Watchmen/SPN crossover snippet of crack
I realized a couple days ago that thanks to the movie casting, the world now desperately needs a crossover fic where John Winchester runs into the Comedian in Vietnam. Possibly there is non-con or attempted non-con (or John witnesses him shooting the girl he was sleeping with). Then John kills him, because John Winchester > everyone, including the Comedian.
This would, of course, take Watchmen completely AU and probably invalidate the entire timeline in the graphic novel, but who cares?
John gets back from 'Nam just in time for Sammy to be born and Mary to burn to death in the refridgerator on the ceiling (to make the AU work, Dean and Sam would have to be born in the 60s, probably Dean just before John went to 'Nam and Sam about nine months after he got back). He tracks down Laurie (out of some vague sense that he ought to keep an eye on her after killing her father) and keeps in touch with her over the years, and after the watered-down SHRA anti-superhero act is passed, he trains her to be a hunter.
Instead of the comic's WTF!Aliens plot or the movie's "make it look like Dr. Manhattan did it" scheme, Ozymandias strikes a deal with the Yellow Eyed Demon hoping to prevent nuclear armageddon -- unfortunately for him, the YED, whose ultimate goal is to bring about Biblical armageddon, pulls a sudden-yet-inevitable betrayal and takes over Adrian's body. Then he uses some kind of handwavy demonic powers thing to get rid of Dr. Manhattan, because he's boring (maybe he tricks him into wishing his powers away after pre-possession Adrian has convinced him that he gives people cancer, and then, suddenly reduced to only normal human perception again, Jon goes insane), and kidnaps John Winchester, hoping to use him as bait to lure Sam to him, Sam being vital to the coming apocalypse.
Teenage!Sam and BarelyOldEnoughToDrink!Dean call up Laurie, their only hunter contact in NYC, and show up armed for ghosts and demons and determined to get John back.
Then they run into Rorsach and Nightowl, who are independantly investigating Adrian because he's been acting weird lately and they suspect he had something to do with whatever happened to Dr. Manhattan. Hijinks ensue.
The following scene would happen some time after John was kidnapped by a YED-possessed Adrian Veidt, but before the YED opened up a portal to a hell dimension over NYC and Lovecraftian tentacle things -- that look like the Cthullu monsters from the Hellboy movie rather than like vaginas -- came through it:
Adrian Veidt's corporate offices should have been empty at this time of night.
They weren't.
Ms. Juspeczyk -- she's said to call her Laurie, but Sam couldn't make himself do it, not when she was fifteen years older than Dean and, he suspected uneasily, probably Dad's ex -- had ordered them to split up, saying they would cover more ground that way, though Dean had stubbornly insisted that Sam stay with him. Sam had been humiliated at the time, embarassed by the way Dean was treating him like some stupid kid in front of her.
When they entered Veidt's office only to find a dark, shadowy figure already there, Sam was suddenly glad of his brother's company.
Sam, being smaller and - accoring to Dean - wussier, had the gun that wasn't loaded with rock salt. He cocked it, the sound loud in the silence of the darkened office.
The dark figure whirled, and Sam's stomach turned into a ball of ice. "It doesn't have a face!" he yelped. Between the thing's turned-up collar and the brim of its ratty fedora was a featuress stretch of black & white mottled nothing. Oh fuck, oh fuck, it didn't have a face. It didn't have a face and it was lunging for him and what the hell was it?
The monster ripped the gun out of Sam's nerveless hands and grabbed for him -- smelled like a skunk ape but too small, and anyway, they had fur, and oh Christ, it was going to eat him or something, wasn't it? -- and Dean fired both his shotgun barrels into its back from three feet away.
The faceless thing made a pained grunt that sounded almost human and collapsed to the floor, and Sam had only a split second to feel relief before a second monster loomed up out of the shadows and slammed Dean against the wall, one hand around his throat.
It was wearing some kind of dark cloak, and the shape of its head was wrong, blatantly inhuman, and why hadn't they considered that there could have been two of them? Stupid, Sam. Stupid.
Dean always carried a back-up weapon or three because he got off on festooning himself with knives. Sam had assumed that a shotgun would be weapon enough for infiltrating an empty office building, which meant that now he was defenceless while the second monster tried to strangle the life out of his brother.
He look around frantically for the gun the faceless thing had taken from him, only to find it lying on the floor some eight feet away. The faceless thing was between him and it, groaning faintly and stirring and obviously not dead -- whatever kind of monster it was, rocksalt obviously didn't have the stopping power on it that it did on ghosts -- but Sam didn't care. He lunged over it, and was rolling up to one knee with the shotgun ready in his hands when Laurie's voice came from the doorway, loud and irritated.
"Put the kid down, Dan. Their guns are loaded with rocksalt."
