Shatter into the Hope of Tomorrow

[elsewhere87]

Title: Shatter into the Hope of Tomorrow
Rating: R, mild.
Rest of my notes/disclaimer with the first part…

***

From the start they shared a special kind of camaraderie. Now Merlin hoped that would prove helpful. “Gwaine.”

The often amused and hungry knight, not thinking of himself at all now, faced the servant with tight interest as he walked through the makeshift triage for the wounded. “Merlin. Where’ve you been?”

Merlin decided to go full throttle, telling Gwaine what he knew about Arthur’s location in a mad rush. Once done, he was met by the knight’s puzzled look.

“And how exactly do you know that he’s so close to Camelot?”

Merlin’s fingers fiddled nervously with his scarf, before he dropped his hands. “I didn’t say I know for sure. Just, it makes sense, right? It’s doubtful Arthur would go that far away from Camelot whilst it was under attack.”

“But Merlin, if he was captured-

Gwaine stopped talking, as the servant’s expression seemed to make certain he wasn’t captured. “Merlin?”

“Gwaine, something tells me that fortunately he hasn’t been. But the longer he is out there alone, better the chance he will be. That’s why we have to do something fast.”

Merlin’s insistence was a bit perplexing, but Gwaine had considered him a good mate from their first meet, and the scrawny servant had gotten himself out of scrapes that a man bigger than him wouldn’t have survived. “Alright. What are you proposing we do?”

“There are enough knights and guardsmen now to watch over Ealdor. If we travel through the forest, heading toward the borders of Camelot, we can find Arthur, even locate Leon and Percival on the way if they haven’t spotted him yet. I feel it Gwaine. He’s there.”

Stepping forward, Gwaine put his hand on Merlin’s bony shoulder, looking him curiously in the eye. “Something about you Merlin. Arthur’s said it enough. You’re a good mate. We can leave at sunup.”

Gwaine walked away and Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. There was just one more thing he needed to do.

***

Morning drifted in slowly and as it did, Gwen heard a slight drone of familiar sound. He was lying a bit of distance from her now, quietly humming a song, blue eyes gradually opening.

“Arthur?”

“You sang that to me when I was feverish, didn’t you? I don’t know the words, but I remember the tune.”

She nodded her head, looking down at the ring on the leather hold that had been left within her hands after they fell asleep. She brought it out to him. “Here.”

Arthur slowly shook his head. “No. You kept it well so…”

“I lost it.”

He grimaced at that. Great, she had to bring that up. Couldn’t she see he was trying to be nice and tender and all that? “Fine.”

He took it from her, resting his elbow on some of the fern leaves. “Now the song…”

Gwen rolled over the memory in her heart, feeling a little less whole without the ring, but she didn’t think she had the right to ask for it back. “My mother used to sing it to me.”

Okay. That made it sentimental, but there was something more. “Yes, but before last night even, I know I’ve heard that song before, somewhere. It’s strange because I didn’t realize until I was feverish. So was it delirium, or…”

She recalled what Gaius said, wondering if it would be too foolish to relate, but it was the truth so…

“My mother once took care of you when you were just a babe. A little after I was born.”

Surprise filled Arthur’s eyes. “She did? But Ingrid-

Gwen quietly cut him off, sitting up now as he did too. “Yes, I know. She was the one who regularly took care of you. But one week she couldn’t and so my mother assumed her place. She used to sing that song to me and Elyan so I’m sure she sang it to you too.”

The story filled Arthur with wonder. “Who told you this? You can’t remember it all. We were too young. Was it your father?”

Gwen clutched her heart for a moment. That loss was still at the surface. She shook her head. “No. Gaius.”

It made sense. Gaius was within Camelot while Gwen’s mother was alive and he certainly knew Ingrid well enough. Just, this was the first mention. “No one told me.”

Gwen shrugged. “Your father probably didn’t even remember. It was just one week, my mother simply a servant. It wouldn’t have mattered to him, or anyone else.”

Arthur frowned, not liking that answer, so instead focusing on the present situation. “I can’t return to Camelot. You’re right about that. Not yet anyway. But I need to go to Ealdor. That’s where they were all meeting up. Come on.” He gestured for Guinevere to move with him, but she stayed down upon the cavern floor.

“Come on Guinevere, we’re leaving.”

She shook her head. “I can’t go with you.”

Arthur stared at her like she was crazed. Yes, there was still a lot unresolved between them, but that didn’t mean he had any intention of departing alone. “Yes you can. You definitely can’t stay here!”

“You banished me.”

Arthur’s laughter rung out, sadly coarse with no happiness. “Considering that Camelot isn’t even mine anymore and we’re going to another kingdom, that’s a null point. You can’t stay here forever.”

“I wasn’t going to. After you leave my life will hardly matter. Morgana and her army will hunt elsewhere. I’ll find another small village then, live there, start a new life.”

Better answer, but he still hated it. There was no certainty that Morgana wouldn’t be interested in her. The crazed woman turned her into a deer, didn’t she? “Morgana already attempted to take away your life. I’m not leaving you here to allow her another attempt.”

“It would be the third anyway.” Gwen quietly whispered.

“What?”

She looked him in the eye. “When Uther found us that day in the wood, before the guards took me to the cells, I saw her face. She was smiling. I think she is the one who told him we were there. For she knew I had feelings for you even though I tried to not make them so open. She has wanted me gone for some time now. I just don’t know why.”

Arthur frowned with anguish. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

She shrugged. “You had enough troubles to deal with.”

Arthur shook his head fervently. “She could have caused your death! You should have said something.”

Gwen responded strongly. “And what was I to say? Your father never would have listened. He slapped my cheek. Do you think he would have cared what some simple servant saw?”

“Slapped your cheek?” Arthur asked hotly.

Gwen lowered her head. “Yes. But it’s not important.” She lifted her head again, speaking firmly. “You must not let her take Camelot. You must fight to get it back. I know you are upset. But you are the true king.”

