Angsty April 2013
Most of my April Angst is usually about hockey, but I'm trying to be all zen and stuff about this season. So, have a fic.
For shitennou_ai's 2013 Angsty April Challenge.
Pairing: Venus/Kunzite
Warnings: Rated PG-13 for violent and disturbing imagery: death, blood, plane crashes, bodily harm
Dr. Kenji Yamada collapsed onto his bed. He looked at the clock.
2:15 am
If he was lucky, he could manage a solid 3 hours before he had to wake again. And that was assuming…
beep beep
His pager didn’t go off.
It looked like sleep would not be an option tonight.
***
“I’m sorry to call you back Yamada Sensei. It’s just… what with everything going on… we’re so short staffed.”
Kenji waved off the nurse’s concern as he took the first patient’s chart. They came in at all hours now. Whatever evil was loose in the world cared nothing for the time of day, not if there was human energy to feast on.
Kenji knew all to well what the monsters were capable of.
He walked into the room. The site was gruesome, even for a surgeon working in the Emergency Department of a major metropolitan hospital. But such was the state of things that he didn’t even flinch looking at the badly maimed body.
He reached for a syringe and administered a heavy dose of sedatives.
“There’s nothing more we can do for him. Keep him comfortable and ready the room for the next one.”
His voice was flat, no hint of emotion. Many would have taken him for cold. And perhaps he was. But it was very simple in his mind. There were only so many lives he could save. He couldn’t waste time on ones that could not be saved.
If that made him cold, so be it. The whole damn world was cold. 6 months, and no one had seen the sun. The only light in the city was those eerie Crystals at the center. People whispered that The Guardians lived there. And it was why those districts were relatively safe. But here, further out, things were not so. There weren’t any mysterious guardians to keep people safe.
There had been no one to save her!
He couldn’t save her, and he couldn’t save this man. Kenji had to move on to the next one, and hope things would be different.
***
A few hours into his shift, Kenji went into his office to attend to the mountains of paperwork that went with saving (or not saving) people. He knew he should count himself fortunate. The Chief of Surgery was entitled to an office with a door. And it meant, sometimes, for just a few minutes, he might find some solace.
That was, until he remembered why he had this particular office.
***
The man across the desk looked at him very carefully, and Kenji had to ask himself if it was just because he was being interviewed for a faculty position at the hospital.
“Your CV is quite impressive Dr. Yamada.”
“Thank you Dr. Chiba. Coming from you, that is high praise.”
“I must admit though, I find it curious. You were born and raised in America. Educated at the finest medical schools, and had offers from many top hospitals. Why is it you’re at this particular hospital?”
They had spent the better part of the past half hour immersed in high level discussions about cutting edge medicine, so Kenji wondered if he should admit it.
“Dr. Chiba, do you believe in fate?”
The dark haired man across the table studied him even more intently for a moment before answering. “Yes.”
“Well, ever since I was a young boy, I’ve felt a… a calling I did not understand. Every time I tried something new, something in my heart always told me that I needed to do more. It instilled a strong work ethic in me. But it also meant that, for much of my life, I’ve felt… empty. Even after finishing medical school and my internships.
But, then I read the paper you and Dr. Mizuno co-authored on long-term patient care, and I knew, somehow, that I had found my life’s calling. It’s why I was willing to uproot myself and come halfway around the world. I mean, I’d never been to Japan, but I’d always felt a connection that went beyond my heritage. And I must say, even now, I think, no, I know I belong here. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
Dr. Chiba considered him for a long moment, and he looked ready to say something until a knock at the door changed everything. All of a sudden, there was a very small tornado moving through the office. That’s all Kenji could think.
“Mamoru-kun! How are you? Well, I trust? Of course you’re well!”
“Ano, Aino-san, I’m in a meeting.”
“Aino-san? Aino-san! Mamoru-kun, you wound me! What’s so important that you’re being so formal?”
The small blonde tornado with the big red bow and the impossibly blue eyes finally stopped long enough to notice him, and Kenji suddenly felt very self conscious, wondering if his suit was pressed well enough and whether he’d properly done his hair.
“Oooh, he’s handsome! No wonder you’re trying to impress him!”
Dr. Chiba rubbed his temples.
“Why are you here?”
“I’m early for my 3:00 performance in the pediatric ward. I thought I’d check in on you.”
