is an actual, physical pain in my tum to know we arent "us" anymore. but i care about you more than you know and want you to be happy. and you will.
"pulluppachair"