Taking a look at his own offending hands that had grabbed her in the throne room, Arthur felt miserable. So many things he hadn’t known about, including abuse against the woman he loved. Now it made inches of more sense. She had suffered through a lot to be with him. Maybe that was why Lancelot was the better choice. Not so much pain. “Is that why you wanted to be with him?”

Gwen frowned, not understanding.

“Lancelot. He could protect you better than I. Because obviously I didn’t do it well enough.”

She shook her head sadly, whispering. “No. I have told you. No matter what happened with him, I have always loved you. Wanted to be with you. I never truly felt that way for Lancelot. I desired him once, yes, but not like I felt for you. I honestly don’t know why I ki-

Arthur put up his hand, a bit still angry, but more just drained. He didn’t want to hear it again, and he didn’t really want to put her through it again.

“You don’t have to say it. You’ve said it enough. But you’re wrong. I want to rescue Camelot if I can. I want to help the people I care for. But I can’t win against Morgana. She has powers I can’t even think of grasping. All I can do Guinevere is fight with my sword.”

He laughed wryly. “Obviously I’m short of wisdom. Look at it. I trusted Morgana. That was wrong. I trusted my uncle. That was wrong.”

He twisted his fingers through his hair raggedly. “Since my father’s died, I’ve made every wrong decision. Aaah…Agravaine. He was my mother’s brother…” Arthur breathed out painfully.

Then he brought the rest of them out. “These rings, like the one I gave you, were hers. They mean everything to me. But he thrust that in my face. I had to rush back into my chambers to get them. I had to against my own uncle and sister by blood. I didn’t believe Merlin’s warning, your warning, because I couldn’t believe that he would hate me that much. I don’t get it Guinevere. Am I that terrible? Were you right to not want me? Am I that awful? Do people hate me that much?”

Her heart tore at that. She wished she could tear at his selfish uncle for taking away his confidence, for ripping away Arthur’s crown that he wore inside his soul.

Crawling over the cavern ground, she pressed her palms against his cheeks, lifted Arthur’s falling head, fervently telling him, “People do not hate you. They love you more than you realize. They always have. You are their true leader. They will never follow Morgana or your uncle.

I…love you. I have always. You must believe Arthur. You are the true king.”

Holding his cheeks fiercely, she stated, “Don’t sit here and wallow in your pities. That is not the Arthur I love and care so much for. Stop saying you can’t fight against her. Stop acting like you are alone in this. Because you are not. You have everyone with you. She and Agravaine want to tear you apart. I don’t know why. I guess they just want your throne so badly. But don’t let them. Don’t let them take it from you Arthur.”

“What, my crown? My title?” He remarked dryly. “That’s all gone.”

She lifted his face before he could let it fall. She fingered his skin tightly. “No. Not those. They are immaterial. They are not why the people love you.” She touched his chest, flattened her palm against it. “Don’t let them take this. Don’t let them break it. Fight against them. Fight like the king I have always known you will be. Fight for Camelot, Arthur. FIGHT.”

He looked down at her hand, back up to her lips, feeling it strong within him, how her resolve could drain his fear. Make him believe. Make him want. Make him…

Need.

His lips came against hers. Guinevere held tight to him. But this time the kiss was not as brutal as it had been yesterday.

This time…

He pulled away, grasping her hand. “Come on.”

“Arthur.”

“I won’t leave here without you.” He told her firmly.

She finally nodded, insisting though first. “You will fight.”

Arthur nodded back, whispering, “If you are by my side.”

It meant nothing really. Nothing more than love.

Marriage…

If it was to be…

If queen was in her destiny…

Would have to wait.

She smiled slightly, felt him pull her halfway up. She let him.

They’d go together.

To Ealdor.

***

In the dawning mist once again Merlin met with the dragon.

“You brought the people here, enchanting them. Can you do the same, keeping our enemies from here?”

The dragon cocked his head at the question, before giving answer. “Yes, young warlock I believe I can. Against mere mortals that is. I’m not so sure against the witch.”

“Good.” Merlin doubted Morgana would leave her new kingdom. “I need you to keep watch over Ealdor. If Helios’s armies plan to invade it, keep them away.”

“You understand young warlock I cannot for an eternity keep them away. The spell will break with time.”

“Understood.” Merlin whispered. He hoped by that time they’d find Arthur and then soon after that be ready to depart Ealdor, start the battle for Camelot. Return it to its rightful king.

***

It was after hours of travel since an early morn’ departure from the cavern, they found her within the wood. Hearing Arthur’s gasp, Gwen fretted that maybe his injuries were plaguing him. “I told you that we should rest more. You are still recovering.”

He said nothing, just stared. Gwen turned to his line of vision, seeing the young mare, her coat and mane mottled with forest debris and dirt. But underneath it all she had familiar lines and shades of white and gray. “I know this horse. I rode her often in Camelot, took her to Ealdor.”

Slowly Arthur nodded his head, angry tears filling his eyes.

“Arthur?” Gwen’s fingers moved over his cheek, stroked it questioningly. He looked so miserable. “Arthur, what is it?”

“I put Sarya on this mare before departing Camelot, sending her ahead of me. Then I went the opposite direction, like I said before, to get Helios’s men to chase me instead. But here now is the horse with no rider. She…”

It was too much. Arthur’s heart panged. Again, he had failed. “This is my fault.” He grasped Gwen’s dark curls. “If I had just believed you and Merlin, none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t be d-

Gwen’s fingers firmly pushed upon his lips, her eyes strong, intent. “Enough. You don’t know that was the outcome. Maybe she just left the horse behind. Arthur…instead of fearing, hold onto hope.”

He had little though, shaking solidly. So much he could deal with, but when knowing his Camelot was safe. Instead, his people were scattered. A mad woman, who just happened to be his sister, had taken over. His uncle betrayed him, hated him. And now…now Sarya…

“Guin-

His voice faltered. Feeling his shudders, Gwen caught him, bolstered his chest against her shoulders before he could fall, tendering her fingers into his hair, silently giving him remorse. Because no words would hold. Not now.

