We are no better than the beasts at our door.

[elschmo]

Because I love Rhona Mitra and I am human, and would therefore possess something called "morbid curiosity", I went to watch Underworld: Rise of the Lycans with Hanis [seanachais], Sarah and Benasir today. Now, I enter the cinema having not watched the first two movies because my brain acknowledged the scene in which two werewolves were fighting each other for no reason and the fact that Selene tended to spout ~intellectual~ nonsense in the novelisation that I read as "OMGWTF WHAT IS THIS SHIT?" and promptly filed a restraining order. I was excited for the first movie when I got to know about it because it was similar to some of my old stories, and in a way, it was like having them being brought to the silver screen. Then the above happened, along with some other things I found out about the movie, and I stayed away. Hell, I even wrote an essay about why I disliked the series for a contest that was run by the Star! I'll post it some other time but for now, here is the review.

1. FUCK YES WEREWOLVES!
   
   ... Obvious bias is obvious.
   
   But I love my wolves, and I hate that they keep being overshadowed by those vampires (even if I do love vampires, too). So it was nice to see them wrest the upper hand in this. I was rooting for them - or rather, Lucian - the whole time, like, "Fuck yeah, you get those dang vampires! Show them who's boss!"
   
   The pure werewolves were kind of cute. They looked so big and fluffy!
   
   And I must know how Lucian's mother got to give birth to a human child in wolf form. It was like, "... What?"
   
   
2. Look, the charm about werewolves is that they get to go from human to wolf, and vice versa. And most people would expect the process to be vicious - I know I do. I mean, for fuck's sake, our body structure is so different from a wolf's: surely there has to be some radical shifting of the limbs as well as major physical changes. Not to mention that when it happens, the body would change its mass, so how the fuck would clothes stay intact, much less become fur and then revert to clothes when the werewolf becomes human again? (I also hate it when hair becomes ears, but this is going on longer than it should.) I think the one transformation scene that I absolutely adored was the one in Romasanta: The Werewolf Hunt. That was ... damn. I was so stunned by its awesomeness that I watched it thrice. Damn.
   
   Anyway, the point of that was to express my irritation at the transformation scenes presented in this here movie that I'm talking about. They were brutal, yes, but IT WAS SO FUCKING DARK WHENEVER ONE TOOK PLACE. IN FACT, THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS SO FUCKING DARK FOR MOST OF THE TIME. WHY.
   
   And if you were wondering, as cool as the werewolves were in Van Helsing, I hated how they transformed. They reminded me of never-ending matryoshka dolls: under the human is a werewolf under the human under is a werewolf under the human ... that sort of thing.
   
   
3. Bill Nighy's contacts are distracting as hell. He looks permanently surprised because of how his pupils just would not contract. Regardless, he was good in this; although Viktor was supposed to be an evil bastard, I liked him. His smarminess wasn't cloying.
   
   I also loved how his Davy Jones accent would slip in sometimes.
   
   
4. It's such a bummer knowing that Viktor, Raze and Lucian would live through this no matter what ... because they're already in Underworld.
   
   
5. FUCK YES RHONA MITRA!
   
   I loved Sonja; I loved how strong-willed her character was. Love moves mountains, people! I found her romance with and devotion to Lucian beautiful, but it could be because I'm predisposed to the notion of forbidden romance. Nevertheless, I was upset as hell when she died, though I kind of saw it coming. I was like, "TRANSFORM, LUCIAN, TRANSFORM! SAVE HER!" but ... meh. Her death was so tragic but nicely shot.
   
   
6. Is there an unspoken rule that werewolves must be overly hairy and grimy-looking as humans, notwithstanding the fact that they're supposed to be slaves here? Seriously, I demand a movie in which the werewolves are as clean and sexy as how vampires are often portrayed.
   
   
7. It's been a while since I applied my ~film lessons~ to my reviews (how could I forget my roots?), so here goes: Its fulcrum lies in the scene in which Lucian begged Sonja not to go with the Death Dealers to guard the baron and his family. He'd never have escaped and done what he did, and the rest of the film - nay, the series wouldn't have happened.
   
   I felt no one in the film genuinely had a character arc besides Lucian (who is the main character in this film, anyway), who went from slave to Lycan leader.
   
   
8. Although the movie clocked in at an hour and a half, it felt like I was watching a two-hour film. It seemed like ages before the movie reached its climax. But fortunately, when it did, it was a damn good one. It kept me hooked, and I was really entertained.
   
   
9. The action scenes in this made me go "Holy shit, that was awesome!" more than once. It was neither too overboard nor gratuitous - it was just right for a movie about vampires and werewolves, which is how it should be. I'm looking at you, Twilight. I mean, really, you have one group of beings that thrives on blood and another that craves flesh, and you completely throw those out the window? Then what's the fucking point?
   
   
10. What I loved most about this movie was the ending, where it shows Selene atop a perch (which is apparently from the first scene of Underworld) with a voice clip playing over it, saying how Viktor, and not the Lycans, had killed her family but left her alive because she reminded him of Sonja, and Selene says, "Lies." It was a really nice touch, and it'd tie in well with the first film. Plus, I thought it complemented the concept of Viktor feeling guilty over how he practically killed Sonja, and him wanting a second chance with Selene.

On the whole, I liked the movie, which, to be honest, surprised me, considering the vitriol I had towards the first two Underworld installments. It was entertaining, and some parts were executed very nicely, despite a so-so plot. The three leads were amazing in their roles, and they played a big part in making the movie work for me.

Well, I suppose it has to be good ... because it's now made me want to watch Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. And it's also reminded me that I've yet to watch Skinwalkers and Doomsday!

Rating: 3/5