“Ano… Mina-cha- Aino-san, it’s 3:15…”
“WHAAAAAAAAA? OH NO! I have to go! Please get his number for me!”
And with that, she was out the door. Kenji checked himself for whiplash. He had no idea what just happened.
Dr. Chiba sighed, then looked back to Kenji, studying him again.
“Weird stuff happens at a hospital sometimes. Think you can handle it?”
Kenji considered it for a moment.
“Yes. I know I can.”
Dr. Chiba considered him for a moment longer. And then, as though he were the one who’d had a great weight lifted from his shoulders rather than the man who was being interviewed, he broke a smile and reached across the desk.
“Welcome aboard.”
“Thank you Dr. Chiba!”
“Please, call me Mamoru.”
***
It had been five years since Kenji had sat on the other side of this desk. But it felt like fifty. He barely recognized the hopeful young man who shook hands with Dr. Chiba.
The late Dr. Chiba, he reminded himself.
He was gone, just like so many others...
***
”Tadaima.”
Kenji was used to Minako enthusiastically welcoming him home. So he was taken aback when silence me him.
“Mina-chan?”
She said nothing. She only continued to stare out the window of the apartment they had shared the past year, barely registering his presence. On the table behind her was a copy of the morning newspaper, describing the latest in a serious of mysterious attacks that had, to date, claimed seven lives.
He hardly recognized the small, broken figure that stared out at the city skyline. The Minako he had gotten to know in the past three years was a bright spot in his life, unfailingly cheerful, and always able to find the silver lining in every dark cloud. She’d never stopped since that first moment she walked in on his interview, and every day since then had been part of that whirlwind, and Kenji didn’t want it to stop.
He took her into his arms and looked out at the city with her.
“Minako. I just want you to know, I love you, and I’ll always be here for you. I’ll protect you, no matter what.”
She didn’t say anything. She just turned in his arms and sobbed into his chest. She didn’t stop. He gently lifted her and carried her into their bed. He didn’t understand why she was so sad. He just wished he could make it go away.
He stroked her hair and whispered into her ear. “Fate brought us together. We’ll get through these dark times. I just know it.”
She said nothing. She just held him until she fell asleep. Kenji stayed by her side, willing whatever it was that darkened her spirit to pass.
***
His pager went off early that morning. She was still asleep. He quietly made his way out of the apartment, but no before leaving her a quick note.
Got called into work. Love you!
He smiled as he looked at her sleeping form. The world might be full of many dangers, but she was the bright center of his world that kept his heart light and free.
And he would need that center today. The hospital was full of people with terrible injuries, all telling stories of monsters.
He spent hours patching them up, fighting for the ones on the brink. Finally, when the worst of it had passed, he allowed himself a brief break, sinking into a chair to take the weight off his legs and close his eyes.
“Yamada Sensei?”
Kenji opened his eyes and saw a policeman standing in front of him.
“Please have the nurses triage your victim. I will join them shortly,” he said as he went to the vending machine for something that would have to suffice in place of sleep.
“I... Yamada Sensei, I believe there is a misunderstanding. I’m here about your girlfriend, Aino Minako.”
***
Kenji hadn’t said anything on the car ride. He’d only vaguely registered something about an accident.
When they arrived on the scene, the first thing that struck him was the blood. There was so much. It was everywhere. The car was practically drenched with it.
“There is no body,” was all he could say.
The policeman seemed apologetic as he spoke. “No, we have not yet recovered a body. But the blood has been positively identified as Aino-san. And, we estimate that there is four liters of it here. As a doctor, I’m sure you understand... we’ve had to declare her dead. This is a homicide investigation.”
Kenji said nothing. He just continued to stare.
"Yamada Sensei, do you understand? Are you listening to me? Yamada Sensei?”
***
“Do you understand? Are you listening to me?”
In another place and time, Kenji might have been moved by this woman’s tears. He took all of his patients and their families very seriously.
“He was everything to me! And he is gone now!”
“Your husband’s injuries were too severe. I’m afraid there was nothing we could do.”
“You don’t know what this is like! To lose the one most precious to you! If you knew, you would have done everything to save him!”
The woman was becoming increasingly hysterical. The nurses finally intervened and began to take her away.
“You didn’t save him!”
***
Kenji sat at the table. The newspaper that she had been crying over the night before still sat there.
Along with the note.
Going out. Love you!
