A World Without Harry: Chapter 6
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5
“Ah, Mr. Potter. Nice to see you walking in here rather than being levitated in.”
“Yeah, thanks,” said Harry as he took the seat opposite Healer Mary Spinnet. “You don’t mind my saying that I’d rather not be here at all, do you?”
“To be quite honest Mr. Potter, I feel the same way. It would mean that you were feeling better, and I could pop off for a quick nap, but alas, it seems neither of us are going to completely get our way this morning. So let us make the best of it, hmm?”
Harry couldn’t help but smile. She might seem a little formal at times, but Healer Spinnet knew how to keep patients relaxes while still conveying a sense of authority. “Deal. So, what do I get to be prodded with first? Will it hurt?”
“The first prods will only be a few simple questions. As long as you make no inquiries as to my age or remark rudely about my lovely figure, I’m quite certain you will escape unharmed. Understand?”
This time, the smile stayed. “Yes ma’am.”
“Good. So, how is your memory coming along?”
“I still don’t really remember anything...at least, not anything that’s real.”
“Your memories of your other life remain clear though?”
“No, there are gaps too.”
Healer Spinnet sat up a little straighter, becoming slightly more tense. “What sort of gaps?”
“I...I’m not sure. I think about it sometimes, when I try to think about things that are different. I mean, everything from that life seems so sad. My parents were dead, my grandparents, my godfather, and the war...but there were other things too. I feel like I’m forgetting something. Something that was important.”
Healer Spinnet leaned back in her chair and studied Harry for a moment. “Are you sure you aren’t just projecting your feelings from this life onto your remembered life?”
Harry frowned. “See, I don’t know. This is what I was feeling last night when I couldn’t sleep. I think that’s why dad brought me in today.”
“Was he right to?”
Harry absently ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know anymore. To be honest Healer, I still don’t know what’s real. I mean, I can sit here, feel the wood grain on this chair, smell the toast and mint tea sitting on your desk, hear the people walking outside that door, see the texturing on the walls...but I don’t know if it’s real.” Harry rose out of his chair in frustration and began wandering around the small office. “After all, it’s in a world that, until a few weeks ago, I didn’t know existed. The world I knew is only in my head. But I can remember 16 years worth of memories from it.”
“But you can’t quite remember everything, can you?”
Harry stopped pacing and looked right at Healer Spinnet. “No, I suppose not.”
Mary leaned forward in her chair and folded her hands on her desk. “Harry, I know this might seem difficult, but I think that this is actually a good sign. You are beginning to let go. That’s a very important step in your healing process.”
Harry now turned to face her. “How can this be a good thing? I feel like I’m losing my mind!”
“Harry I think you should sit down. We have quite a bit of ground to cover, and I don’t fancy your chances of being able to absorb everything I have to tell you while you are wearing holes in my lovely carpeting. It’s a bit of a bother to have it replaced you know.”
Harry gave a small chuckle as he made his way back to his chair. When he sat down, he gave Healer Spinnet his full attention.
“Thank you Harry. Now, let’s discuss what is happening to you. You are not making any progress in remembering you current life. That is obviously causing great distress to your parents. Despite your lack of recall, you do seem to have formed a very powerful bond with your parents. So, naturally, their distress has an effect on you. When combined with your own frustrations and desire for progress, I believe your mind is gradually letting go of the illusions. This will, in turn, help with your own recollections. It will take some time though. No need to give me that dirty look. We’ve been telling you from the start that this wouldn’t be easy. Part of you seems to be holding on to your old life. Isn’t that right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it just seems so important, you know. I feel like there’s something I have to do, and I just can’t remember it.”
“Harry, listen to me, and listen very carefully, because this is important. The mind is a funny thing. It is beyond the understanding of even the brightest witches and wizards. It can be surprisingly frail at one moment, and strong as steel the next. One can never truly know how the mind will cope with the demands we place on it. Right now, at this very moment, you are feeling helpless and powerless. And yet, your mind is still fighting. Some of your most basic survival instincts are guiding it right now. Your mind is searching for any foothold it can find, something to ground it, something to tell it what is real. Your mind wants facts. Facts are indisputable, and can end all doubt in your mind. But, I fear you can not accept any facts right now. You have too many. You have facts from this world, and the other. So you need the next best thing. Do you know what that is Harry?”
Harry had leaned in in spite of himself, and now hung on everything Healer Spinnet was saying. “What?”
“You must believe Harry. You must choose to believe. Your mind will follow you whichever path you choose, but you must choose. Do you understand?”
“I...I think so...”
Healer Spinnet smiled. “No, no you don’t Mr. Potter. Not just yet anyway. But no matter. As we said, it will take some time. The best thing to do for now is to keep reacquainting yourself with your life. To that end, I have something that might help you. Two somethings actually. And, if I’m not very much mistaken, they are both listening at the door.” Mary reached for her wand and waved a simple unlocking spell at the door, which flew open, depositing a mass of lime green robes onto the floor. The mass of robes rose to reveal a red-faced young woman who had rather bushy brown hair.
