Profoundly dissomething
Sunday night, I'm driving back to Edinburgh from Aberdeen alone. It's a pretty straightforward drive -- motorway and dual carriageway most of the way. (Translation for Americans: "motorway" is British for "freeway", and "dual carriageway" is British for "freeway that has bus stops".) Still, the last time I did this I got profoundly lost in the last few miles, and recovering was a bit tricky -- this is maybe the 10th time I'm driving on the left, likewise the 10th time I'm driving a manual transmission... the only thing that saved me was my phone, and even then. So this time I set everything up before I even started -- phone plugged in to the stereo, navigation running, a few albums queued up -- though for some reason the music player *insists* on scrambling the order of every album as loaded. I thought I fixed it, but a few minutes of driving make it clear that this is not the case, and pulling over to mess around with it would be too hard.
I'm pretty sure there's some analogy here to the ambivalence that explains why I'm here in the first place instead of, for example, at home and working at Google. Anyway.
So I drive for an hour, and as I'm approaching Dundee (and the only turn between Aberdeen and Edinburgh), focused on navigating the sudden string of roundabouts and (uphill) traffic lights, grooving to some instrumental track, my phone suddenly interrupts the music in its synthesized voice to say: At the roundabout, go straight onto A90. Fitter, happier, more productive. Exit the roundabout onto A90. Regular exercise at the gym 3 days a week. Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries. At ease. Eating well. In 100 yards, turn right onto A90. A patient better driver. A safer car baby smiling in the back seat. Sleeping well, no bad dreams. No paranoia. Turn right onto A90. Never washing spiders down the plug hole. Keep in contact with old friends. Enjoy a drink now and then. Will frequently check credit. Continue on A90 for 21 miles. Fond but not in love. At the roundabout, go straight onto A90. Ring road supermarket. No killing moths. Exit the roundabout onto A90. Car wash also on Sundays. No longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows. At the roundabout, go straight onto A90. At a better pace, exit the roundabout onto A90. No chance of escape. Not self-employed, concerned but powerless. An empowered and informed member of society, pragmatism not idealism. Tires that grip in the wet. A good memory. Still cries at a good film still kisses with saliva. No longer empty and frantic, like a cat, that's at the intersection, slight left onto A90, the ability to laugh at weakness. Calm. Slight left, healthier, continue on A90 for 19 miles in a cage, on antibiotics.
Then it went back to the music.
Ok, computer, you win this round.