Blog 10: Live.Die.Bleed.
January 12, 2007
I was waiting for the right moment to post a new blog, and it has finally arrived. Good, cause I have a lot to talk about :)
This blog is mostly going to be focused on the future, along with some recollections of the past. What I'm trying to say is I want to get a few thoughts out about who I am now, and who I want to become, and how I may have to say goodbye to a few things in order for those changes to commence.
First semester is already over, and I can't say I am surprised at how fast it has gone. Despite the quick elapse of time, many experiences have led me to find out more about myself and about others. Junior and senior year especially have defined me as far as who I am. Of course this whole "finding yourself" process isn't over, and woon't be over until college. There are many things that I am proud of myself for that happened during high school. However, there are many things that I am still hanging onto that need to be let go in order for me to move on. Letting go does not mean forgive and forget. I simply just want to forget. It's not even that really. I kind of want to seal the past years of my life into the very back of my mind, a place where I can reminisce every so often, but won't have thoughts nagging at me any longer. Whatever negative past occurences that have happened to me are events that I do not regret and have no need of making up for.
I have become much too negative for my liking, and the reason that I set such low standards for people (men in particular) is more because of what I have witnessed in other people's lives rather than what has happened to me. Sure, my own experiences go into consideration, but there a fewer examples of my experiences compared to those of my parent's, co-workers, and friends. I need to stop worrying so much about what happenes to other people because it doesn't necessarily have to happen to me. At the same time, this does not mean I will simply snap out of my realism and become ponys and rainbows all over again. Instead, I will continue to be cautious and use MY experiences as a guildline to not make similar mistakes in the future. I think this will do me much better than simply ruling eveything and everyone out. I used to be very positive, and it all dwindled away. Why? To be honest, I think it's much easier to be negative about things. Sometimes it's hard to see "the light" in situations. I want that to change. I will most likely live a much more fulfilling life this way.
My ceramics teacher said something very powerful today while saying goodbye to us. She said," Don't worry so much about who you are today, because you aren't necessarily going to remain the same person that you are today." And she's right. Teenagers worry so much over petty things, and it just lowers their self esteem. I still have my motivation and confidence, and I know that half of these emotions I have are only "a stage." So why worry?
When I get to college, I want a clear mindset. I kind of think of it as being born again into a fresh new life, and it sort of is a new life. I am starting to enter the real world, and I am so ready. I want to be motivated and confident. Headstrong...A brand new start!
Things that will stay the same, however: My faith in any sort of higher power has faded dramatically, and I think science has proved too many things that basically destroyed anything that religion created. The Bible is fiction, and whatever God that is talked about in there is not real. Yet, I have not ruled out the possiblility of a higher power. I have ruled out that the Christian God is not one I believe in.
Hmm what else? Oh, I don't want kids, ever. And my mom keeps saying I will change my mind, but seriously. No. Don't want them. And the more she keeps telling me I will have them, the more I don't want them just in spite of her :P Lol. In all seriousness, kids are not something I want. I will be way too career focused, and I want to travel the world. Plus, why bring kids into a world that is continuosly being raided by molesters and war? My point exactly.
One last thing before I go. I recently read that my favorite band, 30 Seconds to Mars, may be breaking up after they finish the Taste of Chaos Tour. The only dates scheduled for their concerts in Illinois are dates that I will be in New York, so I may never have the chance to see them live. I hope they decide to do at least one more album. If not, I have decided that when 30stm breaks up, I am deleting my myspace. It's sort of my own mini-resolution. I have been contemplating whether or not to delete my myspace for awhile, and this way, it will make the decision concrete.
Chevelle, another favorite, has just announced their April 3rd realease date for their new album. I'm excited.
They always say, one door closes;another one opens.
I was waiting for the right moment to post a new blog, and it has finally arrived. Good, cause I have a lot to talk about :)
This blog is mostly going to be focused on the future, along with some recollections of the past. What I'm trying to say is I want to get a few thoughts out about who I am now, and who I want to become, and how I may have to say goodbye to a few things in order for those changes to commence.
First semester is already over, and I can't say I am surprised at how fast it has gone. Despite the quick elapse of time, many experiences have led me to find out more about myself and about others. Junior and senior year especially have defined me as far as who I am. Of course this whole "finding yourself" process isn't over, and woon't be over until college. There are many things that I am proud of myself for that happened during high school. However, there are many things that I am still hanging onto that need to be let go in order for me to move on. Letting go does not mean forgive and forget. I simply just want to forget. It's not even that really. I kind of want to seal the past years of my life into the very back of my mind, a place where I can reminisce every so often, but won't have thoughts nagging at me any longer. Whatever negative past occurences that have happened to me are events that I do not regret and have no need of making up for.
I have become much too negative for my liking, and the reason that I set such low standards for people (men in particular) is more because of what I have witnessed in other people's lives rather than what has happened to me. Sure, my own experiences go into consideration, but there a fewer examples of my experiences compared to those of my parent's, co-workers, and friends. I need to stop worrying so much about what happenes to other people because it doesn't necessarily have to happen to me. At the same time, this does not mean I will simply snap out of my realism and become ponys and rainbows all over again. Instead, I will continue to be cautious and use MY experiences as a guildline to not make similar mistakes in the future. I think this will do me much better than simply ruling eveything and everyone out. I used to be very positive, and it all dwindled away. Why? To be honest, I think it's much easier to be negative about things. Sometimes it's hard to see "the light" in situations. I want that to change. I will most likely live a much more fulfilling life this way.
My ceramics teacher said something very powerful today while saying goodbye to us. She said," Don't worry so much about who you are today, because you aren't necessarily going to remain the same person that you are today." And she's right. Teenagers worry so much over petty things, and it just lowers their self esteem. I still have my motivation and confidence, and I know that half of these emotions I have are only "a stage." So why worry?
When I get to college, I want a clear mindset. I kind of think of it as being born again into a fresh new life, and it sort of is a new life. I am starting to enter the real world, and I am so ready. I want to be motivated and confident. Headstrong...A brand new start!
Things that will stay the same, however: My faith in any sort of higher power has faded dramatically, and I think science has proved too many things that basically destroyed anything that religion created. The Bible is fiction, and whatever God that is talked about in there is not real. Yet, I have not ruled out the possiblility of a higher power. I have ruled out that the Christian God is not one I believe in.
Hmm what else? Oh, I don't want kids, ever. And my mom keeps saying I will change my mind, but seriously. No. Don't want them. And the more she keeps telling me I will have them, the more I don't want them just in spite of her :P Lol. In all seriousness, kids are not something I want. I will be way too career focused, and I want to travel the world. Plus, why bring kids into a world that is continuosly being raided by molesters and war? My point exactly.
One last thing before I go. I recently read that my favorite band, 30 Seconds to Mars, may be breaking up after they finish the Taste of Chaos Tour. The only dates scheduled for their concerts in Illinois are dates that I will be in New York, so I may never have the chance to see them live. I hope they decide to do at least one more album. If not, I have decided that when 30stm breaks up, I am deleting my myspace. It's sort of my own mini-resolution. I have been contemplating whether or not to delete my myspace for awhile, and this way, it will make the decision concrete.
Chevelle, another favorite, has just announced their April 3rd realease date for their new album. I'm excited.
They always say, one door closes;another one opens.