***

With the dragon watching over Ealdor, Merlin felt his birth village, his mother and Gaius especially, were secure enough for him and Gwaine to leave. They started trekking through the woodland as midday passed. Merlin hoped it would lead them to Arthur, and maybe even by some miracle, to Gwen.

***

As day darkened to night Gwen started a small campfire to keep them warm, the mare they found tied nearby. Arthur despondently sat upon a fallen log a few feet away, shaking his head when she asked if he was hungry. She had found more berries, but his mood was too troubled to eat.

Gwen sighed at his lack of answer and kneeled in front of him, fingering at the bandages covering his chest. It was such an intimate thing to do, but safe also. It was nursing, tending to his wounds, something she didn’t have to explain so much, something that wouldn’t shatter her vulnerable feelings.

For long moments Arthur just watched her, head lifted enough now to see how she tenderly untied each bandage, pressing her fingers lightly against his skin, getting him to flinch for a moment before he relaxed his breath. When she brushed across his exposed nipple though, he grasped her hand like it was alive with flame and had burned him.

“What are you doing?”

Gwen blushed slightly, feeling how tightly he was holding onto her. “I’m sorry. But I needed to check. Make sure there is no infection.”

Once again his emotions were loose, frayed, like strings unraveling, finding no bolster. He couldn’t stop thinking of Sarya, what her fate might have been, and how it was his fault. And he couldn’t take being touched so gently by hands that made his body hot. Yearning. “Is there?”

She looked up into his eyes, blue flashes underneath the line of stars in the sky, skin ablaze with a golden glow from the flickering fire before them. “No. I’ll just retie them all now.” She looked, down, away from the piercing light of his eyes, fixated on the bandages, getting them back into place. Not ready for when his fingers grasped firmly to her cheeks, bringing her head up. “Arthur…” She whispered.

It was enough to undo him. He grasped her wrist tightly to stop her hand from fussing with his bandages, pushed his fingers through her curls of hair, tangled awfully by her time away from civilization. It didn’t matter. Women like her had natural elemental beauty that no bits of face powder could even produce. Natural. “He didn’t touch you?” He asked, moving his hands over the shimmery material of her outfit.

“Who?”

“Helios. He had you wear this outfit, but he didn’t touch you, right?”

Gwen firmly shook her head. “No. I told you. He did nothing to me.”

A piece of a smile edged his lips before they straightened again. “Good.” Arthur knew she had been touched by Lancelot. Kissed by him. He saw it, disgustedly. But it would burn even more to know that a man like Helios touched her against her will. That would bring on fury’s explosion.

“Do you think I wanted him to?” Gwen asked suddenly, watching the shock fill Arthur’s eyes.

“What?”

“Well you hate me for kissing Lancelot.”

He shook his head, fingers descending to her lips, feeling them tremble under his contact. “I don’t hate you. I could never…” He let it hang there. She turned to go, but then he was slipping away from the log, and pressing against her.

It was not wild and hard like it had been in the cavern. Although he grasped the thin material of her outfit, he slowly lowered her to the ground. Like a flower’s petal’ surroundings her hair cascaded outward. His lips descended and she arched her back to meet him. But then suddenly her fingers pressed upon his lips.

Arthur pulled away with reluctance, but even stronger questioning.

“Am I hurting you?”

She shook her head adamantly.

He whispered the truth. “Because I don’t want to. I know I’ve been…that we….but I don’t want to cause you pain, Guinevere. I swear that.”

She held back her tears, in a flux of happiness and too much emotion to contain. “I know. I just want you to understand that the night you proposed to me Arthur was the happiest night I’ve ever lived. All I wanted was to be your wife. Truly.”

This was probably where he should say something to match her expression, but he didn’t trust his voice and the words that would come out of it. So just giving a thoughtful gaze, he murmured softly against her ear, “I don’t hate it. Not you in it anyway. You’re too beautiful to look awful in it.”

She felt her chest heave at that, but then before she could react fully his lips were once again searching out hers. And she was once more arching above the ground, seeking as much of him as she could get. In Camelot, propriety would win out. But here in the woods alone with him after marriage plans had been abandoned, she just wanted him in any way, any fashion.

So she moaned, and twisted to the feral feel of his hands exploring her body through her clothing. She palmed his chest, thrust her tongue against his, hearing his depth reaching groan as he trembled against her. His hands grasped her breasts and she pushed her fingers up over his face, tangled them into his hair, pulling him in closer.

Hearing him moan, she barely got past her lips…

“Arthur…

Please…”

It was enough. This wasn’t using her. This wasn’t hurting her. She wanted it just as much as he needed it and so he pulled at the top of her clothing, bringing it down her shoulder, watching as the fabric tightened against her breasts, making him hungry for her.

But then suddenly without warning he stopped. Lifting up onto his knees, he pulled away from her pulsing body.

“No…” She started to protest, an uninhibited moan, but he pressed his hand against her mouth. “Shhhh…I heard something.”

Branches snapped under pairs of feet. Feeling his hand on her arm, Gwen moved against Arthur, lifting up the shimmery top’s sleeve back securely to her shoulder.

There was movement within the branches. Flickering shadows upon the ground.

“Arthur?”

Scrambling to his feet, he grasped his sword that had been driven into the soil. The shadow became a fully materialized form and without hesitation Arthur swung. The man from Helios’s army screamed out with pain. But there was another on his heels.

Gwen sat up rapidly, moving until she was against the fallen log, hearing Arthur warn for her to stay out of the way.

A third man came from behind though. He pushed his long dirty nailed fingers abusively into her waist. Gwen cried out and Arthur whipped around, feeling a sharp pain in his chest.

“Arthur!” Gwen screamed, biting the hand that was trying to lift her up to her feet. The man howled in pain and she moved away, concentrating on the one Arthur was fighting, seeing the man she loved doubled over in pain.

Getting his fallen sword from the ground, she thrust it at the offending man, the blade cutting into his stomach. He fell over and she heaved a sigh. But the other man was still behind her. Holding his sword out, he got ready to slash her throat.