“Hermione!”
“Oh Harry, it’s so good to see you!” Hermione quickly rose from the floor and ran to give Harry a hug. “I’ve been hoping to see you for weeks now, but they were limiting visits since the wedding! I’ve been so worried! I knew that you were taking it to fast after the attack, but you boys can be so stubborn, and then you had the fainting spell after the wedding, and it just seemed-”
“Ahem.”
Harry couldn’t help but laugh as Hermione looked a bit sheepish. She had been building up a head of steam until Healer Spinnet stepped in. He was reminded of a little girl on a train many years ago who was looking for a lost toad.
“Well, we have one of our eavesdroppers. The other is trying unsuccessfully to make a getaway. Isn’t that right?” called Healer Spinnet out her door.
Another girl in the same lime green robes walked into the room, also looking sheepish. The effect was somewhat more pronounced as the young girl had rather red ears, which were only emphasized by her lovely red hair.
Harry suddenly became aware of the fact that the amount of oxygen in the room seemed to have decreased drastically, and he had apparently compensated by holding his breath. However, since he felt like he was turning a rather remarkable shade of blue, he decided that he should do something slightly more charming. He decided he should start by letting out the breath he was holding.
Unfortunately, the effect of letting out his breath was his also letting go of Hermione, who promptly stumbled forward onto Harry, who in turn, lost his own footing and somehow ended up on his back staring up at the ceiling. There was one advantage to his current state. He did have a moment to reflect on the past seconds and could definitely conclude that he had perhaps not been entirely successful in being charming.
This rather complicated analysis suddenly escaped him as he found the red head hovering anxiously over him.
“Harry! Are you all right?”
A goofy grin spread across his face. “Brilliant...”
“Ahem.”
All three teenagers quickly scrambled to their feet and faced Healer Spinnet. She tried to look stern, but the events of the past minute had made that rather difficult. “Ordinarily, if I found my apprentices eavesdropping outside my office, it would mean an afternoon of cleaning bedpans without magic.” Hermione and Ginny suddenly found their shoes to be quite interesting. “However, the first rule of working at St. Mungo’s is that patients come first, even before nasty chores. Therefore, your punishment will be spending the rest of the day with Mr. Potter, and Mr. Weasley, who should stop hiding on the other side of the door. After all, I know he was eavesdropping too.”
A rather gob smacked looking Ron stumbled into the room. “How did you know we were all there?”
“Call it a maternal instinct son. Now, I believe I prescribed some therapy for my patient. Off with the lot of you!
“Ah, Mr. Potter. Nice to see you walking in here rather than being levitated in.”
“Yeah, thanks,” said Harry as he took the seat opposite Healer Mary Spinnet. “You don’t mind my saying that I’d rather not be here at all, do you?”
“To be quite honest Mr. Potter, I feel the same way. It would mean that you were feeling better, and I could pop off for a quick nap, but alas, it seems neither of us are going to completely get our way this morning. So let us make the best of it, hmm?”
Harry couldn’t help but smile. She might seem a little formal at times, but Healer Spinnet knew how to keep patients relaxes while still conveying a sense of authority. “Deal. So, what do I get to be prodded with first? Will it hurt?”
“The first prods will only be a few simple questions. As long as you make no inquiries as to my age or remark rudely about my lovely figure, I’m quite certain you will escape unharmed. Understand?”
This time, the smile stayed. “Yes ma’am.”
“Good. So, how is your memory coming along?”
“I still don’t really remember anything...at least, not anything that’s real.”
“Your memories of your other life remain clear though?”
“No, there are gaps too.”
Healer Spinnet sat up a little straighter, becoming slightly more tense. “What sort of gaps?”
“I...I’m not sure. I think about it sometimes, when I try to think about things that are different. I mean, everything from that life seems so sad. My parents were dead, my grandparents, my godfather, and the war...but there were other things too. I feel like I’m forgetting something. Something that was important.”
Healer Spinnet leaned back in her chair and studied Harry for a moment. “Are you sure you aren’t just projecting your feelings from this life onto your remembered life?”
Harry frowned. “See, I don’t know. This is what I was feeling last night when I couldn’t sleep. I think that’s why dad brought me in today.”
“Was he right to?”
Harry absently ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know anymore. To be honest Healer, I still don’t know what’s real. I mean, I can sit here, feel the wood grain on this chair, smell the toast and mint tea sitting on your desk, hear the people walking outside that door, see the texturing on the walls...but I don’t know if it’s real.” Harry rose out of his chair in frustration and began wandering around the small office. “After all, it’s in a world that, until a few weeks ago, I didn’t know existed. The world I knew is only in my head. But I can remember 16 years worth of memories from it.”
“But you can’t quite remember everything, can you?”
Harry stopped pacing and looked right at Healer Spinnet. “No, I suppose not.”
Mary leaned forward in her chair and folded her hands on her desk. “Harry, I know this might seem difficult, but I think that this is actually a good sign. You are beginning to let go. That’s a very important step in your healing process.”
