(no subject)
What I need to fix
Going deeper inside the word ‘everything’
I hate flying. And they stuck me all the way in the back of the plane…where the wheels come under your damn feet.
The worst part is over. That’s what she said.
I would do ANYTHING to be lost on an island where nobody knew me. I could be a whole new person…be anyone I wanted to be.
Every line, every word, written before me. Never a dull, awkward moment separating myself from anyone.
Luckily for me, This isn’t the most significant mistake I have made.
Is this going someplace?
Lumberjack.
Just incase… Good luck…
“About a week ago…I talked to a man in a bar…a doctor. It turns out this guy has a son…”
…his eyes…in them is all the sadness of the world. All the sadness this small space could ever know.
I didn’t do this on purpose. I am so sorry.
Nobody knows me. Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me. You don’t know what I need. You don’t know who I am…and for that…I am so sorry.
I’m different. I’m not normal in the slightest…and for that, I am sorry. Because YOU deserve at least that.
He asked…”why did you do this to me’….and my answer…”I’d thought you would find what you were looking for.”
We speak two languages. Sometimes it separates the trust we need…to survive. To be happy.
Why can’t this be reality? Why can’t what I need be reality?
He‘s proud.. But he never got around to making that call. His eyes.
I’m not very good at goodbyes.
Do you have a message? So that when we get rescued…everyone will know what we thought, felt, wanted…as long as you don’t look at it. I WILL SEE YOU SOON
How can YOU expect me to be in charge when I don’t know where I’m going? Please…help me.
I will never meet someone like you. I need a machine to be who I want to be…someday, someday.
Round 6.
He says to be still…so I try. But what is it?…what’s out there? What could possibly be so terrifying that I end up hiding behind a wall, a cloud of nothing?
Round 6 is waiting…cold and mid-sideways.
Please don’t be sad. Just TRY. Because one day you will appreciate everything. Don’t do it…don’t do it just because you can…do it when you have to. Do it when you must. Choose wisely.
This can’t be it.
Please don’t yell at me…please. I can’t count the number of times I have been yelled at, screamed at…completely frightened.
“He will keep you safe.”
“But who will keep you safe?” There are no words…only small straps of metal. I love you, and I am so sorry.
23B….or 42F? Only few will understand. Do everything you can to help. Please.
I need orders…I need someone to tell me what they want, or what they need. I need direction which evolves into my own willing direction. I need your wishes in order to enforce my own.
I know it’s possible, in some way or in some other time…but…
Just kiss me…and tell me everything will be ok.