Didn't I Tell You?

Feb 13, 2009 03:20



Words of wisdom from the boss. It's beginning to dawn on me that she's probably a micro-manager. Telling the blog instead of her.

"Don't send me email. If it's something important, tell me in person. I don't have time to read email."

Interpretation:
  • Even though I said I want everything in writing for clarification, I didn't really mean it.
  • I don't feel like reading lots of email.

"And if you know you're going to be out of the office, send me an email."

Interpretation: See above.

"I told you that before."

Interpretation:
  • I'm not really sure if I told you that, but if I say it often enough, you'll believe it. And so will I.
  • I forgot to tell you, but I'm not going to admit it.
  • I don't want to hear your explanation so I'm going to cut you off.
  • Does it really sound like I'm playing one-upmanship?
  • You forgot. And no, I won't send you an email to remind you, and don't you send me email, because I don't read it regularly. 

"Here's the deadline for [fill in the blank] report."

Interpretation: Why did you ask me if it is a firm deadline? Of course it's a firm deadline, even though it keeps changing. And by the way, the report procedure is changing too. Ignore what I said yesterday and last week; I changed my mind/policy/procedure today.

"I want to make sure we're all accessing the same document/template."

Interpretation: Therefore, I'm going to call you at home on your day off for your computer logon and password to see if I can see the same folders on the server from your computer as from mine. And maybe I'll snoop around your "my documents" to see if you've stored an older version there. And, obviously an emergency like this can't wait until tomorrow for me to ask you when you come in. And no, I don't remember that we changed the template halfway through the project, and that might be why some of the earlier letters look different, because they were done before I corrected the current template.

"I want to make sure we're all doing things the same way. If you call out sick/dead/on vacation tomorrow, any of us could end up working on this document. It's all going to be in a procedures manual, templates, font size, how to do UPS or FedEx, everything."

Interpretation: (While it's a good idea to organize the hardcopy and electronic files so everyone can find things):
  • Heaven forbid anyone else could come up with a better way to do it. Office zombies don't ask questions or get creative or have a better way of working. 
  • And that's why I re-edited the procedure I asked you to write. 

"Why is there a computer file folder with the same name duplicated INSIDE the folder?"

Interpretation: No, you don't need to ask the systems guy over here. Oh, it looks like someone created a SHORTCUT to the folder, they didn't really DUPLICATE it. You just explained that, and then you deleted the shortcut. Well, I can't stand it when people leave folder shortcuts on the server, it's messy. I've got to ask everyone in our department about it first rather than just delete it.

"What do you mean, you thought I got off work at 4:30? That was before I got promoted. Now I get off at 6, 7, 8, because [my boss] always needs something."

Interpretation:
  • I now get paid too much to have a life. And I even come in weekends. Who cares, the kids are grown and gone.
  • My boss is a workaholic so I have to be one too.

"Yes, [name], the new employee, started yesterday."

Interpretation:
  • Of course I didn't introduce her or send an email. I just assumed everybody knew.
  • And I'm sure I told you that she was getting your current (fancy) phone and your current extension and you were getting another one. I didn't say last week I didn't know why the facilities people moved your phone.

"Well, I have a bag of grapes here for my lunch."

Interpretation:
  • What do you mean, "we can't have a meeting, you didn't bring food?"  What do you mean, "it was a joke?" Of course I have this confused look on my face. I don't understand the concept of humor. (I'm from Vulcan.)
  • What do you mean, 'I'd make a great straight man?" Good night, Gracie.

"Pack up your cubicle. Our department is moving. No, I don't know where you're moving to, but we'll all be working together in the same section instead of spread around the building."

Interpretation: (Once packed): Didn't I tell you, you're not moving. All the part-time people like you are being moved to your section. Of course I don't remember that months ago [my boss and her boss] promised you a larger space to work in.

"[Fellow employee] has been working really hard, calling and emailing people to send their documents in."

Interpretation: Of course I don't remember telling you that I decided she was going to be responsible for doing that from now on, not you.

"[Fellow employee] isn't using the form you designed for tracking. People were making too many mistakes. We're using one form."

Interpretation:
  • Of course I didn't tell you that [name] isn't using the tracking form you designed. I just assumed you knew.
  • I reinvented the wheel in the name of not having to reinvent the wheel. There will now obviously be fewer mistakes made since we are all using the form I (re)designed, even though you designed it for your old boss before she left, long before I ever became your boss.

A Little P.S. (after I arrived at work the day following the original post):

Dear Boss,

Thank you for:
  • Rearranging the hanging files in my desk for me, and refiling all those documents I had set aside for copying at your request.
  • Carefully explaining how it was too confusing to other staff not to keep the files in their individual folders, even though I had to take them all out of the individual folders again to give to your boss when I came in today.
  • The helpful suggestion that I carry the files to the copier "in each individual folder" so other staff would not get confused by the sight of an empty folder. 
  • Letting me know when I arrived today that the report template had changed once again, and we are using a new template, and all those letters I worked on needed to be revised.
  • Informing me that I don't need to retype each letter individually, I can just cut and paste from the new template. I'm sure you just forgot that I've been doing office/library work since I was 19, and I'm the same age as you. We all have our senior moments.
  • And I really enjoyed that lightning round of "who's on first, what's on second" that we played while I tried to figure out your instructions. 

I don't expect you to know (since I never mentioned it and no, it's not on my resume) that I was using a PC before Windows meant something other than glass, and that in high school I learned how to type on an honest-to-god typewriter--you know, back in the dawn of time when CP/M was an OS, Steve Jobs & Bill Gates were playing D&D, and dinosaurs roamed the earth.

zombie, micromanager, work

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