Wow
it has been exactly one month to day since my 18th birthday. I kinda feel bad that I actually have not updated in forever long. AB Calculus has taken over my life. Though right now it is tennis and calculus and I feel as if I do not have any time to sleep or relax. I have not even had the energy to write any fanfiction. I had so many ideas in my head over Christmas, and now they are all gone. May and June need to hurry up and come so everything can be over. Spring break is soon, but it will not be long enough to satisfy me, plus I will probably have to work from 8:30 to 12:30 and from 3:30 to 5:30. Mad hours = mad money, but not if I do not get any rest. Also I am bummed because I just ended a freindship. Actually the other person said they never wannted to see my face again, and would not let me say my thoughts.
The whole thing started Feb. 24th. The college I will be attending was playing a tennis match 1hr + 30 mins away from my house. I asked my friend if she could go, and that I did not have a time as to when the team was going to play. She told me, "Yeah I can come" so I was like I will call you tomorrow. So I get up at 9 and check my e-mail and there was an e-mail from the coach saying what time they were playing. Talked to my parents and we figured out what time my friend and I should leave. I called my friend and she said she couldn't go, while still on the phone with her I told my mum. My mum said," This is the second time she has flaked on you. We will just go as a family and got to lunch and have a great time...".So i hung up the phone and two minutes late the phone rings and it's her mum. Her mum told me that she had planned something for them to do that day, and in the background I hear my friend saying, "What are you doing!? Stop it! Stop it!". That really made me feel like she did not want to do anything with me. It made it seem like that everytime I would try to do something with my friend, she could not do anything. So I got to the tennis match with my parents, meet the coach and some of the memebers on the team. It was a lot if fun. On the way home, we stopped at Khols and I got a call from my friend asking if anyone was home, I said no. Get home and there is letter from my friend. It was an apology and it said she sould have called me on friday and this and that. At one point she said I did not understand her culture, and that I should have called friday with a time when she knew I did not have a time. Then Monday at school I get the cold shoulder from her. We have first block together and sit next to each other. I was at a total loss as to why I was getting the cold shoulder. So it goes on, and on Friday March 2nd, she came to my house. I was getting ready to go on a ski trip with my other friend, and the first thing she said was,"I want my DVDs". I get her DVDs, and am standing outside of my own house. She tells me she needs to talk to me, and that I need to sit down for this. I stood, and she talked about how not covering the phone when my mum was saying stuff was rude and saying that with all of our fights she apologized first and whatnot. Here I was at a loss as to what we were actually fighting about, plus my mum did not say anything bad towards her except that she flaked on me again. Then she began to repeat herself and I interrupted her to say what I felt. She started to walk away from me, she would not listen to what I had to say. Then she goes and says that I assumed that she did something fun with her mother. When she said that I lost control, i dropped the F-bomb mulitple times. I have know this girl for 8 years, and she knows I hate when people assume things and knows that I do not assume things. By this time she is at the end of my driveway and said,"I do not want to see your face ever again" and in response I said,"F You!" Then my friend picks me up for our trip and puts on a cd from the one who did not want to see me again. On the cd she said I was never there for her, did not understand her culture, did not respect her, and cried the whole time. It made me feel like that she forgot about teh times I have helped her, and have been there for her. The whole culture thing was rediculous becauce my other firend is full asian and has it tougher then her, so I do understand asian cultures. This whole thing is so trivial, but at the same time I feel better because I have tried a lot since we began high school, and she was never there. Also I do not feel inferior, because I would be repermanded with my school grades and things of the like. It was getting to the point of does she really want to do thinsg with me or is her mum just an excuse not to hang out with me. Over the years I have called her just to talk and she has had to go because of her mum, called to hang out for like an hour or two and she cannot go. It was starting to build up and I was starting to doubt her. I do not know if it is even worth it to try and fix what happened, if the things that have happened will happen again. It is hard because she acted like I have never listened to her problems, or been there for her, or called her just to talk. I do not even think that if I wrote her a letter that she would see it as me being sincere. I am a rash person, and say/do things without thinking and I hurt people in the process, but for me that was/is a defense from being reduced to someone who cannot stand up for themself. I do not know if she ver realized that all of things that I have done were to make myself feel good, but almost always felt that those things made me feel worse.
On another note, I am in serious need of a girlfriend. Lately boys just do not interest me, but girls do. I wish I had a girlfriend because I miss having one, and it is a nice thing. The other day at practice, our coach (who is actually our assistant coach, because our ciach ahd surgery) said he was going to give us something that girls needed. So at the end of practice we gather around him, and some asked if he was going to give us boys, and I say to my friend,"Pussy?" with an innocent look on my face. She just about died. I love her a lot, plus we joke around by being all over eachother. Plus we also cracked some jokes about the backalley and perverts. Ha Ha Ha...Good Times. Most definately the pussy comment shows how much I want some. Last night even pussy came up. We got some DQ and I was licking her whip cream and there was a mention about pussy, and I said I would eat that pussy out. I am horny and masturbation is just not cutting it. Also MUSIC IS MY HOT HOT SEX!!!!