Seeing it, Arthur pulled the blade out from man she had just stabbed, and on his knees, yelling at the woman he had nearly married to get out of the way, he thrust the bloodied blade at her offender, killing him by cutting through his heart.

With it all over almost as rapidly as it begun, Gwen looked down at the carnage. There were three offending men now dead, blood flowing onto the ground. Feeling weak and sick, after moments ago experiencing tingles of passion for the man and king she loved, Gwen looked away, her emotions like unraveling twine.

Getting his breath back, Arthur wrapped his arm around her waist, getting her to stand with him. Seeing her upset, feeling plenty of his own, he whispered against her cheek. “It’s okay. We’re safe.”

She pressed into his chest and he held her tightly. But when her lips started to graze upward, desiring to meet his, he shook his head, negating their direction. “I have to get rid of the bodies.”

She looked down at the stained ground, still sickened by the sight. Then remembering what had nearly knocked him down, she touched Arthur’s chest, undid one of the bandages, viewing the damage with upset. “It’s bleeding again.”

“Just lightly.” He consoled, even as he flinched when her fingers pressed. Sighing, she fixed the bandages, thinking he was probably right. The bleeding would stop. But the attack had soured the mood of before. “Arthur…”

He pressed his fingers against her lips. “It’s better.”

She looked up at him questioningly.

He gently created distance between them. “That we were interrupted.”

Gwen’s face blanched, before she lowered it. Hurt.

He almost gave into it and if he had-

“You didn’t want to be with me.”

He shook his head at that strongly, grasping her cheek. “No. Not true. But it doesn’t matter that I do want to be with you Guinevere. Because I can’t. I just…

Can’t.”

Now she moved away. “Because of Lancelot, because I-

He brought his hand up, getting her to stop. “Because after what happened with you and him I still love you.”

She gave a smile of hope at that. He wasn’t finished though.

“But I don’t know if I trust you. Even more importantly, I don’t trust myself. Because I should have seen it. I should have known…no matter what. You’d still want him.”

“Arthur…” Her hand caught his arm before he could leave to take care of the bodies. “That’s not true. I don’t.”

“Why did you kiss him then?” He asked quietly, sick of inflicting hurt, just still needing to know in some vile way, vile because it probably would be no true remedy. There was none.

She shook her head miserably. “I don’t know.”

Arthur sighed at that, seeing her pain, and caring about it. Trying to find reason. “Maybe it was because I didn’t defend you enough. Should have been stronger with my father, my uncle and everyone else.”

“Arthur-

His hand rose again. “No. We keep going around this and it’s not worth it. Just hurts us both. I know you love me. But you wanted him too. And that…makes it hard Guinevere. Hard to love you back because…

It scares me. To not be enough. To act like I did in the throne room if I’m not. I’m afraid to be with you. Afraid to be hurt. Afraid to inflict it.

Afraid.”

He grasped her arms quickly, tightly, making her shudder, her eyes going wide, and then he just let go. Feeling her breath flutter she watched him leave. Not sure what to say. Just wishing that awful night never happened.

***

There were little flurries of activity within the wood. The problem was they were certain that it came from more than just nature. Merlin felt assured that the dragon would keep Ealdor safe, but if Morgana’s men were within the wood he feared for Arthur and especially Gwen still. It bothered him terribly that the dragon never saw her and that she hadn’t shown up in Ealdor. It was too many days without anyone knowing of her whereabouts.

A hand waved in his direction. Merlin caught Gwaine’s cautious look and halted the slow walk of his horse. Gwaine whispered direction and Merlin noticed the increased movement of the tree branches. It could mean coming danger. Gwaine whipped out his sword with grace while Merlin reached for his borrowed one with a little less precision.

Ready to strike, each breathed a sigh of relief as the intruders came into full view.

It was Leon and Percival who had been circling back and forth some through the wood after Helios’s men started stalking them, halting the lengths of their progress. That was unfortunate, but now with the four of them together they should be able to get farther.

At least Merlin hoped. For now, it was getting late, and leading a full on pursuit in the evening through the wood was just too treacherous. They’d make camp and then be on their way again in the morning.

***

When it was time to sleep once again neither had suitable bedrolls, but more importantly, after such a close call, rest for both didn’t seem a good idea. Arthur almost thanked it as proper excuse to bring distance between them. Sleeping close to her the night previous had been necessary for warmth in the cold cavern’s interior, but that couldn’t extract the emotional heaviness of it all. Already his heart was being pulled brutally by having to leave Kingdom and not knowing Sarya’s or anyone else’s fate.

“We can’t take another chance. Helios’s men could have done us in, especially with me injured and you malnourished. One of us needs to stay on alert. You need sleep the most. I’ll take watch.”

Gwen knew that practically he was right. Only one of them was truly trained in how to use a sword and him being the man he was just expected to be the defender. But his injuries were still not fully healed and as for one of them being more tired than the other, she thought that argument of his was a weak one. She stood up to him now,, shaking her head adamantly.

“It is not right that you are the only one to do so. You are hurt still. You could not have fought those men from earlier, alone. I assisted when one of them nearly stole your life away.”

Arthur sighed at that raggedly, holding some of the thin flimsy material of her outfit. Sure, she was right, but he never had been one to easily admit that he needed others help physically. And he had no intention of relenting on who took watch. “Look. I am grateful for your assistance. It wasn’t easy for me to fight them and honestly I don’t know if I could have taken them on that well enough alone.”

“Then it’s decided. We both stay awake.”

Arthur started to argue that point so she did the one thing that she knew would silence his lips. Stepping forward, actually pressing her breasts intentionally against his chest, just making sure to not affect his hurt areas, she raised her hands to his hair, tangled her fingers within the lank messy strands and kissed him wetly. With as much heat she could muster, until his groan was eliciting and his arms were bringing her in. And thus the kiss continued, long, persuasive.

When it was done, she kept hold of his shoulder and neck, fixing her eyes strongly on his, shaking her head when he seemed to want to protest. “It’s best. You know. We stay up together to face any danger.”

He actually smiled a little now, still affected by her kiss, his heart shaken and awaken all the same. “No wonder I picked you for my queen.”

