Fic: It's Always Open Season On Princesses Part 25
Title: It’s Always Open Season On Princesses Part 25
Spoilers: Through Season 2
Word Count: 3854
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I still don’t own anything listed here.
AN: I could tell everyone yet again how awesome you all are for reading this. But I'm going to mix it up a little. Instead, I give you an excerpt from the classic Tone Loc hit, 'Funky Cold Medina'.
Havin' drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, 'Why you so fly?'
He said, 'Funky Cold Medina'
"Folks, we have begun our descent to Greendale, where the current temperature is sixty-two degrees and we will be at the gate in about twenty minutes, We'd like the flight attendants to prepare the cabin for arrival, and we want to thank you for flying with us today." Jeff glanced up blearily toward the flight attendants before glancing down to his side, where Annie was slowly waking up. He watched as she stretched her arms over her head and let out a small squeak. His jaw tensed at the noise, instinctively knowing it was a sound of pleasure. She met his gaze a moment later before averting her eyes and going to work gathering her things before they de-planed in silence together. Jeff kept his eyes on her silently as they both moved forward through the Greendale terminal. She had a bit of a lurch to her, giving off the impression that she was more zombie than human girl. A woman who was taller than him brushed against Annie and the young woman stumbled slightly to the right. Jeff was quick to step toward her and stop her from toppling over with her pile of expensive luggage. His hand slid across her shoulder blades before settling on her opposite arm and then she was looking up at him with her giant blue eyes. He swallowed down the urge to bend toward her and kiss her.
That privilege had been taken away from him by the very girl who was staring at him. “Thanks,” Annie muttered as she straightened herself back out, shrugging him off effectively. Jeff’s jaw tightened. He wanted to finish whatever fight they were in the middle of, but knew she wasn’t in control of her faculties and it would all end in tears. She continued to walk toward the exit to the terminal, very clearly in her own head, or at least the small fraction of her that was conscious.
The Colorado night air was surprisingly cool and comforting. Jeff had thought he wouldn’t be able to miss Greendale, and if asked he would say he hadn’t. However, there was something about the familiarity of this town that made him feel like he was home. It was just another in a handful of things that he surprised himself with thinking or feeling on a daily basis since starting school two years ago. Annie moved more quickly ahead of him, picking up the pace on the way…past his car. Jeff stopped dead in the parking lot.
“Where are you going?” he called to her and she turned around in surprise.
“To my car,” Annie answered slowly as if she was explaining to someone who didn’t speak her language.
Jeff rolled his eyes. “You’re not driving home, Annie.”
“I know that, Jeff.” He inhaled through his nose and started to slowly walk toward her. “I’m going to the hospital. Troy texted that they’re all still there. Pierce should be coming out of recovery any minute and I want to be there.” With that, she spun unsteadily and continued toward her car. Jeff caught up to her easily, pulling one of her bags out of her hands and holding it up and away from her. “Jeff,” Annie whined.
“You’re not driving,” he reiterated. “You’ve had like fifteen minutes of sleep in the last two days. Going by ambulance is not the preferred method of getting to the hospital.” She frowned at him and reached for her bag. He yanked it out of her reach again. “I’ll drive, come on.”
She tipped her head back in surprise, clearly shocked that he had any intention of going to see Pierce in the hospital. “You’re going to the hospital?”
“Of course I’m going,” Jeff replied with a glare. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of Pierce for the last week and a half.” He watched as the wrinkle formed above Annie’s nose. “If he’s stuck in a bed, he can’t run away from me.”
“I don’t think you’re going to be able to get away with beating him up this time,” Annie mentioned as she turned and made her way toward Jeff’s car. He actually sighed in relief. He thought for sure he’d have to work on her more than that.
She must really be tired.
She had warmed ever so slightly toward him in the past nine hours, so at least now it wasn’t like they were strangers traveling together. Now it was more like they were a couple who had just broken up. Which technically was possibly true. He understood why she was mad at him, why she’d shut down, and while he wanted to actually have it out with her, the current situation they’d been dropped into the middle of made it kind of difficult. Jeff had a feeling that Annie might not find it that appropriate to blow off Pierce in the hospital in favor of continuing a fight they’d started countless hours and countries ago.
