My Spuffy-Fic Quirks
I'm at the point of my reading career in the spuffy fandom where good fics are harder and harder to come by. And as I go down the list of lesser-known writers, cringe-worthy moments that I used to find sporadically just occur more and more often until finally my jaw muscles start aching and I stop reading entirely.
The thing is these 'moments' don't belong to my usual criteria for bad fics. It’s not character bashing, bad grammar or bad spelling. It’s just some kinks I personally cannot stand. One or two of these doesn't stop me from reading the fic, especially if the writing is good. But when it starts piling up within one individual story, dear god. The biggest nightmare for me is to find that one fic out there that has all of the below inside. *cringe*
“I love you for a dime”
1. “I love you” gets thrown around by Buffy at every moment possible. C’mon, it took Buffy what, three years in the canon to even be able to sound those words, and in a whisper no less. And suddenly, she’s spouting it at a rate that verbose Spike would be hard-pressed to beat? Later seasons’ Buffy’s inability to voice her emotions is a very big part of what defines her, so much so if a fic commits just this one offence, I switch off immediately. Less is more, people.
“Spike is better than Angel or Riley in bed!”
2. This is for fics that take place after Buffy’s relationships with Angel and Riley. After a memorable bout of sex, she starts comparing her past bed partners with Spike. Angel is too afraid of hurting her, Riley is safe and boring, Spike is mind-blowing, blah blah. It’s supposed to say something good about Spike. Fine. But it definitely doesn’t say anything good about Buffy if she spends the afterglow racking up the pros and cons of sleeping with him.
“Spike is my dream-catcher”
3. Somehow, Buffy or Spike are transformed into walking security blankets. Nightmares automatically vanish when one sleeps with the other nearby. I’m sure there is psychological evidence that this is true, but after reading the umpteenth fic where this happens, the only evidence is my psychological damage.
“The hybrid vampire”
4. This one almost always comes across like a funk to me. Spike turns human but retains all his vampiric strengths. Wanting your cake and eating it, much? To be fair, there are many stories that have written hybrid Spike successfully, but there are so many others that read across as purely taking the easy way out. Because it is the easy way out. Spike being a soulless vampire was the reason why Buffy rejected him. Spike being her physical equal as in able to fight with her and run hours-long sexual marathons was the reason why Buffy was attracted to him. So combine the good parts, throw out the bad and you get a match made in heaven? Not for me.
“I get to bite her at the drop of a hat”
5. Without any proper motivation or explanation, Buffy willingly lets Spike bite and drink from her. She has been bitten three times in canon. All three times, she was far from jumping in joy at the prospect. It’s going to take a lot for her to allow Spike to bite her. I suspect this one has something to do with fanfic archives that will only accept fics with biting involved. Not saying they force the trend on, but they inevitably raise awareness about this particular kink.
“Claiming makes for good sex and nifty homing beacons”
6. One step up from bitey fics. There are some pretty good claiming stories out there, stories where the claim is essential to the plot. Most of the time though, it becomes a tag-on that codifies Spike and Buffy as soul-mates. Then after the claim, there is no more development in their relationship. Except for the improved sex. And the spiffy side-effect of being able to sense each other’s whereabouts becomes the lazy writer’s device to get away from needing to plan out a good plot. Right now, I'm just waiting for someone to open an archive that accepts only claim-y fics. Ugh.
I never once believe that Spike and Buffy are soul-mates, destined for each other, matchmade by the Powers That Be for the greater good. There were many times in the canon when they came close to killing each other but for the grace of Joss Whedon and his bunch of merry writers. I don't deny that there is a connection between their different natures, Slayer vs Vampire, Light vs Dark, but for me, that's as far as it goes. It is a foundation, nothing more. What Buffy and Spike came to have started off with a specific set of circumstances, but the rest was sheer hard work. No quarters, no excuses.
Many of the kinks listed above seem to support the belief that there is a mystical force wanting them to be together. But ironically, that force usually turns out to be lazy authors slapping on convenient plot devices in an attempt to sell me their version of the pair. It makes me extremely grateful for the many good authors out there that actively steer clear of such easy fixes, yet are still able to write utterly convincing spuffy fics.