Tears filled her eyes at that. He patiently brushed at them as a few found their way past her lids, and then his mind opened again, he thought of his just spoken words from the heart, desiring to amend them. For he sent her far from Camelot. He had decided to not marry her.

Dreading what he might say, she pushed her fingers against his lips. “Don’t talk. Please.”

He nodded slowly, and taking hold of his sword, sat against one of the tree trunks. She did the same with one of the fallen swords of their enemies, now cleaned by the soil. Noticing how she held it wrong, Arthur lifted his hand away from his sword, locked it over hers. “Not like that. Like this.”

As he tutored her in how to hold a sword properly, her closeness was inevitable, her breasts brushing up against his shoulder, but he did not flinch away, her warmth causing him enjoyment actually.

***

Merlin sometimes had awful dreams in Camelot, ones of foreboding, visions, and this night he felt them signal of presences. It was so strong that he spoke aloud, getting Percival to turn to him questioningly.

“What was that Merlin?”

Gwaine was on watch now with Leon. Percival had been resting soundly until Merlin’s voice.

The sorcerer turned to the knight, smiling some, giving a shake of his head. “No. Nothing. Just my stomach talking.”

Percival chuckled at that and went back to sleep, but Merlin remained with his eyes open. Arthur was near. But back further. And Gwen…she was somewhere close too.

***

Oh. His neck was stiff, and his chest sore in many places. This was most definitely not his bed in Camelot, but the wild forests that surrounded it. He recalled where he was and why, and realized he had fallen asleep. That wasn’t good. They were supposed to be keeping watch to make sure that Helios’s men didn’t have the advantage in an attack. Arthur’s eyes lifted up to the blue sky peeking through the tall evergreens. It should be black, night, not blue to signal day.

A cold prickle of fear ran through him as he started to realize with alarm too that he was alone. Hours ago it must have been when night was still surrounding them, she’d been right beside, but now he saw her nowhere.

The cold prickle of fear was turning into a rush of ice edged trepidation. If he had fallen asleep and they had been found was it possible that she…

Oh Camelot.

His kingdom taken was already slashing at his heart, but the thought of her-

“GUINEVERE!”

His voice was hoarse, barely carried. So panicked, he didn’t come to his usual sense that would question why she was taken and not him. After all, he was the former king they so badly wanted. All he could think about was the woman he loved, being lost to him once again.

Jumping up to his feet, he searched with panicked eyes, got ready to utter it again when he spotted her just a few feet away, calmly and quietly tending to the found mare.

“Arthur?”

Breathing out relief he ran toward where she stood.

Gwen startled as she felt his frantic hands grasp her shoulders, pulling her in tightly against his chest, seeming to forget any of his wounds. She reprimanded gently. “Careful. You’re still hurt.”

He didn’t care about his injuries, the fear finally draining away, before his firmness took over. His eyes fixed on hers without wavering as he pulled away some. “Why did you let me sleep? God in Heaven, I thought maybe they had taken you. We had a deal. We would stay awake together through the night. I don’t remember-

She pressed her fingers against his lips. “I coaxed you to sleep when morning came. Only just. You looked so exhausted.”

He frowned at that, taking in the jagged lines of red in her eyes. “And what about you? It’s I who should have coaxed you to sleep. Not eating enough, not resting enough, this outfit will soon be hanging on you as laughable that is. You’ve done too much for me.”

She looked away, but Arthur brought her attention back to him with a lift of her chin using his finger. “Guin-

She cut through. “I can’t sleep that well within the open wood anyway. Not after what Morgana did. Those first few nights I had nightmares. Of being hunted.”

His lips found her forehead, his heart fluctuating. He kissed her softly, achingly, the bravest words evolving finally, flooded within his most quavering shames. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, the decent one, but I was wrong. I just made you easily Morgana’s prey.”

It was an apology without holes for all that anger he first felt was now fading away, dissolving into regret. If he hadn’t banished her, she never would have been subject to his sister’s cruelty. He did it then because he couldn’t stand being around her, not after what happened with Lancelot. And he told himself too it was the best thing for her, for the kingdom, but not if he had known it would result in her being hunted down like a wild animal, nearly possibly taken by his own arrow.

His touch, his kiss was too much. Gwen could barely hold onto her stance of bravery anymore. She leaned into Arthur’s embrace, feeling it envelope her too solidly. The recall of running through the woods, racing in desperation to get away was still all too fresh. Hearing then the rich timbre of the man she loved, how he had seen her as nothing but a beast to kill, it made her shudder again to remember the horror, the dread of being his hunted prize without him realizing her for who she really was.

Just the day before she comforted him when he feared Sarya’s outcome, something he still had no answers to. Now it was his turn and more starkly it was what his heart hissed at him to do, grasping for her closeness and security. “Hush. They were only ill dreams. I won’t let Morgana ever hurt you again. No matter what happens later, for now we continue on to Ealdor together.”

Her head fell underneath his shoulder. Arthur found himself awkwardly rubbing her back, just wanting to keep her safe.

And soon enough it had his desired effect. In the lock of his arms, exhausted and drowned emotionally…she fell asleep. Quietly and gently he laid her down upon the ground before spotting another small animal that with his sword he was sure he’d be able to get, provide them with some more needed food.

***

“You want to what?”

Merlin knew he sounded like a crazed fool, but he was so sure of it. “Go back. We went too far. We need to return to-

Leon started to protest loudly, but Gwaine, giving Merlin an odd smile for a second, turned to the other men with conviction. “Look, if Merlin thinks he’s back there then…well he probably is.”

“But-

“This is-

The arguments were cut off, Gwaine winning out. Merlin once again was inwardly thankful for his belief in him.

***

Gwen had felt stirrings of anger when she found out that Arthur made sure she slept some that morning, but when she saw the cooked animal, another wild hare, she had tempered her feelings. It was good food again, once more spiced by natural herbs he found within the wood. She had to wonder then that sometimes maybe Arthur wasn’t as helpless as he seemed in matters of practicality. He was just so used to the royal trappings that he didn’t really like having to tend to things that he felt servants were better acquainted for. Still, once again she had to help him with the fire before he burnt their breakfast solid.