“You’re going to bring me back here after we leave the hospital?” she asked with a glance back over her shoulder.
“Sure,” Jeff lied. They reached his car at the same time and he popped the trunk to stow most of her luggage. He pulled a small padded manila envelope from his carry-on and slid it into his back pocket before turning his attention back to the brunette with him. Annie wandered toward the passenger door as he shut the trunk and placed her carry-on in the backseat carefully before sliding into the driver’s seat. When his eyes slipped over to her, Jeff found her head laid back against the headrest, her own eyes closed already. “If you don’t buckle up, the seatbelt alarm goes off,” he said and watched her blink at him in confusion. He leaned over into her personal space to grab the seatbelt from her other side. Annie sucked in a deep breath when his arm brushed against her breast and they both stilled. “Sorry,” he muttered before tugging the seatbelt toward him. Her fingers grasped the belt and locked the buckle into place herself.
When he was sure she was secure, he pulled out of the parking lot and made his way toward the hospital, glancing at her every few seconds. She was really asleep now, her head resting against her left shoulder. The surprising surge of absolute affection that hit him caused Jeff to almost run a red light. He slammed on the brakes, which made Annie jerk forward and cry out in surprise. “Sorry,” he muttered to her after a moment. “Red light.” She cleared her throat and resituated herself in the seat next to him and then let out a big yawn. Jeff chuckled softly to himself. “I don’t think anyone would judge you for going home and getting some sleep first, Annie.”
She shook her head. “Hospital,” she answered.
“Annie,” Jeff sighed.
“I slept on the plane,” she argued with a frown in his direction.
He raised an eyebrow at her challengingly. “Really?” he asked. “You mean those fifteen minutes when we didn’t have a screaming two year-old behind us were refreshing, were they?”
Jeff had spent a total of twelve hours over the course of almost two days next to her on planes, watching as she tried her hardest to ignore him completely. Somewhere over the Atlantic, Annie had started dozing lightly. Her head had ended up on his shoulder and Jeff had spent the next two hours trying not to move a muscle and wake her up. When Jeff had made sure that she was surely dead to the world, he’d allowed himself to watch her leisurely, taking in every feature with scrutiny. At the time, he had felt an itchy sensation in his chest and had brushed it aside, as Jeff did with all feelings he couldn’t immediately identify. But since then, he had felt a steadily increasing feeling of disconcertion over it, as if he was rolling down a hill and didn’t know which end was up anymore.
‘I don’t want to fight, Jeff.”
“We’re not fighting,” he argued. “I’m just saying that Shirley would understand if we went home and slept for a few hours before showing up at the hospital.” He wrinkled his nose. “Do you even remember the last time you showered?”
Annie flinched and Jeff felt a stab of guilt in his chest. Of course she remembered the last time she took a shower. It was right after she’d almost had sex with him. Did he really need to bring that up now? “I think Shirley would understand if I don’t smell like a meadow as long as I’m there.”
Jeff clamped down on the retort he had for that and they drove the rest of the way to the hospital in awkward silence. Once he’d worked his Lexus into a parking spot, he shut off the engine and physically turned toward her. “Um, I know that everyone is going to ask what happened with us and I-”
“It’s not anybody’s business what happened,” Annie cut in with a shake of her head. Jeff clenched his jaw for a moment, willing her to look at him just once time. She refused. “We’re here for Pierce,” she continued and Jeff sighed in frustration.
When Annie had hung up the phone and turned to face him two days earlier with a vague explanation of what had happened, Jeff’s gut had told him instantly that Pierce was faking it. It wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility that Pierce would lie to get them back into the country. But the more phone calls that came to Annie’s phone, the more Jeff was slowly starting to believe that this entire thing might actually be real. Sure, the last time they’d been summoned to a hospital to Pierce’s bedside, it had been a hoax, but could he really get an entire hospital staff on board with faking surgery? Jeff couldn’t rule anything out. Also, he would look like a huge ass if he went into Pierce’s hospital room and demanded to see his incision.