"Mine's not," Sam objected automatically. Everyone still on their feet turned to stare at him. He adjusted his grip on the shotgun, and added, trying to sound as menacing as possible and a little suprised by how well he suceeded, "Let my brother go, or I'll shoot you."
"Sammy," Dean wheezed. "You're not helping."
"Telling the truth," the faceless thing growled, in a flat monotone that made the hairs on the back of Sam's neck stand up. "It's salt. Or clear cystals of poisonous substance that looks like salt." Then one of its hands shot out with lightning speed, grabbed Sam's ankle, and yanked.
Sam went down hard, but managed to keep his grip on the shotgun. The thing seemed to be finished with him, though; it was climbing to its feet now, its movements giving no sign of the fact that it had just gotten hit by two barrels full of rock salt at point blank range. "Miss Jupiter," it said to Laurie. "Thought you were retired."
"I am. I've got a new part-time job now."
The larger monster -- since when were monsters named 'Dan'? -- let go of Dean and took a step backward, into the squares of light coming in through Veidt's massive picture windows, and Sam was suddenly torn between embarassment and an intense desire to laugh.
It wasn't a supernatural creature at all. It was a guy dressed in spandex and leather and a big, flowy cape, wearing a hat shaped like an owl. Like Batman, if Batman were really, really lame looking.
"Dude," Dean wheezed. "Are you supposed to be some kind of superhero?" He snickered, and added, "Nice costume."
"Thank you," the owl guy said seriously.
That was when Sam and Dean both lost it. Dean slid down the wall to the floor, laughing so hard that Sam suspected there were tears in his eyes.
Sam managed to choke his own laughter off after a moment of so, just long enough to gasp out, "You got beaten up by a guy dressed like a giant owl. I'm going to cherish this memory forever," before he made the mistake of glancing at owl guy again and it set off the laughter all over again.
In the end, Laurie, Sam, and the faceless demon-thing had to go through Veidt's files without Dean or owl guy's help. Owl guy had stalked off in a huff to "keep watch for security guards," and Dean was still sitting on the floor with his face in his hands, gasping with renewed hilarity every couple of minutes.
He was still snickering when the five of them left the building twenty minutes later.
Also, creepy "I kill little girls and feed them to my dogs" guy is totally a member of the family from Benders - he's the brother/uncle/whatever who went off to seek his fortune in the big city, and after a few months of sending money home on a regular basis, was never heard from again. They were all very sad, wondering what had happened to him - somewhere in their creepy hunting-trophy room is a picture of himself that he sent them in his last letter, posing with his dogs. There's probably no way to fit that into the AU, but I like the idea.
This would, of course, take Watchmen completely AU and probably invalidate the entire timeline in the graphic novel, but who cares?
John gets back from 'Nam just in time for Sammy to be born and Mary to burn to death in the refridgerator on the ceiling (to make the AU work, Dean and Sam would have to be born in the 60s, probably Dean just before John went to 'Nam and Sam about nine months after he got back). He tracks down Laurie (out of some vague sense that he ought to keep an eye on her after killing her father) and keeps in touch with her over the years, and after the watered-down SHRA anti-superhero act is passed, he trains her to be a hunter.
Instead of the comic's WTF!Aliens plot or the movie's "make it look like Dr. Manhattan did it" scheme, Ozymandias strikes a deal with the Yellow Eyed Demon hoping to prevent nuclear armageddon -- unfortunately for him, the YED, whose ultimate goal is to bring about Biblical armageddon, pulls a sudden-yet-inevitable betrayal and takes over Adrian's body. Then he uses some kind of handwavy demonic powers thing to get rid of Dr. Manhattan, because he's boring (maybe he tricks him into wishing his powers away after pre-possession Adrian has convinced him that he gives people cancer, and then, suddenly reduced to only normal human perception again, Jon goes insane), and kidnaps John Winchester, hoping to use him as bait to lure Sam to him, Sam being vital to the coming apocalypse.
Teenage!Sam and BarelyOldEnoughToDrink!Dean call up Laurie, their only hunter contact in NYC, and show up armed for ghosts and demons and determined to get John back.
Then they run into Rorsach and Nightowl, who are independantly investigating Adrian because he's been acting weird lately and they suspect he had something to do with whatever happened to Dr. Manhattan. Hijinks ensue.
The following scene would happen some time after John was kidnapped by a YED-possessed Adrian Veidt, but before the YED opened up a portal to a hell dimension over NYC and Lovecraftian tentacle things -- that look like the Cthullu monsters from the Hellboy movie rather than like vaginas -- came through it:
Adrian Veidt's corporate offices should have been empty at this time of night.
They weren't.