Harry now turned to face her. “How can this be a good thing? I feel like I’m losing my mind!”
“Harry I think you should sit down. We have quite a bit of ground to cover, and I don’t fancy your chances of being able to absorb everything I have to tell you while you are wearing holes in my lovely carpeting. It’s a bit of a bother to have it replaced you know.”
Harry gave a small chuckle as he made his way back to his chair. When he sat down, he gave Healer Spinnet his full attention.
“Thank you Harry. Now, let’s discuss what is happening to you. You are not making any progress in remembering you current life. That is obviously causing great distress to your parents. Despite your lack of recall, you do seem to have formed a very powerful bond with your parents. So, naturally, their distress has an effect on you. When combined with your own frustrations and desire for progress, I believe your mind is gradually letting go of the illusions. This will, in turn, help with your own recollections. It will take some time though. No need to give me that dirty look. We’ve been telling you from the start that this wouldn’t be easy. Part of you seems to be holding on to your old life. Isn’t that right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it just seems so important, you know. I feel like there’s something I have to do, and I just can’t remember it.”
“Harry, listen to me, and listen very carefully, because this is important. The mind is a funny thing. It is beyond the understanding of even the brightest witches and wizards. It can be surprisingly frail at one moment, and strong as steel the next. One can never truly know how the mind will cope with the demands we place on it. Right now, at this very moment, you are feeling helpless and powerless. And yet, your mind is still fighting. Some of your most basic survival instincts are guiding it right now. Your mind is searching for any foothold it can find, something to ground it, something to tell it what is real. Your mind wants facts. Facts are indisputable, and can end all doubt in your mind. But, I fear you can not accept any facts right now. You have too many. You have facts from this world, and the other. So you need the next best thing. Do you know what that is Harry?”
Harry had leaned in in spite of himself, and now hung on everything Healer Spinnet was saying. “What?”
“You must believe Harry. You must choose to believe. Your mind will follow you whichever path you choose, but you must choose. Do you understand?”
“I...I think so...”
Healer Spinnet smiled. “No, no you don’t Mr. Potter. Not just yet anyway. But no matter. As we said, it will take some time. The best thing to do for now is to keep reacquainting yourself with your life. To that end, I have something that might help you. Two somethings actually. And, if I’m not very much mistaken, they are both listening at the door.” Mary reached for her wand and waved a simple unlocking spell at the door, which flew open, depositing a mass of lime green robes onto the floor. The mass of robes rose to reveal a red-faced young woman who had rather bushy brown hair.
“Hermione!”
“Oh Harry, it’s so good to see you!” Hermione quickly rose from the floor and ran to give Harry a hug. “I’ve been hoping to see you for weeks now, but they were limiting visits since the wedding! I’ve been so worried! I knew that you were taking it to fast after the attack, but you boys can be so stubborn, and then you had the fainting spell after the wedding, and it just seemed-”
“Ahem.”
Harry couldn’t help but laugh as Hermione looked a bit sheepish. She had been building up a head of steam until Healer Spinnet stepped in. He was reminded of a little girl on a train many years ago who was looking for a lost toad.
“Well, we have one of our eavesdroppers. The other is trying unsuccessfully to make a getaway. Isn’t that right?” called Healer Spinnet out her door.
Another girl in the same lime green robes walked into the room, also looking sheepish. The effect was somewhat more pronounced as the young girl had rather red ears, which were only emphasized by her lovely red hair.
Harry suddenly became aware of the fact that the amount of oxygen in the room seemed to have decreased drastically, and he had apparently compensated by holding his breath. However, since he felt like he was turning a rather remarkable shade of blue, he decided that he should do something slightly more charming. He decided he should start by letting out the breath he was holding.
Unfortunately, the effect of letting out his breath was his also letting go of Hermione, who promptly stumbled forward onto Harry, who in turn, lost his own footing and somehow ended up on his back staring up at the ceiling. There was one advantage to his current state. He did have a moment to reflect on the past seconds and could definitely conclude that he had perhaps not been entirely successful in being charming.
This rather complicated analysis suddenly escaped him as he found the red head hovering anxiously over him.
“Harry! Are you all right?”
A goofy grin spread across his face. “Brilliant...”
“Ahem.”
All three teenagers quickly scrambled to their feet and faced Healer Spinnet. She tried to look stern, but the events of the past minute had made that rather difficult. “Ordinarily, if I found my apprentices eavesdropping outside my office, it would mean an afternoon of cleaning bedpans without magic.” Hermione and Ginny suddenly found their shoes to be quite interesting. “However, the first rule of working at St. Mungo’s is that patients come first, even before nasty chores. Therefore, your punishment will be spending the rest of the day with Mr. Potter, and Mr. Weasley, who should stop hiding on the other side of the door. After all, I know he was eavesdropping too.”
A rather gob smacked looking Ron stumbled into the room. “How did you know we were all there?”
“Call it a maternal instinct son. Now, I believe I prescribed some therapy for my patient. Off with the lot of you!