Now, late afternoon, as he checked the ground she watched him warily from her perch atop the little mare. His hand lifting finally from its palmed position on the soil, he rejoined her on the mare, climbing in back. Feeling once more the warmth of his waist against hers, his strong thighs so nearby, and his hand lock over her front with a bit of spontaneous possessiveness, she asked, “Is there a problem?”

Feeling the sun shining through the trees, a bit of irritation against his still healing wounds, Arthur said nothing.

She touched his arm. “Is there?”

He let out a troubled sigh. “Those are tracks of horses’ hooves, a group of them. It could be Helios’s men. We need to be ready for another possible ambush.”

Gwen didn’t like the sound of that. Both of them still hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. And the soakings of new blood had been staining his bandages again since last night’s attack, nothing terribly awful, but enough to bring on her concern and keep her routinely adjusting the worn cloth. He started to take out his sword, but she pressed her palm against his wrist.

“What?” He asked roughly.

She focused on his wounds. “If you’re right I need to fix this more solidly.”

He had given up fighting her on playing nurse long ago. Those dark fixed eyes never relented. “Alright. But just for a few moments.”

They both carefully got down from the horse and he leaned against a tree trunk as she tended to him, asking, “How far away do you think Ealdor is now?’

Arthur gave a confused shake. “Actually I’m not sure. We seem to be leaving the denser wood. But Ealdor is still mostly surrounded by the thinner forests even. And my skills of navigation are terribly off right now, especially without a map and not having any set course. Still-

He stopped his drabbling conversation, seeing that she was lifting her head with interest now.

“What?”

“I thought I heard something.”

Pushing her gently away he moved to get his sword, but then she was reacting to another sound and standing up on her feet, moving away from him.

“Guinevere!” Arthur hissed, keeping his voice as low as he could, but she was moving to the other trees. Fighting to get up from the evergreen trunk’s bolster, Arthur noticed now that she was almost running. He hissed at her again, catching up and latching firmly onto her arm, but then he too was seeing what she was.

Gwen cried out happily. “Merlin!” She rushed to get to him as the servant too ran to her excitedly. Arthur let out a howl of happy laughter, getting a bear hug from an overzealous Percival that made him hiss in pain.

Hearing it, Gwen pulled back from Merlin quickly, shaking her head as a regretful Percival now indeed got it. “Careful, he’s hurt.”

The young knight’s face blanched. “Sorry Sire.”

Arthur shook his head with a smile, feeling the pain already fading as his wounds were healing fast from Gwen’s continued tending. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Merlin was so relieved. Not only had they found Arthur, but Gwen too. He was so happy to see her safe. Making his way to Arthur, he now moved in. Arthur gave him a wary squinting look, before relenting with a teasing smile, allowing Merlin’s awkward attempts at a gentle hug. “You took care of him?” Merlin asked Gwen after pulling away.

She shrugged. “We took care of each other.”

Arthur asked then, “Gaius?”

Merlin grinned. “He’s fine. Not a scratch.” He gestured to his horse. “We’ve been looking for you. Thought maybe-

Arthur rolled his eyes. He had enough emotion for days now. His servant was perfect fodder. “Ah, don’t be such a girl, Merlin.”

“Cabbagehead.”

All these little bits of respectful affection and teasing rants continued. Leon gave Arthur his cloak to have something warmer to wear around his healing wounds. Gwaine moved to Gwen to give her his. “I’m so happy we found you.”

She smiled at his kind care as he wrapped the cloak around her. Feeling Arthur’s eyes watching she looked to see if there was any anger or disapproval. Although his gaze was wary, he didn’t seem upset.

It was the biggest miracle of news to hear that Sarya was safely back in Ealdor. She could feel the emotion ringing from Arthur, finally a piece of calm settling him as he looked grateful, straining to hold back his happy tears. Looking around though, she acutely felt the absence, asked with expectance, “So Elyan is back in Ealdor, watching over the people?”

No one said anything, making tension knot in Arthur’s muscles. Then Gwaine was patting her shoulder, looking to his king for a moment before telling Gwen plainly, “I’m sorry. Percival and I tried. But she captured him. Elyan is back in Camelot.”

“No.” Gwen’s hand clutched her heart, her face filling with dreaded fear.

Arthur commenced to make his way to her, but then she was pressed against Gwaine’s friendly hold, Merlin circling around her too. Arthur swallowed down his reaction, letting them comfort her, talking to Percival and Leon instead about tactical maneuvers. Which was a laugh, because he had none. And because his heart was tied to hers. Wanting to be the one holding her.

But still just a tiny bit…afraid..and ashamed.

***

“Sarya.”

Seeing the young girl again, taken care of, in fresh clothing if maybe a bit worn, he moved forward as quickly he could sweeping the child up into his arms without thinking much.

The ride to Ealdor had been mostly silent out of respect for Gwen’s pain over Elyan. Arthur had wanted to go find him right away, but he knew Leon was right about how much of a mistake that would be without properly preparing back in Ealdor.

It had been awful watching his once intended wife in so much pain for the potential loss of her brother. Too late to console her, he achingly watched instead the knights and Merlin take their turns. That left him just a patch of the latest hours of evening to give her an awkward hug for a few stray weak moments before she held herself away from him. It hurt more than he wanted to let his heart admit, to watch her just sit there so despondently, hugging herself with dull infliction in her eyes.

So now having Sarya alright and to hold in his arms without reservation, Arthur clutched her tightly. Feeling her relieved tears against his cheek, he kept strong hold of the girl, spying Hunith watching on with tender expression before she looked to Gwen. Then Hunith used her mother’s stroke, gathering Gwen into her warm arms.

After they departed together, Hunith holding to the weeping woman he loved, Arthur turned away, focusing on Sarya.

“I am so grateful you’re okay.”

She smiled bravely. “I’m glad you are too King Arthur.”