It was the only goodbye he had. All that was left of a life not yet lived together. It weighed on him, just like the small box in the corner of his desk. All that talk of destiny. And it was all over in the blink of an eye. He didn’t even know what to think. Just yesterday, he was a successful doctor, considering proposing to a wonderful woman. And today...
The ringing of his cell phone was almost a welcome respite.
“Moshi moshi, Yamada desu.”
“Yamada Sensei. I’m sorry, but, we need you to come back to the hospital. There’s been an accident. The charter flight carrying Mizuno Sensei, Chiba Sensei and his wife back from Seoul has crashed.”
***
Kenji stood in front of the headstone. The grave was empty, but he’d wanted to do something, have some place to remember her. The police had never found her body, just like the bodies from the plane crash had never been found.
But they were gone all the same. And he was left behind.
Usually, he came with flowers. Today, he came with a small box.
“I... I think it’s time. I have to let you go.
He took the ring from the box and dug a small hole in the dirt. Reverently, he placed the ring inside and covered it up again.
“I will always love you. But I know you’re not coming back, and we’re never going to be together. I... suppose that’s our fate.”
He stood there, like a statue in the snow. It had been settled in now. And unless the sun came back, it would probably always be there. Maybe the last permanent thing in the world.
“Good bye Minako.”
***
The graveyard was empty when she came. But his footprints were still there. He always did leave his mark. She knew that all too well.
She raised her hand and the ring rose from it’s resting place. It was pure gold, as a ring meant to represent pure love should be. And so, she had power over it. It really was quite beautiful. She levitated it towards herself, stopping just short of letting it slide onto her finger. It would have fit perfectly. She knew that. Just like they had always fit so perfectly together.
But it wasn’t to be. She let the ring fall back into it’ resting place, in heartbreakingly perfect time with the tear that slipped down her cheek.
Her communicator rang.
“What is it Endymion?”
“Minako, you know you can call me-”
“You know I can’t, no more than you can call me by that name. We’re soldiers now, just like you and the Outers wanted. Mercury's brilliant plan worked, as usual. Get used to it.”
He sighed, but didn’t dispute her.
“We need you.”
“I’ll be there.”
She took one last look at the head stone.
Aino Minako
Beloved
“Goodbye.”
For shitennou_ai's 2013 Angsty April Challenge.
Pairing: Venus/Kunzite
Warnings: Rated PG-13 for violent and disturbing imagery: death, blood, plane crashes, bodily harm
Dr. Kenji Yamada collapsed onto his bed. He looked at the clock.
2:15 am
If he was lucky, he could manage a solid 3 hours before he had to wake again. And that was assuming…
beep beep
His pager didn’t go off.
It looked like sleep would not be an option tonight.
***
“I’m sorry to call you back Yamada Sensei. It’s just… what with everything going on… we’re so short staffed.”
Kenji waved off the nurse’s concern as he took the first patient’s chart. They came in at all hours now. Whatever evil was loose in the world cared nothing for the time of day, not if there was human energy to feast on.
Kenji knew all to well what the monsters were capable of.
He walked into the room. The site was gruesome, even for a surgeon working in the Emergency Department of a major metropolitan hospital. But such was the state of things that he didn’t even flinch looking at the badly maimed body.
He reached for a syringe and administered a heavy dose of sedatives.
“There’s nothing more we can do for him. Keep him comfortable and ready the room for the next one.”
His voice was flat, no hint of emotion. Many would have taken him for cold. And perhaps he was. But it was very simple in his mind. There were only so many lives he could save. He couldn’t waste time on ones that could not be saved.
If that made him cold, so be it. The whole damn world was cold. 6 months, and no one had seen the sun. The only light in the city was those eerie Crystals at the center. People whispered that The Guardians lived there. And it was why those districts were relatively safe. But here, further out, things were not so. There weren’t any mysterious guardians to keep people safe.
There had been no one to save her!
He couldn’t save her, and he couldn’t save this man. Kenji had to move on to the next one, and hope things would be different.
***
A few hours into his shift, Kenji went into his office to attend to the mountains of paperwork that went with saving (or not saving) people. He knew he should count himself fortunate. The Chief of Surgery was entitled to an office with a door. And it meant, sometimes, for just a few minutes, he might find some solace.
That was, until he remembered why he had this particular office.