The thing is these 'moments' don't belong to my usual criteria for bad fics. It’s not character bashing, bad grammar or bad spelling. It’s just some kinks I personally cannot stand. One or two of these doesn't stop me from reading the fic, especially if the writing is good. But when it starts piling up within one individual story, dear god. The biggest nightmare for me is to find that one fic out there that has all of the below inside. *cringe*
“I love you for a dime”
1. “I love you” gets thrown around by Buffy at every moment possible. C’mon, it took Buffy what, three years in the canon to even be able to sound those words, and in a whisper no less. And suddenly, she’s spouting it at a rate that verbose Spike would be hard-pressed to beat? Later seasons’ Buffy’s inability to voice her emotions is a very big part of what defines her, so much so if a fic commits just this one offence, I switch off immediately. Less is more, people.
“Spike is better than Angel or Riley in bed!”
2. This is for fics that take place after Buffy’s relationships with Angel and Riley. After a memorable bout of sex, she starts comparing her past bed partners with Spike. Angel is too afraid of hurting her, Riley is safe and boring, Spike is mind-blowing, blah blah. It’s supposed to say something good about Spike. Fine. But it definitely doesn’t say anything good about Buffy if she spends the afterglow racking up the pros and cons of sleeping with him.
“Spike is my dream-catcher”
3. Somehow, Buffy or Spike are transformed into walking security blankets. Nightmares automatically vanish when one sleeps with the other nearby. I’m sure there is psychological evidence that this is true, but after reading the umpteenth fic where this happens, the only evidence is my psychological damage.
“The hybrid vampire”
4. This one almost always comes across like a funk to me. Spike turns human but retains all his vampiric strengths. Wanting your cake and eating it, much? To be fair, there are many stories that have written hybrid Spike successfully, but there are so many others that read across as purely taking the easy way out. Because it is the easy way out. Spike being a soulless vampire was the reason why Buffy rejected him. Spike being her physical equal as in able to fight with her and run hours-long sexual marathons was the reason why Buffy was attracted to him. So combine the good parts, throw out the bad and you get a match made in heaven? Not for me.
“I get to bite her at the drop of a hat”
5. Without any proper motivation or explanation, Buffy willingly lets Spike bite and drink from her. She has been bitten three times in canon. All three times, she was far from jumping in joy at the prospect. It’s going to take a lot for her to allow Spike to bite her. I suspect this one has something to do with fanfic archives that will only accept fics with biting involved. Not saying they force the trend on, but they inevitably raise awareness about this particular kink.
“Claiming makes for good sex and nifty homing beacons”
6. One step up from bitey fics. There are some pretty good claiming stories out there, stories where the claim is essential to the plot. Most of the time though, it becomes a tag-on that codifies Spike and Buffy as soul-mates. Then after the claim, there is no more development in their relationship. Except for the improved sex. And the spiffy side-effect of being able to sense each other’s whereabouts becomes the lazy writer’s device to get away from needing to plan out a good plot. Right now, I'm just waiting for someone to open an archive that accepts only claim-y fics. Ugh.
I never once believe that Spike and Buffy are soul-mates, destined for each other, matchmade by the Powers That Be for the greater good. There were many times in the canon when they came close to killing each other but for the grace of Joss Whedon and his bunch of merry writers. I don't deny that there is a connection between their different natures, Slayer vs Vampire, Light vs Dark, but for me, that's as far as it goes. It is a foundation, nothing more. What Buffy and Spike came to have started off with a specific set of circumstances, but the rest was sheer hard work. No quarters, no excuses.
Many of the kinks listed above seem to support the belief that there is a mystical force wanting them to be together. But ironically, that force usually turns out to be lazy authors slapping on convenient plot devices in an attempt to sell me their version of the pair. It makes me extremely grateful for the many good authors out there that actively steer clear of such easy fixes, yet are still able to write utterly convincing spuffy fics.