*

It was many long moments after, watching with a wondering smile as Sarya allowed the other children to keep her away from her worries about her parents with the promise of children’s unique penchant for play, that Arthur entered Hunith’s home. He spotted him at the back of it, tending to one of the hurt villagers.

“Ah, will you get me that bucket of water?”

Arthur picked it up hurriedly, handing it to the man.

“Thank you Hunith.”

“You’re welcome, but I’m not Hunith.”

Gaius turned around at that with surprise. Seeing the king, injured, but most definitely alive, he let out a gasp of happiness. Tentatively his hands started to touch at the young man’s waist. He had cared for him since he was a babe after all. But then he remembered.

Arthur didn’t care though. He held on and pulled Gaius against him, grateful that one of the most important citizens of Camelot was still well. “I’m glad to see you Gaius.” He whispered emotionally.

The elder physician whispered the same, but then, a frown.

Arthur knew why. “She’s here. I brought her. Guinevere is safe.”

Gaius smiled with peace. Thank goodness. He whispered it before he could remember he was voicing it aloud. “I kept my word to you Alana. Or the king helped me anyway.”

“Who was Alana?”

“Gwen and Elyan’s mother.”

“You knew her?”

“Very well, Sire.”

Arthur asked with interest, “What was she like?”

Gaius smiled with fond remembrance, before his face started to show more soberness. “Kind. Hard working. Like Gwen. Very strong. She had to be. Her illness was a tough one to take.”

Arthur nodded his head. “She cared for me once?”

Gaius didn’t ask how he knew, just gave an affirmative. “Yes Sire. You and Gwen.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked quietly.

Gaius reached for his hand, held it. “She brought you both with her once. You sometimes cried a lot as a babe. She laid you down side by side…

And you had no more tears. You were calm.”

Arthur lowered his head, stunned by the story, and his heart hurting still so solidly. He had to do something. He had to…

But first.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this Gaius. I’m afraid. More afraid than I’ve ever been. Those people are looking to me to guide them, to lead them and I don’t know how I can against Morgana. She’s too strong. Her army killed Sir Paul. Sarya is lucky to be alive. I don’t even know still if her parents are. If I hid them well enough. Guinevere tells me I am brave enough. But I don’t know. It hurts so much that they betrayed me. My mother’s brother. I thought someone of her, brother to her, would never do this to me. I’m so ashamed. Merlin warned me. Guinevere knew. And I did nothing. I failed.”

Gaius shook his head, holding firmly to Arthur’s hand. It was not so surprising. He was no more than a man after all. They all looked to him for so much and yet of course he was of flesh and blood. The bandages upon his chest spoke of that. It was wrong to expect so much of him. But he was wrong too in thinking he had to fight this alone.

“Arthur, I have told you before, you have many with you. They aid you quietly, at danger to themselves, but they do it because they believe not only in you my King, but in the world you want to create. One of peace. One of love. Don’t let those who want to destroy that shatter you. There is a tomorrow that we will all face with you. Don’t fear for you are not alone. Sire, you are my King. And I walk with you. I will fight with you. But you must lead that fight.

You must believe Arthur.”

He observed as the young man lifted his head, seemed a bit stronger, braver, if perplexed. “Why? Why do you all still believe?”

Gaius smiled peacefully. Tomorrow they’d be at war, but if anyone could lead it, that would be Arthur. He just knew. It was his destiny. “Because you are the one and true king of Camelot, Arthur. That is why I believe.”

Arthur listened to those words, trying to take them in. Trying to feel them. Trying to be strong. Whispering only what he could. Still needing something. Still just a little out of reach. But grateful. “Thank you Gaius.”

“Thank you Sire. For not giving in.”

A voice of wisdom he’d be wise to heed.

***

“Gwen.”

A small pair of arms hugged her solidly. Gwen leant against them with straggles of emotion. “Oh Sarya. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

The girl sat down beside her at the fire. “Sir Paul was very brave. So was King Arthur. I just hope Mama and Papa are okay.”

“I hope so too.” Gwen whispered.

The girl touched her cheek. “I’ll pray that your brother comes through okay too, Gwen. Elyan is always nice to me. And he has that very scary axe that I kind of like.”

Gwen laughed softly at that, smiling. “Yes.”

*

Sarya left her after a short while. Gwen just watched the fire, peace ripped out of her heart. She hoped…she’d see him again.

***

Arthur came out of Hunith’s home, seeing the lone figure sitting by the fire, and Merlin just a bit beyond. He walked over to his servant, letting out a sigh.

Merlin turned to him. Arthur was wearing a worn coat now, given to him by one of the villagers. It oddly enough made him look nothing more than one of the simple folk, especially that his master’s hair was still in disarray. “So you found her.”

Arthur shook his head. “More she found me. She saved me from one of Morgana’s army.”

Merlin smiled softly at that. Looking over, he saw that Arthur had no such smile. “Sire.”

Arthur laughed, wryly like he had every time someone tried to say he was still anything of notice. “Why even call me that still?”

Merlin responded firmly. “Because it is what you are.”

Arthur shook his head miserably.

Merlin continued, wanting to get him to stop being so morose and see. “Okay, so you’re also a dollphead.”

“Merlin.” Arthur weakly stated.

“A prat.”

“Merlin.” Arthur said with a bit more edge.

“A cabbage head.”

“Alright that’s enough.” Arthur snarled.

“And not to mention a complete clotpole.”

“Merlin!”

The servant laughed at that cheekily, before sobering. “But you’re also my king. And I don’t care what Morgana or Agravaine did. You will always be that. The rightful king of Camelot.” He faced his friend definitively.

Arthur just sighed.

So Merlin started telling him about it, the sword, that they would go find tomorrow.

The one that Merlin secretly knew was specially Arthur’s for it was not just touched by magic, but crafted by the father of the woman he obviously…

Still loved.

*

And moments later, after Arthur ridiculed him a bit for his outlandish story of some sword in a stone, Arthur proved his feeling, by going to the lone figure sitting by the fire.

“Guinevere…”

She didn’t respond.