A huge creepy ass.
“Yeah,” he finally said and opened his door. She followed suit and together they made their way through the parking lot and into the Greendale Memorial Hospital. Jeff followed her silently into the elevator and waited for the doors to close before he tried to speak again. “Can you at least for the time being not act like you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you,” Annie responded very carefully as she stared up at the floor readout above the doors. “I have no feelings for you either way, Jeff.”
Jeff rolled his eyes. It was going to be this now? “Annie,” he murmured as he stepped closer.
“Jeff,” she said firmly, stepping further away. “I can’t do this now.”
He wasn’t trying to pile on to her already delicate balance of neuroses, but it was a very real possibility that once those elevator doors opened they would be attacked by every single one of their friends, wanting to know exactly how much had gone on between them. If Shirley saw Annie despondent and quiet, she would know what had happened. Or she would at least know well enough to come after him with the glint in her eye, the one that said she had no qualms whatsoever about clubbing him like a baby seal.
“I promise not to sic Shirley on you though,” she muttered as an after thought, as his after thought, and Jeff turned his eyes on her again. Annie wouldn’t meet his gaze, but Jeff could tell she knew he was watching her when she sucked her lower lip into her mouth nervously. He could still make her nervous. Jeff exhaled with a sense of something that felt like relief. Well, of course he still made her nervous. He hadn’t believed her when she’d said she didn’t feel anything for him, but it was still an unanticipated weight off of his shoulders.
The doors opened in front of them and Jeff followed Annie out of the elevator and directly into the waiting room, where their entire study group sat, asleep in the uncomfortable chairs. He watched her make her way toward Troy and gently tap the younger man on the shoulder. Troy snorted as he sat up with a start, his eyes snapping open widely to take in everything around him. When his gaze landed on Annie, he grinned sleepily and rose to hug her. Jeff felt something tighten in his gut and shoved the sensation aside as quickly as he could. He had too many other things to deal with at the moment. Jeff could tell Annie was softly murmuring to her former crush, but couldn’t hear what she was saying. When he stepped closer to them, she stopped speaking and Troy’s eyes met his with more hesitation than Jeff was expecting.
“Hey,” Troy greeted him, his eyes shifted toward Annie for a moment before settling on Jeff again.
Jeff decided to ignore it and instead narrowed his eyes. “What is the story?” he asked, trying not to sound as tired as he felt.
Troy wrinkled up his nose. “Yeah, I’m not really sure.” He hooked his thumb back over his shoulder in the direction of the rest of the group. “Shirley is kind of the point man on this,” he continued, whirling his hands around in the space between them. Jeff started to roll his eyes back in his head, but one admonishing look from Annie made him stop. She frowned in the direction of Shirley, clearly weighing her options.
Fortunately for her, at that moment Ben Chang rounded the corner and let his eyes land on Jeff. In the next moment, he was barreling toward the tall man, elation evident on his face. “Jeff!” he squealed happily and Jeff found himself raising his arms to stave off the sudden onslaught of tiny Asian man. The sudden noise caused the rest of the group to stir and groggily open their eyes. Jeff’s eyes landed on Abed, who nodded solemnly at him with a knowing look on his face.
“What are you doing here?” Jeff asked sourly, holding his roommate at arm’s length. “Were you invited or do you have people’s phone lines tapped?”
“Annie!” Shirley cooed and then rushed toward them. “You’re home.” Jeff watched as she wrapped Annie in a loving hug, smoothing Annie’s now-greasy hair away from her forehead. “Did you have a good time?” she asked the younger woman and Jeff felt a quick jolt of fear emanate from his chest. Annie nodded, giving Shirley a small smile before her eyes traveled to Jeff and landed. He felt something spark in his chest and coughed it away, turning his head to the side. “And you Jeff?” Shirley addressed him with a newly-found edge to her voice. “How was Italy?”
