Demaskification
These girls make me want to call them bad names. One in particular. It rhymes with switches. And twichtes. And witches.
I thought maybe the dynamic in this apartment might change once Ty left, but that just made Tanya and Tara into the two mouseketeers, instead of three.
I will admit that I am not a great listener and that I don't care about Tanya's frilly 'i like boys' crap, but I am a nice person. I am willing to be friends with anyone. Until you annoy me.
I'll admit that I really don't like Tanya's incessent chatter and that I think Tara is slightly superficial, but I am totally ready and willing to hang out with you and have conversations and have fun and be a part of your life, rather than just this body that happens to show up when you don't want me.
At least I know both Tanya and Tara will be leaving this apartment in three weeks. I have no idea yet if Jackie, Tanya's friend that's moving in soon, will be staying for summer or not. So if she's Tanya's friend maybe she's just like Tanya, but maybe that also means she'll follow Tanya in leaving at the end of this semester.
I hate the games girls play. I don't know if guys do it too, but girls put on these fronts like they care about you and want to be nice, but it's all a lie.
Tanya and Tara have taken to whispering, whispering! when I happen to be in the same room.
Too bad we have to share a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room.
I keep to myself a lot, but that's just how I have to be. I have an insane amount of schoolwork to do; all the time! If I don't shut myself up in my room, I will never get it done. I can't help it if they don't have as much work to do as me.
I also can't help it that we have to share living space. All I want is that we be upfront about not liking the other person. You have a topic you want to discuss but not share with me? Fine, you go ahead and talk and I will ignore you and pretend I can't hear a word. But don't pretend you don't like my presence by remaining there but whispering so that I'm not a part of the conversation. Just be upfront. Don't play games.
In past conversations with Mom about how I've felt excluded from my roommates here, she asked if I ever include myself. I told her I didn't want to ingratiate myself if I wasn't wanted. Sometimes I did anyway, but without knowing if they did or did not actually want to include me, I always felt awkward and like a 4th wheel. I've tried a little to make it apparent that even though I study all the time, I want to have fun, I want to be one of the girls.
They only ever invited me somewhere the rest of them were going, once. And that's because I was standing right there and they were talking about doing a just roommates thing (rather than invite other friends).
I've often wanted to know if they just don't like me, if they really didn't want me to be a part of the group. And if someone would be honest and tell me that, so I knew where things lay, I would be fine. Cuz I wouldn't be doing all the stupid analyizing and thinking crap girls are prone to.
But now I'm certain they don't like me, and maybe on some tiny level my feelings are hurt, I'll admit that's a possibility. I'll also admit I like knowing the gossip and the whispering makes me think there's something being said that I would enjoy knowing. But this is, in the larger scope, a minutiae, a trifle. Mostly I'm ticked off because I expended energy on being willing to like them and trying to be friends and because they're being farcical about liking me.
I hate masks and I hate games.
Just put it out in the open and be done with it. You don't like me and I won't care about you.
I thought maybe the dynamic in this apartment might change once Ty left, but that just made Tanya and Tara into the two mouseketeers, instead of three.
I will admit that I am not a great listener and that I don't care about Tanya's frilly 'i like boys' crap, but I am a nice person. I am willing to be friends with anyone. Until you annoy me.
I'll admit that I really don't like Tanya's incessent chatter and that I think Tara is slightly superficial, but I am totally ready and willing to hang out with you and have conversations and have fun and be a part of your life, rather than just this body that happens to show up when you don't want me.
At least I know both Tanya and Tara will be leaving this apartment in three weeks. I have no idea yet if Jackie, Tanya's friend that's moving in soon, will be staying for summer or not. So if she's Tanya's friend maybe she's just like Tanya, but maybe that also means she'll follow Tanya in leaving at the end of this semester.
I hate the games girls play. I don't know if guys do it too, but girls put on these fronts like they care about you and want to be nice, but it's all a lie.
Tanya and Tara have taken to whispering, whispering! when I happen to be in the same room.
Too bad we have to share a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room.
I keep to myself a lot, but that's just how I have to be. I have an insane amount of schoolwork to do; all the time! If I don't shut myself up in my room, I will never get it done. I can't help it if they don't have as much work to do as me.
I also can't help it that we have to share living space. All I want is that we be upfront about not liking the other person. You have a topic you want to discuss but not share with me? Fine, you go ahead and talk and I will ignore you and pretend I can't hear a word. But don't pretend you don't like my presence by remaining there but whispering so that I'm not a part of the conversation. Just be upfront. Don't play games.
In past conversations with Mom about how I've felt excluded from my roommates here, she asked if I ever include myself. I told her I didn't want to ingratiate myself if I wasn't wanted. Sometimes I did anyway, but without knowing if they did or did not actually want to include me, I always felt awkward and like a 4th wheel. I've tried a little to make it apparent that even though I study all the time, I want to have fun, I want to be one of the girls.
They only ever invited me somewhere the rest of them were going, once. And that's because I was standing right there and they were talking about doing a just roommates thing (rather than invite other friends).
I've often wanted to know if they just don't like me, if they really didn't want me to be a part of the group. And if someone would be honest and tell me that, so I knew where things lay, I would be fine. Cuz I wouldn't be doing all the stupid analyizing and thinking crap girls are prone to.
But now I'm certain they don't like me, and maybe on some tiny level my feelings are hurt, I'll admit that's a possibility. I'll also admit I like knowing the gossip and the whispering makes me think there's something being said that I would enjoy knowing. But this is, in the larger scope, a minutiae, a trifle. Mostly I'm ticked off because I expended energy on being willing to like them and trying to be friends and because they're being farcical about liking me.
I hate masks and I hate games.
Just put it out in the open and be done with it. You don't like me and I won't care about you.