***
The man across the desk looked at him very carefully, and Kenji had to ask himself if it was just because he was being interviewed for a faculty position at the hospital.
“Your CV is quite impressive Dr. Yamada.”
“Thank you Dr. Chiba. Coming from you, that is high praise.”
“I must admit though, I find it curious. You were born and raised in America. Educated at the finest medical schools, and had offers from many top hospitals. Why is it you’re at this particular hospital?”
They had spent the better part of the past half hour immersed in high level discussions about cutting edge medicine, so Kenji wondered if he should admit it.
“Dr. Chiba, do you believe in fate?”
The dark haired man across the table studied him even more intently for a moment before answering. “Yes.”
“Well, ever since I was a young boy, I’ve felt a… a calling I did not understand. Every time I tried something new, something in my heart always told me that I needed to do more. It instilled a strong work ethic in me. But it also meant that, for much of my life, I’ve felt… empty. Even after finishing medical school and my internships.
But, then I read the paper you and Dr. Mizuno co-authored on long-term patient care, and I knew, somehow, that I had found my life’s calling. It’s why I was willing to uproot myself and come halfway around the world. I mean, I’d never been to Japan, but I’d always felt a connection that went beyond my heritage. And I must say, even now, I think, no, I know I belong here. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
Dr. Chiba considered him for a long moment, and he looked ready to say something until a knock at the door changed everything. All of a sudden, there was a very small tornado moving through the office. That’s all Kenji could think.
“Mamoru-kun! How are you? Well, I trust? Of course you’re well!”
“Ano, Aino-san, I’m in a meeting.”
“Aino-san? Aino-san! Mamoru-kun, you wound me! What’s so important that you’re being so formal?”
The small blonde tornado with the big red bow and the impossibly blue eyes finally stopped long enough to notice him, and Kenji suddenly felt very self conscious, wondering if his suit was pressed well enough and whether he’d properly done his hair.
“Oooh, he’s handsome! No wonder you’re trying to impress him!”
Dr. Chiba rubbed his temples.
“Why are you here?”
“I’m early for my 3:00 performance in the pediatric ward. I thought I’d check in on you.”
“Ano… Mina-cha- Aino-san, it’s 3:15…”
“WHAAAAAAAAA? OH NO! I have to go! Please get his number for me!”
And with that, she was out the door. Kenji checked himself for whiplash. He had no idea what just happened.
Dr. Chiba sighed, then looked back to Kenji, studying him again.
“Weird stuff happens at a hospital sometimes. Think you can handle it?”
Kenji considered it for a moment.
“Yes. I know I can.”
Dr. Chiba considered him for a moment longer. And then, as though he were the one who’d had a great weight lifted from his shoulders rather than the man who was being interviewed, he broke a smile and reached across the desk.
“Welcome aboard.”
“Thank you Dr. Chiba!”
“Please, call me Mamoru.”
***
It had been five years since Kenji had sat on the other side of this desk. But it felt like fifty. He barely recognized the hopeful young man who shook hands with Dr. Chiba.
The late Dr. Chiba, he reminded himself.
He was gone, just like so many others...
***
”Tadaima.”
Kenji was used to Minako enthusiastically welcoming him home. So he was taken aback when silence me him.
“Mina-chan?”
She said nothing. She only continued to stare out the window of the apartment they had shared the past year, barely registering his presence. On the table behind her was a copy of the morning newspaper, describing the latest in a serious of mysterious attacks that had, to date, claimed seven lives.
He hardly recognized the small, broken figure that stared out at the city skyline. The Minako he had gotten to know in the past three years was a bright spot in his life, unfailingly cheerful, and always able to find the silver lining in every dark cloud. She’d never stopped since that first moment she walked in on his interview, and every day since then had been part of that whirlwind, and Kenji didn’t want it to stop.
He took her into his arms and looked out at the city with her.
“Minako. I just want you to know, I love you, and I’ll always be here for you. I’ll protect you, no matter what.”
She didn’t say anything. She just turned in his arms and sobbed into his chest. She didn’t stop. He gently lifted her and carried her into their bed. He didn’t understand why she was so sad. He just wished he could make it go away.
He stroked her hair and whispered into her ear. “Fate brought us together. We’ll get through these dark times. I just know it.”
She said nothing. She just held him until she fell asleep. Kenji stayed by her side, willing whatever it was that darkened her spirit to pass.