“Italian,” Jeff answered tiredly as he raised a hand to rub at the back of his stiff neck. Somehow sleeping on planes and plastic chairs hadn’t done any favors to his posture. He caught Britta’s gaze as she rose from her own seat and approached the group just as Ben worked his way forward to lay his head against Jeff’s chest. He glanced down at his former teacher with disgust for a moment before trying to push the small man away from him.
“Jeff,” Britta greeted him tersely, her eyes harsh.
“Britta,” he sighed.
“How’s your phone?”
Jeff cleared his throat and glared at her. “Wet.”
“So,” Annie spoke up with a troubled expression in Jeff‘s direction. “How is Pierce?”
“They…had to take the prostate,” Shirley said slowly, looking between Jeff and Annie.
Jeff exhaled loudly. “For some reason, that really makes me feel relieved.”
“Me too,” Shirley responded and Jeff grinned at her. She didn’t return it, instead turning her attention back to Annie. “So, what amazing things did you see, pumpkin?”
The look on Annie’s face made Jeff’s stomach drop suddenly and he coughed again, gaining the attention of the entire group. “So, he really did have prostate surgery, right?” he spoke up. “It’s not just another Pierce thing to get us to pay attention to him?”
“The surgeon came out and talked to us,” Britta offered from Troy’s side. Jeff gave her a hardened gaze. “Even he doesn’t have that much power.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Jeff replied honestly and caught Annie’s noticeable blush. “He was able to make Levar Burton appear.” Troy’s face fell and he looked away. Jeff didn’t miss the comforting pat Britta gave to the younger man’s arm.
“He didn’t fake cancer, Jeff.” Britta was frowning at him now. “Not everyone is as douchey as you are.”
Jeff smiled at her sarcastically. “I’m really glad to be back.”
“Jeff,” Abed noted quietly. Jeff met his curious gaze and instantly felt as if the filmmaker could tell what he was thinking. He tried to clear his brain of all thoughts as quickly as possible just in case. “You kind of look like crap,” Abed surmised after a moment’s pause.
“He needs a new moisturizer,” Annie noted dryly from next to him and Jeff felt something seize up violently in his chest. His eyes landed on her instantly and he found her looking up at him with a wry half-smile that faltered for just a moment when their gaze locked into place. Her lower lip got sucked into her mouth and in the next second, she averted her eyes to look at Abed, her fingernails, the scuffed linoleum floor. Jeff allowed his gaze to linger on her despite the half a dozen people that were standing with him, nurturing that feeling in his chest in a way he’d never let himself before. The sudden desperate need he felt to simply grab her hand and pull her down the nearest hallway caused his breath to pick up. He needed to talk to her. He needed to....
He had almost no basis for comparison in this kind of thing, but that warm, itchy, wholly unsettling sensation that was flooding through his body felt like.... Despite that fact that every muscle in his body was begging him to find a bed and his brain was a fuzzy mess, Jeff wanted nothing more than to step toward Annie and pull her into his embrace and just…hold her. He tried to shake the feeling off, as he had so many times before without knowing what it meant. But it remained, under layers of exhaustion and irritation and sadness, the thing he’d buried so deeply that he wasn’t even aware it really existed.
“Have you guys eaten?” Shirley asked, pulling Jeff out of his foggy stupor. He was hungry, but it was an impulse he’d learned to curb many years ago.
“Yes,” Annie spoke up with a nod that was more awake than she’d seemed in the last seven hours. Jeff raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Is the cafeteria still open?” she asked.
“No,” Troy spoke up with a shake of his head. “But I know where the vending machines are.” He jerked his head toward the hallways and the two left with Abed in tow.
“Hey guys, wait up!” Ben called, trotting after them The group had just rounded the corner when Britta and Shirley turned toward Jeff in tandem, their peaceful expressions turning sour.
“Oh, shit,” he muttered, closing his eyes momentarily.
“So, Jeffrey.” Shirley was using her sickeningly sweet voice again. “How was your vacation?”
Britta crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, what did you get up to?”
