My Summer Vacation
By Heather ElysianTurtle Mothaphobujucka
Bora Bora. 'Nuff said.
Wait, that's not very unusual, is it bunyip?
So, how about the opportunity to go to Sri Lanka and teach English to some Buddhist Monks? That would work, wouldn't it? I can't imagine the peace and relaxation and meditation I could get from being around those fellas. And in return, I could teach them the difference between loose and lose, how to properly use an apostrophe, how never to use the term "uber" or tell someone they'd like to "download" the teachings of the Buddha to someone. Don't worry, I'd leave their dangling prepositions alone. It's just what's right.
Man, I would LOVE that.
I wonder if I'd have to wear their robes or if that's just for them. I don't really look that great in saffron. Or robes for that matter. My boobs are so big that with my shape I look pregnant. Next thing you know I'll end up on the cover of the Sri Lankan Enquirer as that HO-BAG monk who got knocked up. Or maybe I would be touted as the second coming of the Buddha. That could be cool. Maybe I'd get free stuff. Maybe people would, like, worship me. Like the princess I am. Only they would think I'm just this 40 year old woman who is clearly too old to get knocked up PLUS I'm wearing monks robes so it MUST be ninth fold on the Eight Fold Path. Right?
OrOR, I could go and volunteer on a lion conservation park in South Africa and play with the lion cubs while they are being growed up and readied for the wild to go forth and repopulate the waning African lion numbers. Effing poachers and feline TB. I could scoop up their poop (one cub can't be worse than my five puny little domesticated cats) and take them on walks and let them suck on my thumb. GENTLY.
I would so do it. And I would look at the tourists who just come for the lion walk with great disdain. Oh it's nice you pay your money to walk with them, but pay MORE money to volunteer to help them. And I might go off on of my tangents and want to hunt down poachers. Hell, I want to do that as it is. I would totally be the super hero who would fight poachers the world over. I don't like poachers. Poacher are teh sux.
Anyone want to take up money and send me to one of these places for a month for my mid-life crisis? Hey, it's cheaper than a corvette.
Bora Bora. 'Nuff said.
Wait, that's not very unusual, is it bunyip?
So, how about the opportunity to go to Sri Lanka and teach English to some Buddhist Monks? That would work, wouldn't it? I can't imagine the peace and relaxation and meditation I could get from being around those fellas. And in return, I could teach them the difference between loose and lose, how to properly use an apostrophe, how never to use the term "uber" or tell someone they'd like to "download" the teachings of the Buddha to someone. Don't worry, I'd leave their dangling prepositions alone. It's just what's right.
Man, I would LOVE that.
I wonder if I'd have to wear their robes or if that's just for them. I don't really look that great in saffron. Or robes for that matter. My boobs are so big that with my shape I look pregnant. Next thing you know I'll end up on the cover of the Sri Lankan Enquirer as that HO-BAG monk who got knocked up. Or maybe I would be touted as the second coming of the Buddha. That could be cool. Maybe I'd get free stuff. Maybe people would, like, worship me. Like the princess I am. Only they would think I'm just this 40 year old woman who is clearly too old to get knocked up PLUS I'm wearing monks robes so it MUST be ninth fold on the Eight Fold Path. Right?
OrOR, I could go and volunteer on a lion conservation park in South Africa and play with the lion cubs while they are being growed up and readied for the wild to go forth and repopulate the waning African lion numbers. Effing poachers and feline TB. I could scoop up their poop (one cub can't be worse than my five puny little domesticated cats) and take them on walks and let them suck on my thumb. GENTLY.
I would so do it. And I would look at the tourists who just come for the lion walk with great disdain. Oh it's nice you pay your money to walk with them, but pay MORE money to volunteer to help them. And I might go off on of my tangents and want to hunt down poachers. Hell, I want to do that as it is. I would totally be the super hero who would fight poachers the world over. I don't like poachers. Poacher are teh sux.
Anyone want to take up money and send me to one of these places for a month for my mid-life crisis? Hey, it's cheaper than a corvette.