i cant stand who ive becum

[elyse993]

so many things have gone thru my head today. i was so upset that i even started to cry, which i havent done in a long time. what else is new? im going back to my old ways. it doesnt matter what i do to be happy or start being happy something or someone always trys to take that from me. but this time i dont know if it is someone else, or just me. i dont know what is going on, but i wish i did. its like no matter how happy i get something is keeping me from being happy. i dont want to be here anymore. i really dont. i want to go far far away, and start over. meet new people, make new friends, not have anything to do with the people i know now. i want to go somewhere that no one knows me, or knows how i am. i want to start over and be some new. i wouldnt want to be me becuz i cant stand me. i shouldnt care what people say about me, or think or anything but once again im going back into my hole and all of a sudden i care what they are sayin to me. i dont wanna go back to the way things were in 8th grade but it looks like thats where im headed again... i dont understand why all of this has to be brought on again. why is it happening now? i was fine the way things were, i was starting to be happy and figure shit out and now its like what do i honestly have here for me? im nothing and i will never amount to anything. i have nothing to look forward to. i feel like no one has any faith in me, so why should i try to do good in school? im starting to loose faith in myself, i know that no matter how good i do it will never be enough, nothing i ever do is good enough. w/e i dont care anymore but yet i care so much... about alot but no one else cares so w/e

this shits fucked up

i dont wanna talk about it anymore... just 4get it

i wish i could be invisible... since im here and im not gunna do anything stupid to leave i dont want people to notice me anymore, not like they do anyways...

im out