“Not that this is any of your business, but nothing happened.” Jeff crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “And I know I’m going to have to sit through whatever lecture you two have been working on since I left, but I don’t want to hear it right now, okay?” With that, he turned and strode away from them, back toward a sitting area full of the same uncomfortable molded plastic chairs that he’d spent the last two days in. He wedged his giant frame into one and sat their agitatedly, jiggling his leg. A moment later, he pulled the slightly mangled envelope out of his back pocket and stared at it.
They'd been in the foyer, Jeff watching Annie fly around doing last second things as she readied her luggage, when Camilla had entered the house as if she owned it. When she had eyed the suitcases at their feet, she had made a half-brained joke and let out a dry chuckle. Annie had explained as matter-of-factly as she could why exactly they were leaving so abruptly. The complete change in Camilla demeanor had been instantaneous and jarring for Jeff to watch. She paled and then fell silent before turning and leaving without saying a word to either of them. Camilla had returned only minutes later, shoving the envelope into Jeff's hand, her eyes strangely intense as she'd told him to make sure Pierce got it. Jeff's impulse to just open it and look inside was strong, but there was a level of fear that it could explode on him if he tried. And he couldn't think too much about the expression she'd had on her face when she'd told him with a shaky voice that Pierce needed to see what was in the envelope.
Britta landed in the seat next to him. Jeff eyed her warily, readying himself for whatever diatribe she was about to unleash on him.
“So,” she started in a surprisingly soft tone. “You and Annie, huh?”
“No,” Jeff bit out. “Not me and Annie.”
“I can see that,” Britta replied. “Are…you okay?”
Jeff’s head shot up to look at her. She seemed as if she was smelling something rotten. “You care?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
She rolled her eyes at him. “I still think this is a terrible idea and she’s showing really bad taste in wanting anything with you.” Britta’s expression told Jeff that she would rather be saying anything else to him. “But, I can tell how you guys….feel about each other.” She cringed at her words and Jeff sighed.
“We don’t even know how we feel about each other,” Jeff said flippantly.
“Sure you do,” Britta answered easily, throwing Jeff off. “You wouldn’t have gone in the first place if you didn’t know.”
Jeff stared at her for a long moment in silence. He was not ready in the least to discuss Annie with Britta. He doubted he ever would be. Instead, he found himself focusing on Shirley, who had just been approached by a doctor dressed in scrubs. “So,” Jeff said after a moment’s silence as he turned to face Britta. “You and Troy, huh?”
Britta rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell anyone, douche.”
“It’s your business,” Jeff replied smoothly. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you really think there’s a chance that it isn’t going to get weird with Abed when he finds out?”
Britta shrugged. “I..don’t know.” She seemed as if the words were physically difficult to say. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, me neither.” Jeff responded pointedly. He raised his eyebrows at the blonde and she glared at him.
Before Britta could give him a scathing reply, the trio returned from their snack-finding mission. Annie walked toward him and Jeff felt his heartbeat pick up involuntarily. When she reached them, she handed him a small bag of Sun Chips. He raised his hand and pulled the bag from her grasp, eyes trained steadily on her face. Jeff wasn’t sure what he was waiting for from her, but he knew he would spot it when it happened. Her eyes locked with his and he couldn’t stop the smile he felt turning his mouth upward. “Thanks,” he murmured to her and she gave him a small nod. With an unsure look in Britta’s direction, Annie wandered away from them, Jeff’s eyes on her the entire time.
“Jeff,” Abed spoke up, suddenly seated at this other side.
“Abed,” Jeff replied.
Abed waggled his eyebrows at the tall man. “I hear you threw your phone in Pierce’s pool.”
Jeff threw his head back in frustration. “Yeah.” He met Abed’s eye line steadfastly. “Want to analyze that?”
“Oh Jeff,” Abed replied with a shake of his head. “Don’t you see? There’s no need.” Jeff paused, his jaw tightening suddenly. Abed knew. How the fuck did he already know? “How was Italy?”
Jeff swallowed after a moment of silence that he spent studying his friend. “It was fine,” he finally answered. “I’ll write up a report and have it to you by the end of the week.”
“Cool,” Abed answered. “Cool, cool cool.”