Won the battle and lost the war? How about lost the battle and won the war?
Epiphany is too good of a word to waste on these ramblings. Maybe one of my writer friends and acquaintances knows a better word. For now let’s just say I had a small lowercase epiphany.
Recently I saw a movie. It was a really bad movie. The title is not worth mentioning and I am too embarrassed to tell you that I went to see it. However, during the movie there was two minutes of interest unrelated to an otherwise tired rehashed storyline. In this two-minute scene, an adult tells a boy he is gay. Immediately you are thinking the adult is gay because the sentence is ambiguous and we are programmed to think this way. No, the adult was not saying he, the adult, was gay.
The boy is anguished after losing a friend that no longer wants to play with him. The adult realizes the boy is gay and explains to the boy why he fees so distressed and falls apart after a play date is canceled under a pretense of a lie discovered by the boy. The boy is not quite mature enough to grasps the nuances of his feelings towards his friend, but the adult is. He is trying to help the boy come to grips. Hey you’re gay that’s all. The two minutes of story was cheesy and not well executed but still well intended.
The scene is an important indication of change in our social norms. It is significant that not only did the writers create this story fragment but that they did it nonchalantly. It is not important to the storyline and presented the situation as a common everyday occurrence. It was simply a two-minute side trip to build a connection between two characters and we weren't suppose to attach any more importance to it. Nevertheless, it is more important.
This boy is a 13-yearold that looks and acts like a 13-yearlold played by a 13-yearold. Until recently, Hollywood would not portray normal everyday kids as just being gay. There had to be some sort of problem underlying the character. This makes the role an anomaly that can easily be dismissed thereby appeasing conservatives. Think of the first gay characters in TV or movies you saw. It might be Jodie in Soap, Willie’s friend in Family or Montgomery in the movie Fame. Over the years, there have been several gay characters. Most were older, adult like and messed up.
Gay characters are now in vogue and popping up everywhere. More and more of these characters are simple normal people reflecting society. We are also starting to see gay high school characters although the roles are still played by people too old to be in high school. In the last couple of years, there have been many news stories, You Tube videos, blogs, plays, stories and documentaries all by and about gay youth. This movie made gay youth a convenient two-minute plot device in what was an otherwise pointless movie. No twinkle toes, drama queen or effeminate. There was no Lady Gaga lip-syncing or perfectly stricken poses. Just a normal 13-yearold kid who is gay. We are not suppose to care he is gay and we don’t.
We should not overlook the scene’s significance, which is its mere existence. It would never been allowed not so long ago.
In 2000, I took a leave of absence to work full-time against a constitutional amendment that not only banned marriage but closed the doors to all gay relationships in Nebraska. The proponents thought the amendment would quietly pass. However, we made it a heated battle leading the news every night. After we organized opposition, the proponents went bankrupt and were on the defensive within six weeks. They called for aid from other churches and politicians outside of Nebraska with unlimited budgets. The battle turned ugly and the initiative passed.
Nebraska was a proving ground for a new battle tactic by those who want gays beaten down. Instead of changing the law, their approach was to change the state constitution so there can be no court review. Since then there have been 28 more such crushing defeats across the country. I cannot think of any battle in my life where I was so personally defeated. Battled weary and damaged, I lost faith.
My small lower case epiphany? The defeats don’t matter. Marriage was and is just a battleground. The war the opponents waged was to keep gays out of mainstream. The war is already over and we won. Marriage bans are the poisoning of water during a full scale retreat. We still may never fully have gay marriage, but the other side’s fears became reality. The kids are out of the closet and they are not going back in. In a generation, they won’t even know that there was a closet. It's normal to be gay.
Recently I saw a movie. It was a really bad movie. The title is not worth mentioning and I am too embarrassed to tell you that I went to see it. However, during the movie there was two minutes of interest unrelated to an otherwise tired rehashed storyline. In this two-minute scene, an adult tells a boy he is gay. Immediately you are thinking the adult is gay because the sentence is ambiguous and we are programmed to think this way. No, the adult was not saying he, the adult, was gay.
The boy is anguished after losing a friend that no longer wants to play with him. The adult realizes the boy is gay and explains to the boy why he fees so distressed and falls apart after a play date is canceled under a pretense of a lie discovered by the boy. The boy is not quite mature enough to grasps the nuances of his feelings towards his friend, but the adult is. He is trying to help the boy come to grips. Hey you’re gay that’s all. The two minutes of story was cheesy and not well executed but still well intended.
The scene is an important indication of change in our social norms. It is significant that not only did the writers create this story fragment but that they did it nonchalantly. It is not important to the storyline and presented the situation as a common everyday occurrence. It was simply a two-minute side trip to build a connection between two characters and we weren't suppose to attach any more importance to it. Nevertheless, it is more important.
This boy is a 13-yearold that looks and acts like a 13-yearlold played by a 13-yearold. Until recently, Hollywood would not portray normal everyday kids as just being gay. There had to be some sort of problem underlying the character. This makes the role an anomaly that can easily be dismissed thereby appeasing conservatives. Think of the first gay characters in TV or movies you saw. It might be Jodie in Soap, Willie’s friend in Family or Montgomery in the movie Fame. Over the years, there have been several gay characters. Most were older, adult like and messed up.
Gay characters are now in vogue and popping up everywhere. More and more of these characters are simple normal people reflecting society. We are also starting to see gay high school characters although the roles are still played by people too old to be in high school. In the last couple of years, there have been many news stories, You Tube videos, blogs, plays, stories and documentaries all by and about gay youth. This movie made gay youth a convenient two-minute plot device in what was an otherwise pointless movie. No twinkle toes, drama queen or effeminate. There was no Lady Gaga lip-syncing or perfectly stricken poses. Just a normal 13-yearold kid who is gay. We are not suppose to care he is gay and we don’t.
We should not overlook the scene’s significance, which is its mere existence. It would never been allowed not so long ago.
In 2000, I took a leave of absence to work full-time against a constitutional amendment that not only banned marriage but closed the doors to all gay relationships in Nebraska. The proponents thought the amendment would quietly pass. However, we made it a heated battle leading the news every night. After we organized opposition, the proponents went bankrupt and were on the defensive within six weeks. They called for aid from other churches and politicians outside of Nebraska with unlimited budgets. The battle turned ugly and the initiative passed.
Nebraska was a proving ground for a new battle tactic by those who want gays beaten down. Instead of changing the law, their approach was to change the state constitution so there can be no court review. Since then there have been 28 more such crushing defeats across the country. I cannot think of any battle in my life where I was so personally defeated. Battled weary and damaged, I lost faith.
My small lower case epiphany? The defeats don’t matter. Marriage was and is just a battleground. The war the opponents waged was to keep gays out of mainstream. The war is already over and we won. Marriage bans are the poisoning of water during a full scale retreat. We still may never fully have gay marriage, but the other side’s fears became reality. The kids are out of the closet and they are not going back in. In a generation, they won’t even know that there was a closet. It's normal to be gay.