(no subject)
Im reading this book, it's called Candide. And basically the whole moral of the story is to look for the best in every situation.
The point of me telling you that? I cannot think of anything that has happened to me thus far this year can be looked at in a good way. It made me think of certain situations and actually I see it from all views, and not just a bad or a good.
First example. I met a guy. A nice guy. A great guy. Of course, I started to believe that if I tell people about a guy the second I meet him then its bad luck. So I kept it to myself. We werent boyfriend/girlfriend or anything but we were together in a sense. It made me realize that it is possible for someone to care about you. Ive pushed people away so much in my life that I dont realize how bad I hurt them. The good in my relationships? There is no good in my relationships and I wish I could go back in time because I know I have made mistakes and I am sorry for them. There are things I would have changed. Everything happens for a reason though, I guess.
Second. My friends. Someone recently put this into perspective for me. There are two types of friends. The friends you'd call just to hang out with and the friends you call to party with. I consider myself to have a lot of friends. But I really dont have the kinds of friends I would like to. I would love to have more of the friends that call just to go to lunch or to a movie. I havent been able to keep in touch with Tanya because I work so often. But I try to call her and she tries to call me and we do hang out just to hang out. I think to be a generally happy person you do need that. You need that person to cheer you up when youre upset. I consider myself a good friend. I would do anything for any one of my friends. I guess sometimes people are too nice and dont realize when they are being taken advantage of and thats a shame. The good in my friendships? There is some good. I have friends that I can call and talk with if I have to. Theres friends that can help me if I have a problem. Maybe not everyone I think is a friend is a friend. Basically, atleast I know I have that handful.
Thirdly. My family. Not everyone gets along with their family, but I do. To an extent. I cant for the life of me find the best of not growing up with a mom, but maybe thats how it was supposed to be. I cant find the best in having so many people in and out of my family, but maybe thats how its supposed to be, too. I envy the people who still have two parents that arent divorced. I envy the people who can go home and talk to their mom and dad. I envy the people who can rely on not just one of their real parents but both of them. It tears me apart to think how a Mom could just leave her children. And for eighteen years just not CARE. I could pass the woman on the street and not know who it is, and that really hurts. I envy the people who dont have to feel like that. All my friends for the most part have both of their parents, and if they dont, atleast the majority of them are still in the picture. I love my dad. I couldnt have asked for a more caring person. But come on Mom, would it have killed you to step up and do something for your kids, cause seriously. You dont know what its like. Ive dealt with it and Im over it now, I really am. I love my family with all my heart and I know that if I ever need anything that they can help me, and if they need anything from me I can give it if I have it. The good in my family? Theres always good in family. No matter how many problems you think you have, you can always go home. Because the people there are the people that actually CARE about you.
Lastly. Life in general. I cant say Ive had it so bad. Because people have it worse than I do. I just wish I did some things differently. I wish that I did very well in school and could have gotten a scholarship. I wish I could have gotten into a great school and not just have to settle for LCCC becuase thats all I can afford. Work. I work two fucking jobs. I am constantly stressed out. Im fucking eighteen and I have problems I shouldnt have. I havent had a car for about three weeks now. Ive had a lot of time to sit back and think about a lot of things. Maybe I shouldnt have. Back to friends. I think a total of four people make attempts to call me. Its sad, it really is. The good in my life? Maybe I just havent found it yet.
Congrats, Dorothy. You just won the prize for most annoying complainer ever. I dont care. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest.
The point of me telling you that? I cannot think of anything that has happened to me thus far this year can be looked at in a good way. It made me think of certain situations and actually I see it from all views, and not just a bad or a good.
First example. I met a guy. A nice guy. A great guy. Of course, I started to believe that if I tell people about a guy the second I meet him then its bad luck. So I kept it to myself. We werent boyfriend/girlfriend or anything but we were together in a sense. It made me realize that it is possible for someone to care about you. Ive pushed people away so much in my life that I dont realize how bad I hurt them. The good in my relationships? There is no good in my relationships and I wish I could go back in time because I know I have made mistakes and I am sorry for them. There are things I would have changed. Everything happens for a reason though, I guess.
Second. My friends. Someone recently put this into perspective for me. There are two types of friends. The friends you'd call just to hang out with and the friends you call to party with. I consider myself to have a lot of friends. But I really dont have the kinds of friends I would like to. I would love to have more of the friends that call just to go to lunch or to a movie. I havent been able to keep in touch with Tanya because I work so often. But I try to call her and she tries to call me and we do hang out just to hang out. I think to be a generally happy person you do need that. You need that person to cheer you up when youre upset. I consider myself a good friend. I would do anything for any one of my friends. I guess sometimes people are too nice and dont realize when they are being taken advantage of and thats a shame. The good in my friendships? There is some good. I have friends that I can call and talk with if I have to. Theres friends that can help me if I have a problem. Maybe not everyone I think is a friend is a friend. Basically, atleast I know I have that handful.
Thirdly. My family. Not everyone gets along with their family, but I do. To an extent. I cant for the life of me find the best of not growing up with a mom, but maybe thats how it was supposed to be. I cant find the best in having so many people in and out of my family, but maybe thats how its supposed to be, too. I envy the people who still have two parents that arent divorced. I envy the people who can go home and talk to their mom and dad. I envy the people who can rely on not just one of their real parents but both of them. It tears me apart to think how a Mom could just leave her children. And for eighteen years just not CARE. I could pass the woman on the street and not know who it is, and that really hurts. I envy the people who dont have to feel like that. All my friends for the most part have both of their parents, and if they dont, atleast the majority of them are still in the picture. I love my dad. I couldnt have asked for a more caring person. But come on Mom, would it have killed you to step up and do something for your kids, cause seriously. You dont know what its like. Ive dealt with it and Im over it now, I really am. I love my family with all my heart and I know that if I ever need anything that they can help me, and if they need anything from me I can give it if I have it. The good in my family? Theres always good in family. No matter how many problems you think you have, you can always go home. Because the people there are the people that actually CARE about you.
Lastly. Life in general. I cant say Ive had it so bad. Because people have it worse than I do. I just wish I did some things differently. I wish that I did very well in school and could have gotten a scholarship. I wish I could have gotten into a great school and not just have to settle for LCCC becuase thats all I can afford. Work. I work two fucking jobs. I am constantly stressed out. Im fucking eighteen and I have problems I shouldnt have. I havent had a car for about three weeks now. Ive had a lot of time to sit back and think about a lot of things. Maybe I shouldnt have. Back to friends. I think a total of four people make attempts to call me. Its sad, it really is. The good in my life? Maybe I just havent found it yet.
Congrats, Dorothy. You just won the prize for most annoying complainer ever. I dont care. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest.