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I'm tired of pretending.
I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so happy.
I'm sick of people not believing me when I say I'm not.
I hate how...I'd rather just pretend to be happy, that way no one has to ask me whats wrong.
I hate liars.
I hate drunken phone calls, and confusion.
I hate that... I know he loves me, but...he lives too far away and hes making up excuses.
I hate that...I still think about Sean.
I hate that everything is so confusing.
I hate that I never call my friends back when I say I'm going to.
I hate that every line in this damn entery is I.
People just don't understand, or get it. I'm not myself lately, and I haven't been in awhile, and it sucks so much because, i dont want to make up excuses for myself because there aren't any. I got screwed over one too many times, and I dont know what to do. I dont know if I can ever love again. Anthony insists that we're getting married. I mean..Anthony...was like..my first real love after Christian, I mean...things were shitty, I'll admit to it. but alot of things were great. and then...All that shit went down with Anthony and I met Sean...and I screwed it all up because..I fell for him. and...I didn't want anything to ruin it, and I knew something would, so I pretty much ruined it for myself before something or someone else would ruin it for me.
I miss my friends, I miss being like..a party girl, and going to parties. My life consists of...Shows...Work...School. ugh. I'm so boring now its pathetic. I miss..going to Chris' house and getting so drunk and not remembering anything. I miss that, so much. well..not the getting drunk part, but the seeing chris part, it sucks so much that everythings changed. i'm gonna hang out with people....riight nicole. i know i've been saying that for months, and have I?...not really.
this entery is pretty pointless if you know nothing about me.
:(
i miss...me...
I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so happy.
I'm sick of people not believing me when I say I'm not.
I hate how...I'd rather just pretend to be happy, that way no one has to ask me whats wrong.
I hate liars.
I hate drunken phone calls, and confusion.
I hate that... I know he loves me, but...he lives too far away and hes making up excuses.
I hate that...I still think about Sean.
I hate that everything is so confusing.
I hate that I never call my friends back when I say I'm going to.
I hate that every line in this damn entery is I.
People just don't understand, or get it. I'm not myself lately, and I haven't been in awhile, and it sucks so much because, i dont want to make up excuses for myself because there aren't any. I got screwed over one too many times, and I dont know what to do. I dont know if I can ever love again. Anthony insists that we're getting married. I mean..Anthony...was like..my first real love after Christian, I mean...things were shitty, I'll admit to it. but alot of things were great. and then...All that shit went down with Anthony and I met Sean...and I screwed it all up because..I fell for him. and...I didn't want anything to ruin it, and I knew something would, so I pretty much ruined it for myself before something or someone else would ruin it for me.
I miss my friends, I miss being like..a party girl, and going to parties. My life consists of...Shows...Work...School. ugh. I'm so boring now its pathetic. I miss..going to Chris' house and getting so drunk and not remembering anything. I miss that, so much. well..not the getting drunk part, but the seeing chris part, it sucks so much that everythings changed. i'm gonna hang out with people....riight nicole. i know i've been saying that for months, and have I?...not really.
this entery is pretty pointless if you know nothing about me.
:(
i miss...me...