Ms. Juspeczyk -- she's said to call her Laurie, but Sam couldn't make himself do it, not when she was fifteen years older than Dean and, he suspected uneasily, probably Dad's ex -- had ordered them to split up, saying they would cover more ground that way, though Dean had stubbornly insisted that Sam stay with him. Sam had been humiliated at the time, embarassed by the way Dean was treating him like some stupid kid in front of her.
When they entered Veidt's office only to find a dark, shadowy figure already there, Sam was suddenly glad of his brother's company.
Sam, being smaller and - accoring to Dean - wussier, had the gun that wasn't loaded with rock salt. He cocked it, the sound loud in the silence of the darkened office.
The dark figure whirled, and Sam's stomach turned into a ball of ice. "It doesn't have a face!" he yelped. Between the thing's turned-up collar and the brim of its ratty fedora was a featuress stretch of black & white mottled nothing. Oh fuck, oh fuck, it didn't have a face. It didn't have a face and it was lunging for him and what the hell was it?
The monster ripped the gun out of Sam's nerveless hands and grabbed for him -- smelled like a skunk ape but too small, and anyway, they had fur, and oh Christ, it was going to eat him or something, wasn't it? -- and Dean fired both his shotgun barrels into its back from three feet away.
The faceless thing made a pained grunt that sounded almost human and collapsed to the floor, and Sam had only a split second to feel relief before a second monster loomed up out of the shadows and slammed Dean against the wall, one hand around his throat.
It was wearing some kind of dark cloak, and the shape of its head was wrong, blatantly inhuman, and why hadn't they considered that there could have been two of them? Stupid, Sam. Stupid.
Dean always carried a back-up weapon or three because he got off on festooning himself with knives. Sam had assumed that a shotgun would be weapon enough for infiltrating an empty office building, which meant that now he was defenceless while the second monster tried to strangle the life out of his brother.
He look around frantically for the gun the faceless thing had taken from him, only to find it lying on the floor some eight feet away. The faceless thing was between him and it, groaning faintly and stirring and obviously not dead -- whatever kind of monster it was, rocksalt obviously didn't have the stopping power on it that it did on ghosts -- but Sam didn't care. He lunged over it, and was rolling up to one knee with the shotgun ready in his hands when Laurie's voice came from the doorway, loud and irritated.
"Put the kid down, Dan. Their guns are loaded with rocksalt."
"Mine's not," Sam objected automatically. Everyone still on their feet turned to stare at him. He adjusted his grip on the shotgun, and added, trying to sound as menacing as possible and a little suprised by how well he suceeded, "Let my brother go, or I'll shoot you."
"Sammy," Dean wheezed. "You're not helping."
"Telling the truth," the faceless thing growled, in a flat monotone that made the hairs on the back of Sam's neck stand up. "It's salt. Or clear cystals of poisonous substance that looks like salt." Then one of its hands shot out with lightning speed, grabbed Sam's ankle, and yanked.
Sam went down hard, but managed to keep his grip on the shotgun. The thing seemed to be finished with him, though; it was climbing to its feet now, its movements giving no sign of the fact that it had just gotten hit by two barrels full of rock salt at point blank range. "Miss Jupiter," it said to Laurie. "Thought you were retired."
"I am. I've got a new part-time job now."
The larger monster -- since when were monsters named 'Dan'? -- let go of Dean and took a step backward, into the squares of light coming in through Veidt's massive picture windows, and Sam was suddenly torn between embarassment and an intense desire to laugh.
It wasn't a supernatural creature at all. It was a guy dressed in spandex and leather and a big, flowy cape, wearing a hat shaped like an owl. Like Batman, if Batman were really, really lame looking.
"Dude," Dean wheezed. "Are you supposed to be some kind of superhero?" He snickered, and added, "Nice costume."
"Thank you," the owl guy said seriously.
That was when Sam and Dean both lost it. Dean slid down the wall to the floor, laughing so hard that Sam suspected there were tears in his eyes.
Sam managed to choke his own laughter off after a moment of so, just long enough to gasp out, "You got beaten up by a guy dressed like a giant owl. I'm going to cherish this memory forever," before he made the mistake of glancing at owl guy again and it set off the laughter all over again.
In the end, Laurie, Sam, and the faceless demon-thing had to go through Veidt's files without Dean or owl guy's help. Owl guy had stalked off in a huff to "keep watch for security guards," and Dean was still sitting on the floor with his face in his hands, gasping with renewed hilarity every couple of minutes.
He was still snickering when the five of them left the building twenty minutes later.
Also, creepy "I kill little girls and feed them to my dogs" guy is totally a member of the family from Benders - he's the brother/uncle/whatever who went off to seek his fortune in the big city, and after a few months of sending money home on a regular basis, was never heard from again. They were all very sad, wondering what had happened to him - somewhere in their creepy hunting-trophy room is a picture of himself that he sent them in his last letter, posing with his dogs. There's probably no way to fit that into the AU, but I like the idea.