And I said I've gotta be honest, I've been waiting for you all my life.

[em08]

Ok, so I'm in a better mood tonight. I'm at Ash's :). We've been working on this damn project all night. But it's ok. I got my picture taken today..ew. It went well though. An hour and a half, but yeah..worth it? I felt really bad that I couldn't go to the mall with Steve today, damn pictures. It's been two months already, am I surprised we've made it this far? No. I can honestly say that this time feels for real, and that I honestly love him. I love everything about him. I love being with him, and I love loving him. I wouldn't have rather spent these past two months any other way. In the beginning I tried really hard to say, "your just a teenager, you won't actually love him" but I do. Does it scare me? Yeah, it does. But I like the feeling. I like not knowing what will happen next, but knowing it'll be something good. I've realized that I'm lucky. That I'm finally lucky. I was getting tired of being alone. I feel bad sitting here, and doing this to you all. You must all get sick of hearing about how great I think I have it. For some of you, you know it wasn't always this way. I don't think it's really ever been this way. Ashley thinks it's because I was picky, maybe I am. But I'm glad I don't have to be picky anymore. Ashley says I've picked a good one. A complement like that doesn't come easily from her. Let me tell you. She's sad. And it makes me sad. Sometimes. No, not really. But it makes me feel sad for her. And I do, but I think that she needs to take charge! She needs to let people know how she feels, she lets herself go unnoticed by people she cares about, and it makes me mad. She makes me mad when she won't listen and when she's stubborn, but knows I'm right. And I'm mad that she's sitting her reading this as I write it and saying to herself "she's pretty fucking right." I'm also mad that she's laughing at me, it makes me want to hurt her. And I'm mad that she's mad because I put her cat in her backpack. But no matter how many times, she hits me, or yells at me, or tries to throw me off her snowmobile going 50 miles an hour, and no matter how many times she calls me gay and screams loud obcene things I'll always love her because she's Ashley and she's the best (and worst) friend I've ever had. Done.

I couldn't love you any better, I love you juSt the way you are