I guess that is all that I really have to say, beside that I have tied, and lost ranking matches. Damn I had a horrible week, but now I have purged my thoughts and need to do some scholarships. Oh there is one guy who I think is totally awesome. His name is Dan and is a Junior in college and the number one player for E&H's boys team. Dan, aka Philly, is such a hottie. *Cheesy Grin!!*
The whole thing started Feb. 24th. The college I will be attending was playing a tennis match 1hr + 30 mins away from my house. I asked my friend if she could go, and that I did not have a time as to when the team was going to play. She told me, "Yeah I can come" so I was like I will call you tomorrow. So I get up at 9 and check my e-mail and there was an e-mail from the coach saying what time they were playing. Talked to my parents and we figured out what time my friend and I should leave. I called my friend and she said she couldn't go, while still on the phone with her I told my mum. My mum said," This is the second time she has flaked on you. We will just go as a family and got to lunch and have a great time...".So i hung up the phone and two minutes late the phone rings and it's her mum. Her mum told me that she had planned something for them to do that day, and in the background I hear my friend saying, "What are you doing!? Stop it! Stop it!". That really made me feel like she did not want to do anything with me. It made it seem like that everytime I would try to do something with my friend, she could not do anything. So I got to the tennis match with my parents, meet the coach and some of the memebers on the team. It was a lot if fun. On the way home, we stopped at Khols and I got a call from my friend asking if anyone was home, I said no. Get home and there is letter from my friend. It was an apology and it said she sould have called me on friday and this and that. At one point she said I did not understand her culture, and that I should have called friday with a time when she knew I did not have a time. Then Monday at school I get the cold shoulder from her. We have first block together and sit next to each other. I was at a total loss as to why I was getting the cold shoulder. So it goes on, and on Friday March 2nd, she came to my house. I was getting ready to go on a ski trip with my other friend, and the first thing she said was,"I want my DVDs". I get her DVDs, and am standing outside of my own house. She tells me she needs to talk to me, and that I need to sit down for this. I stood, and she talked about how not covering the phone when my mum was saying stuff was rude and saying that with all of our fights she apologized first and whatnot. Here I was at a loss as to what we were actually fighting about, plus my mum did not say anything bad towards her except that she flaked on me again. Then she began to repeat herself and I interrupted her to say what I felt. She started to walk away from me, she would not listen to what I had to say. Then she goes and says that I assumed that she did something fun with her mother. When she said that I lost control, i dropped the F-bomb mulitple times. I have know this girl for 8 years, and she knows I hate when people assume things and knows that I do not assume things. By this time she is at the end of my driveway and said,"I do not want to see your face ever again" and in response I said,"F You!" Then my friend picks me up for our trip and puts on a cd from the one who did not want to see me again. On the cd she said I was never there for her, did not understand her culture, did not respect her, and cried the whole time. It made me feel like that she forgot about teh times I have helped her, and have been there for her. The whole culture thing was rediculous becauce my other firend is full asian and has it tougher then her, so I do understand asian cultures. This whole thing is so trivial, but at the same time I feel better because I have tried a lot since we began high school, and she was never there. Also I do not feel inferior, because I would be repermanded with my school grades and things of the like. It was getting to the point of does she really want to do thinsg with me or is her mum just an excuse not to hang out with me. Over the years I have called her just to talk and she has had to go because of her mum, called to hang out for like an hour or two and she cannot go. It was starting to build up and I was starting to doubt her. I do not know if it is even worth it to try and fix what happened, if the things that have happened will happen again. It is hard because she acted like I have never listened to her problems, or been there for her, or called her just to talk. I do not even think that if I wrote her a letter that she would see it as me being sincere. I am a rash person, and say/do things without thinking and I hurt people in the process, but for me that was/is a defense from being reduced to someone who cannot stand up for themself. I do not know if she ver realized that all of things that I have done were to make myself feel good, but almost always felt that those things made me feel worse.
On another note, I am in serious need of a girlfriend. Lately boys just do not interest me, but girls do. I wish I had a girlfriend because I miss having one, and it is a nice thing. The other day at practice, our coach (who is actually our assistant coach, because our ciach ahd surgery) said he was going to give us something that girls needed. So at the end of practice we gather around him, and some asked if he was going to give us boys, and I say to my friend,"Pussy?" with an innocent look on my face. She just about died. I love her a lot, plus we joke around by being all over eachother. Plus we also cracked some jokes about the backalley and perverts. Ha Ha Ha...Good Times. Most definately the pussy comment shows how much I want some. Last night even pussy came up. We got some DQ and I was licking her whip cream and there was a mention about pussy, and I said I would eat that pussy out. I am horny and masturbation is just not cutting it. Also MUSIC IS MY HOT HOT SEX!!!!
I guess that is all that I really have to say, beside that I have tied, and lost ranking matches. Damn I had a horrible week, but now I have purged my thoughts and need to do some scholarships. Oh there is one guy who I think is totally awesome. His name is Dan and is a Junior in college and the number one player for E&H's boys team. Dan, aka Philly, is such a hottie. *Cheesy Grin!!*