(no subject)
I logged on here to get an email address of one of my hubya's friends. Now I feel inclined to write an entry. I haven't been on this journal for a very long time. I'm trying to plan for Shannon's birthday. It's a biggee. He is officially on top of the hill in about one month. A little over one month. One month and three days to be exact. He's hard to surprise. I still remember his 33rd bday surprise. That was cool. He had so many friends show up for him. That was a tough time in his life. It was a tough time in my life. Ahhhhh rebounds... what fun. But, I say with a raise of my eyebrow and tilt of my head, this rebound actually worked out in the end. Sure we had to take a break for many years while we both had our heads straightened. Mine needed professional straightening, but still... I got it done. And now...? Now I'm boring. Isn't it funny? I feel colorless without all my issues. Life has become "fine." It's weird being okay. I've been okay for a while now. Sometimes I miss the chaos of being crazy. Naaaaah... I just reread that sentence and my gut twisted. I don't miss the chaos. I don't miss the misery. I'm fine with being fine.
Shannon and I are considering a family. Me... a mom. Shoot, I still make myself mac and cheese without any side dishes. Hilary had her baby... Melissa had her's... Hil went through a horrid depression. Mel said she cried a lot at first. Life is over for a while. Am I ready for that? How can we survive financially? It seems hard now. It's probably not as hard as I'm making it out to be in my head... I mean we're doing fine, but add a baby and I'm not sure if we can be fine. Although, I look at the families that I work with (shining examples of parenthood) and although they are dirt poor, they still had kids. I guess lots of people have kids without a lot of money and still manage to make it. Shannon and I are by no means paupers.
But then I ask myself about having a baby here... in Douglasville... with little support. Girl's here, and I know she'd be a big help. hell, she's a big help with our four-footed children. Seann's here now, but he is still getting his footing and lives a little ways away. And all our other friends are fairly self-absorbed. And they have their lives established. Not to mention they won't step foot out of the perimeter. Sssigh. Family is far away. And who's fault is that? Mine. I'm the one who pushed coming here. I'm not upset that I did as this is a great place weather-wise and topography-wise... Shannon seems to have come out of his rut. He's enjoying his new job and is intellectually stimulated by it which is nice to see.
there's just not a lot of social network here. i wouldn't have had one in Michigan. Shannon had one in Bloomington. Bloomington probably was the best place to go to start a family. And it still may be where we end up in the next five years or so. Going to South Bend really doesn't seem like an option. I really can't see living there again. I hear of old friends still there and just wonder why. having a baby would change a whole hell-of-alot for us. Maybe it's the thing that would make it okay to move back to SB. I doubt it.
I can hear Shannon working away in the garage. Ha! We have a garage. And it fits both our motorcycles and two cars!! It's huge! It's the biggest part of our little house. Yeah... we're okay. Whatever happens happens. We're not rushing into anything. But if all else fails the baby can live in the garage.
Shannon and I are considering a family. Me... a mom. Shoot, I still make myself mac and cheese without any side dishes. Hilary had her baby... Melissa had her's... Hil went through a horrid depression. Mel said she cried a lot at first. Life is over for a while. Am I ready for that? How can we survive financially? It seems hard now. It's probably not as hard as I'm making it out to be in my head... I mean we're doing fine, but add a baby and I'm not sure if we can be fine. Although, I look at the families that I work with (shining examples of parenthood) and although they are dirt poor, they still had kids. I guess lots of people have kids without a lot of money and still manage to make it. Shannon and I are by no means paupers.
But then I ask myself about having a baby here... in Douglasville... with little support. Girl's here, and I know she'd be a big help. hell, she's a big help with our four-footed children. Seann's here now, but he is still getting his footing and lives a little ways away. And all our other friends are fairly self-absorbed. And they have their lives established. Not to mention they won't step foot out of the perimeter. Sssigh. Family is far away. And who's fault is that? Mine. I'm the one who pushed coming here. I'm not upset that I did as this is a great place weather-wise and topography-wise... Shannon seems to have come out of his rut. He's enjoying his new job and is intellectually stimulated by it which is nice to see.
there's just not a lot of social network here. i wouldn't have had one in Michigan. Shannon had one in Bloomington. Bloomington probably was the best place to go to start a family. And it still may be where we end up in the next five years or so. Going to South Bend really doesn't seem like an option. I really can't see living there again. I hear of old friends still there and just wonder why. having a baby would change a whole hell-of-alot for us. Maybe it's the thing that would make it okay to move back to SB. I doubt it.
I can hear Shannon working away in the garage. Ha! We have a garage. And it fits both our motorcycles and two cars!! It's huge! It's the biggest part of our little house. Yeah... we're okay. Whatever happens happens. We're not rushing into anything. But if all else fails the baby can live in the garage.