***
His pager went off early that morning. She was still asleep. He quietly made his way out of the apartment, but no before leaving her a quick note.
Got called into work. Love you!
He smiled as he looked at her sleeping form. The world might be full of many dangers, but she was the bright center of his world that kept his heart light and free.
And he would need that center today. The hospital was full of people with terrible injuries, all telling stories of monsters.
He spent hours patching them up, fighting for the ones on the brink. Finally, when the worst of it had passed, he allowed himself a brief break, sinking into a chair to take the weight off his legs and close his eyes.
“Yamada Sensei?”
Kenji opened his eyes and saw a policeman standing in front of him.
“Please have the nurses triage your victim. I will join them shortly,” he said as he went to the vending machine for something that would have to suffice in place of sleep.
“I... Yamada Sensei, I believe there is a misunderstanding. I’m here about your girlfriend, Aino Minako.”
***
Kenji hadn’t said anything on the car ride. He’d only vaguely registered something about an accident.
When they arrived on the scene, the first thing that struck him was the blood. There was so much. It was everywhere. The car was practically drenched with it.
“There is no body,” was all he could say.
The policeman seemed apologetic as he spoke. “No, we have not yet recovered a body. But the blood has been positively identified as Aino-san. And, we estimate that there is four liters of it here. As a doctor, I’m sure you understand... we’ve had to declare her dead. This is a homicide investigation.”
Kenji said nothing. He just continued to stare.
"Yamada Sensei, do you understand? Are you listening to me? Yamada Sensei?”
***
“Do you understand? Are you listening to me?”
In another place and time, Kenji might have been moved by this woman’s tears. He took all of his patients and their families very seriously.
“He was everything to me! And he is gone now!”
“Your husband’s injuries were too severe. I’m afraid there was nothing we could do.”
“You don’t know what this is like! To lose the one most precious to you! If you knew, you would have done everything to save him!”
The woman was becoming increasingly hysterical. The nurses finally intervened and began to take her away.
“You didn’t save him!”
***
Kenji sat at the table. The newspaper that she had been crying over the night before still sat there.
Along with the note.
Going out. Love you!
It was the only goodbye he had. All that was left of a life not yet lived together. It weighed on him, just like the small box in the corner of his desk. All that talk of destiny. And it was all over in the blink of an eye. He didn’t even know what to think. Just yesterday, he was a successful doctor, considering proposing to a wonderful woman. And today...
The ringing of his cell phone was almost a welcome respite.
“Moshi moshi, Yamada desu.”
“Yamada Sensei. I’m sorry, but, we need you to come back to the hospital. There’s been an accident. The charter flight carrying Mizuno Sensei, Chiba Sensei and his wife back from Seoul has crashed.”
***
Kenji stood in front of the headstone. The grave was empty, but he’d wanted to do something, have some place to remember her. The police had never found her body, just like the bodies from the plane crash had never been found.
But they were gone all the same. And he was left behind.
Usually, he came with flowers. Today, he came with a small box.
“I... I think it’s time. I have to let you go.
He took the ring from the box and dug a small hole in the dirt. Reverently, he placed the ring inside and covered it up again.
“I will always love you. But I know you’re not coming back, and we’re never going to be together. I... suppose that’s our fate.”
He stood there, like a statue in the snow. It had been settled in now. And unless the sun came back, it would probably always be there. Maybe the last permanent thing in the world.
“Good bye Minako.”
***
The graveyard was empty when she came. But his footprints were still there. He always did leave his mark. She knew that all too well.
She raised her hand and the ring rose from it’s resting place. It was pure gold, as a ring meant to represent pure love should be. And so, she had power over it. It really was quite beautiful. She levitated it towards herself, stopping just short of letting it slide onto her finger. It would have fit perfectly. She knew that. Just like they had always fit so perfectly together.
But it wasn’t to be. She let the ring fall back into it’ resting place, in heartbreakingly perfect time with the tear that slipped down her cheek.
Her communicator rang.
“What is it Endymion?”
“Minako, you know you can call me-”
“You know I can’t, no more than you can call me by that name. We’re soldiers now, just like you and the Outers wanted. Mercury's brilliant plan worked, as usual. Get used to it.”
He sighed, but didn’t dispute her.
“We need you.”
“I’ll be there.”
She took one last look at the head stone.
Aino Minako
Beloved
“Goodbye.”