Arthur sighed, taking in her outfit, loaned by a villager. It included brown pants, boots, a fur vest, and a woolen designed shirt. “I like this one much better.” He told her with a cough.

She looked up at him questioningly.

Arthur attempted a cheeky smile. “Even if the other one was more revealing.”

She smiled a little too at that, before looking away.

Arthur got down to his knees, then brought his legs out, touching gently at her shoulder, whispering over it. “We will free him. I give you my word.”

She didn’t cry, just held still. Felt she didn’t have any tears left. But her voice broke. “We will?”

Tearing at his heart. Arthur gave up the fight for his dignity and his protective need for separation. His need for her was much stronger. Even if he shattered into the hope of tomorrow it didn’t matter, as long as he shattered into it with her.

He knew that now. Knew the answers to all his questions at the beginning of this wild story of his life. He loved her. There was no fear in that. No fear he couldn’t conquer anyway. He just couldn’t bear to watch her hurt anymore. Not alone.

“We will.” He pressed his lips against her forehead, rocking her in his arms. “I promise you Guinevere. And I promise this one…I will never break.”

She clung to his worn borrowed coat then, turning her face to melt against him. Crying out. “Arthur…”

“I’m here.” He held her tight, pressed wet kisses against her face. He’d fight this battle, lead it for Camelot. For Sarya. For Gaius. For Alana. For his mother, his father. For Merlin. For his knights.

And for…

Always for her.

“You’re not alone. I’m with you…” He whispered, tangling his fingers wildly through her hair, holding her back so solidly his hand clamped from the pressure. “That’s what you told me when you were taking care of me.”

She turned to stare at him.

He smiled mildly. “In my feverish state I heard a bit of it, along with the tune of the song. I heard you say to me that I wasn’t alone. You saved my life. You were brave against that man.”

“But I…”

She started to say and he passionately cut it off. “No. I don’t care. You hear me? I don’t care. You hurt me, yes. It hurt what I saw. But I hurt you too. You showed me that. And now I don’t care. I just can’t take being without you. I can’t take watching you cry thinking you’re alone, because you never are. I can’t take that I pushed you into the forest and made you become a hunted animal. I can’t take fighting this battle tomorrow without you at my side. I’ve been afraid, Guinevere. Afraid to accept you into my life again. But I’ve been a coward to feel that. And I was foolish to bring us to this battle, to not believe the people who I should have trusted first. Never again.”

“But I did ki-

He cut her off, bringing her face up to his, whispering with fervency, “I don’t care.”

She looked into his blue eyes, ablaze with a fire that she hadn’t seen for so long, the flames lighting him up, making him strong. “I love you.” She whispered, clutching his cheeks, holding on so strongly because to lose him again would shatter her heart.

“I love you too.” He whispered back, holding her just as unremittingly.

She kissed him, rejoicing as he didn’t resist, as he smiled with temporary peace at her.

Because she brought it to him. Always her.

They sat together, coiled within, around each other. Loved and giving love.

And then of course he broke it, never patient enough for still quiet. “I guess we shared a bed together when we were not even walking.”

She turned back to him questioningly.

Arthur smiled. “When your mother was watching us. Gaius told me. I was---well…complaining…

Not crying, mind you.”

She giggled at that, couldn’t help but to. His face was so funny. And his lie was so silly.

“Just not very happy. And you…well…you were as quiet you always were, except for when you used to babble all around me because you desired me so much…”

She pinched his shoulder at that.

“Ow.”

Gwen rolled her eyes, wondering how it could be. She had no idea what they’d face tomorrow. How Elyan would be. But somehow with him…her king…her love…she could…

Arthur felt the same. His life was in turmoil, but with her back in it…

“So see, now I’ll share this one with you. Since yours back in Camelot is mine anyway.”

Gwen countered quickly. “We’ve already had this argument. As I recall we both came to the decision that your bed was too big for my little home.”

Arthur nodded his head. “True. But I was talking about the big one anyway.”

She stared at him.

Arthur smiled with meaning. “What’s mine is yours. What’s yours is mine…uh…er isn’t that how marriage works?”

She felt it then, against her finger the coil of rope, the ring. She looked down, felt him bring it over her finger, heard him ask emotionally,

“Will you marry me Guinevere?”

She looked around, at their outdoor setting, felt how they were sitting upon the cold hard ground, and thought how they were not even in their own clothing.

“No candles.”

She gestured.

Arthur nodded. “Right. No candles. Just a fire.”

She smiled. “I think I like it better.”

He curled up around her. “As do I.”

“I can’t be perfect for you.” She said brokenly. “I will never try to hurt you, please believe that. But I can’t take it back. What happened. I can’t be with you thinking that I will betray you in some way. Or thinking that I will never falter again. I have given you my heart from the beginning of this. I don’t know why it happened, why I did what I did, but I know that I never meant to cause you pain.”

He pressed his lips against her forehead, whispering with meaning, “I don’t want you to be. I just want who you are. I’ve made my own mistakes, God in Heaven knows. Now let’s just learn from them…together. I know you never meant to hurt me. As I never meant to hurt you. I’ve been callous at times. I’ve looked the wrong way, listened to the wrong people. Sometimes I’ve even taken too much for granted. I had issues about him from the start. I didn’t say anything because he was gone. But I should have. You said you couldn’t be perfect for me and that’s not what I’m offering you anyway. No type of perfection. I just don’t want to spend my life without you, because a taste of it was too much.”

She held still, uncertain.

And Arthur knew why. She was afraid like he had been. Life had no total assurances. Love wasn’t so predictable, just right. It was agony to be without. If he was going to shatter into pieces, he’d rather it not be alone. That was all. But he could feel it too. The hope for tomorrow. They’d enter it violently. But they’d enter it with each other.

“Say you will…” He whispered desperately, raining kisses down upon her face, needing her answer.

Like there could ever be a question of what it could be. Tomorrow they’d enter the storm of war.

Lives would be lost. Maybe even their own. But as long as he was at her side…

As long as…

“I will.”

***

*Fin

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